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[–]applestormFDS Newbie954 points955 points956 points 5 years ago (48 children) | Copy Link
Men will always tell on themselves, you just need to pay attention to their "jokes".
[–]ShieldMaidenLagerthaFDS Apprentice395 points396 points397 points 5 years ago (29 children) | Copy Link
Exactly! I have a friend in her seventies who says this! “Listen really carefully on those first few dates, they’ll usually tell you right away who they are. And when they do...believe them!!!”
[–]lessabeFDS Newbie136 points137 points138 points 5 years ago (28 children) | Copy Link
Fuck this is true...I remember getting red flags when a date told me out of nowhere that his sister was raped, and I thought it was fucking weird that someone would tell someone else’s personal secret to a stranger...guess who raped me the next date?
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist65 points66 points67 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Holy shit this is so scary. I’m so sorry. Shows how strong or intuition is, and we are so primed to ignore it.
[–]ShieldMaidenLagerthaFDS Apprentice59 points60 points61 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh. My. God.
I’m so sorry.
[–]ObscureGoldenSphere22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link
is he at least in jail? please tell me he is.
[–][deleted] 45 points46 points47 points 5 years ago* (23 children) | Copy Link
Thats a lotta pressure on the survivor. I was nearly victimized. Should have gone to police... but secondary victimization is real and i did not report it. Police dont do their jobs all the time. Why the blm movement is important to everyone. Edit- why Why Black Lives Matter is important to everyone -- the institution of policing is not working to stop crime and increase safety. Rape kits sit in filing cabinets for years, never being tested or entered into a database; stalking victims are told it is the stalker's right to follow them; survivors of IPV are given pieces of paper to protect them from their abuser and it lead them to become victims of IPV; and Women are verbally abused by police officers when they go in to stations to report abuse (secondary victimization is a real thing). Training needs to be done to create a policing system that helps society instead of creating villains out of Black and Brown people or poor people....
[–]ObscureGoldenSphere2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (20 children) | Copy Link
what do you mean with "why the blm movement is important to everyone"?, ...
edit: why people are downvoting me?
[–]Neko-RaiFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
Not the person you’re commenting to, but I would think it’s so that we hold police accountable for their actions and lack of actions as the case may be. They are very militarized and the “to serve and protect” has gone out the window. They aren’t people we see as there to help they are people who create fear due to the power they have and lack of being held accountable or punished.
[–]ObscureGoldenSphere8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
Ay ok, thanks for explaining it, i live in México, and i just find it interesting that gringos just now are protesting against police like if it were something new, when actually police abuse has been happening since several decades ago all over the world, we have the most corrupt mexican police you could find in this continent.
Also i think people should have their own social movement against police instead of the BLM. Personally im not against BLM but when the muslims and other foreigners were banned to enter the U.S. some years ago, the BLM did nothing about it, not even a statement on Twitter/Facebook or other social media. They only care about their race and that's it.
[–]EasymodelifeFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If it's been happening for several decades, all the more reason to protest it. The best time to protest it would have been several decades ago. The second best time to protest it is now.
[–]JN3LL3V4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
To make the conclusion that people should abandon BLM as a movement against police brutality shows you are clearly against BLM.
BLM is more than one Twitter/Facebook page. It is a collective movement of many different activists, in many different parts of the country, all working toward dismantling white supremacy and undoing its evils. You would have needed to look at a lot of different people’s social media pages to understand the collective stance on any issue not exactly specific to the black American body’s experience.
When the Muslim ban occurred, BLM activists decried it. Why? Because we understood that at its core, this ban was based on racism and white supremacy. To say BLM didn’t care because black people weren’t affected becomes even more ridiculous in knowing that 2/7 countries on the banned list are predominantly black.
The internet is too vast and reading is too fundamental for you to allow ignorance to be your excuse to be anti-black.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In America, there are more trinkets that people hold onto and believe give them some power over the oppressive nature of the gov't/state. The 'othering' is outta control, nothing bad happens to me or my loved ones, so idc about that. The BLM movement is a rallying call, and yes it should be known to be more inclusive, but it is what we have right now. It is creating division by some people who do not understand it or are making it into a Black supremacy thing... It also has bad optics by not explaining its cause and case as well as it could. Rhetoric becomes mixed up and used against the movt. Your comment and question explains the issue of it being shown as just about race, while there are plenty of poor white people being abused, harassed and murdered by the police.
It is sad to say but Americans do not have an attention span. The pandemic response, and the focus on individual rights is crazy. The illusion that you can control for police brutality is truly outrageous, ill conceived, and totally illogical. You cannot control for police actions...
