How is the dating world after 30?

Charge36 · 2024-12-16T19:09:54+00:00

Dating apps have consistently been the the most effective way for me to get almost no dates with the lowest quality women possible.

Work on expanding your social circle.

Inventi · 2024-12-16T19:36:45+00:00

It's quite good here. 34. Going to the gym a lot and a good job.

TheAmazingSpiderVan · 2024-12-16T19:41:08+00:00

31 here. I've gotten laid more times in the last two years than the first 29. That math adds up right?

MacDwest · 2024-12-16T19:40:47+00:00

Amazing to be honest if you are in a major metropolitan area. (e.g. LA/NYC)

Ozziella · 2024-12-16T19:03:53+00:00

I've thrown in the white flag 🏳🏳🏳

bumble938 · 2024-12-16T18:54:17+00:00

Don’t lower your standards. Too many guy make that mistake.

Fabulous-Designer626 · 2024-12-16T18:53:53+00:00

Work on yourself go to the gym, improve yourself. Get nice pics.

Try to aim for younger girls 😂

AcrossTheShimenawa · 2024-12-16T20:14:42+00:00

I don't believe men age like fine wine unless we actually take care of ourselves. Same goes for women.

For some people, it seems the older they get the more they fall apart. For others, it seems the older they get the more refined, worldly, and yes attractive, they become.

For me, the older I get the better it gets. To the point that I'm consistently surprised. Each time I've fallen in love it's been a deeper and more fruitful relationship. It gives me faith (not through theory, through experience), that when things don't work out it's for the best.

As far as looks, youthful skin and a perfect hairline got replaced by wisdom and experience. I may have gotten more attention just due to looks in my 20s, but I get way more results now. It begs the question what difference do looks really make in the grand scheme of things?

I'll take the trade off any day.

The only trap I see guys like me fall in though, is having too high of standards. It becomes too easy to disqualify women for the slightest hiccup because I can have her "replaced" by the end of the evening. Sounds harsh, but it's also true. It ends up being a way to stay in a juvenile mentality. It's fun to exercise power and have your pick of the litter so to speak, but getting caught up in that for too long does more harm than good. Relationships aren't about smooth sailing, they're about growth. Growth often requires friction. Not to mention, once you have abundance - it becomes more about what you choose to build rather than who you pick.

I have buddies that are in their 40s - 50s who are financially well off. They're out every night at the club with bottles, and getting girls out to their yachts every weekend. More power to them, but I'd never want that for myself. There are experiences out there that are more fulfilling.

mister_k1 · 2024-12-16T18:48:33+00:00

aint gonna lie pal shit is brutal nowadays, if you are an average guy OLD gonna be very bad for your self esteem, better be social, practice game and work on your look/physic

The1WhoDares · 2024-12-16T20:44:50+00:00

Better than ur 20’s if ur a male. But that depends on how u view it.

Personally I date up, down, & all around 🤣. To each their own tho. I found ultimate confidence in my 30’s.

Everyone can find it, u just have to put yourself out there, go to the gym, go to clubs, find your passion and run with it.

JoeBeezy123 · 2024-12-16T18:49:28+00:00

Ha..haha..hahaha, it’s bad.

Zeppelin2 · 2024-12-16T20:00:42+00:00

Are you good looking? Are you successful to some degree? If you are, have two or three nice photos of yourself, and can run even minimal game, you should be able to pull dates via more "serious" apps like Hinge regularly. I've found women in their early-30's to be a lot less pretentious than those in their 20's.

If you don't fit the above criteria you're likely to have a bad time.

outplay-nation · 2024-12-16T19:02:41+00:00

if you are in top 30%ish percentile in term of male desirability for your age group you should still date women in their twenties

Sandvicheater · 2024-12-16T22:10:03+00:00

It's a freaken Mad Max Desert wasteland, all the women in their 30's and older are either: single mother with kids, divorced with kids, divorced no kids but bitter, single the whole time and wanting babies right away and poking holes in your condom.

Post wall 30+ y/o women constant bitch men 30+ y/o constantly going for younger women in their 20's because they're cradle chaser or some shit. Its not only because younger women are hotter but for all the reasons mentioned above.

chips_and_hummus · 2024-12-16T19:21:38+00:00

the market is NOT just single moms. i date often and never date a single mom.

your success is determined by what you bring to the table.

if you have attractive qualities, and some social skills, and a little game, you can be successful with OLD

most people without success either don’t bring a lot of value to attractive women, or do have value to bring but fail to demonstrate it

TerminatorReborn · 2024-12-16T19:34:28+00:00

It seems like it's impossible to find a woman without trauma from past relationships or that hasn't gotten over her ex.

