Would you be ok with a marriage where you both lived in different houses? Why or why not?

Barely-moral · 2021-02-21T15:24:35+00:00

I am waaay too needy to be ok with that arrangement.

I can see how that would work for more independent minded people but that is not for me.

coolincollin · 2021-02-21T15:27:16+00:00

Living separately allows you both to keep a sense of wonder. Living moderately close also allows you to see each other on a frequent basis. People will obviously say “what’s the point”, but would rethink that sentiment after 20 years of being together. Especially now during an era of people getting bored with one another all too quickly.

I’m about it.

alwaysonalongtrip · 2021-02-21T15:29:28+00:00

No but I think each having our own bedroom is ideal.

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2021-02-21T15:09:59+00:00

Bruh never . Why bother getting married lmao

Lonely_23_1997 · 2021-02-21T15:43:11+00:00

I would prefer this honestly but when I talk about this with others, people think I’m weird for it. It could be hot though especially if you’re neighbors or live close by. You both get your own space where you can do with it what you please, but you’re close enough for rendezvous and surprises. However I know this is unrealistic so a compromise for me would be separate bathrooms and us each having like a man or woman cave in the house.

LeatherDifference583 · 2021-02-21T16:08:41+00:00

Hmmm, separate wings of a massive house - maybe.

_mwk · 2021-02-21T16:44:52+00:00

it would be cute for a little bit

i wouldn't do it forever

thetruthishere_ · 2021-02-21T15:46:21+00:00

It would work for me and want that. I dont care about marriage though but that would be my ideal committed relationship.

Yharnam_Queen · 2021-02-21T15:18:19+00:00

I fail to see the point in this arrangement.

basicbiddy · 2021-02-21T15:28:32+00:00

A house divorce would be awesome. Not married here but as a 30 something single lady moving in with someone at this point would suck.

infps · 2021-02-21T16:07:41+00:00

I think that is almost an optimal situation for long term for most people. Even owning two apartments across the hallway from each other would be excellent, I think.

The opposite is COVID, locked together in quarantine, and many relationships have suffered from it.

Haunting-Ad-8603 · 2021-02-21T16:10:20+00:00

If you both live next door to each other, or within a reasonable distance, I see a lot of pluses to this... especially if each person has different expectations of cleanliness. You wont spend too much time with that person to where you get sick of them, you still keep that sense of wonder and have your privacy/space when you need it.

The only downside would be having to pay all your own bills and not having them split to save on costs.

Untoxicmasculinity · 2021-02-21T15:13:37+00:00

Yeah it's probably better but if you're not even going to have sex on tap as a guy what's the fucking point of even committing🤣 cue the MarRiaGe/commitment iSnt aBoUt sEx crowd well okay not applicable to the guys for whom less frequent sex genuinely is genuinely unimportant

Assassins-Bleed · 2021-02-21T17:57:06+00:00

That kinda defeats the financial positive of getting married/being in a relationship. Space is important, I agree though and having as much as it as possible for the both of you is important.

Two houses equals 2 mortgages, property taxes, 2 sets of utilities, groceries, etc. is a lot of money, considering that many couples struggle with one of these things, two isn't feasible.

The only reason to live separately would be to that you wanted to fuck other people, and if you do might as well just be swingers.

Gh3tt0-Sn4k3 · 2021-02-21T15:14:14+00:00

I was thinking that could be possible and that's what I wanted for me but now I'm sure I cannot do that, one of the best things for me in a relationship is waking up next to your beloved one everyday. I changed my mind once I was with somebody that was on my same boat, he let me do my thing and he was doing his. It's true about the messy house, but all the other things when you are together worth it more than that.

CaptainFunkyMan · 2021-02-21T15:27:58+00:00

Yes. Preferably in different states.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-02-21T17:11:29+00:00

Maybe, but I have a feeling like this would result in feelings slowly disappearing due to not being around each other as much and eventually lead to being "separated" and cheating or divorce. The largest factor keeping people together is proximity.