[–]TheSatanicVeganFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
I've noticed this. Especially with the coronavirus. There were a lot attack on Asians in the US when COVID-19 hit and a lot of racial slurs and some murders. All of that got thrown under the rug when the BLM boomed. Oh, but if it was an older black woman who got acid thrown on her or older black man who got murdered, it would blow up in the media. The majority of those who attacked Asians were black. I have Asian friends that I worry about because of the attacks. A lot of blacks raid Asian businesses during the BLM riots and even some black owned businesses. How you going to have a movement to support blacks and then attack your own people's hard work?? A Hispanic girl got murdered over in Texas (by a black man) and the military tried to throw it under the rug and the Latin community protested to find the real justice that girl deserved. (She didn't just disappear/get kidnapped... she got butchered). I understand US history when it comes to black history but the BLM isn't exactly a movement for the same issues non-whites face as a whole in the US hence: black movement. And I'm not shitting on the BLM, just pointing some things out that I've noticed. And last I checked, with the whole Visa thing Trump issued on foreigners- I haven't heard anything being talked against that other than some universities trying to sue.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Othering is real. It is used to break people apart and create a rift btwn the minorities within the BLM movement. Black Lives Matter protests I have gone to have had Asians, some with signs protesting the treatment of Asians. They were 100% welcomed. The media sucks, and social media is an algorithm, so it will not be there the way it should be. I agree it should have/should be reported on.
Ding Ding Ding!! You hit on systemic violence, congratulations, yes Black men doing bad things to women, poor (and rich) White men also do bad things to women. Yes, that is part of the problem. Growing up/living in certain communities, there is a massive cratering lack of opportunities, this leads to depression/anger/mental illnesses to go totally unchecked, no outlets or anyone telling you yes that is 10000% wrong, you matter to me because you are a good person, you do not need to join a gang to have love or money for your family, lets get you a job at FedEx... So, without support or a way out, you break. I am happy you, u/TheSatanicVegan, have never been in a situation where you had no control and acted out of character and have literally bit a bitch, but humans are fallible. Knowing this, society should be set up to help them not blame them for their human responses to stress, death, and despair. People who can raise above and are bigger than it are the exception to the rule, the statistics show it is not possible for everyone, unemployment is built into every single economic theory (I took graduate level economic courses). Also, 'urban violence', as it is known in the sociology/criminology literature for any searches you choose to do to expand your mind, it is not the whole problem of violence in society, so let's step back and look at the larger issue. Give a moment and compare it to the white collar criminals who knowingly allow pollutions to be released that cause cancer, while employing children at factories overseas, and creating workplace environments that cause deaths? Did you know suicide in the workplace has been going up over the years at an alarming rate? Including within the police departments. So unsure how they can stand up in their capes and say nothing needs to change within our departments, we are rosey. Check out state crime.
Yes Asians own businesses in Black neighborhoods. This is known. Black people do not have the funds to start businesses. There are also confirmed reports of outside agitators coming in and breaking windows and smashing car windows. INCLUDING THE POLICE! So yes, and no to your Black Lives Matter just rioters to destroy stores theory. Again, you would be angry too if you had been Black in Brooklyn your whole life. Like stop and frisk did not demean and attempt to destroy any dignity men had.
Visa Trump Foreigners, yes skilled foreign laborers are needed! So universities should ensure that the students, who need to come here for an education to better themselves, their home country, and the world. Also, money, unis want their money. Plus, who the heck else do we need or want from these countries during a pandemic? Nannies? Uncles and Aunts? Do they wanna come here right now anyway, we suck so much, the Trump ban was a preemptive strike to keep the number from showing that no one wants to come to the epicenter of incompetence and COVID. Universities have the funds to stop it, other individuals and institutions would be wise to wait until someone else has lawyers take it through the courts. I mean, as an immigrant coming here for a better life, I am sure they have enough money to start a court case to defend their rights during a global pandemic.
I am a white woman, if you want a black woman's pov on this check out this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llci8MVh8J4
[–]JN3LL3V3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have never understand why people think BLM ONLY cares about brutality against black people. We are against all brutality and systems that uphold white supremacy. BLM activists loudly spoke out against the anti-Asian attacks related to COVID. Why? Because we understand that there is no anti-Asian sentiment without white supremacy unduly making Asians a “model minority” and a target of interracial anger.
A lot of the people raiding and rioting at the beginning of the protests were widely known to be outside agitators who were not part of the protests at all. And for those who were, and who were black people looting black owned businesses, you only need to do a little reading about the history of protest and riot in this country to understand why.
