A word about "single mothers"

Melodic_Structure928 · 2025-04-23T00:09:43+00:00

while I can feel some empathy for women in bad situation, it is simply how it works biologically. Being a single mom for any reason will reduce your chances of finding a partner, at least in straight relationships.

its kind of like how not all broke men or less educated men are stupid nor did it have to be necessary because they lack discipline and are lazy, maybe it’s because they had financial problems, maybe it’s cause they had to help family members and drop out maybe it’s cause they have a mild mental illness etc. hell it’s doesnt even fully determine ones earning potential, yet most women still view the above as a sign of laziness and being incompetent

basically what you claim above is correct but attraction isn’t exactly based on that sort of logic.

Jello_Vivid · 2025-04-23T00:02:43+00:00

That's all cool but I don't think I will date a single mother still.

AngeAware · 2025-04-23T00:13:03+00:00

Honestly to some extent it's a semantics thing, in the U.S. there's baggage attached to the term "single mom" that predates the internet all the way back to Reagan at least.

Many would probably avoid referring to a woman in scenario #1 as a single mom because to them the connotation is "baby daddy completely out of the picture." It's kind of confusing and ambiguous because "single" mom can be both read as "mother who is parenting a child by herself" and "mother who is not in a romantic relationship."

Certified_Dripper · 2025-04-23T00:19:43+00:00

It does sound like people hate single moms at times. I’d never seriously date one, but I do feel bad for them. Especially seeing how people talk about them lmao, like damn people really don’t want to see them enjoy life 😂

Everyone deserves to be happy like damn. If you don’t want a single mom just don’t date them. I don’t date fat girls but I don’t go around wishing misery on them either tf

Bitch_King-of_Angmar · 2025-04-23T03:58:29+00:00

most single moms are that way bc they dumped the baby daddy. claiming they all got left is removing their agency. lots of those women decided they'd be better off as single moms.

AssPlay69420 · 2025-04-23T00:10:15+00:00

The problem for single mothers is the fact that they are the visible parent, and are thus a lightning rod for disdain

You can’t (outside of things like death and incapacity) have a single mother without a father… somewhere.

Where is the father’s responsibility to take care of his own kids at all? To even be in their lives?

But it’s the single mother’s fault? She holds all the responsibility?

There’s the thing about red pill yet again - no responsibility. They never practice what they preach nor hold themselves to their own standards.

It’s laughable.

cutegolpnik · 2025-04-22T23:57:13+00:00

TIL people who live in “ghettos and trailer parks” don’t marry and divorce.

AdmirableSignal6225 · 2025-04-23T00:34:57+00:00

I think your two forms are a bit limiting. Plenty of single moms where I live were just young and working class. Doesn't mean they are trash. Quite the opposite even. Perhaps they took responsibility for their pregnancy and had the social support network to back it up. Some are pretty hot, too. Way hotter than the middle class divorcees if I'm honest. There is the woman of r/tinder memes who is clearly physically unattractive and has wildly unrealistic expectations but that is just what she is, an outlier and a meme.

What OP needs to understand is that the outrage against single mothers is coming from men who are sexless and childless. And that explains everything.

Sea_Veterinarian7156 · 2025-04-23T12:10:03+00:00

OP. Great post.

You're right, the perception is slanted.

However, the former group indeed, typically has one father of their children, and usually a decent co-parenting situation. They usually bring a lot to the table.

The second group is usually the one that get's judged the harshest, and receives the most criticisms. They're also the group that has more than one father of their kids, usually makes sure they identify as a "single mom" uses phrases like "queen" and "my kids are my world"....and generally leverages victim culture and mindset.

My current partner is a single mom. one beautiful daughter. Dad's in her life. Hardly was ever a consideration....the second group? I encountered many while dating....fun....but never who you want to build a future with.

Expat2023 · 2025-04-24T01:04:50+00:00

Still not falling for it.

Logos1789 · 2025-04-23T00:08:06+00:00

Most people’s issue with men being vocal about not wanting to date single mothers is not that it can be expressed in RP or AF/BB lingo; their issue is that men dare to have standards that exclude a significant portion of women over 30.

