I’d like to be informed to how I can make men more comfortable.

ANobodyCalledJames · 2021-08-30T21:55:49+00:00

As long as you know that men's struggles are real, and they matter, just as much as everyone else's, I wouldn't say you have to do anything specific -- so please don't worry yourself.

Treat everyone you talk to and meet as their own individual and you'll always be fine -- the gender of the person you're interacting with has no bearing on how kind, patient, caring and understanding you should be.

Nobodyinc1 · 2021-08-30T21:44:38+00:00

I mean you don’t need to do anything. Simply acknowledged that everyone has struggles and inequalities in life and by working together we can solve them. That is not man vs woman but rather how all of us can live together and better the human race by not ignoring the plight of others just because they are a certain gender or race or sexuality ectra.

yoitsericc · 2021-08-30T23:38:32+00:00

Compliments are amazing.

I don't think women realize how few compliments a man receives in his lifetime.

It can be something as simple as - hey you look nice today.

It will literally make our week.

DIES-_-IRAE · 2021-08-30T22:15:51+00:00

Simple empathy and letting men talk about our issues freely is more than enough.

Men's rights activism is not a ideological lifestyle choice like Feminism is; it is a means to an end, and unlike Feminism it has an endgame.

Honestly I'd rather take women calling Feminists on their bullshit than having a woman taylor their behavior to make me more "comfortable" in a given situation.

Discomfort, pain, and hatred I can endure. It's the double standards and censorship that bother me.

alclarkey · 2021-08-30T22:13:11+00:00

Well, to start with, and I think I can speak for all of us, we're not looking for special treatment. We're looking for fair treatment.

kieran69reed69 · 2021-08-30T23:31:25+00:00

You've just done it, even acknowledging that men have strugles is 1000x better than what mist people do, they just like to pretend that were tough and don't have problems but we do, if only people could be more understanding that guys are humans too and underneath, were just as upset about something as women are

OldEgalitarianMRA · 2021-08-30T22:04:23+00:00

You can help by accepting that society has structural problems that we need both men and women to fix. Child custody should be default 50/50 shared parenting, but sadly feminists and trad-cons fight this in the State capitals. There is a feminist inspired over-grading of girls in school as they rolled behavior into grading and now there is a 20% education gap against boys in college.

Among other issues. Radical feminists assure us men face no structural barriers. You can help us by calling out your sisters.

AcidKritana · 2021-08-30T22:13:57+00:00

Just know some facts, spread awareness if you want to (you don't have to), and just be a good, equal human being.

thestrucguyYT · 2021-08-30T23:29:39+00:00

Avoid double standards

AaronKClark · 2021-08-30T23:35:17+00:00

Just treat everyone equally.

Heliorept · 2021-08-30T22:07:04+00:00

That is kind of you, but I am afraid things are a like bit more complicated than that. Most problems men face are societal or systemic. The biggest areas of concern are mental health and child custody hearings.

Jakeybaby125 · 2021-08-30T22:43:52+00:00

Here's a good place to start in case you get into an argument with a feminist:

https://menarehuman.com/citations/

Credit to u/men-are-human for setting this up

I'd also recommend saving statistics posts along with checking out TheTinMen on Insta

Living-Reference5329 · 2021-08-30T23:14:05+00:00

Yeah don’t just think “ men don’t feel this” or all men do this. Stop and think and you will be ok

Rjohn_arjun · 2021-08-30T22:13:44+00:00

While all of the above are true There is an awful lot of misandry out there .. If u see something say something

And we men also have sisters and mothers so most of us support the narrative of feminism.. equality for both...in all social media we like these posts we comment 'go girl'...we help out our female classmates...but then when we come across posts that defame men and literally talk about killing them it doesn't make sense ....

Also practically speaking if men believe in radical men's rights and women in pseudo feminism then no one is gng to benefit. We are looking at a society wherein men would not want to get married and same for woman too...

While we men ensure that if one of us is a misogynist to educate him there are very less instances of the same in the women's World. There misandry is celebrated...

