Women's vulnerability as a control tactic in all aspects of life

grown_folks_talkin · 2024-05-02T23:10:23+00:00

It’s unfortunate because the same left-leaning spaces that are great for empathizing with women’s issues in relationships and issues with NPD partners aggressively give no fucks towards guys who have dealt with BPD or emotionally abusive women in relationships.

Hard to find supportive online spaces for this that aren’t trying to run a right-wing grift.

sublimemongrel · 2024-05-02T23:35:50+00:00

Women definitely can manipulate people more with tears, absolutely no dispute there. Men OTOH can manipulate more with aggression, dominance, “I’m the man” type attitudes etc.

Women’s manipulation tactics may be a bit more subtle but we all have it and use it and can likely do better to not manipulate even when the opportunity presents itself.

End of the day women are going to more easily be able to manipulate using victim type tactics and men using more abuser type tactics. It’s unfortunate all around and we can all try and be self aware to this fact.

TeddyMGTOW · 2024-05-03T00:30:56+00:00

One bpd ex is par for the course. You learn from it and grow. Now if you got multiple bpd ex's, you gotta look in the mirror.

AngeCruelle · 2024-05-02T22:08:39+00:00

No it is not normal to crumble to your partner's every whim as soon as they start crying. There seems to be a lot of codependent relationship histories around this sub and individuals who think that's just how typical relationships work.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-05-02T21:36:33+00:00

I’ve been working in a male dominated environment since high school. There have been holes punched in walls in every building, two men I dated did the same, my brother did it once, and it’s emotional terrorism.

I’ll take tears any day.

Having said that, BPD and NPD are no joke and cause lasting harm to the people unlucky enough to love them. Please take care of yourself, whether that means therapy or heavy exercise or a week long trip to forget it all and reset. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through.

Dorkology · 2024-05-02T22:27:07+00:00

Emotional manipulation is hard to identify. Women are more prone to do this than men, under the guise of vulnerability because they know it will invoke a favorable response.

Men are more prone to externalize negativity in the form of anger, which is easier to identify and is shunned by society.

That's the basis of your post? Just wanted to make sure I'm reading this right.

To this, I would say...

Manipulators, manipulate. This is bad regardless of who is doing it and the form it takes. But it really doesn't matter if you're exercising emotional intelligence. No manipulation tactic works unless you allow it to. This is where stoicism and reason before reaction comes in. Calming calling out passive aggressiveness and other tactics greatly diminish their effectiveness when you keep your composer doing so.

I get that you've become painfully aware of your vulnerability to said manipulation in comparison to negative response that you can see yourself invoke by responding in an anger that was brought out of you. But I think you're missing the forest for the trees here.

You might not want to hear this, but you're taking your poor history of mate selection and conflating it to be that the majority of women are doing this because it's easier to go unchecked. But this perceived vulnerability does not actually make you more likely to end up with someone like this. Statistically speaking, the odds of you meeting a narcissist are slim to none. So if you have a history of it, the common factor is YOU. Rather than make this post, I think it would be better to assess why you're attracting what you are. That and work on your ability to recognize and call it out/ nip it in the bud when it occurs.

MistyMaisel · 2024-05-03T01:25:15+00:00

If you came here to propose that crocodile tears are a thing...yes, they are.

I'd say based on my understanding of BPD, it is unlikely your girlfriend was crocodile tearing. It seems way more likely that she simply is that mentally fragile and easily triggered into a hyper-emotional state. Which I'm not blaming you at all for. I would guess you were doing truly innocuous things, but to a BPD person, those things are the equivalent to taking a shit on their mother's wedding dress. And it was really just best you got out of that situation since unless that girl gets a lot of therapy, she's not going to learn how to control that spiraling so she doesn't take it out on people around her.

As for your point that often people are cowed by anger into acting sweetly...yeah, that's just the human condition. Even the Sims built in a mechanic whereby slapping a close friend/lover and having a fight actually improves the relationship. It kind of just makes sense. Sometimes fighting is more intimate. And sometimes you simply bow to the force of anger because it scares you and this isn't the hill you wanna die on. And that's an important concept for everyone in all aspects of life. People need to ask themselves way more often, "is this the hill I want to die on" or more correctly, "is this the hill I'd kill the relationship over?"

travellert0ss4w4y · 2024-05-03T12:57:49+00:00

And they do it over the tiniest shit. I picked an answer at trivia once that someone else (a man) suggested and a woman got her feathers ruffled and said I was misogynist for not picking her answer instead when I didn't know and was listening to someone right next to me.

Mr__Citizen · 2024-05-04T00:54:11+00:00

What I'm seeing in the comments goes something like:

Men: "Yeah, it sucks."

