Do men not care about commitment ?

petrichordium · 2020-04-22T15:52:17+00:00

Commitment with the right woman is feeling something so complete even a self indulgent narc like me registers it.

Commitment with the wrong woman feels like being trapped in a small prison cell slowly filling with poison and sewage.

Unfortunately the Right vs Wrong girl is sometimes the same girl at a different time.

oldguy_1981 · 2020-04-22T17:21:13+00:00

I'm a late 30s male. I want commitment. I've probably wanted commitment since my early 20s. Since my 30s, I don't even care so much about the sex aspect.

I enjoy the relationships. It makes me feel more secure. I have a difficult time reconciling what I want/feel with what is actually true, ie; no woman will love you unconditionally the way you want them to, they will only love you provided you can still give some sort of utility (be it affection, attention, protection, shelter, money, etc).

RepresentativeSwan1 · 2020-04-22T16:25:26+00:00

Do men genuinely enjoy Relationships or it just a way for them to get laid ?

Men genuinely enjoy relationships. Relationships are also the best way for most men to get laid.

I think that men who just want pussy should just go and try to have casual sex, even if it's more difficult for them.

The issue is that for many men, trying to get 'pussy' through casual sex will result in pussy less frequently than through commitment. Often by a significant margin.

2020-04-22T16:39:46+00:00

Do men genuinely enjoy Relationships or it just a way for them to get laid ?

With the right person? Sure.

Hank Moody once said: when a woman first meet a man, she put him into 1 of 3 categories:

fuck him
marry him
ignore him

Well, in a way, guys do the same when they meet a new girl.

RP keeps saying that "men give commitment to get sex and women give sex to get commitment"

does not invalidate my comment

but I think this type of "Nice guy"/ "Cool girl" strategies lead people to be deceitful and miserable.

some people are deceitful, no matter what

and miserable.

that's part of life, at times.

I think that men who just want pussy should just go and try to have casual sex, even if it's more difficult for them.

everyone would agree with that statement

And last question, are there men who can get casual sex but can't get commitment ?

Of course! Ask all the simps who have been cheated on and their wives/gfs say "but I love you, he meant nothing, it was just sex"

_-resonance-_ · 2020-04-22T16:45:52+00:00

Women created an environment that discourages men form committment. Why should you commit to women who are not a virgin?

trueorfalsedmitry · 2020-04-22T17:09:27+00:00

Most men can only get sex in the context of relationships. Being utterly dependent on a particular social structure always breeds a measure of contempt in the dependents. (And, often, a certain measure of entitlement.) That's the source of a lot of men's relative disdain for relationships.

reluctantly_red · 2020-04-22T16:16:11+00:00

Men love the idea of commitment. Unfortunately they discover that most women see commitment as a one way street.

Troy016 · 2020-04-22T16:13:20+00:00

In today’s society? Less and less

pigofwallstreet · 2020-04-22T19:01:08+00:00

I used to want relationships and commitment, but years of rejection and loneliness kind of put an end to that want.

PierceTheEye · 2020-04-22T21:49:50+00:00

Ask that from any man who's been divorced. Do women not care about commitment? The problem is women try to get commitment from wrong kinds of guys. The kind of guys who are above their level and who thus excite them sexually. Women are not rational enough. They do not understand that some men are in very high demand and have tons of options similar to like most attractive women do. Most women are confident that THEY are the ones that will lock that man down. Most women do not ask introspective questions like:

-What do I actually have to offer in a long term relationship?

-What type (level) of guy can I reasonably expect commitment from?

-What type of guys can I not expect commitment from? What are the red flags?

-Are my expectations reasonable?

-Is there a conflict between my sexual attraction and my desire for a relationship?

-How can I take responsibility for choosing the wrong kinds of partners, and what kind of introspective work do I need to do?

-Is there something wrong with me? Do I need therapy?

Back in my foolish, immoral days of youth, I would sleep with women with whom I would never ever commit to. Why? Because I felt like I could do better. I was always open with them, about how I would never commit to them in the long term, but yet these women, instead of listening to me and walking away, tried to use sex as a way to manipulate me into "falling in love" with them. No woman has ever walked away from me when I've explicitly told them I will never commit. The problem was, that precisely the fact that I felt I was above these women in terms of looks eg. was the fact that drew them to me sexually. So, in my experience:

The biggest issue is that what excites women sexually is in direct opposition to what makes for a good LTR partner.