The woman who was killed in Texas was Vanessa Guillen. Say her name (MeToo was created by a Black woman). Because BLM activists did loudly. BLM activists also loudly spoke the name of Sean Monterrosa, an unarmed Latino man murdered by police. They also spoke loudly the name of Summer Taylor, a non-binary Seattle protestor struck and killed by a black man who drove past a roadblock.
BLM activists have also spoken loudly about the VISA situation, which is a revocation of education based VISAs for students who won’t be having in-person classes anymore. Hell, I’ve advocated for my fellow graduate students at my own university. BLM did the same with the Muslim ban. We’re doing it with immigrants in ICE custody.
It is not the fault of BLM if the movement attracts more attention than other issues at any given time. Blame the American media’s poor attention span and the sources you get your information from. It is ridiculous to get angry with the movement because you think they aren’t doing enough of what you want them to do. If you think an issue of white supremacy isn’t being decried loud enough, take it up with the supremacists themselves. Not the people who also want to be free of this insidious system.
To blame Black people—or a movement for the humanity of Black people—for any other marginalized group’s systemic problems is racist, and a trick of white supremacy.
[–]TheSatanicVeganFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
To the person that deleted their response saying "If you care so much, start your own movement." Why you spitting and then decided to hide? Don't come back after seeing this.
[–]Neko-RaiFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know it sucks that it’s been happening for so long and it’s only recently that some people are paying attention. It may be late in the game, but it’s important that it’s finally happening now. I’ve never been to Mexico, but have heard stories about the cops there. I can only imagine what it’s like for you there. I hope you’re safe! I don’t know what to say about the lack of support for Muslim folks. There were marches and protests, but I agree it wasn’t to the same level.
Though it is Black lives they aren’t leaving out other people of colour. It is just that the number of black people killed by police far out numbers those of other races especially since the percentage of black people in the US is disproportionately smaller than whites. Making change through this movement will pave the way for other people of colour to be treated better as well. Or that’s the hope anyways.
[–]Aberagememer3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think they are saying "That is why the blm movement is important to everyone"
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I do not know. I know that some that are int the Q Anon (?) thing will ask lots of questions to tire someone out, but google does not answer everything. I am disappointed that some IGs I follow(ed) were shamming a white woman for asking what can I do. Like, have a list of resources if it is your IG thing to say things about BLM. Do not shame people for asking questions. Malcolm X was greatly disappointed in himself, years later, for responding to a young white woman's question about what can she do, that she can do nothing. He realized that the white devil is not every white man, Mecca and true religion showed him that.... if you were trolling you got a good amount of my time lmfao.
[–]ObscureGoldenSphere-1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Could you explain the blm comment please?
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why Black Lives Matter is important to everyone -- the institution of policing is not working to stop crime and increase safety. Rape kits sit in filing cabinets for years, never being tested or entered into a database; stalking victims are told it is the stalker's right to follow them; survivors of IPV are given pieces of paper to protect them from their abuser and it lead them to become victims of IPV; and Women are verbally abused by police officers when they go in to stations to report abuse (secondary victimization is a real thing). Training needs to be done to create a policing system that helps society instead of creating villains out of Black and Brown people or poor people.
I have a degree in criminology, but when I was drugged and stalked, I did not got to the police because I was afraid of the tongue slashing I would receive from men in uniform telling me how I did X, Y and Z to bring about the action, instead of focusing on what I can say to bring in the POS who victimized me. My good gf was told by the local police wtf did you piss yourself when you were almost rapped, you were just drunk... video shows that she was attacked. Defund the police is just about the worst way to say refund the community and refocus attention on actions/tasks that work to stop crime.
[–]lessabeFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I just saw all these comments! Long story short I actually did go to the police, 4 witnesses and the detective made me call him and he confessed, still wasn’t enough evidence to arrest (they told me some “not enough evidence to convict only to arrest” bullshit or vice versa) so nope not in jail. I suspect his status of being in the Army may have contributed to that but I was young and couldn’t afford or figure out how to get a lawyer and it was in a different state than where I lived so that was that. I went 5 days after the fact and they were mad that I didn’t go in earlier to do a rape kit. I wasn’t gonna report it but changed my mind but it still didn’t matter. I do believe karma is a bitch though.
[–]littleredpartydress_FDS Newbie221 points222 points223 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Especially with someone who you’re new with you can really tell by what they choose to make jokes about because they tend to do it as hinting
[–]starry_eyes222FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
so what if a guy made a few jokes about you being with other dudes and then another time he drops the word cuckold and simp out there...
[–]HaveNoIdeaWhatToPickFDS Newbie184 points185 points186 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
That's why I hate when they make rape jokes. You must have a specific mentality to find those jokes funny.
