Why is there so much contradictory advice for single men?

AngeAware · 2025-05-16T16:57:20+00:00

There are few areas of life where you aren't going to get contradictory advice if you ask a lot of people.

This is one of the biggest downsides of social media. Nothing in your personal life needs to be decided by a committee of thousands. You need an actual social circle with people whose opinions you trust.

leosandlattes · 2025-05-16T16:36:23+00:00

So, I am surprised you haven’t caught onto the obvious by now. There is contradictory information because women are a varied group who have varying beliefs and preferences regarding dating or courtship or whatever else.

I am one of the women who doesn’t mind if a guy talks to me in the grocery store, but I don’t really want to be bothered while I’m working at a coffee shop. I am also a woman who finds it attractive when men approach, and I am turned off by men who I view as passive in that area.

However there are also women who are glad to approach men; his willingness (or lack of) to approach does not impact her attraction to him. She would rather approach a man over having a man approach her while she’s out at Target or something.

That’s the long and short of what you’re asking about.

waffleznstuff30 · 2025-05-16T16:43:45+00:00

Dating advice is contradictory?

People aren't just NPCs with unlockable romance options if you have the right stats and approach the right way. Some people don'tind being approached some are more introverted and would feel put off. Some people like to be asked out right away. Some find it a big jarring and feel uncomfortable.

Everyone is different with their own preferences, desires, attitudes, and expectations from someone. People aren't monoliths and universal.

The best thing with most dating advice is take what can apply to you and leave the rest. Manage yourself. And finding a partner that aligns with you?

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2025-05-16T17:19:09+00:00

It’s pretty simple. People have different experiences and opinions. You’re going to get a wide variety of responses depending on who you ask. Some women are okay being approached at the bar, some aren’t.

S0yslut · 2025-05-16T17:41:06+00:00

The men I know who were getting lots of variety of women in college struggled after high school and college because it is harder to meet people. If you don’t focus on the long term earlier in life you shoot yourself in the foot by not taking advantage of having close proximity to a lot of women. This is even more true with the lack of third spaces. My guy friends even admitted this too me. They said if they were ever going to get married and have settled down they would have had to be more focused on that in college now they think they are going to die alone. That’s what happens when you waste critical eras of your life plate spinning. I wish that someone told you earlier. If I were struggling, I am not much of a drinker myself, but I’d probably pick up bartending to meet people but I just like cooking/making drinks for people.

TheSkyIsData · 2025-05-16T17:31:20+00:00

Your first paragraph answers the title question. Men and women give significantly different advice for single men, and if you're a man you should be taking advice from other men, not from women.The same goes for women by the way, take advice from other women not from men.

It might seem obvious but most women don't date or approach other women to flirt. I get that it seems it makes sense, who knows women best if not a woman herself? But it isn't like that, women treat other women differently than they treat men. We do not know what it's like to approach and try to date women as a man.

As for why you find stark contradictions and blanket statements in the things that different women say, yes all women are different and varied and all of that but the real issue is there's a huge difference between what a woman who considers herself a feminist thinks and says, and other women who would say they're not a feminist thinks and says. The easiest example is approach, feminists do NOT want to be approached anywhere while other women don't care. Obviously you will find outliers and those who don't fit that mold, because again women are varied, but political agenda often does place similar minded people together.

Nellylocheadbean · 2025-05-16T16:50:58+00:00

People are going to give advice based on their life experiences and what they think works. Advice always vary and should be taken with a grain of salt unless they’re a person very close to you. Imo ppl very close to you and actively in your life would probably give the best advice.

Please understand women are different. I personally have no problem with a man approaching me in any setting (grocery store, library, club, bar, garden etc) for me it’s more about how you approach. There are women that are against approaching them randomly.

You should approach dating with what you think works and modify based on how ppl respond to you. We all have a baseline of what we think works so just go from there.

bv0724 · 2025-05-16T16:57:55+00:00

I mean there's stuff like

Have standards vs. Don't be too picky

Be sexually empowered vs. Don't move too fast

Make the first move vs. Let him chase you

Dress modestly vs. Show some skin

and so on... even for women

You have to realize what could potentially work for you and the limitations of the method. How attractive you are does matter in which methods could potentially work or not at all.

Routine-Present-3676 · 2025-05-16T19:01:48+00:00

You're getting contradictory advice because you're asking individuals, each of which have their own individual preferences and anecdotal evidence for what works.