Chicagoj1563 · 2024-12-16T19:12:12+00:00

If you ask a question like this online, you will always get people telling you how bad things are. It’s human nature to have a glass half empty attitude for some people. Keep that in mind when you read or hear negative views of online dating or cold approach.

That said, look into advice from people that know something about online dating if that’s what you’re going to do. Playing with fire YouTube channel isn’t a bad place to start as he specializes in it. But there are others. Just avoid common mistakes is all.

As For cold approach, just get out of the house, go out to bars, and have fun meeting everyone. Adapt a mindset that there are no downsides no matter what happens. Just open conversations with random people and try to amuse yourself with it all. Make it fun.

Later you can look at specifics for learning more game. But at first, just get social. And remove any negative mindsets. There is no downside from approaching. It’s all positive, it’s all upside.

merpmd · 2024-12-17T03:15:43+00:00

34m here. Like many have said, if you’re hitting your stride financially, dress well, and take care of yourself physically, sex can be readily available.

The issue in my 30s I have noticed is that I tend to attract a slightly older cohort of women (late 20s-early 30s). These women can still be very attractive but are often more eager for commitment. You hear the line of “I’m not looking to mess around anymore” frequently. Sex usually occurs on meetup number 2 or later. One night stands are less frequent unless you get the younger girl who is attracted to the guy with his shit put together, so to speak.

I was never a fan of online dating given my height (I’m 5’ 8”). The attractive women who use apps select for objective criteria first and foremost placing vertically challenged and non-photogenic people at a disadvantage. If you’re going to use this route, spend time getting refined photos. I primarily develop relationships by approaching. Having fun conversation and looking someone in the eyes is the great equilibrator.

unevendopamine2 · 2024-12-16T19:11:29+00:00

Easier to get sex harder to get love

Otherwise-Secret2687 · 2024-12-16T20:16:30+00:00

I have been through this a few months ago. Here is what I did:

Make solid OLD profiles given your dating goals. Use good pictures.
Get over any approach anxiety / any anxiety about other things. This is really inner game and everyone has their own path to it.
Find some online dating coach who resonates. Different coaches have different styles. For ex: I am an introvert and very extrovert coaches do not work well for me. Sign up for monthly plans with one of those coaches.
Let rubber meet the road. Have fun, learn and grow.
Self care.

I live in a very competitive dating market for men. However I have started getting decent dates.

Broofturker71 · 2024-12-16T23:12:56+00:00

30-40 is a blast.

40+ is tougher, but the people chill and have more figured out.

I'm a male.

Internal-Ad-2650 · 2024-12-16T21:26:03+00:00

34F childless, same boat. We exist! I’m personally focusing on myself, enjoying life and expanding my social circle. I’ve been chatting up guys IRL, not setting big expectations, and enjoying getting to know new people.

AcedtheTuringTest · 2024-12-17T02:02:56+00:00

As you age, you're going to find it will commonplace for everyone to either be in a relationship, going through a breakup/divorce, and/or have children already; chalk that up to it just being a phase of life that most people go through.

If they're attractive, they're taken.

However, just be the best version of you, whatever that entails; expanding your social circle, getting fitter/healthier and never stopping, doing more interesting things, talking to everyone you come across. This way, even if you don't find anyone, you've still gained all this worthwhile qualities of life - do it for yourself, the response you get from it is the bonus byproduct.

CharmingRejector · 2024-12-16T22:10:37+00:00

If you're a man, it's quite good until you're in your late 40's. Most guys peak in terms of attractiveness at 30, so getting into a new relationship then is pretty easy IMHO. And if you like cougars, you're gonna have the time of your life. If you like younger chicks, you're gonna have to step up your game or "be handsome" or "be rich". I'm very handsome myself. But every once in a while you'll meet someone who'll just come running after you even if she's super hot and 20. Nay-sayers will claims she's only after your mo, but bro, I've had them pay my meals man.

As far as OLD goes, it's crickets man. It was pretty much crickets since 32, and it's certainly crickets now at 45, but then I'm looking for women at least 10 years younger than me bcos I'm not into hags. Easy fix: Ditch the apps and go out and meet them in person. Way better!

