Modern Dating Woes are due to Technology

LawfulnessSuper5091 · 2025-04-07T01:20:28+00:00

90s at uni (college). We drank a lot. We had sex now and then, but also spent long periods between dates.

There was plenty of involuntary celibacy, it just didn't have the name and the online communities.

I don't want to lean too mathematically into red pill talking points, but it was 20% or so of the men who were regularly getting some. And probably 40-50% of women, but many of the rest were choosing (a legitimate choice) not to go harder and when they felt like a bit of rough and tumble, they just went to a pub, smiled at a guy and bang it was on.

So the apps can have a place I think. But I do agree we are too much online and especially for people here who have reasoned their way into angry rabbit holes, this is triply so.

Big-Bodybuilder-5035 · 2025-04-07T01:40:09+00:00

You've made this post already and you dismissed any evidence with "wElL yOu wErEnT tHeRe" while using a tv sitcom as proof that women didnt rely on men for stability. Why are you making this point again knowing you have no intention of discussing it in good faith?

wtknight · 2025-04-07T02:00:55+00:00

It's more due to the people than the technology itself. I used technology when I was young to meet women. Who knows when I would have lost my virginity without the internet, since I was awful with talking face to face with women who I didn't previously know anything about. The internet allowed me to chat with women without the fear of being rejected face to face.

I personally think that technology is great for shy introverts to meet other shy introverts. On the other hand, people who are perfectly capable of socializing normally probably shouldn't be using it.

wizardnamehere · 2025-04-07T11:50:45+00:00

I suppose i agree. The zoomers simply don't throw enough parties any more.

Getting drunk at a party got more people laid than anything. Mostly through talking to someone of the sexual orientation of your choice for a couple of hours and then exchanging numbers/details (leading to basically the post first date equivalent on the apps).

Gerolanfalan · 2025-04-07T01:53:59+00:00

If social media and dating apps were banned tomorrow, within days or weeks young people would be driven onto the streets, forgetting all their silly fears and ideologies, getting drunk, getting high and starting to fuck each other again. That's all that it would take. Really.

You see, this is the part where I don't miss and am grateful to technology for. It's a net gain that people are more aware and knowledgeable about politics. I was tired of seeing kids in LA and OC only reading magazines about Paris Hilton and America's Next Top Model, while ignoring newspapers and current events. Something kids and teens on the East Coast were much better at compared to their West Coast counterparts.

I don't miss teen pregnancies or the TV shows that would glorify it. I don't miss how objectified women were or how poorly they were treated in regular tv, "Everybody Loves Raymond" or "King of Queens", Deborah and Carrie (they changed her character later in the show) were perfectly reasonable and yet treated like villains. Just try watching "How I met Your Mother" and you'll see what a sleaze Ted actually is.

Should I ever be blessed to have a daughter, I am glad we are living in an era where people are less publicly horny.

FearlessSea4270 · 2025-04-07T00:50:20+00:00

But women are not more “empowered” now than they were in the 90s or the 00’s.

Collectively we are. Those glass ceilings women broke through for basically every job/industry is development that happened in the past 2 decades and has paved the way for countless other women to follow and effectively succeed.

Because of this women are more likely to succeed in their career field and be monetarily more compensated fairly when they get there, then they were in 2000s.

also sexual harassment is thankfully no longer a component of that career growth!

UpstairsDepartment52 · 2025-04-07T00:55:04+00:00

Honestly, valid

Accomplished-Pin3073 · 2025-04-07T00:43:01+00:00

Social media ruined everything 💯 things won’t balance out until our kids have kids 🙏🏾

Hungduck69 · 2025-04-07T07:48:26+00:00

Sorry but women have developed high standards from an abundance of options. Even if social media disappeared the standards wouldn't revert overnight

VladTheGlarus · 2025-04-07T00:49:31+00:00

While I agree that social media and dating apps are horrible for the society and the individual - most of us are already fucking each other.

