How does not wanting to date a rape victim make someone an asshole?

CuddleLumpkin · 2016-01-16T22:22:48+00:00

It's one thing to be weary of the possible mental health issues that can arise from being a victim of trauma, and recognizing that you would not be a good partner to deal with those things. It's the guys who take the stance that"women who have been raped are useless, damaged goods. I can understand why some cultures participate in honor killings of these women" who are assholes. Would any of you take the stance that it would be understandable to honor kill men returning from war who suffer PTSD, who become violent, develop addictions, and have trouble holding down jobs? Of course not.

The real sentiment being expressed by many in that comment section is that they would not date a rape survivor because a woman's sole worth is her vagina, and her vagina has been sullied by an alpha rapist cock, and therefore, she is trash.

Whisper · 2016-01-17T12:40:23+00:00

Let's just make one thing clear. These people don't give a fuck about the actual experience of rape victims.

If they did, they would also care about rape when brown people did it, and they would also care about the victims of other types of traumatic violent crime.

They do neither.

Because rape, to them, isn't a thing. It's an idea. An Emanuel Goldstein they can throw up on the screen when it's time for the Fifteen Minutes of Hate. An abstract concept they can use to ideologically bludgeon the people least likely to rape... middle to upper class white men living in first-world countries.

That's why SJWs don't care about brown people committing rape... not because they are afraid of brown men (they are to sheltered to fear anyone), and not because they wish to appear culturally sensitive, but because brown men, especially refugees, don't really have any power to take away.

Crying about rape is simply a power grab for the ideological left, used to intimidate and weaken men who would otherwise have the most power.

They are not about to start admitting that the men with the most power are the least likely to commit rape, and marginalized people are the most likely to do so. They cannot admit this, because it would remove the usefulness of their ideological weapon.

So answer no questions about rape until and unless someone can convince you to your satisfaction that they are talking about actual rape, the extremely rare violent crime, not "rape" the sociopolitical strawman.

GuitarsAreGettingOld · 2016-01-16T22:39:17+00:00

This is another example for how things have changed. And how it's helpful to bring your points across without empathy. And by being an asshole about it.

In the other thread there were some comments about how rape victims are damaged goods. The now legendary "I can understand how there are honor killings in some cultures."

Now the sentiment seems to be "it's fine if you don't want to date a rape victim and if you think you can't handle the aftermath of the trauma. But saying they are damaged goods makes you an asshole."

This is reasonable.

Well, but that wasn't the sentiment a few years ago when the topic of dating women with mental health issues came up.

It was calm discussion about how you are not obligated to date for example a bipolar woman or a woman with borderline personality disorder. There was no shit talking about them. No "they are damaged goods". Just "remember you are not obligated to date somebody whose mental health issues make you miserable."

Guess what the reaction was? Omg assholes! Women with these disorders are people, too. Only assholes wouldn't date them. They just aren't mature enough and selfish. They can't think of others. Take no responsibility. Assholes. They think these women are damaged goods! (Nobody had said it. Just not wanting to date them was seen by anti-mras as "they see them as damaged goods").

We had it in a recent thread. Being vitriolic, assholish, dismissive and so on "Is not helpful if you want to have people listen to you."

But there you have it.

Talk calmly about how you aren't obligated to date someone with problems you think you can't cope with, you get: "you are an asshole if you don't".

Take it a step further and say : "they are damaged goods. I can understand why some cultures have honor killings", and you get "it's completely fine not to date them. Just don't talk shit about them."

buartha · 2016-01-16T20:34:49+00:00

Not absolutely everyone who wouldn't date a rape victim is an 'asshole,' if someone can't deal with supporting someone who was recovering from something like that I could understand, though I think it's more sensible to take it on a case by case basis.

But there were plenty of people in that thread who were reveling in the chance to stick the knife in and be callous rather than dealing with the subject with some degree of tact, and by ruling out everyone who wouldn't date someone who was sexually assaulted, you're also weeding out those arseholes, making it a fairly effective selection method.

mybffndmyothrrddt · 2016-01-16T19:59:25+00:00

I think the problem is making absolute decisions in this stuff. If you came to deeply care for someone, and after a significant period, and you getting very close, they revealed to you that they had been raped or sexual abused in their past. But by this point you know their character, and like them.... Would you break up with them then?

ianturpiesmoustache · 2016-01-16T19:12:05+00:00

I was raped, and I'm not "screwed up" or "damaged", I'm just someone who had an experience - a disgusting, foul experience, yes, but that's literally all it is. I don't bring it up out of the blue, or treat it like an anecdote, but if someone asks or brings it up in conversation, I'm not going to lie about it or minimise it for the sake of someone else's feelings.