Electronic-Fix2851 · 2024-12-16T20:59:44+00:00

Dating apps are probably the best way, honestly. Fair amount is out there in their mid-late 20s. Lot of people who didn’t find the one in grad school, those who have focused on their career but have realized there’s more to life than that, and those who recently broke up as well. It’s actually an amazing group of people, if you’re looking to date seriously. They’re people who generally know what they want and not afraid to go for it.

Unlike what some people might have, I had absolute zero luck with anyone younger than 25. I’m somebody who feels pretty in tune with the younger generations, but Gen Z for me is just someone I cannot connect with. All immensely flaky and afraid of any form of commitment.

Might depend a bit about the city you’re in though. My experience has been in major cities with a lot of (young) professionals.

InternationalSwan162 · 2024-12-16T21:27:04+00:00

Dating is generally simple these days. But simple isn’t easy. I offer this type of advise consistently here. Bc I do completely fine, on and off the apps. Not the most attractive dude. But I have a strong genuine personality. So - build an attractive personality, have confidence in visions you set for yourself with the ability to find meaning in any shitty situation, don’t rely on others for your own internal peace/happiness, keep working on the progression to better.

I post my candid life on my insta if you want to see for yourself - link on my Reddit profile.

billoverbeck00 · 2024-12-16T22:45:53+00:00

I’m 24 and it’s been garbage for the past year or so. It only seems to get worse so I can’t even imagine in your 30s😬

Dry_Manufacturer3846 · 2024-12-17T01:57:38+00:00

I had more success after 30 than before 30. I have more knowledge and experience which helps a lot. Being financially stable with a job which leaves ample time for me to date is helpful as well. Standards are different now because I am looking for a long term partner. There are a lot of women out there who are single moms, divorced, etc. I simply avoid them which shortens the dating pool.

madmaxfromshottas · 2024-12-17T05:23:30+00:00

cold approaches will never fail you , you stand out from all the guys in the dm drooling over her.

doppio280 · 2024-12-16T19:40:43+00:00

I'm currently 28 and building up my life, I hope to date a e.g. 25 year old when I'm 30

LonerOnSorensen · 2024-12-16T19:13:48+00:00

Do your absolute best to get your fitness and finances in order. Only date women in their early to mid twenties with some sense of responsibility.

Women your age are still in the dating world but not for good reasons.

SaaSWriters · 2024-12-16T20:32:08+00:00

It's going to be the same for you as it has been. Same as your relationship. Bad.

If you can't get women before 30 you still have to learn after.

Also, asking this question shows you are inexperienced with women.

To be clear, the issue is about how it's going to be for you, not for all guys after 30.

Capt1an_Cl0ck · 2024-12-16T20:53:18+00:00

Dating apps are terrible. I honestly say save yourself the trouble and just find places to go out and maybe meet people. Breweries, decent bars, hobbies that you’re interested in. Anything has to be better than a dumpster fire that is a dating app. Plus Bumble and tinder have become so ridiculously expensive in the last two years. At one point tinder wanted $400 for three months.

SkatingOnThinIce · 2024-12-16T20:58:12+00:00

It's a number game. You can date a lot of people before you meet somebody you click with.

TheAmazingSpiderVan · 2024-12-16T22:03:34+00:00

Listen to all 12 episodes of The Black Phillip show and then do it again. Then you'll be ready

SeamoreB00bz · 2024-12-16T22:28:05+00:00

you have a terrible plan. never get on the apps.

if you can escalate physically and are a 7/10, its still not that bad irl

jjboy91 · 2024-12-16T23:41:26+00:00

Inexistant as I don't fit beauty standards. I'm doing a lot of activities every week but I never encountered someone that was interested in me

Thebiggestbigsquid · 2024-12-17T00:13:09+00:00

Never been easier but unfortunately I can’t ignore the red flags anymore and they are absolutely rampant

Several_Pressure_150 · 2024-12-17T00:41:18+00:00

32 here. Lost a good amount of my fat + lifting, I’m in the best shape of my life leading to me being more confident also. People say I’m handsome but growing up fat it doesn’t register in my brain lol. Going out with a 23 yo I met in a CC class I had to take due to changing careers.

HyperByte1990 · 2024-12-17T04:05:39+00:00

I'm 34 and got the most female attention of my life this year. But full disclosure I look young for my age. Most women guess I'm low to mid 20s before I tell them my age.

VirtualOutsideTravel · 2024-12-17T05:20:39+00:00

All good. I'm in my late 40s now, white male. I look young, however so this may make a difference i also stay in the same shape i was in under 40. A few times ive been shut down by young ladies, sometimes randomly lets say women below 25, but someone 30 and above im still good.

