BARE MINIMUM: The LEAST You Should Accept

lolmemberberries · 2021-09-11T01:43:12+00:00

-Is proactive about his own health: makes appointments for regular physicals, dental checkups and eye exams; specialists if needed; exercises on a regular basis

randomgirl34861 · 2021-09-10T23:19:13+00:00

More than one pillow and it isn’t yellow hahahahahahahahaha

IndigoTR · 2021-09-11T00:15:14+00:00

I would add communicates with you and responds to your communications on a consistent and regular basis. It’s sad but a lot of women seem glad if they hear back from a guy a week from when they last spoke. That’s unacceptable. Not a man in this world is so busy unless he is in a position that requires him to be off the grid for weeks at a time (which is probably 0.8% of the population).

Vmchik · 2021-09-10T22:09:55+00:00

This is a great list and a good example of what to expect in a relationship. Tired of all the man worship here lately😂

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-09-11T02:14:20+00:00

It's amazing how many guys I've known in my life that don't have/do majority of what's on this list. And it literally is just being a healthy, decent adult.

p0ludnitsa · 2021-09-10T23:40:39+00:00

Thank you so much for making this list. I agree with every item here.

This is BASIC decency and what should be considered the norm. Instead, due to mens' laziness as a whole and the pickmes who accept men doing less, the men who do some of these things (not even all) expect to be worshiped.

They think that because they cook, don't walk around with skid marks on their underwear, mop their kitchen, and have a job that they are an anomaly and a god amongst men. If you don't get down on your knees and praise them for doing what any functional adult should be doing for themselves, they get pissy because you're not praising them every hour on the hour.

That sense of entitlement and undue praise for their behavior is what encourages them to become abusive later on as well. They think that because they're doing all the superfluous, flashy shit that it's ok to cheat, lie, and manipulate. Because, hey, he made you dinner.

ChgItToRayGunYouFuck · 2021-09-10T22:04:51+00:00

I have a few points.

Bathing 2x a day sounds kind of weird to me. Like is he getting that stinky to NEED that twice a day? To me, it sounds like an unresolved medical issue. I'm fine with once a day.

And the mental health thing... It's okay to have mental health problems. All I ask is to be actively working on them; (i.e., be in therapy.) Avoiding someone with mental health problems just perpetuates the mental health stigma, which I dislike.

avokatze · 2021-09-11T02:55:29+00:00

Is showering once a day considered LV? 🤔

Complete-Nebula-222 · 2021-09-11T05:45:36+00:00

Amen to this! Women manage to meet these very basic standards every day, so why are we supposed to be unequally yoked to a man who can't?

I'd rather be alone!

Determinedblonde · 2021-09-10T23:55:06+00:00

I don’t know how to iron clothes so his only options are to do it himself or accept crinkles! Don’t think I can make that a requirement or I’d be a hypocrite 🤫

creamtart_ · 2021-09-11T01:56:02+00:00

Flosses.

I am a nut for oral hygiene. I can smell that nasty rotten gingivitis stank of someone who doesn’t floss and it is nauseating. 🤢

kitnb · 2021-09-11T02:24:59+00:00

I’m going to give an example of basic bare minimum that I expect:

I’m dating a man. It’s still early days. We’ve been dating for a little over 2 months. He is educated, making 6 figures, 6’2”, in shape and works out regularly, etc, etc. but I’m vetting and will never stop vetting 😂

Examples of bare minimum:

Pays for all dates and plans good effort, fun things like ax throwing, salsas dancing, escape rooms, etc. Always something fun we do together then dinner and drinks afterwards.
I had a massive migraine hit me just as we sat down to eat. I get migraines with aura— progressively and quickly go blind with insane pain. I felt it hit me, told him “I just got a migraine” and, without me even asking, he immediately got back up, told me he’ll be right back, he’s getting me pain medicine and ran to a drug store and came back with it quickly.

Some women would say that’s “high value trait”, but think about it— wouldn’t you do the same if your friend said that to you knowing that they are in immense pain and losing their eyesight? It’s basic human care and kindness.

As much as I’d like to praise him for doing that, I didn’t because it was just basic human decency. I thanked him, took the medicine and continued our date.

Example of the same man showing high value traits:

He had purchased a gift for himself. I said, “Oh wow! I would love that gift too but I don’t have that kind of money right now”. On our next date, he surprised me by buying the same expensive gift for me!!! He didn’t wait for Xmas, my birthday or some special event. We aren’t even a couple yet!

That’s a high value trait— but that doesn’t make him high value yet. That’s why we must continue vetting, Queens. 🥳👑👏

kitnb · 2021-09-10T23:53:41+00:00

Here's a few things I want to add:

Willing to try new experiences and grow as a person
Not hateful of everyone who disagrees with him

No_Orange_8976 · 2021-09-11T05:28:07+00:00

Thank you so much for posting this. Just went on a first date with a NVM, Starbucks and a walk. He had an MD and went to Harvard for undergrad but showed up in sweatpants and somehow I ended up walking him to his car and then walking home alone in the dark. What a waste of time.

jupitarianrise · 2021-09-11T01:04:32+00:00

What would be a good example of “take care of you when you’re sick” when you don’t live together? Is it something I should expect even if I don’t live with a man? I would like to know.

Because in the past I’ve only got texts (“what is it?” “I hope you’ll feel better soon” etc) and I wonder if I should expect more in the future.

Liztheduck · 2021-09-11T00:10:27+00:00

I'm crying at hobosexual. But girl, if they are considering a man with a nest you can throw the whole list out, you're never getting them back. 😂 That old post gave me trauma. But now I'm curious... Do these men really exist? Almost grateful for the vices I've encountered to not have seen that shit.