It sucks. It's not pleasant. I wish it didn't happen. But it is reality, not just for me but for more people than you'd realise. If you don't want to date me I don't give a flying fuck, but if you're a dick about it you'll know about it.

ozymandias271 · 2016-01-17T00:12:29+00:00

There is nothing wrong with you, personally, deciding you don't want to date rape survivors. Actually, that's a good thing! Survivors don't want to date someone who can't handle their shit.

But when you start going around saying "why would anyone in their right mind want to date a rape survivor?" or "it's the rational choice not to date survivors!" (as many people have done in both the previous thread and this one), then you turn into a dick. I've dated survivors because, like, personally I don't mind dealing with the effects of trauma, and so when I see someone who is funny, smart, attractive, kind, and also happens to be a survivor, I'm like "okay, cool, tell me what your triggers are, let's do this thing." Hell, at this point having trauma or mental health issues is a selling point to me: they get it in a way people who don't have mental health issues really can't.

appencapn · 2016-01-16T20:07:16+00:00

I don't want to speak for the person who said she was abused but for me if I was raped and someone felt like that was a lot to handle thats fine. The people who are assholes are the commenters who went out of their way to say the girl is probably lying or that rape isn't a horrific crime or that we should have honor killings. The question was would you ever date a rape survivor and some RP posters barely answered the question and went into their typical tirades about false rape claims or how rape isn't that bad. Yea those people are assholes.

Also not every rape victim is damaged beyond help. Many people don't tell others they have gone through sexual abuse and you would never know.

Equilibriun · 2016-01-16T19:21:57+00:00

It doesn't to normal people. But social justice warriors can't stand for deal breakers. Only women can have those. Men get to take whatever the women approve.

Also dating and or sexual strategy has nothing to do with fair. Would I openly tell a girl I can't LTR her because rape? No. But I wouldn't LTR her. The end

Gnometard · 2016-01-16T21:22:22+00:00

It doesn't. Everyone has preferences and that's no one business but your own.

That said, I don't really get the logic of excluding someone from your dating pool on this basis. My gf has been raped in the past and we have a very close loving relationship.

wombatinaburrow · 2016-01-17T13:00:14+00:00

If I was dating someone, opened up about being raped, and they dropped me like a hot spud then you bet your arse I would think you were a cunt. I would also think that I had dodged a bullet though, because the kind of immature lightweight who wouldn't be able to deal with any baggage I might have would certainly not be able to cope with the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that life is guaranteed to throw everyone's way.

Archwinger · 2016-01-16T19:27:02+00:00

It doesn't. If it's not my fault for being born with a tiny penis, then women can't refuse to date me for it. Because it's not my fault.

Someone else's psychological trauma and baggage isn't your problem. There are billions of other women without the baggage. And guys with bigger dicks.

moodyprism · 2016-01-16T19:32:06+00:00

Women just want unilateral control on what standards men get to impose.

anibustr · 2016-01-17T10:25:52+00:00

Men or women, why would anyone want to date traumatic people?

exit_sandman · 2016-01-16T20:03:05+00:00

The problem here isn't the assertion that you "won't date rape victims." That's your business; no one is entitled to your affections. The real issue here is the assertion that you "won't date rape victims because they are damaged goods." That's not fair and it's not accurate.

Claiming that, universally, rape victims are unlovable and/or that they are incapable of healthy relationships does make you an asshole. It makes you that special sub-type of asshole who judges people by the negative experiences they've had, rather than their response to those experiences. You know, the kind of asshole who thinks that a child raised in an abusive household will definitely grow up to abuse his wife? That kind of asshole.

People overcome obstacles all the time. Chances are, you yourself have had your share of challenges. The strength of a person isn't measured by their trauma, but by their willingness to work through that trauma and continue onward. A lot of people have suffered rape and with hard work, recovered, because that's just how badass they are.