The difference is that nobody wants LTRs anymore. Both men and women consume too much social media of grifters and think "hey, I deserve a partner with huge tits / tight ass / yacht / private jet". So we start keeping multiple side chicks, replace them on a whim and always look for better while ignoring the good we have currently. Women do that in their 20s, men do that in their 30s.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2025-04-07T04:39:40+00:00

Now this is anecdotal, but I have 29 nieces and nephews who are all gen z, and all their little friends who all come to their favorite aunties house. Im the second youngest of 13 kids and most are 17+ now.

There is no correlation between social media use and dating. There isn’t even a correlation between looks and dating. The biggest factor I’ve seen is ambition. The girls - of whom there are fewer - definitely have more ambition and don’t date. They don’t want to. But they’re still pretty young, So time will tell their dating habits. The boys with ambition date - even the unfortunate ones. They mostly date girls from local schools/work/college/groups. None date on social media. Maybe they will later in life but so far the oldest is 24 and they don’t do apps or anything. And to be honest most aren’t online that often either. Maybe it is detrimental for people already predisposed to isolation - but I do think the “dating issues” brought forth here is a very small minority that most will grow out of if they didn’t fall down the pipeline. Red pill prevents more men from growing up into regular people more than anything women do to men. I do find the boys in more conservative households do worse, but not nothing with one exception. But he’s a basketball star who’s dated the same girl for years. Maybe I live in a utopia of dating - but I doubt it. 29+ kids across 11 households with different socioeconomic backgrounds, looks and living situations and they all do fine. Some better than others. A couple have kids now. I really think the “dating issues” are a personal problem of pessimistic, isolated, angry, insecure and/or ND people. The rest are doing fine. Loving and losing and learning like young people should.

Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-04-07T08:40:27+00:00

PPD has a long history of denial of rates of sex among the 18-30 population. People here tried to argue that it was just a blip from covid.

Late gen x and early millennials were the most sexually active generations: moreso than the youth of the 60s/70s during the sexual revolution.

This fact is astounding considering the AIDs epidemic was still fresh in everyone’s minds. Perhaps everyone was cautious and when the coast was clear, folks had pent up sexual energy they let out. Or once the epidemic had passed, we became more educated about safe sex that we felt we had agency to manage the risk of sex.

Atm it’s almost 40% of the 18-30 population who haven’t had sex in the past year. That’s absolutely wild. I believe that is almost a 3 fold increase since when it peaked with the xennials. https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-08-03/young-adults-less-sex-gen-z-millennials-generations-parents-grandparents

The “women have more options now” explanation makes no sense because if they have so many options then why aren’t they having sex with them? It is fundamentally a biased perspective from sexually unsuccessful men who regularly tell me that stats about rates of sex can’t be trusted because the women are lying.

I personally didn’t really feel I knew myself sexually until my late 20s after about a dozen sexual partners with my sex life starting sophomore year of high school. I wouldn’t say that you need that kind of experience, but I honestly have trouble believing how people can fully learn about themselves through one or even two sexual partners alone. Granted sex might not just be that important to a lot of couples. But I didn’t think my experience was all that out of the ordinary for the xennials that just came before me where it seemed like the people who didn’t have sex were mostly people who chose to avoid it.

But removing the apps today won’t do anything. We are in it too deep now. COVID honestly couldn’t have been more poorly timed although it was a FREAKKKY time for horny essential workers who already experienced most of their 20s by the time COVID hit. But now we have a generation of youth who completely missed out on having a normal sex life in their 20s. They have almost fully mature adult brains now having never really experienced a normal dating market. They’re cooked.

The apps also have causes broken courtship/social norms that would need to be unlearned on top of their lack of experience. The issue with the apps is that women natural sexual inclination is to be picked rather than to pick. While I do think that we need some balance and it is good for women to act on their preferences, now that women effectively are doing the picking on the apps, there is then no reliable way for women to verify the level of a man’s interest. This is because before the very fact that the man had the guts to go up and “pick” you was itself a demonstration of his desire for you. This makes women feel both wanted AND valued whereas now women are often unsure if they are just getting one or the other.

