Most "male approaches" are just misunderstandings from women

EugeneCezanne · 2023-07-18T17:21:58+00:00

Misunderstandings are common. But so are legitimate attempts.

If you google how to cold approach a woman, everyone tells you to start by making innocuous conversation. I'd be surprised is everyone who has ever been hit on, male or female, hasn't experienced innocuous conversation-as-flirtation before.

Cjaylyle · 2023-07-18T16:35:49+00:00

“If I was more autistic….” - lol

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-07-18T15:41:46+00:00

While I'm sure there are misunderstandings, some of the stories make it sound like you might be an unreliable narrator and that there's context missing.

I've had guys start normal conversations, like asking for directions to a place or asking me what stop to get off at for X thing, only for them to ask for my number the second I've answered their question. I do try to have an open mind when a guy comes up to ask me something in public or is just striking up a conversation about how late the bus is but I would be lying if I said I didn't have a ''Not interested, thank you'' loaded in the chamber if someone attempts to ask for my number.

I'm sure some women just go ''I have a boyfriend'' the second a guy opens their mouth around them but I can't really blame them, given how many men have tried hitting on me in the worst places in the dumbest ways possible. I imagine they've experienced this shit too and while that stuff is usually not threatening, it's annoying and I get why someone would try to nip the whole interaction in the bud, especially if they're not feeling particularly social that day.

Psyteratops · 2023-07-18T15:18:26+00:00

It could just be that there’s something about your mannerisms or way of talking to people that’s extremely off putting.

I’m a pretty unsafe looking guy- big, buzzcut, beard, belly, ugly permanent resting bitch face. But I’ve never really had this issue with people. Generally I can talk to anyone because I’m attentive to their feelings from the start and I have a variety of ways to disarm the tension, usually with humor.

Not to say that I don’t experience the sort of causal sexism of people assuming I’m unsafe to be around in some situations. I respect that because they SHOULD put their safety first. But it hurts a lot sometimes and I do wish things were different. Just your experience is not typical from what I’ve seen.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-07-18T14:41:31+00:00

Well, I think there are some mixed messages.

Dudes on this sub love to say how guys are always thinking about sex, how they'll fuck anyone, how they're "biologically wired" to be attracted to youth and fertility (referring to the 14 year old), how even among platonic friends the dudes still want to have sex with them, how there should be no wrong place to "shoot your shot," and how (referring to the Jonah Hill nonsense) it's completely reasonable to expect your wife or girlfriend to run away yelling "I have a boyfriend" from any man who happens to wander too close.

And then you're asking why women assume men are always after sex?

totallyworkinghere · 2023-07-18T14:50:12+00:00

Your view of normal everyday interactions is missing a lot of information here, and I suspect that the common thread is just you.

I remember a girl that was very nervous as I started a conversation with her in a Wendys.

Why did you start talking to her? Who starts talking to strangers in a Wendy's? This is literally the time for a sir this is a Wendy's meme.

It happened twice to me that two female workers in different occasions called me out for calling them "mom"... I realized that the reason was that I said "one mom" for a short of "one moment".

How the heck do you pronounce "moment" that would make this make any sense?

I also have received the look of "how dare you ask me out" after asking a fat woman to just move out of my way through a narrow hall or overcrowded place.

Have you simply said a polite "excuse me" or was your tone more hostile? Because as a fat woman, I've absolutely glared at men who start huffing and puffing before finally whining "ex-CUSE ME" like it's my fault the hallway is too narrow. Fat people have a right to exist in public spaces too.

Point is, you might have gotten a dirty look for being rude, not for daring to approach a woman.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-07-18T16:26:37+00:00

I don't agree, I believe most adult women in their 20s or above are accustomed enough to being hit on that they can tell the difference between being approached and a man simply making casual conversation during a routine day. You forget, men have been approaching them since they first got boobs, so they have enough experience to tell the difference.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-07-18T22:29:40+00:00

As a woman who doesn’t really think she gets approached much, I’ve often wondered if this was the case or if I was just ugly. I’ve also had friends mention a guy hitting on me when I didn’t see it that way. Tbh I think it’s a bit of both… men will often fish around and indirectly try to strike up a conversation with women they are trying to hit on, but sometimes women misinterpret neutral interactions with men as an approach, too.

My only disagreement here is that I don’t think it’s that common for men to go out of their way to converse with women they don’t find attractive. Obviously, an obligatory, polite interaction is different. But to make any effort to socialize with them beyond what’s expected? Sadly, no, not usually. This is also where a lot of men go wrong thinking friendly women are flirting.

ajfoucault · 2023-07-18T16:19:05+00:00

Unfathomably based. I asked a woman for a napkin this past weekend (there were people in my way, stopping me to get to that side of the table at the social event). She gave it to me and quickly scurried away. I literally ONLY wanted the napkin. Next time I am bringing napkins in my pocket to avoid misunderstandings.

EsotericRonin · 2023-07-18T17:49:24+00:00

No no, there are definitely a lot of entitled and creepy men who don't know how to ascertain that a woman is uncomfortable or disliking their advances and don't know how to take no for an answer, and if they do get rejected feel offended and that she owes him justification for why shes not interested.

