She’s dating already

Exact-Egg8675 · 2025-02-28T07:43:45+00:00

I am dealing with this right now, we are still living under the same roof and she started dating, but what grinds my gears is that through our 17 years it has been ups and downs etc I get it, but with her new partner its all fun and games for her. She even asked me to be quiet while she is on the phone. I asked why she said "They don't know you still live here" WTF OMG you are just as fucked up as I am i guess, but I am the cause of the failing marriage. Oh and she wants me out sooner before I need to be out . I am thinking about letting her stupid little fling know that yes I am still here at the moment

Feisty-Ad-566 · 2025-02-04T04:22:52+00:00

and there gonna be more dudes and %90 of these dudes don't want anything to do with her. jump pump and dump. it is so sad, it hurts, because you would love to give her the world and those people are just using her yet, she picks them over you. sorry brother.

klondike36 · 2025-02-02T23:34:46+00:00

After 25 years together, my ex was talking with another guy within days.

The group of men on r/Divorce_Men are life savers and some of the best dudes on this planet. In all seriousness, finding this group on reddit probably helped to save my life. The first year was tough and I wouldn't wish the pain that I went through on any other human. Looking back in retrospect, its probably the best thing that could have happened to me.

Its coming up on two years since the two of us separated but I find myself much happier and dating is fun and easy at this point. I'm one of the ones in the group that don't see myself ever getting married again but then again, I haven't dated anyone that has made me even think about it.

If you are over 40, dating is a shit show!! While it is easy, its still a shit show.

Afrodownbelow · 2025-02-02T13:47:27+00:00

Atleast you know she’s someone else’s problem. I’m still in the process of divorce not finalized yet and I just know 3 months from now she will be dating a co-worker who’s been there for her all along…… police officers be crazy so let them go.

Cody_wan_kenobi_ · 2025-02-01T02:49:50+00:00

Mine too. We have mediation in 2 weeks, I had to leave the house 3 months ago. We've talked and I've poured my heart out to her, but she's not interested in saving our marriage. My adult daughter finally told me that her mother has reconnected with a high school boyfriend and they've been seeing each other for 2 months. It's so heartbreaking. She's moving on so quickly and has someone else already. I feel so alone and isolated now more than ever.

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2025-01-31T19:28:50+00:00

It hurts seeing the person you loved move on. It could be the next day or years later but it still stings the same.

You asked for practical advice and It's cliche but like others said, focus on yourself. That involves making a plan and acting on it.

I recommend a plan focused on the areas below

Physical - It's very easy to let go in challenging times. Eat healthy, Start working out, playing sports, or just going out for a walk daily
Mental - Learn a new skill, start reading, anything to keep your mind sharp
Social - Get out there. Reconnect with old friends and family. join a club or just go out to a bar and chat up strangers
Emotional - Get therapy, meditation, or just mindfulness / meditation exercises
Financial - Keep grinding and get paid.

I think it's important to write things down and track against that every week. For example, I will bench my body weight in 3 months meaning every week I need to improve by x, I will read one book a month, I will save 10% of my paycheck, I will learn how to play an instrument in 6 months, etc.

It's hard, but this too shall pass.

Vast_Sea_9582 · 2025-01-31T12:02:44+00:00

It shows that you actually loved her. It's painful to learn when the ex-wife can move on so quickly. Better your body. Better your mind. Better your life.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-01-31T03:36:26+00:00

Move on!

The_Professor_LCDP · 2025-01-31T01:27:49+00:00

Mine has been finalized since 1/16. She moved back cross country to my home state and has been back for almost a week. Was hoping it would take longer to see her but I passed her in traffic today. Immediate flood of anxiety, and frustration. Processing it still, just sickening.

zeratul-on-crack · 2025-01-31T00:33:50+00:00

live your grief and then date again... it has really bumped my self-esteem, I took my time to process this shit. The situation really fucking sucks, but you will move on

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2025-01-30T20:52:51+00:00

Gawd, I feel so lucky. I was relieved that it was not me that started introducing weird new people in the lives of my children.

And I couldn't care less that she was dating. I just think "gross".

Longjumping-Cup-4018 · 2025-01-30T18:47:17+00:00

Just remember "men sacrifice happiness for family, women sacrifice family for happiness". It is time for artificial childbirth without women. Once this technology has been perfected, many women's special rights will be revoked

UnknownUsername113 · 2025-01-30T18:02:13+00:00

My wife started dating a week after we separated. Still living in the same house and I watched her get dressed up for dates and come home drunk at 4am after sleeping with them.

The quicker you realize she never REALLY loved you, the quicker you move on. I know that sucks to digest but really think on it. My opinion: love doesn’t come and go. If they’re willing to leave then it was never love to begin with.