VladTheGlarus · 2025-04-23T00:07:34+00:00

None of the single moms I've dated fall in your categories. They were still a waste of time.

Most single moms on the dating market are looking for a replacement dad. I believe only the older empty-nesters don't.

It's almost always a horrible deal for a man without his kids.

The men who take such women as long-term partners are saints, they have bigger hearts than most and they have my respect. Their women better treat them like kings.

OP, your world view is extremely limited. It's ok for men to have preferences, stop telling people who to fuck.

mesalikeredditpost · 2025-04-23T01:14:51+00:00

The people who misframe the most are the one's least interested in facts. There's nothing to do to hold them accountable since laws and society enable misbehavior

Barely-moral · 2025-04-23T01:10:59+00:00

Ok let's make the long story short.

The most important decision a woman can make is who will be the father of their children.

At least that should be the most important decision in her entire life if she has children.

The only good decision is picking a man that stays with you and a man you stay with.

Any other decision is wrong.

So if you are a single mother your decision making is SHIT

There is no excuse. You failed at life.

Every other decision you will make is less important than that one and you fucked it up. Every other decision you male will be put into question because you fucked up in the most important decision ever so why wouldn't you fuck up every single time you make a decision from then on?

NockerJoe · 2025-04-23T00:49:18+00:00

That doesn't in a y way change the tangible reality of it. You can say the guy isn't a parent but the fact is he's kind of forced to be a male role model. He has to have these interactions while visibly not being the dad and taking on that baggage plus the baggage of any other exes between those two points when dealing with a third party that by definition isn't equipped to process any of this. Then if it doesn't work out you lose that relationship too. Not to mention if this is an actually good woman you will never be her top priority and if it isn't there are realistic odds she or one of your predecessors were somehow abusive or neglectful.

You can say "Well, its normal" or "At least they aren't all ghetto" all you want but its a dynamic that offers many negatives and literally no tangible positives.

SleepingInAt11 · 2025-04-23T02:37:25+00:00

My opinion is that they either choose terribly or vet horribly. A lot of money without kids see that and lack interest in women that make bad decisions.

Adversely, if a woman doesn't have kids why would she choose to get with a man with two children by two different women already? It's bad decision making.

Guilty-Marzipan1058 · 2025-04-23T11:42:03+00:00

Women typically get custody, so it’s a bigger burden to date a single mom than a single dad. Once courts start giving men equal custody as a cultural norm I imagine this will change.

_weedkiller_ · 2025-04-23T15:24:32+00:00

This post is wildly offensive and naive. It’s very dated. I know things are a bit backwards in the USA at the moment but, really?? If you don’t know any middle class single mothers who haven’t been married for years, then you obviously don’t know that many middle class people. You are underestimating the amount of abuse that goes on. Both ways. Kids only seeing one parent because the other is abusive, people divorcing after 15 years marriage because of abuse, contraceptive/reproductive coercion…. Etc.

I am in no way saying TRP is right with their stereotyping of single mothers, but at least they’ve got the excuse that they haven’t dealt with the anger at their own mothers for their wrongs, which is just straightforward projection for the most part.

I don’t doubt that socioeconomic background plays a role, but life is complicated and messy regardless where you’re from. I can imagine in USA people might sweep things under the rug more to focus on reputation/standing in the community.

Needless to say I’m wildly offended because I’m a single mother who doesn’t fall in to your category. I’m tempted to lay out the entire story to demonstrate to you why I ended up in this position, and it would make sense to you, but it would open me up to trolls trying to pick me apart. Suffice to say I wasn’t from “the ghetto”.

Some stories of other middle class single mums I know, one woman was corporate high flyer, got pregnant on a ONS. Due to her age and lack of long term romantic prospects she chose to follow through and raise the child alone. She did tell the father but made it clear there was no obligation to be involved. She doesn’t claim child support and still has a very lucrative job.