And most women don't get this. Because they don't do introspection. They keep repeating their mistakes and do not adjust.

WIA20XX · 2020-04-22T16:01:13+00:00

80% of men want a committed relationship. 20% don't because they can get the milk without buying the cow.

Women are attracted to the guys that don't want commitment.

It's usually not the lack of commitment that attracts them.

It's just the general female thirst that forces the guy to not commit. Even hot girls get cheated on. Often with chicks not as attractive.

But no girl wants to be with a guy in the bottom 80%.

InfidelCastro11 · 2020-04-22T16:07:19+00:00

Actually most average men are looking for commitment.

2020-04-22T15:54:35+00:00

Women don’t like to be seen as sluts. Even if they on the surface seem “sex positive” or whatever label they give it, they know that being viewed as easy tarnishes their reputation from both men and other women.

That’s why men need to dangle the possibility of commitment in front of women. Yes, if you are the top of the top males you can be blunt about your expectations, but even hot guys have to put in some courting effort - even if it’s just a drink.

And women are aware of this. It’s an unwritten agreement. They play hard to get, act like they “usually don’t do this”, say “not tonight”, and you continue flirting and escalating and seeing how they respond. They leave the interaction thinking “it just happened” and not that they were ordered over like a delivery pizza.

The amount of woman that will sleep with you after a hot first or second date is very very high. The amount that will sleep with you by you being blunt up front with just wanting sex is very very low

Tealllane · 2020-04-22T16:44:57+00:00

Do men genuinely enjoy Relationships or it just a way for them to get laid ?

Depends on the guy to be honest

And last question, are there men who can get casual sex but can't get commitment ?

Committed relationships are a genuine struggle for me. Because I have done adult films and I have a "high body count". So I'm viewed as a fun time or a check off the bucket list, but not someone you can bring back to the family.

beyond_relevant · 2020-04-22T16:25:35+00:00

TLDR

Men want sex from relationships because if they cant get sex, they most certainly wont get emotional stuff. (its the reverse for women, women first want emotional stuff and then sex because they know that they can have sex easily).

Men want sex from relationships because as soon as the woman loses her attraction for him, the sex is the first thing to go, hence dead bedrooms.

LONG VERSION

Look men have, just like women, needs. They are both physical validation and emotional validation.

Women get both. They get to talk about their emotions fully and can unravel all their problems laid bare before their partner, and their partner (as they should), will provide assistance. Women also get physical validation, because if you see your man get an erection from seeing you naked, you know he finds you attractive without a shadow of a doubt (a critical detail women take for granted).

Men cant ever have emotional validation because it was shown time and time again that men who express vulnerability lose attraction women had for them. At best, they can only share positive things all while keeping quite about all the bad things.

Men also simply cant have physical validation because they cant ever be sure if a woman truly finds them attractive because women dont have a "boner". Also, unlike women, men must provide, so he can never be sure is the woman with him because she finds him attractive, or because she has an ulterior motive. (Unlike women who always know that their man finds them attractive).

Men at least get the physical act of sex(sometimes tho), but this comes at the cost of sacrificing emotional validation lest they get neither. (see previously mentioned emotional validation)

MDBVer2 · 2020-04-22T15:54:55+00:00

Do men genuinely enjoy Relationships or it just a way for them to get laid ?

Depends on the man. This is the problem with treating an entire sex as some kind of hive mind or looking for an average between all members of one gender. I've been in a committed relationship just for the sex, I've been with people who were in relationships with me just for the sex. I've been in relationships where sex was secondary to our commitment to one another. It's all a crap shoot.

Learn to communicate with your partners, find out what you want out of the relationships, and see if you share the same goals. It's not as hard as PPD likes to make it out to be.

And last question, are there men who can get casual sex but can't get commitment ?

Yes. Probably because they're great in bed, but less personality than actual dirt.

Jujuj0 · 2020-04-22T16:24:14+00:00

Men are scared to commit. Commitment means that you are basically giving up control of your life and handing the controller to a woman. She can now do whatever she wants with your life.

PickleLine · 2020-04-22T17:59:27+00:00

Men do. It's why they care about n-count and slutiness.

pinkgreenpurple · 2020-04-22T18:14:40+00:00

Most men who don’t care about commitment are the kinds of men who want objects and status symbols.