May we know women like you May we be women like u May we know women like u as friends May we know women like u as workplace colleagues

Thank you for posting this...u made my day

TinCan_Assassin · 2021-08-31T20:08:39+00:00

Get off the drugs, for one thing.

idrinkapplejuice42 · 2021-08-31T05:35:01+00:00

The biggest thing imo is just to be friendly. Lots of women are downright rude to men because they think youll be a creeper if theyre nice. If a girl is friendly to me but turns me down when I ask for her number I 100% respect that. What I hate is women who are just rude or even ignore you when you just try to start a convo. Its so refreshing when a woman is simply friendly to me.

CdnPoster · 2021-08-30T22:48:42+00:00

Well......

To start with, you could ask where the shelters are for male victims of domestic violence if shelters come up in conversation.

You could point people in the direction of r/FemaleSexPredatorInfo and r/FemaleSexPredatorNews if the topic of sexual offenders comes up.

If employment equity comes up, you can ask whether the best person for the job was hired or if the hiring was done to fill a quota....

Really, it's just being aware of the double standard. I guess you can ask yourself in any conversations that develop, how would a male feel about this?

See what happens.

JablesRadio · 2021-08-30T23:38:45+00:00

You've already done it just by acknowledgment. That's how little is asked and how much is taken by the femanazis.

asiwaritXR · 2021-08-30T23:29:14+00:00

Everyone else has already summed it up way better than I can, but I just want to say thank you.

annnoonnnoonn · 2021-08-30T22:31:16+00:00

There is no 'man up'

az226 · 2021-08-31T08:29:07+00:00

I’ll throw one in for unconscious biases. Just how there are negative and toxic biases against women and minorities, equally there are such biases against men.

Short men must compensate. Men with short or thin penises must compensate or are less manly. Same for men who can’t get it up or turn down sex. Weak or lack of muscle tone men are lesser men. Same for men who can’t grow a beard. Men who aren’t tough who don’t “man up” are lesser men. Men who cry are wimps. Men who can’t hold down a beer or scotch is a sissy. Same for men who don’t follow sports. Men going to the playground with their children are pedophiles. Fathers are only “baby sitting” their own children. Men who want to split the check are cheapskates. Men must court and ask the women out. Husbands must earn more than their wives. Men who are virgins are losers. Men can’t be rape victims, because they must enjoy it/they got hard. Men can’t be domestic violence victims, because they are stronger. Hitting a woman is never ok, but hitting a man is ok. Believe her, but don’t believe him. Men who got their genitals mutilated aren’t victims because there are health benefits (there aren’t). Fathers who didn’t get custody must be deadbeats (courts favor mothers). Men who lost out on scholarships and federal aid because they didn’t register for the draft aren’t victims because it’s always been men’s responsibility to keep the country safe. Men in certain jobs like nurse, stewardess, housekeeper, or babysitter need to get a real job. Two men who are friends that hug are “gay”. A man can’t be just friends with a woman, because all men want is sex. And so on.

We got to check ourselves when we make these implicit assumptions. If you flip the genders and it’s fucked up, chances are it’s also fucked up but society has trained you into thinking otherwise.

blue_theflame · 2021-09-01T00:31:58+00:00

I don't really think there's anything specific you need to do because you realize & acknowledge that men struggle too. And I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say thank you for that.

Liberal_On_Guns · 2021-08-31T04:38:32+00:00

You know, this kind of harkens back to the myth of male vulnerability. In reality, you aren't going to be "hurtful" unless you actively insult a guy. We're pretty naturally stoic, and unless you do or say something blatantly cruel, we aren't going to read into it and be hurt.

Now, if you want to know how to better understand the struggles of future boyfriends, husbands, and sons, feel free to reach out. The gist is that there is a burden of performance on men in society to a degree that women never have to experience, and literally nobody will ever make excuses for you, and people will be disgusted by you if you dare to make excuses for yourself. Now, I personally think that last part is mostly a good thing; we become better when we are forced to take accountability, and a mark of a man's maturity is his ability to take ownership over his outcomes. This is part of what empowers men as we age.

Here's one thing you can actually do that will benefit you in the long run: Learn boundaries. Do not keep guys hanging around in your orbit just to be nice, especially guys who have asked you out and/or especially ex boyfriends. It gives the wrong idea to both the orbiters as well as the quality men who would otherwise be interested in you.

