Weekly FDS Check-in

gigababejfl_ · 2021-06-01T11:59:44+00:00

Edit: lol this account was suspended for this very comment a few minutes ago. Just so you're aware of what kind of reach "AgainstHateSubreddits" has on the admins of this site. No rules broken, that's just how this works. Lol

The process of building an uncensored space for women to rival Reddit's misogynistic lunacy is difficult for reasons beyond technical limitations.

Its getting to me personally so I think I'll need to find more effective ways to pace myself and try to not get engaged with distractions as we get it done.

I am not enjoying becoming rapidly more aware of how surrounded we are by misogynists ..as if it's normal that women live like this.

Men shape and dominate online discourse by the sheer numbers because in spaces that already cater to them, they get a responsiveness from admins that women do not. It seems like a small, irrelevant point until you realize just how many twenty something and thirty something men parrot and act on things they get online. For instance, they won't do anything about male mental health like they claim to create about but they can make guppy faced Kevin Samuels very popular for no other reason than anti woman online discourse. The "jokes" are flooding social media.

Right now, AHS has a highly upvoted post by an actual troll whose posting history clearly shows a vendetta against this sub. In that thread, the mods who supposedly hate hate have anti woman statements in the comments. They deleted the FDSer who defended this sub but left up the comment calling her a b!tch who would be all over his dad

People are so incredibly used to bias against women, it takes a lot of effort to walk people through their own hypocrisy

When you realize the concerted amounts of effort that has to be put into getting people to treat women fairly in comparison to men, it's sickening. I'd love to fix it in a day. Women have been fighting incrementally for generations.

It's like this and the fake people of Reddit want to act like women reacting to men (the way we see here or social media) is unjust and uncalled for. Make it make sense.

azureangel35 · 2021-06-01T13:27:54+00:00

MODS: are you aware there is a new sub calling themselves FemaleDatingStrategyPros? They are posting some heinous shit and it's clear people think they are part of FDS. Just FYI.

UnstrirringCoffee · 2021-06-01T11:49:37+00:00

What is it with male coworkers expecting their female coworkers to solve their problems for them?

I got a request from a male coworker for a meeting. The request contained all of two words, no list of invitees and no agenda or goal whatsoever.

I sent him a disgruntled reply saying that his email contained no actionable items. He calls me and gives me the same sob story about not knowing how to handle an issue that got dumped on his plate that another male coworker refused to handle and how things worked differently in his last workplace.

I had to ask him three times what he specifically wanted from me regarding my job-responsibilities. In the end he said to cancel the meeting request.

I am convinced I handled this situation well by keeping the last conversation on point and not allowing him to go off in tangents, as well as refusing to take responsibility for his workload. However, doubt is still creeping in.

I ask myself questions such as: Should I have allowed him to go on rambling, despite the fact that I have other things to do and have heard this story already? Should I not have interrupted him? Should I have been "nicer" about the situation he found himself in?

I know the answer is "no" to all, but my feelings don't match with what I know. I wish this was easier. Perhaps I need to reinforce my walls.

ellaykim · 2021-06-01T15:21:43+00:00

Just checking in to say I’m super happy in my relationship thanks to FDS. I’ve been seeing this man for a year now and the effort he puts in to make me feel special hasn’t died. I regularly get cards, flowers, notes, phone calls and texts. He knows how to do everything around the house and on his property. He plans trips for us. He never lets me pay for anything. He makes sure I orgasm first EVERY time we have sex, and he makes me feel loved and cherished, not like an object to be abused. When I do things for him, he is so appreciative of me. And he delights in my personality, my quirks, my talents; the things that make me who I am. He’s smart, funny, has a great career. He isn’t secretive with his phone or computer. When I discuss my goals or struggles, he is always loving and supportive of me. I am expecting a proposal within the next six months, and I’m so excited. We both feel so lucky to have found each other. FDS works ladies. Keep the bar high, the right man will meet you there.

numbers213 · 2021-06-01T12:20:22+00:00

What the absolute fuck is "big ed"? Watched some commentary on YouTube and now watching his second attempt at dating... He just said "my age range is 29 to 48" bitch you 55. I'm so frustrated.

RecentSprinkles5997 · 2021-06-01T14:24:12+00:00

A very sweet co-worker of mine has a boyfriend who said he doesn’t believe in marriage . I always felt like he wasn’t shit well yesterday he topped himself and says he no longer wants to be boyfriend and girlfriend he wants to be “existence partners “ which is a thing he made up 🙄 he says it’s the same as being boyfriend and girlfriend but without the title they’ve been dating for over two years

panda_anda · 2021-06-01T19:08:02+00:00

Can we have a conversation about "Scotes in the workplace"?