The only advice I can think of that works for pretty much every situation is to fuck around until you find out the answer for yourself.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-05-16T18:39:52+00:00

Why is that advice ridiculous ? Leaders and dominance are attractive, and not just to women. Athleticism is attractive, and not just to women

All the “conflicting advice” shows is that some women are open to being approached and some aren’t, which you already knew

You also haven’t said how male advice is better or more effective

attendquoi · 2025-05-16T16:44:28+00:00

Not all women want the same thing. SURPRISE 🥳

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fiftypoundpuppy · 2025-05-16T17:53:51+00:00

The issue is that any guy whose primary method of dating is cold-approaching - and to a lesser extent, OLD - frequently has to do so due to a lack of social network. Some reasons are easier to work with than others. If it's because you just moved to a new place for a job or something, presumably the same social skills you used to develop your social circle where you came from would help you recreate it in the new location. But as we see on this sub, it's predominantly a demographic that is very high in either neurodivergence; undersocialization; or a fun mix of the two

So you get men who don't understand even the most basic situational awareness and managed to go their entire lives without noticing the traits of the men who get the most female attention, nor having a natural familiarity with interacting with half the population- essentially trying to date at a Ph.D level and obviously failing miserably because they didn't even graduate middle school.

Many women are open to warm-approaching, but that still requires a basic ability to read the room and understand social cues and body language. Which goes back to the same problem described above

And regardless, obviously a woman isn't guaranteed to find you attractive, but that doesn't mean you can't do things that will make someone who might be more receptive and amenable to your approach. Which is why it's not just about "iMmUtAbLe FeAtUrEs" and why you get the advice about haircuts and wardrobes. Presentation matters, even if it's not all that matters

The fact that this needs to be explained in the first place is exactly why the guys who need advice on meeting women and think they need to cold-call women with their dicks should be the last guys trying to cold approach. The entirety of your post is cold-approaching. Cold-approaching is not how most men find partners, so over reliance on one of the least effective methods is probably going to be a recipe for disaster for most men, regardless of your "immutable features"

If you somehow went your entire life not knowing how to talk to women and didn't manage to find partners in your social circle - if you even have one - then this is why men get advice about socializing. Dating is advanced socialization. The purpose of telling you to get hobbies etc. isn't necessarily to hit on all the women in proximity, a large part of it is even just learning basic social etiquette and becoming more comfortable with social interactions. It also gives women a chance to become familiar with you without any pressure, so in the event you do start vibing with someone she's already been able to observe your personality for a bit. Additionally, you'd have a reputation on the line in the event you turned out to be a bit of a dick.

I really just say all that to say that it's not that the advice men are given sucks, it's that you guys don't understand the scope of the problem but have already honed in on an inadequate solution. You're just thinking "I don't have a girlfriend; I want a girlfriend so I have to hit on random women." But the issue is that addressing all the confluence of factors that led to this situation in the first place is necessary to changing it. You are focusing on all the places it is and isn't appropriate to hit on women, and missing the forest for the trees

backstabber81 · 2025-05-16T20:47:10+00:00

I’ve seen so many women say that bars, clubs, cafés, book stores make good places to meet women but I’ve also equally seen women say that they don’t want to be approached in public regardless of the location, even if it’s at a bar.

I think the problem is that a lot of people lack the social skills or awareness to properly read the room.

If you see a cute girl in the bus, wearing headphones and focused on her phone, well, it's probably safe to assume she doesn't want to be bothered. But if she's trying to choose a book in a store, she might be a bit more open to conversation and it's easier for a conversation to start organically.

ThatBitchA · 2025-05-16T20:55:06+00:00

Life is contradictory.

Get over it. Stop obsessing.

The advice is : meet people.

It's really that simple. Socialize.

No_Teacher_3313 · 2025-05-16T20:32:30+00:00

Hello? You really think we all think the same way? This is kind of insulting. Of course you’re going to get advice all over the place because women tell you what they individually think and we don’t have hive mind.

Epthewoodlandcritter · 2025-05-16T21:00:13+00:00

Other than the very general advice you just have to figure it out. Women are individuals. You are an individual.

I've met all my boyfriends and most of my friends at concerts, events and parties, and through mutuals. Others meet their's through work or at da club. Not to be too obvious but the advice is just meant to give you ideas that you can try out for yourself.

Saturn-Returns-Real · 2025-05-16T23:55:16+00:00

Because all women are different

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-05-16T19:41:50+00:00

Because they’re listening to grifters who are trying to keep them angry and paying for premium content

Title	Why is there so much contradictory advice for single men?
Author	Castamira
Upvotes	45
Comments	152
Date	May 16, 2025 1:33 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ko0z0a/why_is_there_so_much_contradictory_advice_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-there-so-much-contradictory-advice-for.1552345 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552345

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