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I completely agree.
[–]ObscureGoldenSphere4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly! 🙌
[–]ObscureGoldenSphere5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]OpensaysamyFDS Newbie51 points52 points53 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So true. My LV ex and I had this running joke-dynamic that he was a misogynist and emotionally stunted. I thought we were just bonding by being “darkly funny” together. I eventually broke up with him, largely because he was a misogynist and emotionally stunted 🤦🏻♀️
[–]smokeandfirefliesFDS Newbie125 points126 points127 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
The Gift of Fear, which every single woman ever should read, is all about this. His little jokes are where the truth is.
[–]BeanBongFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I really enjoyed that book. Do you know any others like it that you’d recommend?
[–]EasymodelifeFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Lundy Bancroft, the author of The Gift of Fear, also wrote Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Controlling Men. If you want a different author, The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf is on a different theme but also eye-opening.
[–]XiekoFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For the record in case anyone is looking, "The Gift of Fear" is written by Gavin de Becker. Your recommendations are good. I just wanted to clear up any confusion in case someone has trouble finding the book. It's incredibly helpful.
[–]BeanBongFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks so much for the suggestions! I’ll be adding them to my reading list!
[–]creekbellsFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not exactly the same but I’d say a similar vein to it is “Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft. Great book about sociopaths and gaslighting.
[–]itsjustjboFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep. Back in the day my stepdad had his work computer subpoenaed and he had it wiped before the process. Afterwards he joked how “they didn’t find no porn or nothing.” Lol I already found porn I’m his computer in the past. My mom didn’t know he looked at it. It was so awkward for me.
[–]ObscureGoldenSphere10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly! in the Purgatory Chat Room some guys told me they wish i get gang raped and insulted me when i defended myself because all was in "good fun".
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Book Gift of Fear has that as a requirement. Even a friends sick joke about something bad happening could be their intuition telling them whats up. 100% a good read pdf is available online
[–]ZeroNineOhNineFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The only upside to the latent, unconscious narcissism that comes with being a man in a patriarchal society.
[–]PahapanFDS Disciple270 points271 points272 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
My ex was upfront with me the first night we met, said he had two outstanding warrants. One of them was for popping checks and the other was for holding someone at knife point. But he assured me that life was behind him!
He later confessed to me while drunk that he'd killed two men when he was a gangbanger, guys from rival gangs. He told me it ate away at him, knowing he'd robbed them of their lives and crushed their family members. I actually felt sorry for him. Poor little murderer!
But then he later confessed that stabbing one of them to death had been a practically erotic experience for him. He said it'd made him hard. The feeling of each stab stealing a piece of that man's life made him feel indescribably powerful.
In short, he's a psychopath. But women seriously need to stop giving criminals a chance. Who gives a shit if they claim they've changed? It's not worth the risk to yourself. Background check everyone and if they'll admit upfront about a criminal record go ahead and take that as your cue to leave. Even if they're "honest" with you, they probably have more skeletons in their closet.
[–]meecy166FDS Apprentice108 points109 points110 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have a story to share, I went on a date with this guy, he was 28 he used to sell cocaine and he had to go to jail, he almost got stabbed to death and he got shot once, he bragged a lot about how much he made, and how he made $40’000 a year from working in the oil field. To me all these were red flags cause I was 19 and I wanted to date an age appropriate man, I told him and he went off on me, telling me I’m discriminating against him and age is just a number, on our first date he wanted to take me to another city, I declined because stranger danger, he then got angry because I offended him by thinking he was a serial killer or something. He was a walking red flag, like who gets mad at someone for not wanting to date an ex drug dealer and an ex felon with anger issues
[–]HaveNoIdeaWhatToPickFDS Newbie104 points105 points106 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Exactly, I've even read somewhere that psychologists working in jail claim that the only criminals that usually have a chance of changing are the very young ones. The older ones have very slim chances. Overall I'm not a fan of treating a relationship like some kind of therapy. It's dangerous and very difficult.
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow this is terrifying! It also sounds like he was trying to get inside your head with fear of what he’s capable of if you ever step a toe out of line or if you try to leave. Glad he’s your ex.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Um... did he tell you about his murders from JAIL or....? Like, did he pay for his crime at all?
[–]PahapanFDS Disciple16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Nope. He's done time but not for murder. He was never connected to the murders. One was the stabbing and the other was a drive by shooting. I've thought about going to the police but he didn't give me any useful details. Me being like, "Oh hey, my ex told me he killed two Bloods in NYC but I don't even know what year/s" would accomplish nothing. The cops don't give a shit about gang violence.