Judging other people for the bad things that have happened to them does indeed make you an asshole, especially if you expect others to judge you on your merits, yet refuse to judge others by theirs.

dakru · 2016-01-16T19:14:16+00:00

well IMO... it seems a little unfair to disqualify someone based on a traumatic event they had no control over, especially if all other things check out and you're really hitting it off with that person. you're free to do so, of course, but i would think lesser of someone who just shut down and walked away once they learned that their prospective partner had been raped (which many of the responders indicated they would do). it seems to me that many of those who said no simply lack compassion and caring for other people in general, not because they said no, but because of everything they tacked onto that no.

also, let's not forget that a good portion of the 'no' responses in that thread were like this (or this shitstorm).

edit: also lol about the OP adding a note about this thread getting brigaded, when i was being downvoted hard for suggesting that rape victims aren't disgusting subhumans that need to be scrubbed from the face of the planet. cry harder.

stronghobbit · 2016-01-17T16:08:19+00:00

What about someone with PTSD for a different reason, i.e. a victim of armed robbery, child abuse, someone who was in the military, etc? Would the gulf be too wide to relate then too?

WorldsEndGirlfriend · 2016-01-16T19:09:21+00:00

Of course you don't have to date anyone you're uncomfortable with. As for the asshole comments, it's more directed towards these

and this

I don't agree with the practice or with religion, but this is why some religions do honor killings in these cases. She is not a viable candidate for anyone with self-respect. She's ruined. It doesnt have to be her fault, for it to matter. Definitely not ltr material.

than your comment. Also, some may disagree with your implication that rape victims are inherently "broken" or screwed up. It may be true for some, but it may not for others. Not everyone reacts to trauma the same way.

insurrecto · 2016-01-16T21:57:34+00:00

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DrunkUpYourShut · 2016-01-17T06:34:22+00:00

My wife was raped many years before we met.

I would have been a fucking imbecile to break up with her over it. Been together for 8 years now. If you can't tell that she's been raped before she's told you... then how big of a deal is it, really?

HumanSockPuppet · 2016-01-17T09:20:06+00:00

There's nothing special about rape trauma. I wouldn't date a woman who had any significant mental derangement. I am not interested in or qualified to serve as an auxiliary therapist.

If you've suffered trauma, seek professional help.

dallasdarling · 2016-01-18T16:56:34+00:00

It just means that you are omitting a really, really large number of women from your potential dating pool.

FromThePit · 2016-01-17T13:13:02+00:00

"I want a girl who does butt stuff...but I also want a girl who wasn't molested."

--Donald Glover

akallyria · 2016-01-17T08:03:21+00:00

I had PTSD from my rape. I was unable to leave my house for ~2 years, despite a fairly decent guy offering me a way out of the dungeon I dug myself in. I could not function as a normal member of society, until I decided for myself that I was not defined by what was done to me, but rather, by what I had to offer the world. As it turns out, I have quite a lot to offer, and I am not defined by actions that someone else took upon me. Victims are victims until they decide they are humans. That is what I have learned. Regardless of what other people think, I am a wonderful person, filled with love, compassion, and forgiveness.

Aside from what happened, I still maintain my innocence and my femininity. I would encourage any person, female or male, who has been victimized in any way, to seek out therapy or any sort of help. Sexism goes both ways, and an unfortunate side effect of that is that people often don't believe men when they report their experiences. This upsets me because it's a symptom of a larger problem - sexism isn't just a problem for females, but for males, too. The fact is, anyone can be raped. Anyone. At any time. And rape doesn't take away the victim's value as a human being - rape victims walk amongst you every day, never breathing a word of what they went through. I would dare say the ones who are shamed out of discussing their experiences are more likely to exhibit dysfunctional behavior. Those who are allowed to come to terms with their experiences are better able to mentor other people, and also avoid potentially dangerous situations.

I wish none of us had to share this experience, but it is common, and there is little to be done about that. All we can do is become better, more functional members of society, despite the judgements placed on us by those who have no understanding of what we have been through, or what we continue to endure to be seen as equals, even though we may have done nothing wrong whatsoever in society's eyes.

