There’s 1 belief pattern majority of men have that's blocking them from improving their dating lives.

Let me know if this sounds anything like you...

I want to get a better dating life and have more dates but first I need to work on myself first. Be more positive, go to the gym, improve my career, make new friends, get new hobbies.. And if I work on myself enough, I will naturally attract women in my life.

Here’s why this thinking is flawed on multiple levels.

So let’s imagine, you spend the next years “working on all these things” and now you go out to attract women with who you are.

Do you think when you meet a girl, you don’t even have to say anything, she telepathically can read - wow this guy ran 3 ultramarathons, has all these cool friends, lives at this house with this amazing view. He really worked on himself, so I will go out with him.

No, you still have to talk to her.

Now what happens if you just say to her - “Yeah, you know I actually make 200K a year, last year I ran 3 ultramarathons and my apartment has a pretty sick view”

Well now she probably thinks you are just trying to brag and that you reek of the smell of insecurity. She might even think those accomplishments are impressive, but she’s not going out with you.

First of all, how you communicate with women is a much bigger factor in your dating success than having a checkbox of life accomplishments.

If you don’t know how to effectively communicate with confidence, charisma and charm - no life accomplishments can compensate for that if you want to date cool, intelligent, interesting women.

Working on yourself for years and not actually going out, not improving your dating social skills and not trying to meet women - that’s like trying to start a new business and working on your product for years and then finally launching to the market with 0% knowledge about marketing, sales and distribution. No one will even know your product exists or can help them solve their problems.

But let’s go even deeper.

What does it mean working on yourself? What does “yourself” mean?

Is yourself your ripped abs? Is it your 6 figure salary? The fact you have a great social circle or that you have cool hobbies like basketball or hiking?

We have all seen the movie Fight Club, and it seems like the majority of men relate to this film.

Here is one of the most memorable quotes from the main character says.

You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You are not your khakis

So who are you?

It’s not an easy question to answer but I would say how you communicate (to others and with yourself) is a big part of who you are. And several philosophers do too.

Paul Watzlawick’s work in communication theory suggests that our identity and reality are co-created through ongoing communication with others

Ludwig Wittgenstein argued that how we express ourselves is deeply connected to how we understand and interact with the world.

Jürgen Habermas developed the theory of communicative action, which suggests that human beings are social actors whose identities and social realities are constructed through communication.

Which brings me to my point - when you improve your communication with women, you actually improve yourself.

Your confidence, charisma, flirting and social abilities are a much bigger part of who you are than material objects, friends or hobbies.

And how do you improve this area of your life?

You can do Toastmasters. You can do improv. They help for sure.

But there is not a better way to do it than going out there and striking up real conversations with women you find attractive.

And let’s be honest - most men who say they “are working on themselves” are simply procrastinating and avoiding the one thing they should be doing (if their goal is to improve their dating life).

And this thing is going out there and initiating conversations with women.

It will always be easier to go do bicep curls and read a self development book than go out there and face rejection.

So let’s land this plane.

I am not against getting fitter in the gym, trying to make more money, getting friends. Those are all things I am trying to do myself.

But I do these things to make my life more well rounded OUTSIDE of my dating life, not because I believe these things will help me get more women.

They do help to some extent, but the biggest lever to improve your dating life are your dating social skills.

So if you are looking to improve your dating life and go on more dates - go out there and initiate real life conversations with women.

If you are looking to improve yourself - go out there and initiate real life conversations with women.

It changed everything in my life (dating, work, social lives) and completely changed me as a person.

If you do it consistently for a long enough period of time, it will change yours too.