[–]Shrimpy_monstersFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like he’s absolutely full of shit. What a loser
[–]PahapanFDS Disciple19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I don't think he was lying, unfortunately. I've met his family and his friends. He was definitely gangbanging for years (his body is riddled with scars, including 10 from a stabbing where he almost died himself). His mom actually asked him once if I'd seen "it" yet, "it" being his true self. She wanted to know if I'd discovered who he really is yet so she could gauge whether I was going to be sticking around. Every other woman who'd seen "it" had fled.
If you've ever met one of those people who gave you the creeps but you couldn't quite place why, someone whose eyes are dead, whose smiles seem like a charade, and whose laughs are hollow, then you have some idea of what I was dealing with. I 100% believe that he killed those two men and that he enjoyed doing it. He was diagnosed with bipolar schizoaffective disorder but I honestly don't know how accurate that diagnosis is. He strikes me way more as someone with antisocial personality disorder, like all the way up to killing animals when he was a kid. But he's charming and manipulative so I think it's possible he pulled the wool over the eyes of whoever did his intake evaluation the first time he went to jail.
[–]pissagariesFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you've ever met one of those people who gave you the creeps but you couldn't quite place why, someone whose eyes are dead, whose smiles seem like a charade, and whose laughs are hollow, then you have some idea of what I was dealing with.
This is very important. I often think 'it's the way they are, I shouldn't question their being' but no. When something is off, it shows in details like this. They make it confusing by being 'charming' or 'caring' but if their features don't match, something is wrong.
[+]Shrimpy_monstersFDS Newbie-8 points-7 points-6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🙄
[–]Alma00019FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OH. MY. GOD.
That is terrifying.
How did you meet him???
[–]OrchidLionFDS Newbie311 points312 points313 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
This is why I take male "jokes" seriously
[–]ZeroNineOhNineFDS Newbie66 points67 points68 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
And why people who use "it's just a joke!" as an excuse to be a bigot are even dumber than other people think they are
[–]aqua62212 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just because it was a joke doesn’t mean you didn’t mean it or believe it’s true. It just means you think what you said was funny
So true! 😔
[–]VioletRomanticFDS Newbie151 points152 points153 points 5 years ago (41 children) | Copy Link
Can someone give me good reccomendations for how to check people out? I always year about people looking up shady dudes and finding some pretty scary stuff, but i honestly have no idea what sites are legitimate to use and what ones are just going to lead nowhere or are scammy.
[–]painmakesyoustrongerFDS Apprentice203 points204 points205 points 5 years ago* (27 children) | Copy Link
I always use TruthFinder. It’s like $27/month (cancel anytime) and totally worth it.
It shows you:
-their social media accounts
-addresses
-aliases
-family and close relations
-companies
-birthday and age
-criminal record (typically for an additional fee)
-tax liens
-phone numbers
-general income bracket
It’s a great way to verify where they say they live, if their place is in a woman’s name (like a guy I dated), if they’re married, etc.
ETA: I discovered his place was also where his business partner lived because it shows their close friends and her address was his ;)
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]VioletRomanticFDS Newbie59 points60 points61 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Oooh, that sounds super worth it. If/when I start going out and dating again I will probably sign up for a subscription.
[–]kindredfoldFDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don’t know how it compares to truth finder, but I used to use spokeo for background research for online purchases at my old job and it gave you everything you’d need to know about a person. Sub model might be different now, but it was hella cheap.
[–]Neko-RaiFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I used it once and they charged me money for years without me being aware. The charges were done in a weird way and showed almost like it was an amazon purchase and I was buying things on amazon so didn’t think about it. 2 years later I got them to give me several hundred dollars back. Yeah I was dumb and didn’t look more closely....but still I had no idea they kept charging me.
[–]nowheyroseFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Is any of this stuff not possible to find via vigorous internet stalking in the US?
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]EasymodelifeFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's insane. Why aren't criminal records public information?
[–]nowheyroseFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ah ok. My hometown has arrest records online that are easy to find so I thought that was normal
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Local courts may have a case data base.
[–]ophiserysFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Does this work in Canada?
[–]Littlebunny080FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Try truecaller.com
[–]ophiserysFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It’s only giving me people’s first names
[–]Littlebunny080FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh ok well there’s also spokeo but it’s not as precise as truthfinder...
[–]Tell-Me-WhyyFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Does anyone know a UK version for this kind of thing?
[–]Neko-RaiFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Idk but I have a question for you about a UK phone number!! I’m a little suspicious of this one and have been trying to google and am confused....would you be willing to let me DM you the number and explain a bit more?
[–]Tell-Me-WhyyFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah that's fine!