FiveMagicBeans · 2021-08-31T04:58:03+00:00

Please don't allow yourself to fall into the logical trap that because some men are more aggressive or violent, that it's a trait shared by all men.

Most of us understand that we can be really intimidating, and we try to do our best to value your input and make you feel comfortable... but at the end of the day, you still need to be able to own your feelings, rather than projecting them onto us or making us feel like a second class citizen.

I know that if I'm walking down the street at night in a hooded sweatshirt and dark pants that I'm pretty scary, so I do my best not to do things that make that worse. However, I should have the same right to walk on the sidewalk as anyone else, and I'm not going to engage in any of the stupid tricks like pretending to talk on my phone or deliberately crossing the street just because someone in front of me can't reign in their prejudice.

Just treat us the way you'd like to be treated, because these days that's vanishingly rare.

SandorYarpClegane · 2021-08-30T22:23:05+00:00

Treat us as you want to be treated.

Kinexity · 2021-08-30T23:07:19+00:00

You don't have to do anything in particular. We are all people and should treat each other with basic respect. The best advice is to just simply treat others the same way you would like to be treated. Problems that men and women face are different but it does not really mean that one side has it harder. From my perspective based on observation of different comments on different subs men's and women's problems sum up to be pretty equal because for every attempt to say that one side has it harder there is always someone with counterargument (if everything can be countered then sum is 0 and we come to my theory that problems are equal). If you want to eg. donate to a charity that fights breast cancer it does not mean to you have to donate same amount for the testicular cancer because what matters is the intent. It would be wrong if your train of thought was "I donate only to breast cancer charity because I hate men and I don't want to help them" but it is fully ok if you do it without any malicious intent and just want to help.

Based_Hootless · 2021-08-31T01:57:48+00:00

This is obvious bait and all of the men replying to this are totally duped.

It’s sad that so many men who think of themselves as “red pilled” suddenly jump into compliance with the father-figure good-guy trope. We will never, ever overcome our true naive, compassionate nature.

And fuck the OP who posted this dumbass disingenuous question.

throwawaybear61 · 2021-08-30T22:37:56+00:00

Call out feminists on their hate and lies. Fight against the movement to continue increasing women’s privileges at the expense of men’s rights. Speak out against feminism every time you encounter it. One woman doing this is louder than a hundred of us men doing it.

OkCryptographer4390 · 2021-08-30T22:04:28+00:00

Golden rule and be honest. That's about it...

Training_Passenger79 · 2021-08-31T01:45:38+00:00

Sorry, I’m not a man, but I went through a period of sexism when I was in college and I had to do a lot of self-work to heal.

One of the things that really helped me to realize the depth of mens feelings was watching the documentary “The Mask You Live In”. (Although I guess another commenter claims this is feminist propaganda? It didn’t seem that way to me).

That documentary shook my whole world view, because it was the first time I think I ever heard real feelings from men. After that, I started putting the work in like you’re doing now. (Not to suggest you were sexist like I was)

I started looking at AMAs women ask to men. Reading comments from men on forums. Watching some videos made by men, for men. At various points I had the opportunity to talk to men about their feelings and sometimes offer a female perspective (made a lot of super cool friends that way)…

I will say that it can be a dark place to go though. MRAs are largely intellectual, and there’s enough MRA guys that are to balance out the few angry people….but there are some male-centric media places you should probably avoid, because they can easily detract from your progress.

That’s what helped me, though. Because part of the problem is that you can empathize with men all day long (most women try pretty hard to do it), but they still won’t feel like you really understand them, because the fact is - you don’t.

You actually have to put the work into learning. Then your empathy feels genuine because you can explain why you understand.

Edit - to documentary line

Mycroft033 · 2021-08-31T03:52:50+00:00

Well, the thing is that most of the issues men face are systemic. So it’s difficult to point to specific things individuals can do. However, here’s my best shot at it.

Probably the best thing that I’ve found is that women can actually say things about how men are treated, and they’re listened to, if only marginally more so. You’ll probably get called a “pickme” but honestly it’s tough to avoid getting called names nowadays, no matter what you think or say. You just get to pick who calls you names. That’s a tough thing to do though, so here’s some easier things that might help the men in your immediate circle.

