Super depressed about money

theblogdoctor · 2025-06-23T18:43:43+00:00

carpenter deserve run languid roof different shelter wakeful wild coordinated

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Bipolar_investor · 2025-04-05T02:19:10+00:00

😭

Clean_Fly_3748 · 2025-04-02T18:13:22+00:00

You’ve gotten a lot of good advice! I would add that life is too variable to paint yourself in a corner by only thinking about limited outcomes. You’re divorced now so let her go (any past thoughts, thinking about her wonderful life, comparing your situation to hers, etc). Just focus on 1) rebuilding then 2) building past what you had. You were smart and blessed enough to achieve previously and now you have more freedom to achieve even more! As men, we have incredible capacity to make that happen!

AvacodoCartwheeler · 2025-04-02T15:13:09+00:00

Nah, that's not true, most of us ended up being cheated on where the AP was basically a hobo, so there's certainly women out there.

I'm also in the same boat and thought the same thing (even with a house that needs all the work), but it's just not been a problem.

mesi130 · 2025-04-02T12:36:45+00:00

Honestly it’s going to be hard. It took me ten years to get out of the hole. Biggest word of advice do not put yourself in the same situation again!

gronk4198 · 2025-04-01T15:56:00+00:00

Focus on this ... you can't make any more time, but you can always make more money. I got wrecked in my divorce financially but the past decade of bachelor life has been more than worth it, whilst it took awhile I built myself back and am financially stable with great life. Ask yourself this - if you were in prison with a life sentence how much would you be willing to spend to get out? Freedom is priceless

Slow_Complex9685 · 2025-04-01T15:02:27+00:00

I am with you. The amount of money I've lost and continue to lose is depressing as fuck. On avg I need to work at least 55 hours a week to recoup the money from cs alone. I was forced to sell my house, having to find a place in a shit area, and take a huge hit on my quality of life. Meanwhile, she collects my money, qualifies for state assistance, has a nice house, plans nice vacations, all that. Which is bullshit. And I feel for you with a social status, or with dating even. I've felt the same. The system is a fucking joke. After all, they expect us to just adjust our quality of life for the sake of the kids, you can just get a second job to make up for what you've lost. It's that simple. Absolute bullshit.

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2025-04-01T08:40:52+00:00

We all been there. You start from 0 or negative, and work you way back Unfortunately, we have to pay for our poor woman choice. Thats the said truth. Government is there to collect the debt, from who can or on paper can pay

She going to repeat her story. Money will not help her much…

So, focus on getting yourself in better spot. Live on minimum, spend less - do hobbies. Man don’t need much In few years, you gonna be back and gonna laugh at that greedy ex.

It will be hard , but you will make it and will be more happy at the end

Slowly recovering after setback ( 5-7 years) But, i feel like this time i have atleast 30-50% chances

My earlier version couldnt Be a new version

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2025-04-01T08:04:44+00:00

I remember how this hit me when I got divorced. From my nice house to probably the worst hovel in town. Those were dark times.

On finances and the court, stick to the absolute letter of your agreement. The Department of Revenue is right behind the IRS when it comes to fucking you.

Your purpose is your children, and they don’t really care who does the trips so long as you love on them when you have them. Eventually, they figure it out. You can be honest about how you feel about the divorce to a point if they ask. “Yeah … it sucks things didn’t work out with mom.”

Dating in the 40s sucked ass. It’s like rummaging through Goodwill trying to find the least broken thing. If a woman only cares about your money, is she really worth your consideration?

I had a great therapist, which helped me keep things in perspective. It sucked being broke AF for the first couple years.

KoolAidMan7980 · 2025-04-01T00:24:37+00:00

You made the money once and you can make it again. You can rebuild. What do you think she is gonna do when your checks stop rolling in? Is she some titan of industry? If youre depressed about losing in the short term then youre only seeing half the picture. Maybe you cant take your kids on trips now but whos gonna be able to help them later in life when it really counts? The answer is you. But now is the time you have to put in the work to lay the foundation to rebuild. So wipe the baby girl tears out of your eyes and go do the work.

Gockdaw · 2025-03-31T18:32:21+00:00

Many of us have been where you are.

Yeah, it's depressing. Go through my posts and you'll see I've been as depressed as anybody but I'll tell you what's important... You'll get over it. It WILL get better.

...but it won't get better by itself and it certainly won't if you spend your time in bed when you don't have your kids. Get your ass out of bed and show your kids and your ex that you are going to come out on top.

CoatedWinner · 2025-03-31T16:23:48+00:00

Sorry you're depressed. It's not going to change your situation meaningfully to stay in bed all day. You may need a therapist or even an antidepressant if its too bad. If you find yourself with suicidal ideation, keep in mind its not weak to ask for help.

On the financial side, men can and do recover often from financial setbacks incurred due to divorce, and it seems you were in a decent spot to begin with. There's no reason you can't rebuild to a decent position even with the amount of money you are paying.