[–]sellingoutstradiumsFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
wtf?! i didn't think those sites actually worked. so someone could see our current address if they pay?
[–]qtsarahjFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah like what about the other way around? I can see people using this to stalk people, I don’t think things like this should really exist.
[–]sellingoutstradiumsFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
that's what i was thinking. i don't even like that my employers know exactly where i live because i think stalkers that have access could use that info from that source as well.
i think the criminal record portion should exist i suppose. i can see how all the info could be useful for dating but if used the other way around, it could be dangerous.
[–]AnnoirNevillyFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do you know any another options that can search from people of europe? I need information about a guy from europe because his social midias does not says a lot. :/
[–]TheSatanicVeganFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You mean to tell me that people can pay $30 to find SSN? That's all I read out of that. Talk about identity theft out the wazoo.
[–]painmakesyoustrongerFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Social media accounts
[–]TheSatanicVeganFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ah. Derp. Ok. Thanks for clarifying.
[–]thedevinefemmeFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Also if they say they are divorced you can get a verification letter from your state department of vital statistics (for the USA ladies)
[–]Sea_SoilFDS Newbie52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
In my state in the USA you can look up court records using the state court system website for free. Just search a person's name and it will come up with anything they went to court for.
I'm not sure if every state has public records available online, but just try googling your state and then "court records" and see if it allows you to look up cases by name.
You can also go to the National Sex Offender Registry here here and search them.
[–]sunset74420FDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I do that too. Both my state portal and the registry.
Crazy story. I went out on a couple dates with someone before the pandemic. I don't know what possessed me to do this, but I was on the registry site one day just searching by zip code. While I was on the site, I was talking to this guy over Messenger. And I told him what I was doing.
Guess what I found not five minutes after I said that? Blocked in the middle of the convo.
That pissed me off enough, but what made me furious is that a couple of people insinuated that I should have known better, asked me if I asked for his side of it (NO). I wasn't asking them to get their torches and pitchforks or anything, but it was kind of disturbing to me that people could make excuses for the guy. And that is kinda why I am here.
I did a Google and Bing search and I almost wish I hadn't, because I was sickened by what I found. It occurred in a county about an hour away. so I would have never known to look there. Only other thing I think I could have done differently is maybe use an image search like Tin Eye.
Also, if you search Intel Techniques, you can find a website that has cybersecurity info. Under resources, there is a free PDF with pages of people search sites, and it tells you the few that will give you the most bang for your buck.
[–]ObscureGoldenSphere0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
which is the name of the website?
[–]sunset74420FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The cybersecurity one? If you Google Intel Techniques, it is the first result.
[–]ObscureGoldenSphere1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks
[–]SpentHis_MilfMoneyFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Kudos on those public records! Don't overlook property tax info, will let you know if someone has house or homes with another person. I have gotten a few men out my hair who were pretending singlehood but had property with the "secret hidden" Mrs. sideeye
[–]sunset74420FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh yeah. NETR Online is good for that. It's not 100% because some of the links are subscription only, but it's another thing to try.
[–]Deadgirl1888FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's what I used as well.
[–]atreethatkeepsgrowinFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Google “court records in x state” and you can generally find a place to search court records for free w just first and last names. I’ve def found an arrest for “strangulation” for a guy I was talking to by doing this.
[–]kpisnotnutsFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just wanted to comment that, if you live in the UK, you can request records of anyone you're dating through "Claire's Law" for free :)
[–]flowers4uFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Also if you have any lawyer friends...
[–]KevlarSweetheartFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Read the Gift of Fear. Always trust your intuition.
[–]karebearkilla79FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I keep a subscription to truthfinder. I pay extra for reverse number look up. I’m in a happy relationship but it comes in handy for so much outside of dating you’d be surprised! Worth every penny. I’d say that it can be a little behind so it’s at least a good starting Point
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]waddameloneFDS Newbie164 points165 points166 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I’m sooo glad you trusted you intuition! Who in their right mind says that they’re organizing their tools in a shed that’s very isolated?! I don’t even want to think about what could’ve happened if you actually went on that date.
[–]SHEEKOtmFDS Newbie43 points44 points45 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This ^ always trust your woman's intuition!!!
[–]modernmedusaaRuthless Strategist19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep...it’s never wrong...no matter how badly you’d like it to be just for once!
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
:O HOLY SHIT
[–]Cauliflower-SafeFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That is horrifying! Never doubt your intuition/gut feeling about something. Glad you were ok and didn't fall for this creep's trap!
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow this is terrifying! It’s like he was also trying to scare you initially, like starting his “fun” with the head games. I’m so proud you listened to your gut.