Vivierex · 2021-09-11T14:48:09+00:00

This should be a list every new parent should receive on how to grow a decent human being. I can't believe some guys are super mad about list like this one.

planethoneyy · 2021-09-11T03:38:47+00:00

I cant believe I use to think requiring some of these in a man was having too high standards 😭

curiousandbashful · 2021-09-11T00:27:19+00:00

I agree with all but the last (hear me out).

Dating is just like interviewing for a job. So I have no qualms with a dude chatting up multiple people; he has other applicants, I do too. But the second one or both of us want to be physically intimate, that's when the DTR conversation happens, i.e. "so...what do you think about seeing each other exclusively." To continue with the job interview analogy, this is the "can I have the job/do you want the job" conversation. If he starts dating around again after we agreed to be exclusive physical intimate, he's fired, block/delete, assess needs/lessons learned, next.

Koolkat30625 · 2021-09-11T02:23:10+00:00

It's a great list and something that all adults should do. Which is basically have something to offer a woman besides some average sex.

thepsychopathhunter · 2021-09-10T23:04:22+00:00

This is perfect! ♥️🙏 Thank you for putting it together. Makes it really easy to just “nope” it out of there when we see he can’t meet one of these. Also totally agree with the cat point. Men who claim they “hate” cats are always a red flag. Also the points about not being a slut and thirst trap follower on social media are chef’s kiss so needed on a list like this, so thanks for including that.

ExistentialJelly · 2021-09-11T19:49:56+00:00

If he can't adult, he sure as hell can't partner.

fireforestfairy · 2021-09-11T06:48:31+00:00

If a man can't look after himself, he should prioritise learning to do that before finding a girlfriend.

shoesfromparis135 · 2021-09-12T05:14:17+00:00

This list is true and real and that’s why it’s so embarrassing for my life and my soul.

Meowth818 · 2021-09-11T03:04:21+00:00

I'd like to add one:

Doesn't watch anime!!!

I like a few classic ones like Sailormoon but most grown men who like it are so immature, deviant, and porn addicted.

bleda_princezna · 2021-09-11T08:17:30+00:00

I should frame this and read it at least daily. I've never met a guy that does even the bare minimum. 😩

throwawayaway388 · 2021-09-12T10:48:45+00:00

knows when to put his phone away 🙄

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-09-11T07:02:31+00:00

Thank you for doing this, this needs to be put in the Handbook

hiraethsidhartha · 2021-09-11T22:05:53+00:00

I'm with you! Minus the ironing. I personally do not iron. I have no need to iron most of my clothes. It is so rare for me to iron something. Unless the man worked in an office I don't think that ironing is a sign of LV at all.

I get why its on the list, as in it shows he can do something that takes a bit of time and effort and energy, for himself. But I think this is really dependent on your lifestyle.

Not all women that are HV have traditional inside jobs or traditional ways of dressing.

Personally if one of the outdoorsy men I know ironed his combats to go to work in, it would be a bit of a red flag in itself, like what other unnecessary stuff does the dude do when he could be doing something useful?

Feel that this sort of stuff is more preference than anything.

Colour_riot · 2021-09-12T18:27:33+00:00

sadly alot of this list is just how to be an independent and mature adult which so many men expect to outsource for free to a female something - relative / wife / gf / bangmaid

worldnotworld · 2021-09-11T09:49:50+00:00

This post should go in the handbook.

FDS-GFY · 2021-09-12T18:07:52+00:00

One reason I know I can’t date yet is that I was over the moon about someone buying me coffee.

Turbulent_Trifle · 2021-09-12T06:47:31+00:00

Can we add "takes care of his body" to the list - doesn't binge on random crap, doesn't have a beer belly, doesn't purge, isn't anorexic, exercises, makes healthy lifestyle choices.

Also, guys have a much easier time putting on muscle mass so having some muscle definition/mass should basically be the norm if you're eating right and working out a bit each week.

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SupermarketObvious92 · 2021-09-11T10:53:04+00:00

Can we specifically add “shaves/cleans his butt”? 😂 No I don’t have any personal bad experience with this, but please refer to Daniel Sloss’s “jigsaw” show on Netflix for more information!

Wild_Artio · 2021-09-13T00:49:31+00:00

Yep. It’s sad but I thought my covert narc was a catch bc he didn’t follow thirst trap accounts/have a social media presence (and paid for dinners). Now I know it’s bc he’s too low effort to bother w social media AND too insecure to put himself out there.

I thought the ex before him was a catch BECAUSE HE COULD APOLOGIZE, and because he cared when I was upset, and cared about my well being. Lmao.

THE BAR IS IN HELL.

So I’ll drink at the bar with lady friends, I’m no longer set on finding a guy. They’re mostly thinking they’re the best boyfriend ever if they meet like three of those standards on the list. But… meeting ALL of them? That’s expecting way too much from these man babies 🙄

losersquad711 · 2021-09-15T03:28:28+00:00

damn wish I had this list handy before I dated my ex! could have saved a few years and a lot of my mental well-being 😆

BARE MINIMUM: The LEAST You Should Accept

Comments

“unequally yoked to a man”

Oh and Scrotes be mad. Let them DIE MAD! 🤡😂

A man needs to have basic adult life skills or he isn’t considered at all.

Title	BARE MINIMUM: The LEAST You Should Accept
Author	kitnb
Upvotes	699
Comments	117
Date	September 10, 2021 9:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/plua71/bare_minimum_the_least_you_should_accept/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/bare-minimum-the-least-you-should-accept.1069387 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069387