Not sure if you ever plan on remarrying, but in that case, make sure you protect your assets. But in the end we all live and learn.

WhoopingKing · 2025-04-02T01:38:52+00:00

my wife left me after I was fired. high school sweethearts after 14 years. she took some of my last money even though she's a doctor and earns more than me. I'm still unemployed. My currency is a joke and clearly I chose to the wrong field to study and work.

I think about the "no woman will want anything with me" all the time. If we have no jobs where's our value? I feel incredibly hopeless.

I don't know how my situation would look like if we had a kid. I wish I had a child. Feel like that train has been long gone.

are you medicating yourself? antidepressants? it DOES help with the awful lethargy. I don't know what to tell you about your finances - I'm 10 years younger than you. I feel like the only hope I got is to build this app I always wanted to. do you have any other objectives like that?

I pray you find the strength and your financial situation gets better

ExistentialDetriment · 2026-05-13T15:38:37+00:00

I’d rather be homeless and unemployed than slave away for a decade to give my hard earned money to a miserable woman

Sir_Biggus-Dickus · 2025-03-31T06:28:55+00:00

Sell everything... And leave to a non feminist country.

pk2at · 2025-03-31T16:16:12+00:00

This is clearly your fault if you have not tried to protect assets. We've been drumming on this forum for a long time that system is designed to loot men

Remarkable-Bit-8029 · 2025-03-31T16:12:30+00:00

Op- Not all women care about money. It's good that it's all sorted out and everyone knows what's what. It's the worst when your dating a man and there's all this drama going on. At least now you don't have to put any stress on to the other person you decide to date. Trust me. I've been the women in the middle of a messy divorce and it's the worst. Back and forwards. Trust me. We just want things settled and peaceful so we can move forward without hassle xx

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-03-31T15:40:04+00:00

Listen I get it - Im dealing with essentially the same thing Mid 40s, them getting a house/trips/etc and i'm handing over a ton of cash and some of my retirement - I will say the father out the less you'll care until one day... you wont.

I am super depressed about this. I feel like my only purpose in life now is to keep working so I can keep giving her money.

Consider the money you're paying to her in a settlement a payment for not having to deal with them daily. The CS is for your kid.

FUTURE money/investments/retirement - that is all YOU. She wont have her had in that cookie jar again. You can do whatever you want with it.

No woman is going to want a man whose financial situation is as fucked as mine is now.

Spend a year or two working on you and time streamlining your expenses and hopefully increase your earnings. Bonus is you're not spending money dating - and lets be real, you cannot afford to spend 200-300+ a week on that bs.

She's planning on buying a house

Hope she enjoys the new rates - that said you cannot let comparison get to you.

On the days my kids aren't here, I can barely find the energy or courage to get out of bed.

Make the house your own however you can. Get rid of stuff that 'she' had a hand in. Move rooms around. Get some new wall art. Slap a coat of paint on a room and make it a totally different color. Also, do ALL the 'house' bs when the kids are gone - laundry, yard, shopping, cleaning, etc so you can be all in when the kids are there.

She is running from her life and you have the chance to be the stable parent who gives your kids all the direct attention and love when they are there with you. You are playing the LONG game here, we're talking 10+ years. It WILL pay off - years from now you will be the one getting calls/vists and she might get a text and a card on a birthday.

No-Relationship4376 · 2025-03-31T15:13:20+00:00

Yeah, same. I was the only one who even had goals much less worked towards them. My divorce freaked me out, felt very unfair.

Courts assume there is 50/50 effort in marriage. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Hopefully this antiquated BS dies its overdue death. But for now, it's worse than ever. The pendulum has swept too far, overcorrected, and is just barely showing signs of slowing. Sadly, I don't think it'll swing back enough for all the married men today to get an averagely decent settlement.

As with all things, taking a group and putting common flat attributes on them happens surprisingly often in these (cough) enlightened days. Not all women do better. Not all men get shit upon. But averages are still way off.

As for dating, finances come up in month six or beyond. Anything sooner is a red flag. I wouldn't think that way. And not all women are materialistic.

If you want to fight "progressiveness" and "The Message" then subscribe to youtubers like Critical Drinker or really anyone bagging on Snow White at the moment. Monetize them. Have them make more videos. And promote the issue in pop culture. It's a anti-movement at this point. Progressiveness is becoming wildly unpopular and is linked directly to marriage inequality in my opinion. Boss women should be ... bosses. Or at least self-sufficient. Plus these videos will make you feel better.

EvalCrux · 2025-03-31T14:21:54+00:00

Just don't pay - move out of state, get a new ID, don't pay that state any more taxes if they're willing to strip you for her warfare tactic.

I'm considering this approach.

DntCareBears · 2025-03-31T11:13:34+00:00

OP- Can you give me more details please?

How much do you make annually? How much does she make? Number of kids, years of marriage and state.