I'm interviewing candidates as a hiring manager. Some fun things I've seen recently: 1. Asked when he would get to speak to the hiring manager because he already spoke to someone else in HR. Bitch, I AM the hiring manager. I gave an especially hard technical interview which he passed but decided not to hire him because of poor manners. 2. I was questioning his experience. He tried to equate his single entry level certification to my professional level certification(s). Hahahaha. I had to end the interview early. 3. No call/no show for interview. I hung up the zoom call after exactly 5 minutes. I told the recruiter not to reschedule if he asked.

Professional-Ad-457 · 2021-06-01T13:50:19+00:00

I have only pickmeisha single friends who sleep with every guy they ‘match’ with on the first date or if they meet them out in a bar they will shag them the same night. Is this normal? Is this typical of men’s experience? For reference my friends span 20s/30s and 40s age groups. I have one friend who is cautious but she has psychological hangups around sex.

Then there’s me who makes men wait for months before I sleep with them. My friends think I’m crazy.

Do you think it’s as high as 50-100% of women men match with DO sleep with men on a first date?

If so, do LVM who are only after sex just keep playing the odds, and ghost women if they’re obviously not going to sleep with them after the first date, as the next woman they match with will have a one night stand?

Or is the percentage of women who will sleep with men on the first date much lower and my friend sample is unusual?

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-06-01T20:12:20+00:00

I see this thread downvoted along with other threads I started on other subs and I don't think it's far fetched to think it's the scrotes that stalk me on reddit and stalk this sub because THEIR PENIS IS AFFECTED BY THE H8.

no hate, only reality, boios.

it's a hard pill to swallow, take a bow. :)

undertheunderbelly · 2021-06-01T17:52:56+00:00

I broke it off officially. I'm so grateful that she opened my eyes to women that I'll never look back to men. But there were undercurrents that would have caused long term issues and thankfully we both caught it quickly. I haven't necessarily blocked and deleted her, but I've put her in the archives, turned off notifications for her, and am focusing on myself and my career (and a move that may be taking me from CA to San Antonio, TX). She booted me off her Netflix account, but it's okay I have other sources (haha)

I've been practicing smoking ribs and recently made an amazing shrimp dish just like my mom used to make. Super happy with it.

Life will keep moving on, I suppose.

honeybeeroll · 2021-06-01T19:46:18+00:00

Thanks to everyone on this sub for the positive changes in my life within the last year or so. This sub really helped me with losing my desire for dating and marriage, and my life has been so much better since. Why the fuck did I keep dating, keep doing that shit that turned me into someone who ruined her own damn life? I hate that I was so stupid as to be my own worst enemy and used dating as a coping mechanism, and that's why I wouldn't give up scrotes riddled with red flags.

But at least that's all in the past. I am very grateful that now I look at dating and marriage like 🤷🏼‍♀️. it could happen, but it could also not, and actually I think I'd prefer it didn't. FDS helped me realize, why did I think I wanted marriage and kids when I could never picture myself being a mother, could never picture myself being a wife, could never even picture myself living with a man? Why did I think I wanted to have obligations to a partner when all my favorite things to do are solo activities? When I like quiet so much? When I like living alone and never having to explain shit to anybody? When I have the simplicity of only planning my life around me, and not having to consider some man's needs? Why did I have to hurt myself so badly to realize all this though :/? It is what it is but there doesn't seem like any reason I couldn't have realized this years ago. Wish I'd found FDS sooner /sigh. I have good FDS aligned friends in my life but there's nothing like this sub telling it like it is

laffytaggy · 2021-06-01T13:14:42+00:00

I had a good weekend where I attended a retreat and connected with like minded people, it was so spiritually touching snd beautiful. I opened up to strangers in a way I can’t with my friends and openly shared about my loneliness. But I was a bit sad when it ended.

Yesterday I thought some more about single motherhood (35) bc I am losing hope in men. I then got overwhelmed and started retreating and thinking maybe I should just settle with a good enough guy. Then today I opened my work email and my two female bosses emailed me to tell me that they are giving me a nice salary bonus. I already make good income but texted my mom and said something about doing pretty okay, and she responded that I am “doing more than okay.” I now feel grateful this morning and trust that if I continue to put love and compassion into the Universe, the Universe will take care of me too.

Oh last thing, I’ve always wanted to help start a nonprofit and I connected with someone who needs help starting one and it seems to be a great fit. I am reaching out to him today but if it pans out, I’ll be so happy to contribute to this project.