This is one reason why we have the communication breakdown we have today: women are trying to glean from brief and random texting conversations what the man wants, which is an impossible task they will never succeed at.

We have an entire generation of men who are afraid of how to navigate physical boundaries with women because they fear making the woman feel unsafe, which is tragic because physical touch itself is a necessary skill to make women feel safe. Women seem to collectively say that feeling unsafe is the primary reason why they are behaving now the way they are but arguably xennial women faced bigger risks than zoomer women today. And there absolutely was a college rape epidemic specific to that era. But at the same time today men have collectively turned conservative and they don’t have the skills necessary to attract women, which zoomer women may not even be available enough to accept anyway if zoomer men understood how to turn a woman on while still making her feel safe. They are basically seen as mutually exclusive things to zoomer men now.

Nervous_Designer_894 · 2025-04-07T09:57:48+00:00

I can tell you that 100% yes it is social media.

In went to Uni in the late 00s when facebook was barely a thing. Then did an MSc in 2016 when it was still super popular but not as life consuming as it is now.

I also have tonnes of female friends and sisters.

Women are being bombarded with attention from men. Rich men, good looking men.

It really really skews their perspective.

Story time, I had an ex who is amazingly hot (pm for pics) and she and I dated in 2014-2016 on and off. We broke it off because of how much she used her IG for attention, he entire mood was based on her social media engagement.

Last year, she confessed to my friend that losing me was the biggest mistake of her life and that even though she gets attention for a lot better looking or richer men, none understood her like me, no one was as interesting or fun etc.

She's now 36, and while definitely not too late to start a family, she's resigned to the fact that she missed her shot on having family and marriage.

Fun_Breakfast697 · 2025-04-07T16:52:09+00:00

I'm a middle millennial. We had social media and dating apps, although the latter were somewhat less widely used. We hung out IRL a lot more and we also drank a lot more. And we had a LOT more sex than zoomers.

All the social media and dating apps in the world wouldn't be an issue if the kids would just actually go get drunk with their friends.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-04-07T00:40:22+00:00

Nope

It’s due to economic freedom and the libido disparity

AutoModerator · 2025-04-07T00:33:33+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2025-04-07T00:33:33+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Ok_Use7 · 2025-04-07T00:54:56+00:00

We could be without technology and people would still have their problems.

People are still in the streets, inhibition free, getting drunk, high, dating and fucking. If social media apps were banned tomorrow, those same people would adapt and those who struggle would still struggle.

These woes can only be fixed by the individual, there is no one size fits all answer that broadly improves dating.

Training-Cook3507 · 2025-04-07T01:53:07+00:00

In the past, men were competing with a small group of other men in the woman's social pool. Now, men are competing with any other man in driving distance, or sometimes further. That's what has empowered women.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-04-07T07:02:35+00:00

As long as you use social media to actually meet people, get high, drunk and fuck, i don't see the problem.

ThulsaDoomer · 2025-04-07T07:56:35+00:00

Technology - This has enabled it all. If tomorrow we were hit by some global electric outage, suddenly all the empowerment and independence would disappear. The advent of automation, convenience, global communication, global trade, global world that is easy to survive in; the iPhone and the dating app, which I think really tipped the scale.
Economic independence - Women are given better opportunities and a career push. They don't need to be in some relationship they want to be in anymore just to survive.
Societal changes - The society has shifted because of me too, men are bad, etc.
Men's net casting nature - Men absolutely have the power, but give it away so easily.

All of that has given women a massive advantage and put average men at a massive disadvantage. And made chads the true winners of it all. If you are a chad, the world has always been yours, but it really is yours now. You are a scarcest resource. There are plenty of attractive women, they are an abundance, but chads are rare, and they all want the chads. You don't have the risk of war or a hard life, all the communication apps just help you get discovered. It's a world of society, and you are the most desired member.