Women: "I don't care. Even if this is true (and I don't think it is), women get worse from men."

Geez ladies. I've seen precisely one of you actually sympathizing with OP's situation instead of dismissing it or jumping into a lecture on how bad men are.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-05-02T21:42:56+00:00

Manipulation takes all forms. It’s relatively smart to engage with the things that either personally or mutually benefit your relationship. Once that stops… game over.

Kentaro009 · 2024-05-02T21:52:44+00:00

Schrodinger's feminist: Women are simultaneously victims and empowered depending on what suits them at the current moment.

So terrified of men they would like to be with a bear instead.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-05-03T00:10:38+00:00

Tell that to the men who love bomb, DARVO, cry and plead that they’ll change, threaten self harm or suicide, triangulate, isolate, gaslight, guilt trip, blackmail, lie and all of the other tactics, just to turn violent when you refuse to cooperate with the manipulation.

You’re just explaining abusers. All abusers act this way. Male or female. Just like women can be violent towards men and weaponize “men don’t hit women” against you, men weaponize vulnerability against women. It’s just what abusers do.

nightsofthesunkissed · 2024-05-03T14:10:28+00:00

I know this isn't a popular thing to say on this sub, but you 100% should look into therapy. You are freshly out of an abusive relationship and your mind is going to be rattling off all kinds of corrosive thoughts, conclusions, etc.

I say this as someone who has been in an abusive relationship. The situation you've been in could cause serious issues in your life and psyche down the line even though you're no longer in the relationship. You can end up rotting from the inside out with thoughts about the opposite sex after going through what you have. It's absolutely imperative that at the very least, you surround yourself with as many supportive people or family members as you can.

I'm sorry. I'm not gonna debate with someone who has been through that kind of trauma, even if you want it. I get it. It won't be good for you.

What you need rn is support, not stupid Reddit arguments. I really wish you all the best man, I hope your life gets much better from here on and that you meet a loving, healthy woman who will treat you with respect and sincere kindness.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2024-05-02T21:37:46+00:00

TL;DR This woman hurt me therefore all women are bad

captainsaveahoe69 · 2024-05-03T07:22:38+00:00

Don't forget victimhood. Always the victim.

YearnsToDestroySun · 2024-05-03T11:43:02+00:00

100%. My son's mom was a malignant narcissist always playing the victim card to the worse lies she can conceive. It was by the skin of my teeth I was able to solidify full custody after she was exposed and it's still a battle I pray for.

Now I see this psychological disorder metastasized into a social contagion mainly in the far Left affecting women the most since women fall for the emotional snake oil than men more often than not. Look at the college campus cosplay revolutionaries...

It's messed up, and people need to call this shit out that is causing Western society to implode on itself.

The current social leftist zeitgeist is the primary reason Trump is going to have a second term whether you like it or not. The Left got him elected, not the Right because Trump is very candid about calling out this shit explicitly.

People vote for cultural reasons beyond anything else!

DumbWordsmith · 2024-05-02T23:04:05+00:00

It's a covert manipulation tactic.

One of my exes would sometimes pretend to not be able to do basic tasks, as if she was training me and sharpening her skills. IMO she was trying to make herself seem less competent and more vulnerable than she actually was — but I don't think she was doing it consciously.

She had BPD. For years, the negative effects of her "splitting" impacted other people in her family, and I managed to evade them. The anger and resentment was directed at her mother, and sometimes her father and sister. I was her savior. But, of course, it was only a matter of time before I became the devil in her eyes, especially after other men started showing her attention and she got bored with her broken toy.

At her worst, which was near the beginning, she was such an unimaginable emotional roller coaster; you never knew what she was going to say the next day. The writing was on the wall then, but I let her drag me into hell because I felt some weird duty to "do what's right." It's something my father would've done.

Odd-Luck7658 · 2024-05-03T00:45:39+00:00

Using one woman to generalize to all women? Who said men were logical?

serpensmercurialis · 2024-05-02T23:32:26+00:00

Men on the other hand usually only use anger as a way to control (women too, but it's not their main tactic), but the problem here is that anger is way easier to spot as a manipulative tactic.

Men absolutely use victimhood to evade accountability, especially when they are behaving abusively in relationships. Victimhood is often a tool to justify the anger or other aggression. Men may be more socialized to express anger by yelling or whatever, but if a person is abusive, then you will see both with some level of frequency.

Why is it always about control? Why can't we support each other in a team?

Relationships aren't always about control where people can't support each other. Abusive ones are.

flipsidetroll · 2024-05-02T22:43:12+00:00

Ok. So you had ONE relationship with a woman, and you used that to conclude a large chunk of women must be like that. Does that seem logical? What you are doing here is exactly the same as women picking bears over men, because they may have had a bad experience and then conclude all men must be like that.