My trauma occurred fourteen years ago. I have sought therapy and I am better for it. I understand myself in a way that I probably never would have without this. It happened after I was a mother, so I never had the excuse of rape as disqualifying me as a mother. I gathered myself up and moved on. I cook, I clean, and I adore my children despite what I've been through. I am a compassionate, natural healer. I have a good sense of humor. I am a good, kind person, although I am very guarded. My rape doesn't define me any more than my gender or my sexual orientation defines me - it is a small part of the puzzle. The idea that some people view victims of crimes as worthless as life-partners is deeply saddening, not because of the fact that the victims may miss out on your company, but that you may miss out on having your heart and mind opened by someone who actually needs love and care. There are more women out there who have been raped or molested than those who have not; to automatically discount them as valid partners for any reason drastically decreases your dating pool. I'm sure there are many who think that's a good idea, that anyone who browses these subs are damaged goods, but I believe that most people who are new to trp are redeemable - they just haven't had the best dating mentors, or they're suffering a new heartbreak, and they don't know what to do. For those of you who this applies to - don't automatically assume that certain people are not worth your time given certain parameters. If a person is clearly incapable of being in a positive, loving relationship (and I HAVE been in this situation after my experience), then you should stop investing your self in the relationship - but if they are making strides at being social and communicative, these are positive traits. I personally feel that if an issue takes more than a year to come to terms with, then "nexting" is best for everyone. If the person who was victimized is not comfortable with you after a year, another two or three won't help much, and you're both wasting valuable time. Honestly, I feel that they would be better off with someone more compassionate and caring, but I also accept that I'm generalizing all "Alphas" based on the few who post on these forums openly. I think we all know that the vocal minority doesn't necessarily speak for everyone's experience. I have been with a few natural born alphas who were exceptionally caring and protective, and sought to lick my wounds and wreak vengeance on my transgressor. I know I'm not alone in this experience. I consider myself an "omega," or a "sigma" after what happened. I feel apart from the world. I do honestly crave protection and nurturing. I am naturally, if not sexually, submissive, based on my experience, whereas I was headstrong and loudly feministic before. I'm not saying that I have changed drastically, but... Well, I have. And I can't say whether it's for better or worse. All I can say is that I am who I am, and I feel like I have plenty to offer whoever might be brave enough to seek communion with me. And I am not alone in my experience.

andrewisgood · 2016-01-16T20:40:26+00:00

It's been said better but basically, it's more of the people who are like, there's something wrong with her, or just flat out not believing them.

Then there are the assholes who were like, oh they're playing the victim card. Well, by definition, a person who was raped is a rape victim. Some people are really stupid though and don't get that. I like the term rape survivor as well, because survivor does show the trauma that someone went through and continue to go through for that. I compare it to people who are survivors of a suicide victim, as they end up having a lot of emotional problems when someone close to them commits suicide. So there's that.

Plus, when I was told by someone they were raped, it's always after they got to know me. So they've gotten some emotional connection with you that they can talk about something that may bother them. I'm reminded of this really sad pokemon picture. It's of an abused Sylveon. Sylveon is one of the evolutions of Eevee. The only way to evolve it in the newer games is using the Pokemon Amie option in which the pokemon ends up adoring you.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/d5/41/c7/d541c76c6d681b4cdffa2d6c76dba57f.jpg

The reason the image is so sad is because the person who trained the Eevee got something completely different, and the Sylveon loved their trainer and now is not good enough for them because Sylveon wasn't what the trainer wanted. The rape victim thought enough of you to talk to you about their experience, and you just balk and treat that person like a leper.

But yeah, I'm saving that thread. Lots of degenerates in that thread. In the immortal words of Jim Cornette, fuck you and feed ya fish heads.

LucilioVanini · 2016-01-16T19:49:47+00:00

Feminists are so supportive of rape victims it borders on glorification. Which you know, is very understandable. Actual rape ( not the new SJW "rape") is a terrible, awful thing.

But for feminists, saying something that isn't blatantly positive about rape victims is a sign of being a shit human being and rape culture. It's why they lose their shit over stand up comics that make jokes that reference rape. It's why they claim that if people don't immediately assume a girl who claims she was raped was actually raped, or even suggest that it's possible she might be lying, it indicates that Western society as a whole is cool with rape.

Feminists are absolutely obsessed with rape. It's quite strange.

cherryblue12 · 2016-01-17T10:34:51+00:00

I don't necessarily think this makes you an asshole, but it doesn't reflect especially well on your character either. It's kind of like a girl refusing to date a war veteran because he has PTSD. It's understandable - the relationship will have some added difficulties - but it doesn't make you look like an especially awesome person.