DrPete_Venkman · 2021-02-21T17:12:30+00:00

No, what's the point of marriage then? Just suck it up and do whatever the partner who has more power in the SMP wants. It's the only way unless you're cool being single for the rest of your life.

OmarNBradley · 2021-02-21T17:28:27+00:00

This is what Katherine Hepburn said, and it is what she actually did with Spencer Tracy. I would not be interested in it at all. Mr. Bradley and I were long distance for the better part of two years and it is unsustainable in a marriage where you are raising children. Quarantine has been like a dream come true. Unless one of us has to deploy to a high conflict area for work, we will never be long distance again.

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-02-21T18:13:12+00:00

I like sharing a space with my spouse even though there are annoyances. That's just part of being family; you get on each other's nerves sometimes.

The stress and expense of maintaining/paying for/raising kids in two households would offset whatever small benefits might exist. Plus I get separation anxiety.

This idea gets floated here occasionally and I think people who are in favor of it really gloss over all the potential conflicts that would arise from this setup. Deciding where the kids stay and when, deciding whose turn it is to host dinner, double the financial worries and arguments, the potential for jealousy, suspicion or feelings of neglect if your spouse doesn't want to spend as much time together as you do. IMO this arrangement would work for a very small minority of people, but for most people it will cause as much fuss as the traditional arrangement, if not more so.

jakethegreatwhite · 2021-02-21T18:39:06+00:00

And i thought sleeping in two different rooms was too far for some

goatismycopilot · 2021-02-21T19:20:52+00:00

This sounds like the only marriage I would be interested in.

hesipullupjimbo445 · 2021-02-21T22:58:08+00:00

If you can’t live together you shouldn’t be married.

Porkiepie99 · 2021-02-21T16:31:27+00:00

Honestly depends on how far away the houses are, but doesn’t really make sense financially to be paying off two houses when you’re already married. You’re finances at that point are already mingled, why wouldn’t you just have one place. You could even have separate rooms if that’s what you needed. If I’m going to be marrying a person I’m going to want to be around them most of the time, otherwise I might as well just keep a dating type relationship. That’s just my take, but that’s not to say a marriage couldn’t work like that, I just don’t think I’d want that for myself. And this is coming from a guy who needs lots of space and time to myself.

TimelessMystic · 2021-02-21T16:59:53+00:00

No, because I don't like the concept of marriage. I would be in a relationship with someone, who wishes to live separately, as a matter of fact, that's the kind of relationship I would very much like to pursue.

nonchalance77 · 2021-02-21T19:16:26+00:00

My neighbors do this! They have been married FOREVER. The live in separate houses across the street from one another. I see her smoking a cigarette and while they have morning coffee on their patio, then he shuffles back over to his house.

geyejoe7 · 2021-02-21T19:34:12+00:00

No. We're married, not penpals.

pablosito · 2021-02-21T20:26:01+00:00

So just permanently dating the person? Not marriage? What about if you have kids? Also I think part of being in a relationship is taking on life’s challenges together and that means being together. Don’t see the benefit of two mortgages/ rent payments. Personally i think thinking like this would be sign that the person isn’t actually committed to the relationship.

Bildungsfetisch · 2021-02-21T20:48:47+00:00

Considering the current housing prices in urban areas I'm not even sure if I can afford to live with my spouse only as a student. We might need a third girl- boy- or enbyfriend.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2021-02-21T21:19:34+00:00

Nah. I need a lot of space for my stuff and myself, but some of the best parts of being together for me is sharing meals and bed. Like, I'd even prefer a partner that cannot leave the bedroom for some magical reason than one I cannot share bed with (speaking about my comfort only, so of course I woudn't choose that for someone in a stupid 'what would you rather' scenario, as it would fuck up their social life)

GridReXX · 2021-02-21T23:06:30+00:00

After 30 years of marriage my mom built her dream loft in the basement. It’s super zen and gorgeous. My dad isn’t allowed down there (it’s not a hard rule lmao) because he’s messy and the whole point of that space is that she doesn’t have to clean up after people.

So yeah, I can see how “escape spaces” could be beneficial to both partners.