Another got pregnant at 18, again a one night stand, it was in the months after her mum had disc of cancer. This contributed to her making the decision to continue with the pregnancy. Again, no attempts made to rely on the father.

Multiple who were in abusive relationships and couldn’t have known.

One friend is currently trying IUI to have a baby alone due to age. She married early twenties, no kids, divorced him. Now she’s concerned about age.

The list goes on. I do think people from more middle class backgrounds who are image conscious tend to suffer in abusive relationships for longer.

Virtual_Piece · 2025-04-23T16:55:46+00:00

I think it's just the financial responsibility that they're terrified of. (I'm in this camp) Some channels do take it to a level reminiscent of hatred, though. There's also the perceived increased likelihood that the children will either not like you, disrespect you, or be taken away from you if you, for whatever reason, step on the wrong toe. It's one thing to lose your biological children. You can always go through the family court process, but it's another thing altogether when they're not yours. Do you want to potentially put yourself in that emotionally vulnerable position for no good reason.

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2025-04-23T19:43:05+00:00

I think much of the discourse is driven by very young red pill types, as the kind of single mother that they're most likely to encounter while playing the dating game is an impulsive, never married woman of the same age whose choice of a father was obviously a poor one for any other person not blinded by lust.

Since most people date people around the same age, the much more sympathetic variety of single mothers mostly in their mid-30s and up who were previously married or otherwise long-term partnered in a responsible way but whose relationships simply didn't work out are probably not on their radar (unless they're into MILF hunting).

fucksiclepizza · 2025-04-23T01:27:42+00:00

I think one thing those dudes don't seem to understand is that even if a woman 'chooses' the nicest guy on the planet to father her children, it doesn't mean that the relationship will work out.

toasterchild · 2025-04-23T00:12:59+00:00

r/stepparents is full of stories from steps who have had the majority of parenting duties dumped onto them.

Dating someone with kids is no problem for someone who has decent boundaries. If the other person starts asking too much they just say no. If you don't have any boundaries you are probably better off just avoiding the situation, the odds of it not ending well if you can't stand up for yourself are just too high.

Men who end up in the manosphere have a much higher likelihood of having doormat qualities than average men do. If you recognize people pleasing as part of your personality then your dating decisions should factor around that.

SquirmingAddict · 2025-04-22T23:59:00+00:00

In terms of dating, both single mothers and single fathers absolutely suck.

They can be great people, but that kid(s) that isn't yours in an absolute 10TON iron ball and chain around your neck.

I'd prefer single parents stay with other single parents, but you do you.

KingBembi · 2025-04-23T00:27:12+00:00

who cares why a women is a single mom, if shes a single mom shes to be avoided. I mean its not like there arent single childless women out so no point with wasting time on any single mom.

Glorious_Mane · 2025-04-23T00:31:27+00:00

The burning hatred towards single mothers is so baffling to me. They’re hated more than the deadbeat dads who abandoned their kids. This isn’t even me denying that some single moms are terrible parents, but you’re pretty much signing up to be demonized if you decide to keep and raise your child on your own as a woman

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-04-23T00:23:44+00:00

The people who hate the most are the least interested in the truth, so I don’t know what can really be done about that

LoudPiece6914 · 2025-04-23T00:45:16+00:00

It’s not exactly that it’s that a lot of men want to have a family and live the cookie cutter life. The logic of why women are actually single mothers doesn’t matter for a visceral reaction, and a bunch of guys have reactions to single mothers who are single mothers for a reason other than being widowed. Sure men and women “should” try to be less effected by visceral reactions against person that don’t actually matter but the reality is they exist. There is the fear that if you connect with a single mother she might not want more kids and that’s devastating. Also you might avoid a potential compatible person because you want to prioritize a chance of a family. Also some people see it as a zero sum game. So the thought process is that’s one less person for me to have a chance at a family or someone who would have considered me now has a more exciting option. So, if you have zero sum thinking, in your mind, it does affect you that’s why you care. If you don’t think zero sum you probably think this doesn’t affect you why do you care. If you want people to stop, stop asking why men have feelings against single mothers and start answering what is really bothering them ‘how can I have a chance at a family’.

musicissoulfood · 2025-04-23T03:49:44+00:00

I am just pointing out how ridiculous and irrelevant the manosphere narrative is.