Transmigratory · 2016-01-17T14:32:50+00:00

If you're honest and say you don't want to deal with that shit, you're a dick. If you say you can't handle it, it's fine because you're not strong enough to handle it.

It seems to these people they're happier to hear people admit they're too weak to handle a rape victim, than a perfectly normal guy who may very well be strong say he doesn't need that baggage in his life.

raptorrage · 2016-01-16T19:12:01+00:00

It doesn't make you an asshole, unless you start denying it happened or insist they're broken forever or somehow complicit in their rape.

bones_and_love · 2016-01-17T09:26:02+00:00

I and many other people said that they wouldn't. One of the top responses in the thread was this, with a score of around +20:

The people answering the question answered it in a way that was pretty remarkable, funny even. They answered it in the way someone who has never dated anyone ever would have -- it was a genius way to expose the virginity of a great deal of "red pillers".

See, there is no context to the question, "Would you ever date someone who had this happen in their past?" Sure, if a chick shared that intimate nugget on the first date, I think most people would feel weirded out at how personal they are getting in such a short time and not date them. But... most new dates wouldn't share it at a point in time like that. It's much more natural to see a partner share something like that after you've been dating at least a few weeks, after you've already fucked plenty of times, after you are already invested and know an entire person beyond the one who experienced "that".

And in that situation, most people would not let a traumatic past experience shared to you by your partner be an immediate dealbreaker, other normal incompatibilities would either make or break the relationship, not just the idea that your partner had a bad time at one point.

It's vacuously true you would prefer a person who hasn't had trauma if you could have it be so. It's also vacuously true if you start enjoying someone in your life and you did find out she went through something bad in life, you'd probably wish it were not so probably just because it feels bad to know it happened to her. But that's not the question, the question is whether you would date someone that had that bad thing happen, not whether it would ideally have happened.

I'll say it again, because it was so funny -- the replies didn't understand that most normal people would approach the question the way I just did rather than answer it with "hell no, they're messed up!" They didn't have the imagination to understand they needed to say that, their lack of experience upended their own guise. It was hilarious.

Keep on, "brothers"

dadstartingover · 2016-01-17T15:27:40+00:00

Nobody likes being told that they are damaged goods. Nobody likes to deal with damaged goods.

It's really a numbers game. In my post-divorce world, I've learned that just about 90% of the women have baggage of some kind. Daddy issues, infidelity, mood disorders, etc. They're human. Humans aren't perfect. I get it.

But as a man who won't just let ANYONE into my life, I have to weigh the pros and cons. I have to be pragmatic about this. I have a life. Kids. Job. I don't want to waste my time and emotional energy on somebody that could very well blow up in my face down the line. I know, they ALL can blow up at some point and ruin things... but I have to weigh the options.

I think most of the baggage people bring to a relationship can be negated by a simple question: Do they recognize they have an issue and are getting active help with it? If so, great. Good for them. Unfortunately, I've found that the answer is usually "No. I don't have a problem. YOU have the problem."

Therefore, it's way easier to just NOPE out of the situation when glaring red flags present themselves.

LifterofThings · 2016-01-17T18:05:25+00:00

Some people don't think it's "fair" to "penalize" people for things that aren't within their control.

That being said, I don't owe anybody "fairness" in my selection of partners, and I don't expect a "fair" shake from everybody I might be interested in as a partner.

PoopInMyBottom · 2016-01-18T06:17:18+00:00

same reason most women wouldn't date (asian) guys who are any combination of: short, bald, fat, virgin, poor etc. due to the mental illness and excess baggage that come with it from years of being overlooked by women and disregarded by society, hence and the overall connotation of 'low smv'

as a woman, i feel that it would be hypocritical and disingenuous for those men to have responded otherwise, because they clearly equate the violation of these women to a variant of 'low smv' + possible mental illness that may be too much to handle at whatever point in the future.

we don't have a right to guilt someone into being with us out of some sort of ethical obligation/guilt/pity.