I know a married couple, two women, where one of them created her own chill out room that’s mostly just for her. It works for people.

Separate bathrooms too! Or at least one large bathroom with two separate sink/vanity areas.

Hoodratshit1212 · 2021-02-21T23:22:38+00:00

Just fucking help keep the house clean lol who gets a whole 2nd house just so it can be messy without anyone complaining ? Just be an adult and clean up after yourself and learn to co-exist with another human who you love and are committed and married to, and who you assumably want to raise a family with.

psypD · 2021-02-23T00:35:12+00:00

I am not OK with marriage period.

TheJim66 · 2021-02-21T16:31:36+00:00

I don't see the point of getting married if you are to live like that.

Just marry a chick who isn't a nag and too lazy to do the dishes.

cuckspace · 2021-02-21T16:02:53+00:00

No point in marriage for a man, but apart from that this would be ideal. Solves the “can’t live with them, can’t live without them” dichotomy.

AutoModerator · 2021-02-21T14:55:30+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Noodles_R · 2021-02-21T17:22:57+00:00

I’d love it! Can still spend time together whenever you want but also separately for your own hobbies, own friends and being able to get a full nights sleep on work nights!

Kizka · 2021-02-21T17:50:50+00:00

Yep, I would be, although I would also skip the marriage part. I'm now used to living with my partner and would miss him and it would be strange to not live together, but if I would ever be single again, I would not move in with any other person again. Would love to have my own place, visit my romantic partner and vice versa, but have a clear boundary. The only thing that sucks about that is of course that it costs more to live on your own but well, I have a good paying job, would still be worth it.

ReasonableReload · 2021-02-21T18:59:21+00:00

Definitely. Especially if we had a setup where I could spend some days working on my property away from the city, and she had a place closer to our work. Then we could choose the days / nights we wanted to spend together. Ideal.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-02-21T19:47:39+00:00

Well I'm not okay with being in a marriage lol but you know what to answer this hypothetical question, I think I'd actually be all right with that kind of setup, on some level, I really enjoy my solitude and my quiet time and quite frankly weather it's my friends, family, my coworkers or my significant other there's really nobody I want to see on a daily basis haha

Mella_20 · 2021-02-21T20:10:08+00:00

I would love this. I wish it were the norm.

I'd love to live on a different floor of an apartment or something like that. Or even not. We don't have to live in the same area. But that's considered uncoventional for a married couple, so I'm not completely comfortable doing that.

relish5k · 2021-02-21T20:42:40+00:00

Not for me but I totally get it. Helena bonham carter and Tim burton lived in adjoining towns houses during their 10+ yr relationship. John Hodgman always said that the best way for a couple to sleep is in two different bedrooms in a villa joined by a reflecting pool

But it's not for me. I like to be all up in my husbands space because he's so cute.

Nobodyz_Nikki · 2021-02-21T20:51:01+00:00

Maybe a marriage where we share a duplex of some kind. Perhaps only divided by a communal space like a kitchen and movie room. 🤔

I think people need their space just as much as they need to be in the company of others. Plus it's just a building...it doesn't define the parameters of the marriage just houses it 😊

Lateralanouncer · 2021-02-21T23:26:27+00:00

if I had a sister wife in each. Also spinning 2-3 plates is like this without the negative and hardship of marriage hence why men spin plates.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-02-22T00:10:22+00:00

Separate bank accounts, separate sections of the house, separate everything, etc. are also ideal.

towerofcheeeeza · 2021-02-22T00:15:23+00:00

Nope! I'm not even married yet but have been living with my bf over a year. We love living together. We're not even bothered by each other's snoring because we both sleep like rocks.

asperges_me_domine · 2021-02-22T00:23:02+00:00

Eh, no. That's so weird. I actually like being around my husband. Twice the expense and twice the upkeep sounds like a nightmare as well. That said I feel having your own space is important, when we lived in a cramped 1 bedroom apartment I really craved it. Now we have enough room for me to have a craft room and him to have a shop shed. I could even spring for separate bedrooms someday to cut down on the snoring issue, but still in the same house.

baboom123456 · 2021-02-22T04:02:44+00:00

No, because my rent and other related costs are halved living with my wife. And she is pregnant, so it will probably be occasionally useful for me to live in the same house. Especially when the kid is born. On the other hand, not hearing her complain would be cool. So, it's a close call.