[–]painmakesyoustrongerFDS Apprentice248 points249 points250 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Always background check!
I do truthfinder. Let me know if you know of a better one.
[–]ewoksareprettycoolFDS Newbie79 points80 points81 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes! I found out a guy I was talking to lied about his age on tinder. He was 12 years older than what he said he was
[–]Elisa_LaViudaNegraFDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The gall!!! If you’re willing to start a connection with such a significant lie, how else will you disrespect me? Wow.
[–]nyan_birbFDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Anyone know of a Canadian version?
[–]Littlebunny080FDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Well 👀I don’t know about Canada, but I’ve been talking to that guy for two months and a few weeks now. And I stalked him on truecaller.com he’s from Sweden. So give it a try:) there’s also spokeo.com
[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I use mr number which sugar babies and escorts use...lets me see who pays for sex.
[–]PrettyPoppingFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How does it do that?
[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You type in their real number and reports will pop up associated with that number if there’s any. It’s 2.99 a month but worth having. I use it for tinder/OLD
[–]throwthisawayred3FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
are you talking about the mobile app? that's the google result for me
[–]uselesssdataFDS Newbie68 points69 points70 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Always take those little "jokes" seriously. Always.
It is NEVER just a joke.
[–]nyan_birbFDS Newbie104 points105 points106 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Holy hell... that’s scary af
[–]winky_and_friends45 points46 points47 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That escalated quickly. 0-murderer within two sentences.
[–]pharmazooticalFDS Newbie73 points74 points75 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Ladies! Use an app called “Mr.Number”, you can search their number and it’ll tell you the name it’s registered to, but it also has a comment section— so if that guy gets around, and is a weirdo, you’ll see it pop up as soon as you search.
[–]meecy166FDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m writing all the recommendations down on my notes app, this app sounds amazing
[–]CorporatebotFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
So I just searched my boyfriends number on this app and it comes up as no name available. Now I’m weirded out....
[–]pharmazooticalFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
First, how long have you been dating?
It could be (and is usually the case), that he has a prepaid phone plan, which generally doesn’t attach to public data like a contracted plan, with say, T-Mobile, Sprint, etc. Its worth noting that Metro-PCs doesn’t require identification upon service activation Just ask.
[–]CorporatebotFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’ll ask him for sure. Thank you!!
[–]CorporatebotFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Oh, and we’ve been dating a year. I thought he was on his family’s plan but maybe not.
[–]Neko-RaiFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Try this site it tells you if it’s a real number and who the carrier is or if it’s a google voice number it will show that too.
[–]pharmazooticalFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
THANKKKKKKKK YOUUU
[–]Neko-RaiFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Omg so I wish there was a free one for UK numbers because I’m now freaked out. Also another weird story I need to post here soon. Fml thank god for this post and making me start digging a little harder.
[–]CorporatebotFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you!!!
[–]juliannawackenhatFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I showed up on a date once and had only told the guy my first name and my occupation. After the date went decently well, he said, “your last name is wackenhat?” And at first I was freaked out, but he explained that he searched first name + occupation + city in LinkedIn just to make sure nothing crazy came up.
Surprisingly, he was one of the most “normal” men I ever dated. The point is, they do it too.
[–]shrimpcakewithcrustFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
The RSO sub is sad because when they go on tinder people find out theyre a SO and block them. How sad.
[–]PrettyPoppingFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What is RSO?
[–]sunset74420FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Registered sex offender
[–]PrettyPoppingFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow I never thought there would be a sub for that.
[–]rachallredFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I once went out with a guy and he was being shady about his ex so I decided to google him and find out what he was hiding and holy hell the first result was his mugshot. He was caught in a raid during super bowl in Houston soliciting male prostitutes. A good looking seemingly straight guy. Unreal.
[–]happytollFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
After coming forward about a serial rapist, a girl who went out with him told me she joked and asked him whether he was going to put something in her drink. He liked the joke a little too much :/ At first it sounded too weird to be true but they do actually enjoy the irony and playing with fire
[–]AotearoaCanuckFDS Disciple14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I work in justice and A LOT of men “jokingly” tell me not to look them up. 🚩
[–]ChumptopiaFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
An old boyfriend who I hadn't seen in 20 years found me on Facebook. He was pretty much an asshole back in the day and we didn't end on good terms. Fast forward and he tells me he never quit thinking of me and how beautiful and sexy I am, blah blah blah. I google him. Come to find out he had just gotten out of prison on a three year sentence for attempted strangulation on a domestic partner. Pffftt Delete and block.