SaBahRub · 2020-04-22T18:39:07+00:00

Unfortunately, being honest about their intent will not get more men laid, so I get why they lie.

Tragedy of the commons and all

Grand_Duty · 2020-04-22T19:45:51+00:00

Yes, we do want with relationships, but not with girls with high n counts (inb4, omg, no I'm not a hypcorpite, I don't sleep around because some of you lady girls have aids, I don't want that mess lol tee hee

Once you realize good looking healthy women that are sane are taken faster as you age, you start to get cynical about relationships. People are prizes, and the best ones are always chosen first.

cuckspace · 2020-04-22T20:31:59+00:00

Marriage (and LTRs) mostly exists as an institution to 1) secure abundance of sex for a man and 2) to get his mind off of sex and onto more worthwhile subjects (and 3. to raise a family - not the subject here).

A single man who is not part of the top tier elite wastes way too much time and energy on getting sex. Even the elite man who gets a variety of casual sex finds that his desires can never be fully satiated. As he gets more he wants more. Marriage/LTR is the “perfect” balance of sexual abundance and sexual boredom to get a man to focus on more important things.

No, the companionship part of the relationship is mostly an illusion and wouldn’t be worth all the suffering that comes with it if not for sex.

exvolcel · 2020-04-23T10:47:38+00:00

I think that men who just want pussy should just go and try to have casual sex, even if it's more difficult for them.

That's like saying: "Women who just want a relationship should just have no sex before marriage/commitment, even if that's more difficult for them."

In reality it's not that simple. Most men don't just want sex, we have a need for emotional validation, intimacy and bonding as well, sex or not.

Vice versa most women don't just want security/commitment, they as well enjoy sex with guys they have intimate and emotional chemistry with, comittment or not.

Willow-girl · 2020-04-23T12:42:17+00:00

Men are possessive. When they care about a woman, they want to lock her down. They don't want her entertaining other offers.

Young ladies: If you are sleeping with a man and he isn't pushing you for a commitment, he's just not that into you.

IWTKMBATMOAPTDI · 2020-04-22T16:41:42+00:00

If you don't want children what benefit are men getting from commitment? Every time I see women comment about what they bring to the relationship besides sex it's always things like "emotional support" but if you ask men what their experiences have been being emotionally vulnerable with women it's always some situation where he opened up, she immediately became uninterested in him, and quickly after broke up with him. Commitment doesn't seem to benefit men outside of wanting children.

vicistvic · 2020-04-22T16:57:11+00:00

There is decreasing potential for compatibility among people interested in pursuing relationships because chastity has become rare and people are accruing increasing numbers of sexual partners. If everybody were virgins, the prospect of achieving partnership compatibility would be far more attainable.

Men experiencing inability to attain commitment despite attracting partners for sex are foolish to be used for the strict purpose of sex just like women of similar predicament. It is a travesty. Men ought to be chaste so they can defend their integrity and move to castigate immoral women.

SeemedGood · 2020-04-22T18:47:01+00:00

Men want committed relationships with women with that appreciate us for our beings without regard to our utility to themselves, and can therefore actually love us.

This is why the traditional marriage vows exchange committed faithfulness for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer.

Over time we discover that women are only able to appreciate us for our utility to themselves, and thus are only able to “love” us in the way that we “love” our watches, motorcycles, laptops, and chainsaws.

The message of RP philosophy is that if we are simply exchanging our utility for access to sexual interaction, it makes no sense to enter into long term exclusive contracts.

TheJim66 · 2020-04-22T16:25:49+00:00

Men care about the woman's commitment, not so much their own. The ideal scenario for a man is a harem situation, meaning the exclusive sexual access to at least one woman and sexual access to many women. Since that scenario isn't realistic for Non-seikh men , they compromise in two ways. Either they pursuecasual sex with no commitment from either side or monogamy. Most men are perfectly fine with monogamy and can enjoy the relationships. Of course this doesn't mean they don't want sex out of them.

And last question, are there men who can get casual sex but can't get commitment ?

No

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OXOzymandias · 2020-04-22T16:14:49+00:00

[deleted]

eboy4hire · 2020-04-22T16:30:57+00:00

I guess there are some guys in the fuckzone but if he complains about it, he's fucking retarded. lol

cloudydays84 · 2020-04-22T16:49:05+00:00

Do men genuinely enjoy Relationships or it just a way for them to get laid ?