ETA just got a call from my dad and his doctor. He needs surgery again. Please pray for him ladies!

julesdenskadeglade · 2021-06-01T11:45:02+00:00

I posted this on the podcast thread but no response yet:

The Behind the Bastards podcast has been mentioned twice on the FDS podcast. I'm wondering which episode is focused on gamer culture turning into red pill culture. I listen to BTB often and I'm trying to track down this specific episode.

alphasquish · 2021-06-01T20:40:27+00:00

I’m going to not worry about dating until my kid is out of high school. It’s only a few more years, and quite frankly I’d rather devote my time to leveling up myself and my home, and being the mom that has the best snacks and hangout place that doles out sage FDS advice to young queens.

myoklife · 2021-06-02T11:34:45+00:00

I made a post about it but don't think it made the cut/it might be better suited here

I've seen that "male suicide is misogynistic" post going around that is obviously written by a male troll, but is being attributed to this sub. It's atrocious. I don't know if the goal was for it to make it look like that's what this sub thinks or not, but that's clearly the effect

That's not so much my issue as the fact that this is the kind of hateful shit MEN write on the internet. this is why FDS doesn't allow men. This is why men struggle to talk about their mental health. People want to blame women and/or feminists so bad but it's other men who do and say the worst and most damaging things to each other.

Shame on the male troll that wrote that post. Disgusting. Suicide isn't a fucking joke

File-Own · 2021-06-01T20:26:32+00:00

My LVM I used to date has been stalking me! I got a HUGE scare over the weekend. I created a LinkedIn a year ago with some basic details about myself (university, school etc) but it was linked to an old email account, and for some reason I could NOT change it to my new email. So I just made a new LinkedIn and took care to make it more private.

On a whim I logged into the "old" account this weekend, meaning to delete it... And you know where it shows who's searched you up? I got a profile view from someone who works in his city (although the job role is different from what he works as - I checked his profile to be sure it wasn't him, it didn't show exactly who it was), with the industry nothing related to MY industry. He lives in a VERY small city that's also not in my country (the UK). Keep on mind this is an old dead account that gets like 1 view a week.

He's been asking his friends to LinkedIn stalk me. This is the guy who I dumped after finding out he posted in his friends' group chats the Instagrams and general pictures and details of girls he either dated. So they could "rate the girls out of 10" with no respect for their privacy. This is ALSO the guy I dumped after noticing he held back on complimenting me and didn't seem to like that I know how hot I am, because he liked to be the "pretty boy" and felt threatened.

I have deleted the profile. WOW if it had been the one I really use...

notyourmomsacct · 2021-06-01T20:12:58+00:00

Have any of you ladies worked through difficulties with body image? I know that I don’t want to date so I don’t have that pressure to be thinner for a partner, but I’m still struggling with societal programming. I try to appreciate my body for what it can do and am aiming for body neutrality, but as a kid of the 90s it’s really hard to not conflate beauty with being skinny. Any advice is appreciated!

Sad_Permission_ · 2021-06-01T21:20:11+00:00

I blocked and deleted a scrote after entertaining him for too long (only a month but that’s longer than he deserved 💁🏻‍♀️) and blissfully ignoring his red flags so I’m feeling like a badass. I just started my tretinoin treatment for my acne scars today and I have an orthodontist consultation for braces next month. I’m focusing better on my education now that I’m not worried about some scrub who doesn’t even brush his teeth before trying to kiss me 🤢🤢 Life’s good y’all.

christmasforoutlaws · 2021-06-01T14:15:03+00:00

I gave myself a haircut yesterday and it looks good! I went from a buzzcut to a short bob in the span of 9 months. Time to let it grow! I'm not cutting my hair above earlobe length again. My hair type doesn't look good when it's short. At least my curl pattern is coming back.

I tried starting Code Academy today and I feel stupid for the first time in my life. I understand none of this and I'm terrified! 🙃

Throwawayfourmyself · 2021-06-01T14:15:47+00:00

I cannot wait to start therapy on Wednesday!! I had a really bad family trip and I have so much to unload :(

Golden_Lavender · 2021-06-04T21:31:48+00:00

I don't know what to call it but I've noticed a lot of (I guess i'll use "intellectual dishonesty") when it come to valid critiques about minority communities made by people outside of those groups but are not purposefully try I g to be bigoted. For example, I'm black/Haitian and whenever people who aren't black try to point out the negative qualities of black men as a collective for whatever reason people are quick to defend black men even though they themselves know and acknowledge that there is a misogynoir problem in black communities. Valid critiques are considered attacks even though there is a truth to what they say.