And in the case of your stories it sounds like you are the common denominator and lack the ability to pick up on certain social cues or how to properly disarm someone to make them more comfortable.

How the hell do you pronounce moment as mom?

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-07-18T15:06:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

JNRoberts42 · 2023-07-18T15:13:43+00:00

Don't blame women for being defensive and guarded, it's not their fault.

Thank PUA and TRP. They ruined small talk and mingling for people. Anyone who gives a compliment and stands there waiting for an audience, any and every man possessing a phone has access to every question he could possibly ask, so why would he play dumb and ask women for the nearest coffee shop or how to cook eggplant? Blame PUA and TRP for encouraging men to lie in order to get women's attention.

Blame PUA and TRP cult members for teaching men to insult women who are cold or indifferent to them.

Blame PUA and TRP for advising men to approach women who are alone and follow them to ensure they aren't with a man who is shopping elsewhere, to scope them out and search for a ring. And as an added bonus and another level of fear and mistrust, PUA and TRP men advise to ensure there are no other men around during an approach because a "white knight" might save her from unwanted advances. Think about how fucking creepy and scary that is, to inform men they must make sure no other man is around when they corner a woman alone.

Blame TRP and PUA for encouraging loners to stake out non-social venues like stores and sidewalks.

Blame PUA and TRP for women who refuse to smile or avoid small talk, who wear headphones and fake rings.

Blame PUA and TRP for failing to tell men that anything less than an enthusiastic yes is a no, and blame those men for telling followers to persist, how to keep yammering to get past women's "bitch shield" and "shit tests. For telling men how to win "compliance" and make absolutely horrific, ill-mannered asses of themselves when ignored or gently rejected.

Blame PUA and TRP for informing men that all women love compliments and attention, that's why they dress up, wear make-up, and go out in public. Blame them for informing men they are doing women a favor by interrupting them.

Blame PUA and TRP for encouraging men to go it alone instead of going to social venues with friends, because those are the men who are unpredictable wildcards who flip the fuck out when rejected, since there is no one there to keep them in check, no one to be accountable to.

Blame PUA and TRP members decided that approaching every woman between the ages of 16 and 50 no matter where they are or what they are doing until they get a phone number, the same relentless sex pests haunt every city and small town store and hassle women to the point they seek help from security guards and White Knights to escape them.

Women don't like this, either. Women are friendlier and more sociable by nature and don't mind helping people who actually need help at all. There are all kinds of men out there women would love to talk to and meet, but it's almost impossible to tell which men are genuine and cool now.

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Fusiontron · 2023-07-18T16:33:55+00:00

I don't think so. Male are much more overt than women in their approaches.

With that said, when a guy mistakenly thinks a woman is into him, we all laugh at him and call him delusional. However, like you, I have experienced situations when it was assumed I was flirting when I was being friendly, and I was the one "to blame" rather than the woman being called delusional, etc. as in the other case.

banned4tellindtruth · 2023-07-19T05:25:46+00:00

This is true. I've had women act like I was going to approach and "reject" me when I was just going about my business and not even paying any attention to them at all.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-07-19T09:01:39+00:00

I found out over the years that the safest option is to assume the unknown man striking the conversation is hitting on me. More often than not, I was right.

I treat everybody with kindness and common courtesy, but since I'm taken, I'm still very reserved when talking to a guy that I don't know.

It's so awkward, when a guy starts a conversation with me I never want to assume he's just hitting on me. It's very awkward because I don't want him to get the wrong idea about me, I don't want to appear rude, and I also don't want to appear vain and think everybody is flirting with me.

foffsrz · 2023-07-18T19:36:56+00:00

I don’t think so. I think they are desperate for attention so they exaggerate the story. A normal dude talking to them in a line was trying to hit on them, a guy trying to hit on them was harassing them, etc.

TheLight_of_Dawn · 2023-07-18T20:35:36+00:00

That why I treat every woman that isn’t my family member or whatever like a man. You try to insult me, I’ll verbally abuse you. You attempt to throw a punch or slap. You’ll be getting multiple elbow strikes to the throat. And to the femcels whom are going to be bitching about “Muh axe wound between my legs111!!!”

Those who want respect, get respect.

wes_bestern · 2023-07-18T16:12:25+00:00

Thing is, it's really likely that these women are so starved for male attention that they deliberately misinterpret interactions in order to flatter their own ego. Sadly common. That's why I start most interactions with strange women with the words, "hey, I'm not trying to hit on you, but..."

I like giving strangers compliments and seeing their faces light up, and with this opener (edit: the opener being "I'm not hitting on you."), it squashes any expectations that I'm romantically or sexually interested in them. Plus the compliment gives them a little ego stroke so they don't feel the need to flatter themselves. It actually works quite well, and I can compliment women without it being taken the wrong way.

I should say, it helps that I'm confident, conventionally attractive, and live in the Southern US where strangers interact more with each other. But I'm still pretty autistic and have been misunderstood many times throughout my life.