Yes.

RP keeps saying that "men give commitment to get sex and women give sex to get commitment" but I think this type of "Nice guy"/ "Cool girl" strategies lead people to be deceitful and miserable.

Yes.

I think that men who just want pussy should just go and try to have casual sex, even if it's more difficult for them.

Yes.

And last question, are there men who can get casual sex but can't get commitment ?

Yes.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Okay lol but seriously. Yes there are men that enjoy being in relationships they like the level of emotional intimacy and bond they share with another person. But there are obviously people that enter relationships too fast and too hard for the wrong reasons.

These relationships are going to end up like shit because there was never any transparency or real feelings or effort being put into them. And they may end up hurting themselves and/or the other person, I've seen this happen a couple of times and it's never fun to watch.

If you want sex go after sex, putting in the time and effort into a relationship you don't want to be in just for sex is kinda ridiculous if you think about. You don't want a relationship you want sex, so by entering this "false" relationship you have to actually put in the same effort as a "real" relationship and you don't even enjoy it, you may get sex out of it but now you're probably miserable. All the time, effort, and heartache could've just been spent finding someone who just wanted sex.

And yes there are plenty of people that get slotted as "person I want to sleep with, but not someone I want to be in a relationship with" this happens for a bunch of reasons and sometimes not bad or malicious ones. I'm a fwb relationship with a girl and we have no inclination of turning this into a relationship, we just don't feel that romantic attraction to each other. But sometimes it happens and you just gotta deal with that person just not willing to give you commitment, if you're fine with that perfect, if not then leave.

PMmeareasontolive · 2020-04-22T17:10:13+00:00

A little of column A and a lot of column B .

I can only speak for myself but I don't think I'm too far removed from the average guy.

I can be close, platonic friends with women, no problem. And I'm not into casual sex. So: I value relationships. But in a relationship I want the whole thing to be saturated with every shade of sexual intimacy. It's not just the sex that I value.. but I want the other parts to be inextricably pickled in the sex part.

tututut56 · 2020-04-22T18:05:38+00:00

I think this cannot be true for all men, or else how come in LTR the need for sex dies down from men? If sex was the only motivator, wouldn’t they be inclined to end the relationship and find someone new to sleep with once the initial excitement of sleeping with someone dies down?

Barely-moral · 2020-04-22T18:12:36+00:00

I think that men who just want pussy should just go and try to have casual sex, even if it's more difficult for them.

Why? Why would the go for the most difficult path?

I mean care about commitment, not that I think that (most) women are able of giving commitment in the first place.

Commitment is a promise to stay in the relationship no matter what. No conditions. And obviously, then you have to fullfill said promise.

Sure I am interested in commitment and I am willing to give it. But there are always conditions when it comes to women.

But all a man cares about is sex then why shouldn't he pursue the path that is easier for him to get it?

are there men who can get casual sex but can't get commitment?

Yes. They are called incels.

Christian_Kong · 2020-04-22T19:12:07+00:00

Do men genuinely enjoy Relationships or it just a way for them to get laid ?

I've seen enough dudes fall off the planet, leaving friends and hobbies behind to spend ungodly amounts of time with women. There is a balance between that and your question which is where the majority of men lie. I can't say for sure across every age range, but this is where the majority of men lie.

Are there men who can get casual sex but can't get commitment?

This can happen with individual women, but it's not really a (guy) keeps getting laid but the poor guy can't find a woman who wants to commit.

12112019 · 2020-04-22T19:59:24+00:00

From observation in my social circle and online I see three main needs:

Validation from women and society.
Emotional needs.
Sexual needs.

Men like me that only have sexual needs and don't give a fuck about women otherwise are quite rare, I would say about 10%, maybe less.

It caught me by surprise because the culture makes it seem like sex is actual goal here, it took me a while to understand that there is deeper game inside this meta game.

Meydra · 2020-04-22T20:25:36+00:00

Hard to answer because I never really got laid without commitment. While our relationships started as friends with benefits officially, it felt like much more from the very start.

I always knew I was much more of a relationship person though.

SartreK · 2020-04-22T22:16:37+00:00

Many men care about commitment. I'm in that group. Many other men do not. But the same goes for women.

Arguably, the proportion of people who don't care about commitment is somewhat higher among men than among women, but the proportions are not nearly as different in society as a whole as they would seem on PPD.