Not ridiculous and not irrelevant. The manosphere is right to warn men about dating women. Single moms are half the fun for twice the price compared to child free women.

WanabeInflatable · 2025-04-23T05:02:00+00:00

I think, the AFBB narrative can be related to the women who change priority when they age and want a stable provider man.

Men are jaded if they were overlooked by women in 20s, but now they are earning more and their age peers are noticing them.

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Handsome_Goose · 2025-04-23T06:19:50+00:00

From what i have seen single mothers come in broadly two forms.

Good thing we don't have to rely on your sight and use statistics.

12 Child Custody Statistics in the US for 2025

The points I'd like to point out:

15 million children live with their mothers only while Over 3 million children live with their fathers only
80% of one-parent families are headed by mothers
66% of parents report financial worries as a major stressor
Over 50% of obligor parents struggle with child support, falling below the poverty line

Significant-Report16 · 2025-04-23T06:50:26+00:00

Men are generally providers and are inherently turned off by the prospect of potentially supporting another man’s offspring.

It may not be a rational perception but it is a deeply ingrained initial perception.

It is like a man’s height - it today’s age - height shouldn’t matter. But it does. It affects career potential and dating prospects for men. Most women are inherently turned off by a shorter man - even if it doesn’t make logical sense. It’s biological/psychological.

Similarly, the instinctive reaction for men when considering single mothers especially one with young children is that the mother made a poor choice with the previous father and now the mother will have her resources and attention utilized on another man’s child. The assumption here is that if the previous father was such a poor character that he is no longer in the picture, he must have been very physically attractive for the women to allow the relationship to develop. Not necessarily a logically sound conclusion but an initial one based off limited information.

Kreeps_United · 2025-04-23T09:06:42+00:00

Then there are women who live in ghettos and trailer parks who have kids with multiple men that don't take care of them. These women are to be avoided at all cost for obvious reasons. Maybe their stories fit the manosphere narrative. I don't know but they have so little to do with normal people that they should not be shaping anyone's view of women.

Why is the method for fighting sexism always embracing some other "ism"?

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2025-04-23T13:21:18+00:00

the manosphere narrative doesn't come from nowhere and most of these takes are not referring to 40 something divorced women with teenage/young adult children either. the discourse is primarily about women in their 20s and early-mid 30s, aka what many men consider to be the prime dating age. in those cases, yes there are women who got pump and dumped or were in a situationship or low effort relationship with a badboy or chad or w/e, who are now looking for somebody to take care of their kid(s) to some degree.

and a lot of the time it will be the stereotypical beta because that's the guy who's much more likely to be obedient, not value himself, to put women on a pedestal, to not have that many options with women and so on. no 'alpha' is going to wife up a single mom, generally speaking (again, i'm not talking about people in their 40s and 50s). a woman will always have less and lower quality options on average when she has kids, that's just the reality of the situation. of course some of these women will settle for convenience and comfort.

in general you can't fit a massive demographic of people into just two sub-categories, especially when one of them is not even part of the general discussion to begin with (i.e. men are not referring to women in their 40s and 50s).

RapaxIII · 2025-04-23T14:18:12+00:00

This is an obsession in the manosphere because they imagine that these women were impregnated and abandoned by an alpha and are now looking for a beta to take care of the kid

No they don't wtf, why do women always think this?? What RPers criticize is single moms acting like they didn't make any decision in them getting pregnant. Like most women's behavior, the RP points out that if a single mom says she's a victim of circumstances that she is bullshiting you and as a man don't fall for it

Single moms could make great partners, but a lot of them behave in a way that doesn't make the next man in a relationship with her feelings any special

redditheadedstepdad · 2025-04-24T11:41:34+00:00

“Approximately 80% of single-parent households are led by a mother, with the remaining 20% headed by a father”

A-Queef-In-The-Night · 2025-04-24T18:00:57+00:00

I mean I feel like you left out some of the reasons regardless of what “type” of single mom they are.

