Marriage is a substitute for love.

Salty-Map-942 · 2026-02-25T06:36:33+00:00

I've always seen marriage (or can see it as) a milestone to celebrate, like a capstone to your relationship, not a substitute for love (though some foolish people do use it as a substitute) this is why some people call it the 'happiest day of their life.'

Defacto relationships, at least after a long time, can still involve the law in matters of splits though I believe, just that marriage formalises things a bit better and can therefore at least make the legal rammifications of split up a lot 'cleaner' in the sense of division of custody and assets, I suppose?

Equivalent_Dance2278 · 2026-02-25T06:47:11+00:00

The government is involved whether you are married or not. If you have kids and they have a different surname to one of you, it means involving the law to either get double-barrelled names or you have to carry birth certificates whenever you travel. If you split up and you’ve bought a house together, you will have to get lawyers. If you split up and have children, you will have to have lawyers.

It’s not a substitute for love in any way. It’s a concrete declaration. And of course you are redpilled so you are hearing them constantly talk about divorce rape etc. when that hardly happens. Sure, some do, but it’s a minority. And prenups can sort out a lot of stuff. Women pay spousal support too.

If you don’t want to get married, don’t. But it doesn’t make it any easier when it comes to breakups.

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-02-25T09:49:45+00:00

if you had children, that means some judge now has to decide how often you can see your children

What do you think happens if you aren’t married and break up with the person you have kids with? Hint: some judge still has to decide how often you can see your children.

Marriage is not necessary for love, that much is true. However, what it does is offer legal protections for the ways that two people who wish to spend their lives together are already going to combine their lives. What marriage does is legally establish your spouse as next of kin. This is who will make decisions if you are incapacitated, who will inherit your estate by default, and the legal guardian of your children without question. For a young person with no kids and no shared home this might not seem important nor romantic, but these are the realities of living with a partner as you get older.

Bottom line is that no, marriage does not make sense for everyone and isn’t something you should do if your only reason is “everyone else is doing it.” But there are legitimate reasons to marry if you plan on having children and growing old with someone.

Lysa_Bell · 2026-02-25T06:41:13+00:00

Marriage and love are two different things. You can get married without being in love.

Marriage is a contract that grants you certain privileges and rights and responsibilities. Usually it is to make it easier for the government to recognise you as a union.

Children also dont have much to do with a Marriage. You would get a court involved if the relationship fails but you have kids together anyway. Even if you arent married. Usually most custody cases are decided outside of courts anyway. Even if people are married.

Marriage shouldn't even be viewed through the lens of love. My mother is married the third time. Her husband asked her multiple times to be married but she said no because after two failed marriages it became obvious this isn't worth it. They are together 20 years. They got married a couple of years ago because it was easier legality wise. Especially when you are older you wont have access to your partner if they are in a hospital, you won't have legal rights to their health, money, property if you aren't married.

I got married for visa reasons. If it wasn't for a easy way to move countries I wouldnt have gotten married. I didnt take my husbands name. And because I'm married I'm also entitled to widow money in case something happens to my husband. We also get tax benefits for being married.

Marriage should be a legal, logical and financial decision. Not about love. Love doesnt need Marriage. They are two separate entities.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-02-25T06:55:40+00:00

Marriage was never about love at all, it was about union of families, acquiring another pair of working hands, and a way to have children. The tale that it's about love was just a lie, much like a disney fairytale. It wasn't about love it's about duty. So indeed when you look closely everything crashes.

Colt_Master · 2026-02-25T07:45:18+00:00

Another reason other commenters haven't brought up yet is that marriage protects homemakers. Despite its usefulness it is poorly regarded in the job market, so there's a heavy opportunity cost to being a homemaker when you could've spent those 20 years grinding a more high paying career and skills. In case of break up you get completely shafted and might even end up destitute, to the point of leading to warped incentives where homemakers in bad relationships see it in their best interest to stay in them. The result is that without a marriage-like contract it's heavily against people's best interest to be a homemaker, despite many people desiring a provider-homemaker dynamic.

Edit: another thing

why would you sign a contract that essentially involves the government in your relationship, making it so that if you want to break up, the court has to get involved? And if you had children, that means some judge now has to decide how often you can see your children (especially if you're a man). Its so ridiculous.

If you two are going to be life partners chances are that you'd both see it pretty fitting to enter in agreements together that will end up in court battles in case of breakup regardless. Buying a shared house is likely resulting in a court battle, child custody will likely be mediated by a court in case there's no compromise you are both happy with, etc. So marriage helps formalize all that potential future paperwork.

Axis_Control · 2026-02-25T07:01:59+00:00

Culturally it's seen as a romantic milestone for the relationship where you publicly have a ceremony and invite family and friends.

Legally it offers protection such as obligations in the relationship and what will happen if you divorce.

sammyb1122 · 2026-02-25T08:15:30+00:00

If countless civilisations across thousands of years have seen value in marriage, that to me suggests something deeper than you are appreciating. Marriage pre-existed governments. There is something in our human nature that desires this stability.