Like another example I've seen of this dishonesty is also with dating men, specifically bi-dudes. Like there's a reasonable amount of straight women that don't want to date them (even though they are allies to the queer community) for reasons like "not being enough sexually", their boyfriends having a wandering eye, being obligated to participate in non-monogamy etc... And these reasons are imo fair and valid critiques because if you go to the subreddits populated by these men, there is an overwhelming amount that prove these women's point. They talk about how much they miss being with the opposite gender, struggling with bi-cycles, wishing they could have a boyfriend on the side, regretting their relationships, using porn to cope and the list goes on of porn addiction, objectification ( of unsuspecting men, women and non binary folk), casual disrespect of their girlfriends/wives who want to maintain monogamy but are gaslight into sharing their partners. Like yes the people on reddit don't represent everyone but they are still part of that group and their representation to that group should be considered.

Basically, Its not fair that you have evidence of your valid complaints directly in front of your face but your not allowed to say anything because people will rug sweep it as bigotry.

Mimieuxmieux · 2021-06-05T09:02:48+00:00

Hey ladies,

I've had to have a vulvar biopsy (punch biopsy). I had the procedure yesterday and it seems to be healing well. It's just a 2mm biopsy, there's been no blood or pain today.

I'm so so scared for the results. They are looking for lichen sclerosus or VIN (Pre-cancerous cells). Argh. LS is a chronic lifelong condition managed with steroid cream. VIN, they chop off the area. Thank God it's not near my clitoris. I am also scared if they come back with no explanation for my symptoms.

Just posting to vent and for support 😭😭😭 I should have the results in a few days. Pretty hard to sleep and eat and it's the weekend so no distractions while I heal and can't really go out and do things 😭

warinmymind94 · 2021-06-02T10:33:13+00:00

My roomate is already super toxic. She is 100% lv, and I have to yell at her to pickup after herself. Today she finally did some chores, tomorrow she is contributing to some of the yard work and running an errand for me, since she was already going there. She's annoying me because she is working from home and just started that job and she was supposed to get paid, but then they didn't pay her yet and I heard her arguing with them on the phone (I overheard the call). They were supposed to follow up today and didn't. Tomorrow she is scheduled to work and I told her call them again before your shift and if they don't pay you or resolve the issue, tell them you aren't working until you get a response and its resolved. The thing it is impacting me, because she was supposed to pay me her share of rent on the 1st. She did just start the job and I did overhear the call so I do know thats legit, but I am very nervous she will stick me for money. She is on the lease with me officially and it works that if we don't pay the rent we both get evicted. It was just me alone here before but I had to have someone move in to help me with the bills.

I am having a hard time having a roomate again. I needed it financially. I was yelling at her about cleaning up after herself and making sure to pay me on time but she started negging me saying I'm too negative and that I was starting drama.

I am stressed and see she is being slobby. I am worried she won't contribute financially. I don't want to have to break the lease and move to my moms house but I am working hard to get back on my feet financially and I need her contribution.

I am setting boundaries and being firm. I just don't want her to live for free off me

UnstrirringCoffee · 2021-06-03T10:39:52+00:00

I felt relieved. Now that don't carry that anger inside of me anymore and am able to outnit behind me and get on witj other matters.

witchy2628 · 2021-06-04T18:34:23+00:00

Yo, what's up with the sub "female dating strat pros?" I hope I don't get in trouble for saying this but I just checked it out and at first glance I honestly thought it was some scrotes copying us in order to make us look bad ? Like it was so....obnoxious and over the top. But I have no idea.....is that a sister sub or ???

gingerandlime · 2021-06-04T13:35:59+00:00

Went on a date yesterday for the first time since I got familiar with FDS. I really am different. And men treat me differently than they did. I honestly cannot think of the last time a man asked me out for a dinner date, right now I have two other men besides this date wanting to take me on a dinner date when we figure out our schedules.

I was a little twitchy when the bill came because in the past I would pay for a coffee or drink, or at minimum do a wallet reach at a meal-- I did none of these things. And he really did light up with happiness and get even more enthusiastic and engaged in the conversation *after* paying the bill. I didn't even thank him until later on, just let it happen, but he got allll happy. Too funny, really, but I'm not mad at it.

I'm doubtful that this man is for me, there are some flags I'm looking at to see what color they are, and some things that are likely just incompatibilities. But it was a nice date and a fun way to remind myself that I really am the woman I see myself to be.

Update: he reached out via text to say what a lovely time he had, but that he had a sense of some things that might not work between us. We discussed briefly and decided to leave it at a lovely evening and wish each other the best. So nice. Exactly what I want with anyone who isn't a fit for me!

2021-06-07T09:12:03+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Weekly FDS Check-in
Author	Unlikely-Marzipan
Upvotes	11
Comments	94
Date	June 1, 2021 10:52 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/npr6gf/weekly_fds_checkin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-check-in.773698 https://theredarchive.com/post/773698

Comments