RedCoquette · 2021-02-22T04:21:27+00:00

It sounds like a massive hassle. Twice as much shit to organize, clean, and maintain. Where is the spatula? Your kitchen or mine? And if you think dead bedrooms and jealousy are a problem now, wait until you're sleeping separately every night.

Estimator1313 · 2021-02-22T05:09:23+00:00

I’d be too clingy to do anything like this.

cloudsongs_ · 2021-02-22T18:41:06+00:00

Yeah, this would be completely okay assuming both people are okay with it. I personally wouldn't want to live in different houses or apartments but when I live with my S/O, I intend to have 2 bedrooms/2bathrooms for that reason that we both deserve privacy and time away from one another. I still want to sleep next to my S/O but the privacy and time apart is very valuable but not to the point that I need a whole separate house or apartment. But otherwise, I think this is totally okay.

PM_ME_SPICY_DECKS · 2021-02-22T20:47:03+00:00

If her and I lived within walking distance I would really enjoy such an arrangement.

I don't think my partner and I could afford that tho.

S0mnariumx · 2021-02-23T01:32:55+00:00

If it's financially plausible and there's no kids to raise absolutely. Cohabitation seems to be a cause of disputes, not arguing about household chores and decor sounds ideal.

catsuramen · 2021-02-23T15:59:19+00:00

Yes, unless there's children involved.

It's quite difficult to schedule things and expensive to buy two of everything.

Also, many married couples purchase homes together where an individual would not qualify

BROWN-TOILET-PAPER · 2021-02-23T19:21:56+00:00

This is pretty pointless when, if you could both afford your own house, you could just have a one big house with plenty of space. And with the money involved, hire a maid to take care of the messy house.

honeydewmelonz · 2021-02-25T04:49:55+00:00

I would love to live separately but I haven’t met a guy that is okay with that. They start pressuring you to move in after a couple of months and hinting towards getting a place together. I can’t even get one to agree to let me have a separate room.

Siegfried66 · 2021-02-21T15:39:32+00:00

The marriage laws wouldn't be any different than they are now, so no.

xxxLemonation · 2021-02-21T19:50:20+00:00

You're treating men and women as stereotypes and not as people.
Women: "Hurr durr all men are slobs"
Men: "Hurr durr wife keeps nagging me"
Reality is more complex than that. First of all, don't you wanna get married to a person because... you like to spend time with them? And second of all most living spaces have enough room for you to isolate, or decorate differently, and if yours doesn't then getting a second house or apartment isn't an option either. If you can't even compromise on decorations you probably shouldn't marry that person.

Sekina7 · 2021-02-22T22:37:13+00:00

This is the dream for me TBH and seeing as most men “claim” women are naggers who have unrealistic house keeping standards and who overestimate how much unequal most working mothers do at home , etc . Wouldn’t this be the dream for most modern men ?

Sekina7 · 2021-02-22T22:55:41+00:00

I just find it SO IRONIC that many men here have said no due to :COSTS , or loss of access to constant sex. NOTHING sentimental 😂. Yet , women are gold diggers if they want to factor in lifestyle and finances heavily in their dating /potential co parent choices ?

Also , shouldn’t two adults , especially men who do not have to factor in child birth and how that affects their earning potential already be able to afford to live independently and NOT dependent on a woman to “split costs with “ ? VERY telling ...

Title	Would you be ok with a marriage where you both lived in different houses? Why or why not?
Author	_Neon_Shadow_
Upvotes	18
Comments	131
Date	February 21, 2021 2:55 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/loyn26/would_you_be_ok_with_a_marriage_where_you_both/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-be-ok-with-a-marriage-where-you-both.744478 https://theredarchive.com/post/744478

Comments