Novadina · 2026-02-25T09:43:20+00:00

If two people genuinely love each other, why would they feel the need to sign a contract about it vowing to love each other until death?

I didn’t sign a contract that says anything about vowing to love each other until death. What contract are you referring to?

It's absurd. The divorce rate is also evidence of marriage being a substitute for love.

What logic goes from point A to point B here?

The idea of marriage is also pretty dumb because why would you sign a contract that essentially involves the government in your relationship, making it so that if you want to break up, the court has to get involved?

If you merge assets and then want to split the assets up, but there is a disagreement, the law could get involved. Even if you don’t marry someone, that doesn’t protect you from lawsuits. Marriage actually offers more protection than sharing assets without marriage.

And if you had children, that means some judge now has to decide how often you can see your children (especially if you're a man).

This happens if you have children whether you are married or not, it’s not related to marriage. And again, if you share something with someone and have a disagreement, courts are involved to help resolve it. Plenty of people decide how to split custody without any judges involved - that’s just if you disagree and one person takes the other to court. You can be sued for all kinds of things, not just divorce, and not just child custody.

It’s so ridiculous.

Seems like you don’t actually know what marriage is. You think it’s a vow until death, and that you can avoid child custody cases or asset disputes by not marrying, and none of that is true. So yeah I can see with your misunderstandings it would seem ridiculous, hopefully you have learned something now and have a better understanding.

If two people in a relationship genuinely loved each other, they would just be together without all the other nonsense of signing contracts, making vows and so on.

I am married and made no vows until death. We already owned a house together so we didn’t avoid any shared asset ownership before marriage. We got married for the legal benefits we get in my country. Why would loving someone mean I don’t want to be treated as one household for taxes and insurance, for example? Loving someone means we should pay more for no reason? If we are going to be together anyway, what harm is there is opting in to the benefits offered by my job and country by making it official??

Also, considering human history and how women have been historically treated, I find it amazing how so few women are able to see marriage for what it is, or even know how it began. Most don't even question the idea of getting their husband's last name.

Yeah I agree with you on this part, this is honestly a decent reason to avoid it if possible. But if you have kids or shared assets it is just not as ideal in US anyway to not do the legal marriage. Things will be MORE complicated if you split when unmarried and you have shared assets - not easier as you imply. Marriage has traditionally been about owning women, so there can be an ideological view against it, but in modern countries that isn’t really part of it anymore, like I lost no rights by marrying, I wasn’t purchased, my husband can’t legally beat me or rape me like in times past or like in some countries. I did not change my name and the only consequence from it has been red pillers telling me I must not love my husband.

Kanenas_T_Potas · 2026-02-25T12:16:29+00:00

Someone already explained this in another comment and I hate to break it to you but, your definition of marriage is simply wrong. Marriage is not a contract vowing love until death. It is a contract that confers rights and obligations on debt, financial support, property and (if applicable), children.

The reason why it is "special", it's because it is generally more highly regulated than other contracts and changes the status of the parties and their children.

Post-Posadism · 2026-02-25T14:14:15+00:00

Governments having record of who your life partner is isn't always a bad thing. For instance, it simplifies immigration and emigration together, as well as inheritance and medical decision rights. It can also yield tax and pension benefits.

The institution of marriage has a troubling history and originated from some problematic premises, sure. But if you love someone and trust someone to the extent that they're your life partner, and you want to make sure that authorities know that in case you need to relocate or in case something happens to you, marriage or civil partnership are pretty comprehensive ways to do that in one fell swoop.

ThatBitchA · 2026-02-25T15:24:25+00:00

Marriage and love are two different things.

I'm married. I love my husband. I didn't get married simply because I love husband.

I got married because like everything else (jobs, driver's license, etc) it involves the government and we didn't have a problem with that.

I changed my name because it was important to me to have the same name. We're a family and our last name reflects that.

If you don't want to get married, don't.

But don't insult marriage because you don't want to get married.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2026-02-25T17:25:25+00:00

Marriage is a legal contract . Nowadays and historically. It doesn’t really have to do with love. The majority of the people who have gotten married historically did not love each other at the time of ‘I do’ though they may have fallen in love later within the marriage.

Personally I think that marriage is an insane choice to make bc of the vows. I don’t think most people are truly suitable to keeping these vows.

However I see the pros of it. It’s not something to pursue unless you were pursuing the legal protections it may offer or in the case that you were to pursue anything that may have legal ramifications.

IE : Buying a house together, having kids, social security, next of kin.

Also if worried about government involvement in your affairs, it’s already involved. If you die with no next of kin, the government takes your property for themselves anyway.

Marriage is one way yiu can influence who gets what.

If you have kids out of wedlock you still pay child support and have child custody arrangements, plus it’s easier for married fathers to prove that they are active fathers than unmarried fathers to. (which is what the courts look at)( this might also be causation than correlation though).

if you live together without being married for say a decade, you still have to go to court to split the home , as you are now common -in - law married.

You can love someone without government involvement but to keep that boundary you would have to avoid anything that might have legal ramification, such as no cohabitation , no kids, have your siblings or cousin as your legal Next of kin etc.