** look here, in indian culture (i'm half north indian), rape is all that it takes for her to be killed by her family (for losing their collective honor), for the patriarch of the family to kill himself out of shame or for her to be foreveralone (tarnished reputation in the community) as the trauma undergone is likened to a contagious infection by potential in-laws.

i know that we're not living in the middle ages, but i presume that anglo-saxon culture was once similar to this to whatever extent. and if not (i.e. your current society however, IS), i guess you're experiencing societal regression. that being said, white expats never seem to put that much stock into respectability politics when they're over here 'liberating a multitude of women from oppression'.

srsly tho i find it amusing how most of the discussion taking place here is one replete with first world vacuum, myopia and armchair psychology

tl;dr, so long as said woman is a third-world non-white (i.e. belonging to the latest fetishised race), dating and even repeatedly raping prior rape/abuse victims is a badge of honor. why wouldn't you wanna reenact your favourite porn genre if you get the chance?

in conclusion, you're just a self-hating white beta who doesn't yet have a passport (if you are asian, see above **).

jintana · 2016-01-19T18:52:45+00:00

It's ok to not want to date someone who's damaged, but yes, it does make you a bit of an asshole. Why? Because you expect someone else to be cool with the damage you've sustained. If you can find one who hasn't survived rape, more power to you.

bethanyisbomb95 · 2016-04-12T04:46:35+00:00

I'm a survivor of rape. I wouldn't think you're an asshole per say for having this view, but I do think that someone who held this view is more or less ignorant. That being said, I feel that for someone to disqualify me as "dating material" bc of the "damage" I got as a result of going through the experience is insulting whether they're truly informed or not. I'm not "damaged". I'm not some blubbering glimpse of what was once a person. I don't have panic attacks. I have consensual sex and plot twist I like it. I don't rely upon my boyfriend to be my only pillar of support and to bring me out of the depths of depression. In fact I would say that he isn't even in the top 5 group of people that I go to most for support. I go to people who have been through what I've been through when I really want to talk about my experience. The worst thing my boyfriend has ever had to deal with bc of my being raped in the past was waking me up when I had a nightmare about it and was sleep talking. This has happened a total of 2 times in the entire 3 years of dating. People who haven't been raped have nightmares though, and he didn't even know that was what the dream was about until he asked me and I told him.

To me this is insulting and frankly ignorant of you to feel this way bc it feels like you're saying that all I am now is the effects of my rape. It a generalization.

Being a rape survivor is just one facet of my identity. It does not define me, my personality, or how I act. I'm not some damsel in distress waiting for a guy to make me feel better or carry my "baggage" that came with it.

I'm also a graphic designer. But I'm sure you wouldn't not want to date me just bc of that fact. "I could never date her, she's a graphic designer. She stares at her computer all day and all night. She is probably really boring." That's stupid.

I'll end with the fact that just because I experienced something negative in my life doesn't mean that i'm ruined, or someone that has to be "fixed", or is different than anyone else. The same way that your negative experiences don't make up entirely who you are.

bsibsisbs · 2016-01-16T20:34:06+00:00

Doesn't it feel good to have a group of woman that you can at least point at and say "I'm too good for them!"

After all the so-called oppression that men have to deal with around here, I'm glad that they have someone who is female that they can shun.

pandorarosie · 2016-01-16T21:57:55+00:00

Just don't expect to be shown any sympathy in your life. If that's the type of person you want to be with...that's your decision, have fun. But know...we ALL have skeletons.

SkinnySweaty · 2016-01-16T20:04:10+00:00

This isn't college math you guys, holy shit.

Is it a true deal breaker? You meet someone, you hit it off, really like one another, she reveals that she's a rape survivor. Would you walk away just for that reason?

If yes, you're probably an asshole.

Any questions?

dakru · 2016-01-16T19:28:56+00:00

Personally I would not call someone an asshole for not wanting to date a rape victim, but I understand the sentiment somewhat. Someone's been put through a traumatic experience that was no fault of their own, and the idea is that a good, moral person would do what they can to accommodate that and help them, even if that includes taking a hit personally by dealing with the trouble associated with dating dating a rape victim (this is all assuming that if not for that you'd want to date them).

The idea itself isn't crazy, it's the extent of what's expected that's up-for-debate. If you see a bad traffic accident on a road that doesn't get a lot of people, there's an expectation that you'll at least stop and call 911 to get emergency responders on their way. You're expected to accept the trouble or inconvenience and make a difference for the people in need. If you don't do that, you'd be called an asshole. The trouble of stopping and calling isn't too big though, so that's why it's expected. On the other hand there's no expectation that, in response to global poverty, you should sell your house and donate it all to charity. There the trouble, inconvenience, and hit to your life is quite massive, so it's not expected.