NC_Geezus · 2025-01-30T17:10:09+00:00

Yeah, that’s a tough one to hear. I had not been moved out 2 weeks and my x was on a date. It was a real gut punch, but I knew I’d need to deal with that one day. Keep moving forward, it gets easier.

Normal-Employee-5618 · 2025-01-30T16:38:14+00:00

One of my fears about getting divorced..

Upstairs-Studio8509 · 2025-01-30T16:37:04+00:00

Same thing happened to me during our year-long separation before divorce. Even though we basically despise each other, it still hurt. The girl I fell in love with years ago dated another man before the divorce was finalized. It created some mixed feelings but mostly I was pissed that she was so careless about it regarding our kids. She had no hesitation about bringing the guy to her place, being affectionate in front of them, getting our kids together with his kid, etc. It just severely annoyed me. I didn't want it to confuse our kids. I didn't want my daughters to get attached to him or his kid, both out of jealousy and, knowing it would probably end in a breakup, how they would react to that. It was a tough phase of our separation, it felt like she was kicking me when I was down.

hazalo9 · 2025-01-30T15:43:32+00:00

Why are you talking to her about this stuff? Of course it's gonna hurt. You gotta move on and completely stop communicating these things to her, better yet. Go NO CONTACT. They know it hurts. Find self respect and don't put yourself in situations like this. Good luck bro!

EuphoricResort5247 · 2025-01-30T15:17:21+00:00

Not as bad as my ex wife; she was literally having sex with another guy. Then moved out into his house and did everything possible to hurt me. Including making a sex audio recording on my daughter’s iPad. This is the thanks I got for paying for her and her son’s green card and citizenship; supporting her son for 6 years while she refused to work.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-01-30T13:59:47+00:00

There will be a couple of big hurdles that hurt like hell. When your ex starts dating, when you actually get divorced, when your ex gets remarried, when your ex has children with someone else. Thats 4 phases of big pain that cause 4 phases of really good personal growth (you cannot grow or change without pain).

Doesn't seem like it now but the universe is giving you the gift of growth. You either embrace it or you run away from it and distract yourself with women, alcohol and drugs. If you go the second route you will replay the same relationship with a brand new person and get the same result in your second divorce. The universe serves you up the same lessons until your learn and progress, no way around that.

Make sure to have a healthy outlet for your anger in place (gym or BJJ).

AggieDan1996 · 2025-01-30T13:48:27+00:00

From the moment she let you know she wanted a divorce, she wasn't yours anymore. Her admission, especially given the timing, sounds like a nail in the coffin.

Trust me, before you know it, you won't even care.

And even after that moment, you might care again. This shit is weird.

Ixz72 · 2025-01-30T13:27:19+00:00

My ex started dating less than a month after we separated. Two days before I found out she told me that she had no intentions of dating anytime soon.

The way I found out was my son, who was 4 at the time, told me about him. After I confronted her, she told me he was her gay friend.

My son told me they would have sleep overs at his house and she sleeps in his bed with him.

It was like being punched in the nuts, guts and throat all at the same time.

It will hurt like hell for a few days. But the good news is you'll get over it. How far depends on you.

Keep yourself busy. Don't dwell on it. Do something fun. Hangout with friends and family.

Just remember you had a life before her.

Pro-IDGAF · 2025-01-30T13:19:28+00:00

you two shouldnt be talking about personal your lives and you really need to let her go asap.

she’s not with you anymore and if you keep holding onto something that isnt there, its going to eat you alive. dwelling on the past will destroy you.

someone sent me a passage from a self help book about that. the gist was:

you can’t live in the past or the future because those are beyond your control. you can only live in the moment.

of course you can learn from the past but dont dwell there

it helped me to not dwell on my baggage. maybe you need to get out there and meet some women. you’re probably not ready to date from the sounds of the dumpster fire in your head but you need a diversion to get your mind re-directed in a more positive direction.

i like drinking and bars and the social aspect of that. playing pool at the local dive bar was fun. another had live music and lots of chilled out hippies so that was a good one. i didnt mind rolling alone but also had a friend and his gf i hung out with alot.

up2ngnah · 2025-01-30T13:08:23+00:00

If it helps, it’s said that women start “divorcing” or checking out of a marriage earlier then the actual separation/divorce. Long before you & her agreed to split ways she most likely was feeling divorced

NewPerformance7662 · 2025-01-30T13:04:56+00:00

I feel your pain man. Mine started dating 2 weeks after she moved out. At this point I could really care less. Some people can’t be alone, but my EXW checked out long before she asked for a divorce. Now I just focus 100% of my effort of my physical and mental health as well as being the best father I can possibly be. I don’t have to worry about waking up everyday and wondering which version of my EXW I was going to get. Figure out what your priorities are and get after it man. That person you married is gone and now it’s time to start building the life that you deserve.