Anecdotal : My grandmother has been widowed for 30+ years but she received a partial pension and partial Social security because she was married to my grandpa for decades .

YeaNobody · 2026-02-25T06:54:18+00:00

100% it's not necessary, only people with vested interest in that industry say otherwise. Love is love regardless of a sheet of paper or some priest saying you're together now.

HighlightDowntown966 · 2026-02-25T07:10:29+00:00

Just an observation. But within this thread... I only see women arguing for The necessity of marriage.

Most men could take it or leave it

SnooCats37 · 2026-02-25T08:35:03+00:00

Just say you don’t believe in marriage for yourself and leave it at that. You don’t have to understand why people get married but your belief that people in love don’t get married is bizarre.

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Vaudeville_Clown · 2026-02-25T08:17:18+00:00

It's more of a society/community thing. It's also a ritual thing.

And like it or not, a lot of married people with families do make a kind of cultural separation between others like them, and people that are eternal bachelors, doing messy situationships well up in their forties aso.

I'm going to narrow in on something, but I don't mean it's THE point with marriage. Just one aspect:

Reputationally and statuswise it opens doors.

I for instance am in IT. There's always a base caution there that, while you're often seen as technically skilled, you may still be cautiously percieved as potentially this immature and very self-centered person, who spends all his spare time playing computer games and engage in shallow pursuits.

When you're married however, professional trust comes quick. Then it's "Vaudeville_Clown, I know you're role is 2nd line IT technician, but we are welcoming this new client and was thinking you could become their main technical point of contact."

Sure, to a degree just being a coupled up guy helps statuswise too, but "married with children" signals responsibility, safe and steady growth like nothing else.

-hypnose · 2026-02-25T08:23:43+00:00

It was always a social contract, and still is. It's not necessarily good or bad, and it can make your life either easier or hell, depending on the quality of your relationship.

I'm personally neutral about marriage, leaning towards no.

BeckieSueDalton · 2026-02-25T08:59:40+00:00

For the insurance.

velvetalocasia · 2026-02-25T10:06:54+00:00

Because nothing is this easy and marriage as a contract is about the „after“ in many points but not only. It’s about what happens when you don’t love each other anymore or when one of you is dead……If you truly love someone, you have to think about that too.

ValeWho · 2026-02-25T10:29:23+00:00

I don't know what it is like in other countries but in Germany marriage usually means tax benefits. So that's a not very romantic but practical reason to sign this legal document.

Apart from that if my partner is in a Hospital a girlfriend doesn't necessarily get any medication information a wife does. If I had an accident and someone needs to decide whether to pull the plug or not, I would trust my partner most to do it (yes I know there's a specific legal document for that but if you are married it's him by default)

And yes maybe it's not rational but I do want a legal document to say that he is the most important person in my life. Sue me

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-02-25T10:30:32+00:00

You sound like a SovCid. Good luck with that👍

BobtheArcher2018 · 2026-02-25T11:59:23+00:00

Marriage is at least as much about the community as the two people getting married.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-02-25T15:04:55+00:00

Marriage is not mean to substitute for or express love.

Love, on the other hand, is meant to support marriage, which is a social and economic instrument for creating and maintaining children and communities

It is helpful but not necessary

Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-02-25T14:20:21+00:00

When two people love each other sometimes they want to make a big promise to always love each other, and that promise is so joyful to them they want to do it in front of their family and friends. And depending on faith: god. The piece of paper just makes it official (mostly for taxes).

But it’s not “signing a contract” it’s a celebration. That’s like saying a trip to Disney is a contractual obligation because you had to pay for a ticket. The ticket wasn’t the experience, it was just part of the process.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2026-02-25T18:24:56+00:00

the marriage is the capstone of the "love", love culminating in joining your families ans becoming a single legal and social unit. it isnt a "substitute" for love. what cultures are you people from

CatallaxyRanch · 2026-02-25T20:16:52+00:00

It's not a substitute for love, it's the solemnification of love and the formation of a new family unit.

love_in_october · 2026-02-25T06:50:13+00:00

If you love your partner and want to stay with them, why wouldn't you sign a contract that makes your lifelong relationship recognised everywhere with legal, social and financial benefits and make things easier for both of you? Why would you be reluctant to promise to stay with them or sign any contract together? (You're buying a house on your own too?) If you're planning to break up because you're not that interested in them maybe you're too scared about getting a court involved. Even then, if you're living together and combining anything for years, possibly with children, lack of marriage can make breakups very messy - there are usually few legal protections and often one person can just run off with all the stuff. Child custody has to be arranged in any case if you have children and break up, but you're in a much stronger position for joint custody if you're married (an unmarried partner might even be left off the birth certificate). If you love your partner, you'd be planning for your relationship to end in death though, and marriage also has a lot of benefits related to inheritance in many places, and surely you'd care that your partner was provided for in that case.

Title	Marriage is a substitute for love.
Author	Slow_Celebration1328
Upvotes	0
Comments	417
Date	February 25, 2026 6:27 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1re5npu/marriage_is_a_substitute_for_love/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/marriage-is-a-substitute-for-love.1574206 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574206

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