Bear1975 · 2024-12-17T05:43:05+00:00

Better than at 50. 😂

barryn13087 · 2024-12-17T06:52:32+00:00

As a man, women on the apps are overly selective and the ones you match with are damaged goods, your best bet is to meet people in person at the supermarket, out in town or at a meetup.

Tatleman68 · 2024-12-16T19:22:15+00:00

You will see lots of scams and catfishes unfortunately

innergamedude · 2024-12-16T20:10:59+00:00

Depends on where you live and its demographics. I'd say the market is about the same but I've grown so it's actually better.

Party_Plastic4625 · 2024-12-17T00:26:12+00:00

As a man great. The only thing that kinda sucks is the lack of substance in college girls. I still have no idea why at 44 they seem to be drawn to me. That and single moms.

macktheknife1 · 2024-12-17T00:58:14+00:00

I’ve hit my stride at 37. I’m confident, financially stable, know what I like and what to look for and I live in a city with a constant flow of new women to meet. All of that comes with time and practice, but honestly dating apps worked for me so I don’t really get the hate around them, maybe I’m just an outlier.

Ur_X · 2024-12-17T03:24:33+00:00

Ppl under 30 (even those that are late 20s) will call you old as a joke.. but besides that all good

7asas · 2024-12-17T10:19:46+00:00

I am 32, dating a 26 year old woman. It is really good.

KarmicPlaneswalker · 2024-12-17T10:49:14+00:00

No such thing as dating after 30.

You're playing the field until you find someone who is equally frustrated and/or desperate, then you both agree to settle down.

bobbyjoedog1 · 2024-12-16T19:47:41+00:00

I hope it’s great

20JC20 · 2024-12-16T20:58:49+00:00

Hell

fsociety0101 · 2024-12-16T22:37:55+00:00

It's a shitshow.

Appropriate-Gate-851 · 2024-12-17T00:58:49+00:00

30F and I have never dated nor had any type of romantic or sexual relationship before.

I do not plan to date after I turned 30 either.

I got too used to not having to date.

My husband would have to drop from the sky for or something because I am not going out to look for him knowing how the dating martket sucks for me to even try dating now more than before.

Bandaka · 2024-12-17T01:48:08+00:00

As long as you have money, you’ll be fine.

One_Fig_5432 · 2024-12-17T01:59:19+00:00

It's absolute garbage lol

justmots · 2024-12-17T02:00:54+00:00

Good and bad

ALoserIRL · 2024-12-17T02:06:43+00:00

It’s bad

Apprehensive_Day_96 · 2024-12-17T08:25:26+00:00

Just go buy a cat now.

Virgotalent68 · 2024-12-17T13:52:09+00:00

In my experience, it depends where you live. In the USA 🇺🇸, men who get into their late thirties and are still single can give off the impression to women that they are desperate, and vice versa. Women in their thirties tend to believe they have a specific time frame to have children, so they are more cautious about who they have sex with. In New York City the rate of old maids is staggering. When I got to be 37, a blessing occurred. A natural disaster caused a career change and I relocated to South America. All of a sudden I was meeting beautiful women in their 20’s who were fed up with the men their age and wanted to be with an older man who is stable and mature. The only problem for me was that there were just so, so many single and beautiful women, that focusing on just one required much discipline. At one point in time I had three women who were studying medicine staying at my apartment during the week because I was close to their university and they lived far away. So, I offered to let them stay. I had a two bedroom in a luxury high rise in El Poblado, Medellin with a pool on the roof and a gym, car parked in a garage and 24 hour security. I was paying $1500.00 a month, whereas in the USA 🇺🇸 in New York I wouid never have been able to afford it. As well, I wouid not be waking up to three beautiful women making me coffee (and offering me anything else I wanted) and heading off for their morning classes. When that experience ended, I had no problem meeting another woman and was soon in a relationship that lasted until I had to return to the USA 🇺🇸 for business. While I was back in New York, and now in my early forties, I met a woman in her 30’s that said there’s something wrong with a man who is on his 40’s who has never been married and doesn’t have children. As a social experiment, I ignored her calls for about a month and then answered. In no time at all she invited me to her apartment and when I arrived she got naked right away. After a while I realized she didn’t have just PMS, but must have been bipolar because she would go from being sweet and nice to a psychotic bit#%, throwing things and destroying her own property if she didn’t get her way. Thank God, I relocated back to South America again 🇨🇴and now in my forties, it was even easier. Anyway I hope that helps. The 🇺🇸USA puts way too many pressures on dating and especially with social media everyone always bragging and posting about who they are in a relationship with, which a lot of time just means who I am having sex with.

cemj86 · 2024-12-17T14:54:43+00:00

Same as it's always been I'm just more experienced. Definitely more quantity using the apps. It's better every year honestly

OtherwiseCode8134 · 2024-12-17T16:02:37+00:00

My experience with hinge is that it’s rare for me to find a quality man I’m interested, so much so that when a guy I was interested liked my profile I almost said, “what are YOU doing here???”