You believe men will get called out sooner for manipulative behaviour while women won’t even be seen as being manipulating. This is just too vague. And you would need to explain this better. But the fact that you deduce that unreported manipulation by women is much higher than publicly accepted is odd. So that’s twice you’ve concluded something based on a singular experience and data that doesn’t exist. Is there data on reported manipulation? Isn’t that just called lying? What you describe as manipulation, is only from your perspective. And behaviour because of a mental illness (you said she had one), although hard for the partner to live through, is most likely beyond her control. And that’s for anyone, man or woman, who has a mental illness/personality disorder. You say there were situations that made no sense? When is logic and sense a part of the thinking of a mentally unstable person?

I’m sure your situation was hard, but you seem unable to separate her from all women, and irrational behaviour with mental illness from behaviour because she had an agenda. I just don’t get the connection. “Ooo women lie to men to gain things”. Sure. Just like men lie to women. But all. No. Not all men and not all women. And literally all the advice given by trp to men is manipulation of various kinds. And that’s considered acceptable by them.

apresonly · 2024-05-02T21:54:30+00:00

if someone is guilting you into making a conversation about their bad actions into a conversation about how you describing their bad actions is mean and hurting their feelings... they are a shitty manipulative person point blank period.

TheDuellist100 · 2024-05-02T22:36:28+00:00

Women force men to be manipulative. You can't just exist.

superlurkage · 2024-05-02T21:45:54+00:00

I’m afraid the strength/speed disparity is not fake, nor is the libido/orgasm disparity

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Fun-Coffee-2676 · 2024-05-04T13:08:11+00:00

I think women claim to be weak and helpless and victims for a lot of reasons. It could be for control, humiliation, to get things from men, whether financial, attention, security, sex.

Johntoreno · 2024-05-04T21:46:07+00:00

But if a man is vulnerable people will tell him to man up.

And then proceed to act surprised when Men react with anger.

Common-Ferret-1435 · 2024-05-02T21:36:19+00:00

Women are strong and independent until accountability or responsibility is within 20 kilometers, then they’re helpless victims without agency.

Women who think this way (the majority in current year) are narcissists, every single one.

That’s why the cluster B jokes are so prevalent, because for the majority of cases it’s true.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-05-03T00:52:20+00:00

Female ability to cry on demand when something doesn't go their way and then shift back to a different mood within a minute after being granted what they wanted is astonishing. They definitely weaponize it from the young age, seen this exact behavior a lot in kindergarten, school and my own family to figure out the pattern.

irritating_maze · 2024-05-02T22:39:09+00:00

You don't need to make this about men and women, men are capable of the same thing in relationships. This is just a narcissistic tactic for controlling people and you are perceiving it this way because in every relationship you've had with a narcissistic person, the narcissist has happened to be a woman.
If you were bi then I'm sure you could quite as easily find men who do the same thing.

I appreciate that its hard and you're hurting but please do your best to push this entirely justified ire on the the women that actually did this to you and not onto all of those many, many women that didn't.

bootyhunter69420 · 2024-05-03T01:10:39+00:00

I would never date a woman with BPD

angelbaby933 · 2024-05-02T22:34:30+00:00

Which control tactics do bears use, out of interest?

no_usernameeeeeee · 2024-05-02T21:56:41+00:00

Your messed up relationship is just your messed up relationship.. not the whole world. Both men and women can be narcissistic or have BPD. Most people don’t have these personality disorders and mental illnesses. Please touch grass.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-05-02T22:22:14+00:00

At this point, we blame the victim for not choosing a better partner and only choosing assholes, right? Oh wait…

Susiewoosiexyz · 2024-05-03T00:25:36+00:00

You're equating all women with a woman who is, according to you, mentally ill. We're not all BPD or narcissistic personalities.

One-Preference7122 · 2024-05-03T00:29:48+00:00

The irony is if you try flip it on it's head and do what they do to us they'll just dump you because they find male vulnerability disgusting.

RelativeYak7 · 2024-05-03T11:04:24+00:00

Sounds like your woman had pms occasionally and you flipped out and accused her of having BPD and narcissism. Oh, she listened to you when you got really angry that once? Well, obviously. Alone with an angry man will force a woman to listen to the individual who could kill her.

Title	Women's vulnerability as a control tactic in all aspects of life
Author	Accomplished-Fun489
Upvotes	65
Comments	224
Date	May 2, 2024 7:07 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1cinwrq/womens_vulnerability_as_a_control_tactic_in_all/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/womens-vulnerability-as-a-control-tactic-in-all.1517225 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517225

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