EltiiVader · 2025-01-30T12:16:34+00:00

I started dating 3 months after my stbxw pulled the rug out from under me. Relatively short grieving period but I personally know I did everything that I possibly could have.

Hit the gym and work on yourself. Read “Models” by Mark Manson if your dating skills are rusty. Life will get better but it’s on you alone to make it so

Solid-Phase-1655 · 2025-01-30T11:29:17+00:00

Well mine moved a guy in 3 months after separation around my child.

Negative_Comfort6848 · 2025-01-30T11:06:49+00:00

The least you know the better.

Tell her you don't want to know, stop following her in social media e don't ask about her to friends.

Your feelings are legit, but protect yourself and move on.

Royal-Reporter6664 · 2025-01-30T08:27:09+00:00

Your conversations with her should cover practical stuff like kids , finances etc. You should set boundaries on what is acceptable to discuss.

Timbers-creek · 2025-01-30T08:10:47+00:00

She’s been checked out prior to the divorce talk my guy.

ThisReckless · 2025-01-30T07:22:23+00:00

Sometimes it's easier to start over than it is to fix things. Don't let yourself get caught in a sunk cost fallacy emotionally.

She's gonna do her thing, you stay true to your values and morals.

Then someone better comes along and you'll laugh about all this.

Excellent-Football57 · 2025-01-30T05:29:05+00:00

Duh.... they don't care

Sooner you learn, sooner you'll have peace in your life OR keep getting more & fkng up ur life

qmriis · 2025-01-30T05:04:43+00:00

Who cares?

Time you spent wallowing in misery is better spent in the gym.

Get fit. Daddies are hot right now.

IceCreamMan1977 · 2025-01-30T04:58:25+00:00

Don’t ask questions whose answers will affect your mental health. Sometimes knowing less is better for you.

Lonely_Panda4322 · 2025-01-30T04:49:47+00:00

Man, don’t care about what she’s doing…time will tell. Stay strong brother and more power to you.

Peace_and_Love40 · 2025-01-30T04:28:21+00:00

Yea we are weird. In my case 99% of me couldn’t care less what my wife does after the divorce. Because I’ve been there done that and whatever guy comes along won’t be “winning” when they get with her. BUT there’s that tiny 1% that still finds it disturbing lol.

Gullible_Rich_7156 · 2025-01-30T04:22:31+00:00

It’s hard for me to relate to these because my ex was an N/BPD abusive nightmare. I was grinding it out for the kids and afraid of the financial consequences of divorce. Once I got over the loss of the traditional nuclear family and she found a new guy I was like “HALLELUJAH!!! GOOD LUCK BUDDY!!!” Now every time I see him he looks miserable and I’m with the calm, gentle, caring, supportive and loving woman of my dreams.

pmbrenner91 · 2025-01-30T04:20:38+00:00

my ex-wife moved in with her felon boyfriend 6 months before the divorce was finalized

less than 6 months after the divorce, she's pregnant 🤣

First-Sail8421 · 2025-01-30T04:20:00+00:00

Friend, it’s not just ‘dating and kissing.’ But I feel you, my wife jumped into bed with a new guy (or guys) weeks after divorce proceedings started. Radical acceptance is probably the best way to handle, although tough as nails. She’s doing things to that guy you only wished she’d done with you. it hurts, but it’s what our system blesses. Try to rise above and focus on other things. She can’t outrun her own brokenness, no matter how many many she lies with.

masterof-xe · 2025-01-30T04:14:51+00:00

My ex-wife had sex with a married guy who has an open marriage who she emotionally cheated on with. She did want to try and open our marriage. I said no

Linkin-fart · 2025-01-30T03:32:32+00:00

Anecdote, but I was separated two years and she kept saying she loves me, wanted to go through couple counseling bla bla, and kept me on the leash. She was always just waiting to get dicked down by someone new. I'm over it now only because I'm doing the same. Get out there. She's not special.

MonarchistExtreme · 2025-01-30T03:31:45+00:00

"today she admitted to dating and kissing another guy"

Bro, I'm just gonna be straight with you, you don't need to be having such familiar conversations with her. Set boundaries or else you're pain shopping.

Title	She’s dating already
Author	runnersHigh5280
Upvotes	71
Comments	76
Date	January 30, 2025 3:26 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1idd4em/shes_dating_already/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/shes-dating-already.1542510 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542510

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