It is looking good for women, but they are in a self defeating cycle. They always look up by nature, don't date down. So, a great career is nice, but the higher she goes, the more limited options she has.

Most men don't care about her career, they still care about her looks. That means that while they don't have to be in relationships they don't want to be in, that does not mean they can be in relationships they want to be in. They will be gladly used by a chad though.

If she scores a chad, she will have to work very hard to keep him. And she will have to work hard at work. And do house chores, cats, dogs, and even look after cars and take them to mechanics. That is her life.

Look how many women complain on YouTube about having to do all the work and the guy does nothing. They don't seem to understand that it's because they chose, and they chose a chad who does not need to do anything. He is used to being looked after, he has options. Don't like it? He's just going to move on and good luck scoring another one. Look at what happened to Miley Cyrus once Thor's brother dumped her. Downwards spiral, "self love", and other cope.

Eventually she might finally get tired of taking all the initiative and doing all the work for chads and settle into an unhappy relationship with someone of their own value or less. Here is a problem though, that worked before, that's how the world used to be. But the blackpill has woken those men up too. So now they increasingly do not want to make mistakes. They are very costly; who wants to risk starting a serious relationship with a person who is acting like they are doing them a favor and may pull out at any moment. Also, naturally the questions of "did she make the other guys wait" and others arise, regardless of the man's attractiveness. You are done with the wild life and now I am supposed to treat you like a modest woman? It is too late for that. Those men also want to experience being looked after, being loved, being treated well, they have never experienced that. And she wants the same because she has been delivering pizza to chads' houses for too long. It does not work out.

So, those average dudes stay single and angry, women continue working, serving chads and complaining; chads thrive and enjoy life. That is the modern world.

AntagonisticSavant · 2025-04-07T11:13:44+00:00

Women on average earn more now compared to the 90s, have higher education, have quotas in govt and have private entities that are forced to choose women over men.

Of course women are more empowered now compared to the 90s. Technology has contributed to the issue no doubt, but that doesn't get rid of the decades of mass propaganda and concrete steps to empower women to the detriment of men.

Women also make up the vast majority of the voting bloc that care enough to vote and they vote for policies that empower women to the detriment of men.

DellOptiplex7080 · 2025-04-07T11:57:20+00:00

No I think the pandemic did uniquely break brains to the point that this wouldn't work now

gnomeweb · 2025-04-07T14:44:45+00:00

I personally blame Tinder for the existence of incels. The thing is that women have been becoming more and more independent, and since, overall, men suck, more and more women choose to withdraw from dating simply because they don't want to take the risks. At the same time, Tinder has naturally empowered more men: you don't need to go through your social anxiety to go and try to talk to some girl, just swipe and that's it. This already creates a big difference between number of men and women. It also makes it easier for more attractive men to get all the girls, because, in the past, they had the physical limitations: you can only physically be at one place at one time. Now, they can catch as much as they want. But, an injury on top of the insult, Tinder makes money on the misery of men. I am 200% sure that if they wanted, they could have improved men's chances by an order of magnitude by adjusting their algorithm. I am 300% sure that they intentionally seek to create the situation where some men get a lot of attention and other get nothing. I am also sure that they are behind perpetrating this lie that one night stands are a god-given right. Because they make billions on all these things.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-04-07T11:29:15+00:00

There have always been dating woes. Let’s stop acting like this is a new phenomenon. All social media has done is given people a place to complain about it

MarioWilson122 · 2025-04-07T02:40:20+00:00

Naw those fears dont just go away they are still there whether dating apps are there are not. You really think there werent millions of people that werent successful in the 90s-00s they existed you just didnt hear their crys because the technology wasnt there for you to really hear it.