Also, it looks as if your interpretation of that RP quote in your OP was that RP would advocate using commitment as a tool for men (including men who just want casual sex) in order to get sex. That is not the case (at least in my understanding of RP). That line is not to be understood as a suggestion about what men SHOULD do but rather it's a purely descriptive analysis (from the RP perspective) about how the dynamics between genders work in our society.

And last question, are there men who can get casual sex but can't get commitment

Can't really speak to that as I have no problem getting either. But I have seen men and women saying and writing things that suggest that such men clearly do exist (actually it seems to be quite common among college women at least to distinguish between "hookup material" and "boyfriend material"). I haven't seen any data or indication though about what proportion of men really have trouble getting commitment.

HeartbreakHotline · 2020-04-22T22:33:12+00:00

I’m more into the commitment guy, there was this days when I was full red, where I only got casual, but not commitment, spoiler: not my jam.

I love commitment with the right girl, romance is playful, trusting and in general a lovely story, I’m big into commitment as I much rather be with a lovely high quality woman than many causal thots (xD)

Commitment can be an amazing experience with the right girl.

angshus433 · 2020-04-22T22:33:29+00:00

The guys who want commitment are generally passed over for the men who just want to fuck, so I’d say the fault generally rests on the mating choices of women. They could pick the lonely virgin who just wants a steady girlfriend, but he’s not hot enough or masculine enough, so they go for men who can get sex with ease. Not all of them just want sex, but if you can get casual sex with ease, it makes sense that it would be something you’d desire.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2020-04-23T00:25:21+00:00

Some do want commitment, some don't. I do. Also have been in the fuck zone before, and there's two easy ways to get in it.

One, she's married to money man, or really looking for another money man, and you're the self propelled dildo/body pillow with a sense of humor.

Second, she just got out of her last mistake, and he did such a bad number on her she's scared of commitment or relationships. Granted this girl will likely come around to it, if you don't do what I do, and start acting like a bf; and trying to be perfect bf and end up spooking her.

This has inadvertently a good way I've ended up getting casual sex. I don't really want casual sex... But "rushing a relationship" gets a girl to back off faster than being a dickhead. IME. Or maybe I've just been dealing with too jaded and damaged women lately 🤷🏻‍♂️

prinab82 · 2020-04-23T02:10:32+00:00

lestratege · 2020-04-23T02:44:38+00:00

Relationships are for men a means to love, in all meanings of the word.

Love is for women a means to get relationships.

The difference isn't on whether it's valued or not, it is in both cases. The difference is if you treat this as a means or as an end.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-04-23T02:44:47+00:00

Commitment?

If that means "Promise you'll stay with me forever and always put up with me no matter how crazy I get - until someone or something shinier or better comes along, I get bored, or just decide to cheat on you and leave. But if YOU ever leave, you're a mean bastard."

Then no. Commitment is bad, m'kay?

bigredten · 2020-04-23T04:41:11+00:00

I think it should be reframed as

"Men are the gatekeepers to relationships" "Women are the gatekeepers to sex"

Men enjoy commitment with the right women. Women enjoy sex with the right men.

If men are too easy to give their commitment, then women don't appreciate it.

If women give sex to easily, then men don't appreciate it.

Moral of the story: People appreciate what they have to work hard for, and don't appreciate what's too easy.

TechnicalMight0 · 2020-04-23T07:41:04+00:00

Most of us do, just only with the women we really like, who are a small subset of all the women we find sexually attractive.

roninwolf1981 · 2020-04-23T11:23:44+00:00

I did, but my exes didn't.

churnthrowaway123456 · 2020-04-23T16:22:17+00:00

And last question, are there men who can get casual sex but can't get commitment ?

Yes

2020-04-24T01:56:38+00:00

Women do not care about commitment so stop telling us that.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-04-22T16:54:59+00:00

I love my relationship more than anything.

wtknight · 2020-04-22T17:18:51+00:00

I think that men care about commitment when they value the woman. The problem is that many times men don’t value much women. And sometimes they do value a woman, but not enough to be willing to give up their sexual freedom, which is when FWB situations become preferable.

Title	Do men not care about commitment ?
Author	DXBrigade
Upvotes	17
Comments	190
Date	April 22, 2020 3:49 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/g63jzk/do_men_not_care_about_commitment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-men-not-care-about-commitment.655458 https://theredarchive.com/post/655458

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