As for the whole 14-year-old thing, I would respond, "Why should I give a fuck about how old some kid is? Are you sexualizing a literal child rn?" Then ask, "Wait, why are you talking to me rn? I'm way too young for you. Sorry, but not interested." Then just walk away. What's she gonna do? Tell everyone you're the creep? It's not as if that isn't already assumed of all men.

As you see in this thread, some women will always defend their right to assume the worst. It's a vicious form of circular thinking in which all interactions are assumed to be nefarious, labeled as such, and then that labeling goes on to inform their world view in a skewed manner. Confirmation bias.

I once dated this coonass girl down in north Florida who literally thought all men only opened doors for women in order to look at their butts. She was legit paranoid, thinking any kind of interaction with men was sexual in nature. But much of that was actually due to her being hypersexual. It's always the freaks that make everything about sex.

Edit: wow. This couldn't be any more ironic. Some women below are proving my point about deliberately misinterpreting things in order to flatter themselves. It's fascinating to watch happen in real time. Lol. Literally, "you mean you want to have sex with me??" Just pulled out of their asses with no indication or implication that that's the case. They want so badly to feel wanted. To these women, I say, love yourself. Dont measure your worth by how many men you delude yourself into thinking you attract.

MistyMaisel · 2023-07-18T18:19:13+00:00

Yeah, no, I'm sorry. Like most of my female peers, I've been getting hit on by dudes since I turned 12. I know the difference between a dude who really just needs directions or other common questions or making comments about the Wendys taking awhile or the weather and a dude who is either considering or about to ask me out or try to make his play. And I've known that difference probably since I was 15.

We aren't misunderstanding that often. I'm sure it happens, but it's really not as common as you're suggesting. I don't escalate into conflict because dudes don't really make me.

But let's leave that there and have a good ole hoot about the fact you don't like the idea women are getting ego boosts from men's apparently falsely approaching them. That disheartens you. The idea that women think men want to ask them out or fuck them and they might for once feel good about it is a problem to you.

Let me promise you something, sir. Women do not feel good about all these approaches they're dealing with. We feel cornered, threatened, afraid, irritated, annoyed, angry, or flustered. At no point in all of this are we feeling chuffed that once again, a slobbering mongrel that would eat just about anything was interested in us.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-07-18T19:06:03+00:00

I mean, you’re just wrong. My wife gets hit on ALL THE TIME. In the vegetable section of the grocery store, on the subway, on the train, in the hall, on the street, you name it. Often while I’m nearby! Most of the time, she appreciates it and is quite gentle in letting them down. Once in a while, they’re jerks or appear entitled, and she’ll shoot them down hard.

Purebredasianbro · 2023-07-18T18:42:03+00:00

You had me until the "one mom"

No one does that bro. You might actually be on the spectrum

2023-07-18T16:37:54+00:00

you guys put to much effort on this part all girls are diff some might want you to come p others don’t (I doubt it) and it’s not just the approach how we’re you acting? We’re you malicious? Awkward? That’s what makes it a problem for us

thatguywhosadick · 2023-07-18T19:03:55+00:00

If it makes you feel any better man, once I was talking to my dog while walking her and a lady thought I was cat calling them for a second. So you could be having worse misunderstandings/confrontations. I wouldn’t say it’s 90% if the time for most men but it definitely happens, where it’s misconstrued what someone’s intentions are. Plus there definitely some guys who were actually hitting on a girl or thinking about it but then play it off like they weren’t playing that angle when called out or told to cut it out.

ace52387 · 2023-07-18T19:30:30+00:00

Ive never in my life had this happen to me. Im pretty bad with social literacy to be honest, but no one has ever thought i was trying to hit on them when i wasnt. Ive only approached random women like a maximum of 10-15 times in my life too, so every other interaction i have with women (i dont work from home and have worked customer facing jobs, +random interactions when outside) is a non-hitting on situation, and no one has commented on it.

Im not saying this doesnt happen, but its hard for me to imagine it happens often to most guys.

Elonine · 2023-07-19T00:39:31+00:00

Some years ago, I was catching up with a (female) cousin on facebook. We made plans to go bowling next time I was in town. Then I got a call from my father: "Are you really going on a date with your cousin?"

No...we're just hanging out.

"'cuz you know that is only your mom's step-sister. There's no blood there. It'd be weird, but.."

Dad. stop. what the fuck.

Just an odd anecdote from my life, lol.

meltedjuice · 2023-07-19T00:48:18+00:00

When they comment on our physical appearance there's little misunderstanding though...

RealAmericanWeasel · 2023-07-19T04:12:05+00:00

Sorry but that dumb story sounds made up. Nobody would confuse a greeter for someone trying to hit on a 14 year-old. You’re not living in reality if you buy that.

“I don’t think guys shall be concerned?” Do you live on planet earth? Nobody actually talks this way. This entire thing has to be fake.

Title	Most "male approaches" are just misunderstandings from women
Author	Feanoris2
Upvotes	99
Comments	175
Date	July 18, 2023 2:24 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/152zx10/most_male_approaches_are_just_misunderstandings/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-male-approaches-are-just-misunderstandings.1225616 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225616

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