I wouldn’t consider a serious relationship with a single mom because I am inevitably going to have to interact with the child at some point. I don’t want to as I don’t even want kids of my own. Much less someone else’s.

If the child does have a deadbeat dad and you are dating for serious commitment or marriage, you really think I’m not gonna end up helping to raise and provide for a kid that isn’t mine?

There are documented cases of teenage stepdaughters accusing their stepfathers of abuse just because they don’t like them with no evidence and no charges brought. This is still enough to ruin a man’s life and reputation. Why take that chance for someone else’s kid?

I’ve heard from numerous men that a single mom they were dating expected some financial help in raising the child but then when the man tries to lay down any ground rules for the kid they flip out because they aren’t the dad so they shouldn’t be doing that. Seems like they shouldn’t be helping financially either in that case.

You will literally never be her first priority. At least when you date someone for a while and have kids together, you mutually agree that we aren’t going to be putting each other first anymore. But you had it for at least a little while. The kids will always come first and you will always be on the back burner.

When I commit to someone exclusively, I cut off all contact with any other woman I have dated or been sexual with in anyway. Single moms are basically always going to talking to or otherwise communicating with some dude they used to bang. If a girl wants me to seriously commit but she absolutely refuses to stop talking to her ex, that’s a dealbreaker for me. Reasoning for it doesn’t really matter.

Knight-Bishop · 2025-04-25T06:03:41+00:00

Like always— the OP- like 95% of the women in this forum— just doesn’t “get it”.

It’s real simple: BEFORE a woman has bastard kids, she is MUCH MORE likely to actually desire/want a guy for the “right reasons”— especially in terms looks…..but really anything else besides money/status

Once a broad has bastard kids, her PRIMARY motivation for MOST women is to find a dude that will make her life easier— especially financially.

Nowhere in your original post, OP, did you get at the center of the matter as to why the Manosphere always dunks on single Mothers.

I succinctly explained it above.

Why would a man want to be with a woman who isn’t actually into you for the right reasons & just sees you as a trick?

Why?

subbywh0r3 · 2025-04-22T23:58:46+00:00

Men who think that way might be the most pathetic creatures to roam the earth. It’s truly mind boggling. A bunch of men here will tell you it’s a “fantasy” (their favorite thing, a projection) but it’s the honest to god truth about how many men (ESPECIALLY here) think. I almost feel bad for them💀

BDaily24 · 2025-04-23T21:58:02+00:00

Those places are shitholes because men are never held accountable in those places.

It's a fucking moral free for all and those who are physically stronger (men) and more violent (men) decides the outcomes. And the outcomes are shit.

USPSHoudini · 2025-04-23T01:18:53+00:00

A lot of it is frustration from having seen narratives that you should date single moms from activists for years and just a total unwillingness to even read what you write. They're so done with being told that they're awful for saying no that they dont care to even discuss it anymore because they know there's not going to be a discussion, it will be another Struggle Session haha you've already received replies completely ignoring you and saying they wont date them despite the post not being about that at all as an example of that

But you also do have to consider that you likely dont date women and single moms and dont get to see what its like underneath the social and happy mask. I havent had nearly the horror stories I've seen some men go through myself, only issues with them lying about being moms so far really

Ever see the videos of women who make male profiles on dating apps and only then finally understand that the dating market for BOTH sexes really is in the gutter? Its because they never really get to see how awful or silly their female friends/coworkers can actually be in a relationship vs a friendship and underestimate when men tell them about their dating struggles like how men will sometimes doubt and downplay stories of how often or young women will start getting catcalled at because the guy's never really seen catcalling happen before or maybe didnt notice it at the time

Title	A word about "single mothers"
Author	OrganicAd5450
Upvotes	16
Comments	327
Date	April 22, 2025 11:53 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1k5lc6k/a_word_about_single_mothers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/a-word-about-single-mothers.1550358 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550358

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