[–]shhhnunyaFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I put in a guys name once and he was a sex offender. I found this out after I already went out with him. 😨
[–]LoveyouguysbutFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gonna post this again - if you’re looking for the original post -it was posted on 9 Jan 2020 - also - some dude tried to blame Emily for getting matched to his murdering comrade. I dunno. If I murdered someone, I wouldn’t go on tinder to advertise myself. Unless it’s self defence. Even then. Nah, even then. It’s not a pro or and enticing attribute.
[–]Invisiblescars_123FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Jesus...I used to think my mom was paranoid by asking me for my date’s phone number and photo. I can now see that it was just an additional layer of security since dating really is dangerous for women. Especially when you have psychos like this running amok on OLD sites.
[–]avakadavaFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Do you ladies ask for surname before meeting a guy?
[–]applestormFDS Newbie45 points46 points47 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't ask it because it'll be obvious to him that I'm going to Google him. Instead, I ask in which company he works at and I just try to find him on Linkedin to get his last name. It only works for men with white collar jobs tho.
[–]yvrcanuck88FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I usually don’t ask for a surname before the first meeting “aka the screening” because I don’t want to give them mine!
IF it made it to a second meeting “aka a real date” and I felt comfortable with him (he seemed legit) THEN it’s ok to trade surnames, company name of where I work. Maybe not even til 3rd or 4th date for that info even!
[–]BrooklynBabe33FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😳
[–]ThatglAt-Risk Pick Me Youth3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I once met this guy who I found out (through looking him up) that he was convicted of kidnapping a 14 yo he met online, and in a separate incident was caught buying CP with his crecit card.
Seriously, look people up!
[–]breadviceFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yep. Was talking to this one guy on Hinge who said he was sober. I’m a social drinker but that’s not a deal-breaker in and of itself. Seemed really weird about it though, so I googled him and found multiple DUIs. Oof.
[–]ObscureGoldenSphere0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
what does DUIs mean?
[–]throwitallawaydude_1FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Wouldn’t he be in prison?
[–]aveggiedelightFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not necessarily. There's a known murderer a few towns over from me who even gave a written statement admitting the murder of a woman that he didn't know before the attack. After killing her he destroyed her body and because there was no evidence, they couldn't convict. After a few years he recanted the admission. It's been decades and she still hasn't gotten justice.
Other than that, they could be out on bail or early release, been acquitted for various reasons, or be flying under the radar and not have been served yet.
[–]giggirltraFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh shit! I didn’t see that coming!
[–]starry_eyes222FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
At least he was honest....all jokes aside, scary and good you found out so you could run.
[–]peanut-butter-vibesFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Back in my 🤡 days, the morning after I slept with a dude I decided to google his full name (he told me his last name the night before). Turns out he lied about his age and he had two mugshots on Google!
😂😂
[–]thenew-supremeThrowaway Account0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😱
[–]YanksyR0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes girl
[–]afgh13010 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I met a guy on a dating app and eventually met him in person and I told him i didn't want to rush into things but the way he sounded like you could hear it in his voice that he was manipulative and eventually got me to give into going to his house the second time meeting in person and we played video games and had takeout, ended up watching a movie and having sex. The first round he wrote a condom, the second round he didn't and I feel violated....
[–]sisterofnarcissusFDS Newbie-4 points-3 points-2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Kinda sounds like something that belongs to r/thathappened
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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[–]PrettyPoppingFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]throwthisawayred3FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]uselesssdataFDS Newbie68 points69 points70 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]nyan_birbFDS Newbie104 points105 points106 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]winky_and_friends45 points46 points47 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pharmazooticalFDS Newbie73 points74 points75 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]meecy166FDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CorporatebotFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]pharmazooticalFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]CorporatebotFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CorporatebotFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Neko-RaiFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]pharmazooticalFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Neko-RaiFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CorporatebotFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]juliannawackenhatFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]shrimpcakewithcrustFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]PrettyPoppingFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]sunset74420FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PrettyPoppingFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rachallredFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]happytollFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AotearoaCanuckFDS Disciple14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ChumptopiaFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]shhhnunyaFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LoveyouguysbutFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Invisiblescars_123FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]avakadavaFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]applestormFDS Newbie45 points46 points47 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yvrcanuck88FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BrooklynBabe33FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThatglAt-Risk Pick Me Youth3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]breadviceFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ObscureGoldenSphere0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwitallawaydude_1FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]aveggiedelightFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]giggirltraFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]starry_eyes222FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]peanut-butter-vibesFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]karebearkilla79FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thenew-supremeThrowaway Account0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]YanksyR0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]afgh13010 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sisterofnarcissusFDS Newbie-4 points-3 points-2 points (0 children) | Copy Link