The question is just whether the trouble or inconvenience of dating a rape victim is closer to the first example (something we do expect) or the second example (something we don't expect), and where we draw the line.

Subspinipes · 2016-01-17T06:09:04+00:00

Your an "asshole" because your not being tolerant and accepting of something that happened to someone without their consent. It's not for everyone because there's a good chance that they are coming with some baggage and everyone isn't prepared to deal with that. Regardless, if you say you don't want to date someone bc they were raped, your going to come off as an asshole and anything else you say is going to come off as sexist.

FreshFace77 · 2016-01-17T11:41:15+00:00

I'm one of the people who said he would date a rape victim (again). First, I'd like to officially say I would not date a dead body, so, yeah, murder is worse.

However, I think everyone should have their standards. I think that the person responding to you is doing this thing I see often where they hear a person has a standard that excludes them and immediately says "well, I'm the most awesome me there is, so they must be a total schmuck to pass." I understand the appeal of that thinking, but I generally go with the whole "well, we're not a match, I've got plenty others that have no problem with me." A lot of that has to do with esteem, tho. I totally accept I'm not everyone's cup of tea, because the ones that like my tea are crazy about it. And I don't have enough tea to go around.

So, no, you're not an asshole. That person was an asshole thinking that you should be shamed into wanting to fuck her (so what, she can deny you, it's total retardation). You do you. It's great. Meanwhile, I'll do me and be fine with people with a checkered past.

And neither of us are going to fuck that chick.

wtknight · 2016-01-16T20:44:33+00:00

I don't think it makes you an asshole. It just makes you a normal guy. There were a ton of responses on that thread that were worse than yours from actual assholes. I admitted myself on that thread that it would make me uneasy if she still mentioned it a lot, as it would to most guys, I think, but if I liked a woman enough I think I'd try to help her through it, which means that, to me, it's not a "dealbreaker" like it is to you.

Transmigratory · 2016-01-17T00:06:20+00:00

Consider the people who post here when this topic is discussed. Kind of like when you talk about the glory of a state in a forum full of anarchists.

heavenorhell2 · 2016-01-17T00:47:13+00:00

It's not being an asshole, it's being 'amoral.' All sexual strategy is amoral and self-serving. Would I date a rape victim? No. Would I fuck her? Yes, as long as she doesn't expect emotional connection. Does that mean I'm an asshole?

Maybe, but really it's just being practical.

questioningwoman · 2016-01-17T00:07:13+00:00

Let me guess why. Many RP men hate "strong women" and many "strong women" got that way because they've been through a lot of trauma and had to be strong to survive it. I've known rape victims who had to become stronger.

bromance946 · 2016-01-16T21:00:27+00:00

Putting aside the whole mental health argument (why don't TRP say they don't want to date depressed women?) What I don't like about this, is just like every other TRP "preference" about women, it just so happens to fall into traditional patriarchal norms of what a good woman is, and is not. Therefore, sorry, but it's not just a preference like preference for a certain type of hair is. It's a preference wrapped up in justifications based on mental health, similar to the preference not to date sluts, that aligns closely with the male-ownership model of female sexuality. The reasoning being, if another man has been in her vagina, it's no longer exclusively yours, so she's "ruined". The same reasoning is applied to not wanting to date women with a high n count, the "I want her to be bad with me and good with everyone else" theory, and so on. The ownership model explains more tightly the expressed traditional male preferences, particularly of conservative-leaning men.

The whole thing rather reminds me of the 1971 Indo-Pak War debacle, whereas men were demanding Japanese cars to take raped Bengladeshi women off the government's hands.

ihmawtd3 · 2016-01-18T00:31:38+00:00

I believe you're an asshole because if you were hypothetically raped, you would not swear off dating. You might posture and tough talk and say otherwise, insist you'd live based on some consistent principle, but I just wouldn't believe you. I hope you can concede that it'd be easier said than done, that a reasonable person would be skeptical towards the notion of a human being being able to intentionally abandon romance altogether. If this double standard is so, then I reasonably believe you to be an asshole.

Title	How does not wanting to date a rape victim make someone an asshole?
Author	PoopInMyBottom
Upvotes	24
Comments	446
Date	January 16, 2016 7:02 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/419pij/how_does_not_wanting_to_date_a_rape_victim_make/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-does-not-wanting-to-date-a-rape-victim-make.276901 https://theredarchive.com/post/276901

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