Im pretty certain online made dating worse for the men that had a chance prior but cant now because women can easily get online and not be confined to who she is around like it was in the past. So if you banned it youd still hear alot of complaining it just want be about the apps thats it.

ta06012022 · 2025-04-07T03:40:48+00:00

I went to high school in the 90s, and college in the 00's. Nearly everyone I knew lost their virginity before they got to college.

I went to high school in the 2010s and college in the 2010s/2020s. Nearly everyone I knew lost their virginity before they got to college. It sounds like maybe things haven't changed all that much.

0kayz00mer · 2025-04-07T03:58:50+00:00

If you banned social media and dating apps I think it would greatly reduce the amount of attention women get online and its resulting effects including many modern dating woes.

G4M35 · 2025-04-07T01:18:12+00:00

There's causation, there's correlation, and then there are https://www.tylervigen.com/spurious-correlations.

Then again, as time passes by, technology advances; it has been that way since the discovery of fire and the invention of the wheel.

As time goes by it's interesting to observe the development of social norms; IMO the biggest issue in today's dating world is "unreasonable expectations".

Most everyone who complains in this sub and IRL about the dating world, expects the other party to deliver more to the table than what they are willing/capable to deliver.

Fair/unfair? Hard to say, but the disconnect is very easy to observe.

Is it due to technology? I think not.

BrianMcTill · 2025-04-07T00:49:33+00:00

getting drunk, getting high and starting fucking each other again

You do that with a woman and you risk spending the rest of your life in prison if 5 years later she figures she did not want that and you cannot pay the money she is asking.

Technology is definitely something to blame but your reasoning is flawed. Not getting the social stigma for f*cking 20 different guys in less than a year is very much part of the "empowerment of women". I let you decide if it is a good thing or not... Filters are also to blame if you ask me. Having the ability to filter men by simply moving your thumb while sitting in your chair is an other one. Just to name a few things that have something to with technology.

This is gonna be a brave statement but if you ask me women would be the first one to start protesting if online dating were banned...

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-04-07T03:04:01+00:00

It's a valid point for consideration, but as with many posts, it assumes what is in fact the key question: What dating woes? What dating woes are different now than in the 1990s? Which data are you using as evidence of this (while acknowledging social science is fucked and its 'data' is by no means definitive).

VladTheInhalerOf · 2025-04-07T11:47:49+00:00

I don't know where you all go to meet people or not but you do realise you can meet people out in public still? That hasn't gone away.

Trancetastic16 · 2025-04-07T02:41:09+00:00

I’m going to partly disagree and add our hyper-capitalist and hyper-individualist western societies, which declining third spaces, pollution, social media, Covid have all worsened and clearly reached a breaking point and are now on the social, mental/physical health, economic and governmental decline.

It was already an issue since before the internet, social media and then Covid were the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Current governments are using high levels of immigration to try and compensate for all of this.

Healthy activism, social and cultural changes may be necessary or else the loneliness epidemic will continue to increase and people retreat to social media, online shopping and food delivery as they have been and it’s going to get worse before it gets better.

onlyaseeker · 2025-04-07T08:46:40+00:00

No, that's an oversimplification.

I don't have time to explain at length, but we can have good social media and technology.

Also fix these things:

Capitalism City design Education Employment Trauma

catdog8020 · 2025-04-07T02:20:15+00:00

Yep. Chad and Stacey’s would start dating and normies would have sex with normies. Now we have all the woman chasing Chad and the other 80% of males either becoming incels or dating escorts and/or dating 1s and 2s (not that theirs anything wrong with 1 or 2s since they are the best ones anyway).

Title	Modern Dating Woes are due to Technology
Author	OrganicAd5450
Upvotes	69
Comments	199
Date	April 7, 2025 12:33 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jt8s1n/modern_dating_woes_are_due_to_technology/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/modern-dating-woes-are-due-to-technology.1548808 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548808

Comments

Should I ever be blessed to have a daughter, I am glad we are living in an era where people are less publicly horny.