It’s just so rare for me to even come across an attractive man in my area with a good job who isn’t a creep, is actually asking me about myself and not just saying, “hey gorgeous let’s get together tonight,” etc. and this guy approached ME (well my profile lol).

Unfortunately it didn’t work out with that guy. I quickly learned he was too busy to date. And I don’t mean he said he was too busy to date, I mean that I could see his social media and he was clubbing, going to concerts, going to trivia every night. It didn’t match up with my lifestyle.

But that did make me want to be more active and have more friends. I’ve expanded my social group much more by joining a running club and a book club. I’m still single but my goal isn’t necessarily to date, it’s to meet more people and make more friends. However, the best relationships I’ve ever had were through friends or friends of friends. At 31, most of my friends have found partners but they all know a single guy friend and the bigger your social circle is, the more likely a friend is to suggest their single to you. That’s not an avenue I’ve really explored yet but it is an option.

I’ve also tried singles events but I haven’t had much luck. The people are nice but no one really caught my eye. I still use Hinge but I feel like I’m most likely going to find my person (or even just my next relationship) in “the wild.” No shade to people who have found their person on app but I just don’t think my future partner is on there.

Charlielikesskittles · 2024-12-17T16:34:24+00:00

I wish i could say its super easy on the apps but thats just not the case. Ive made the most connections through friends of friends or social places like the gym.

newchance42 · 2024-12-17T19:15:24+00:00

Dating after 40 has been weird. But in a good way? It's like the older I get, the more options I generally have. What I find really weird is when women half my age approach me. I could summarize all of my dating interactions it would go like this.

18 - 25 - this group struggles to have conversations. You are basically not going to get more than "bet" or "ikr". They seem to be perfectly ok inviting a guy they just met back to their place. I don't really interact with anyone that I am old enough to be their parent.

26 - 29 - approaching the big 30 they are in a mad dash to find "the one". Personally I stay away from this crowd. They will be pushing the "what are we" talk after 2 or 3 dates.

30 - 39 - the bored stay at home moms. Sometimes they are single, sometimes they are in a poly/open relationship, and sometimes they are just looking to step out on their husband. Their lives revolve 100% around their kid and want something else in their life.

40 - 49 - this is the "I just got out of a marriage and want to make up for lost time" crowd. These can be fun sometimes. Generally not looking for anything serious and down for whatever in the bedroom.

50+ - avoid avoid avoid. This is the F men crowd. They have more baggage than American Airlines. Every interaction they are looking and waiting to unleash their bitterness onto you.

This is by no means a "one size fits all" but merely a vast summarization of my interactions on the dating scene since hitting my 40s.

FakeSafeWord · 2024-12-16T19:06:36+00:00

hahahaha you're in danger.

Antifa-Slayer01 · 2024-12-17T00:53:16+00:00

I'm 42 and just did anal on a fresh 18 year old

sdubbs23 · 2024-12-16T19:38:01+00:00

Date women you find attractive in your age range. If you don’t want to date a single mom, don’t. But I find it sooooo weird when men in their 30s try to date women who are like 23. Creepy af. Just, be mindful and know it isn’t easy for anyone - regardless of age. And the dating apps are mainly hook ups in my experience.

If you want a life partner - get a hobby, take a class, go out and do stuff and take risks talking to people. But dating apps are not it.

FreeTheMarket · 2024-12-17T15:22:28+00:00

If you aren’t cleaning up in your 30s as a single man, then it’s a skill issue. You had an entire decade to make yourself more attractive (fitness, resources, social life, self improvement) and you wasted it.

SnooPets1514 · 2024-12-17T15:31:08+00:00

What's wrong with single mums?

Title	How is the dating world after 30?
Author	RealMaximumMuscle
Upvotes	186
Comments	178
Date	December 16, 2024 6:36 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1hfq07d/how_is_the_dating_world_after_30/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-is-the-dating-world-after-30.1538676 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538676

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