What is your homes estimated value?

The reason I’m asking is because this has all the paintings of legal warfare. You’re being pushed to make a deal via attorney scare tactics. I’d like to see the proposed MSA. You can black out the names.

I was a victim of legal warfare and lost a lot. It was a payday for my ex. I want to help others.

Rough-Area4765 · 2025-03-31T10:43:56+00:00

Whats sad is that there are true broke losers and deadbeats that get a better deal after divorce than those men that built themselves up financially and were in a successful career. The latter are the ones that get punished. The broke losers walk away with barely anything to pay. So they get left alone.

The successful ones get punished via state laws and destroyed financially and emotionally in the process.

Keep your chin up. I went through it and made it all back plus some after 2 years. The child support piece remains in place but its now such a small % of income that its negligible.

Spared-No-Expense · 2025-03-31T06:27:10+00:00

Oh, yes. Same boat.

In the year before her affair, she wasted just under $50K on herself, and then I had to support her to a similar figure during the 9 months of proceedings.

At the end, I took on serious debt to pay her $1xx,xxx to get the house, and also still owe her $1xx,xxx in alimony over the next x years. And took on another $1xx,xxx loan from family to pay legal bills and shortfalls due to decreased revenue from the divorce eating up 50-75% of my day for a year. And the mortgage still has $2xx,xxx on it.

Essentially I’ve tripled my debt, my monthly costs are now 50% more than before, and I have 30% less time to make money due to 50/50 custody, and I also destroyed my reputation in my industry by not delivering for the past year. Whether I can rebuild remains to be seen, as it’s not as easy to focus after so much trauma and injustice, and lacking the prior incentive of family-based vision for the future.

And she has that $1xx,xxx guaranteed the next few years, $1xx,xxx in cash, a new job that pays $60K even though she was imputed at minimum wage, and also a new boyfriend who will likely chip in behind the scenes to some extent.

Hell of an uphill battle.

R9ome · 2025-03-31T06:00:31+00:00

Going through a similar situation, 40 yrs old and divorce has been finalised for about 5 months now and more than half my paycheck goes to her. She is able to take the kids places and on holidays but when they're with me I can only afford to take them for walks. I feel bad but that's just the situation at the moment. I'm working on doing things outside of my job to increase my income. It's a slow burner but I hope it pays off in the long run. Anyway, despite being super broke I have zero regrets about the divorce. Overall I'm much more happier and at peace. And to me that is priceless.

plangelier · 2025-03-31T05:11:41+00:00

My "wife" has decided after cheating she no longer wants to be with me. It would be great if that's what she wanted, but what she wants is me gone but my money to stay.

whoisgodiam · 2025-03-31T04:09:56+00:00

Just run away to Cambodia and be a permanent PPB. She doesn’t deserve your money.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-03-31T03:59:17+00:00

Don’t take a bad deal. Go to trial.

mmnnxx2000 · 2025-03-31T03:58:56+00:00

I'm in the same boat, just about to start the process, I feel it will be hell, for myself I'm looking into therapy to help keep mental health in balance

PristineCommand9780 · 2025-03-31T03:54:22+00:00

Just be thankful that you can still see your kids. I have to pay and I still can’t see them. I’d lose everything to see them.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-03-31T03:30:31+00:00

I’m living this myself right now. I get it sucks starting over. But you dropped that dead weight and you did it once. You can absolutely do it again. Don’t let future you down.

InternationalFee1628 · 2025-03-31T03:26:08+00:00

I’m 40 starting the process as well. She cheated and now she just served me with papers. In what life is it right that she can do that and ask for primary custody and half of our assets? F’d up world my brother.

Hang in there. Best advice I heard was it’ll hurt in the short term, but we will have a lifetime of happiness when it’s all said and done and she is in the past.

Cheers!

bluephotoshop · 2025-03-31T02:55:33+00:00

I divorced when I was 46. It did not take long before I earned way more than enough to provide a very comfortable retirement. You got this.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-03-31T02:34:16+00:00

It’s worth every dollar.

Money for revenge is hardly an expense.

Get yourself going to be the best person you can be—>she will get jealous—>revenge

MiracleMax10 · 2025-03-31T02:15:18+00:00

Ya it sucks for sure. But you still have your kids!! Might not be the life you expected but keep grinding for your kids!! Gotta stop worrying about the ex. She’s gonna do whatever she wants. Your concern now is your relationship with your kids and small improvements each day. Hang in there. It’s always dark with the storm. But the calm and light comes after.

Visible_Brick_485 · 2025-03-31T02:13:58+00:00

Sucks man keep chin up focus on mental health. Rooting for ya.

Title	Super depressed about money
Author	Firstborn3
Upvotes	141
Comments	60
Date	March 31, 2025 2:08 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jnsqgz/super_depressed_about_money/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/super-depressed-about-money.1548149 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548149

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