In general, it’s appreciated when you smile and compliment men with a decently thought out compliment. Usually the guys don’t get compliments at all so they’ll be walking on cloud nine after you do it. Some guys might confuse it for romantic interest since it’s so rare, so the best course of action I’ve found is to do it consistently to all kinds of different guys, and only do it in public places. That way it’s easy to see you just do it to everyone so that’s not making a move on anyone. And you don’t have to do it to every guy you see, maybe just do like two or three a day. That will make a huge difference to the guys around you.

If you’re looking for a straight relationship, here’s something you can do. Make the first move, ask a guy out. Women have a 90% success rate when it comes to asking guys out, as studies have shown, and if you limit who you ask out to guys you’re decently sure like you back, then you’ll minimize the chances of rejection even farther. If you are rejected, which sucks, know that the guy isn’t playing hard to get (guys don’t typically do that) and that he has almost certainly been in your shoes, so he’ll typically try to be nice about it. Just respect his rejection and realize that you literally just made his whole entire month. Getting asked out is so rare that in the even rarer unfortunate event guys have to turn it down, they’re still super flattered.

If you’re already in a straight relationship, then something you might try is straight up asking your bf “what can I do to make you feel more appreciated/comfortable?” And then listen to his answer without getting mad. It might be hard, but it’s worth it. Often today the men are expected to listen, but the same is not expected of women. If you already listen well, good, but this is just a reminder because I have no clues as to your background.

If you’re in/looking for a non-straight relationship, disregard the last two tips lol.

In general it’s just helpful to treat everyone with honor, but these are a few slightly more specific ways that I hope help you a little bit. Thanks a bunch from the guys for being one of the real ones!

DCG-Gaming · 2021-08-31T05:30:31+00:00

Don’t fall into silly femcel beliefs, like men never experience domestic violence for example.

Hollowhowler100 · 2021-08-31T00:35:01+00:00

Just treat us the same as anyone else

DEADGOA87 · 2021-08-30T22:37:37+00:00

what a chad

lightning_palm · 2021-08-30T23:30:45+00:00

There is a gender empathy gap and a bias that makes people typecast men as perpetrators and women as victims, likely evolutionary. In my opinion, that is at the crux of all issues men face, and is the reason why evidence that shows that men are treated worse is systematically being ignored by large organizations, governments and newspapers, be it out of pure ignorance or to further a narrative. And of course, this has huge consequences on how men are treated in everyday situations. More on that later.
As a man, getting hit in the groin really not fun but rather painful, sexually humiliating, dangerous and scary and I hate how it (and harm to male genitals in general) is being played for gags in movies and the likes.
For me personally, I would say avoiding phrases like "man up", "take it like a man", "toxic masculinity" and "male privilege" and anything else that unfairly puts the blame on men to shame them. Also understanding that it is a stereotype that men don't seek help and while it is true that some men have been societally conditioned to just "toughen it up", that is only part of the problem.
Shaming men for liking feminine things and presenting in a feminine way is not cool.
Avoiding automatically seeing men as a threat or sexual predator. Avoiding to suspect them to be pedophiles when they work with children. Also getting rid of the assumption that men are not scared walking alone at night, depending on the area. Men are scared, but they won't show it because they are not allowed to. Men are also much more frequently the victims of violence than women because other men have a lower threshold before they are violent to men, so men do have a reason to be scared.
Avoiding the societal expectation for men to be breadwinners. I personally made the experience of my mother being labelled as "ill" and thus deserving of help, while my father was constantly vilified as a loser who lacks responsibility. Maybe neither treatment is right and we should meet in the middle, for both genders.
Avoiding the expectation to not make a man pay on a first date and instead splitting the bill. Maybe an exception can be made when one person really has a lot more money, but this should be applied regardless of gender.
I dislike the assumption that fathers are worse than mothers, and how fathers are often treated in a disparaging way ("mother knows best") or are viewed as less important.
Most other issues can be viewed as a direct cause of this gender empathy gap. They are systematic and there is little you as a person can do, apart from advocate when you see it. Among them are the education and grading bias, public health spendings and longevity, male genital mutilation, in some countries lower pensions ages for women than for men, a huge sentencing disparity (In the UK, 3/4 to 5/6 male prisoners would not be in prison if they were treated as leniently as women), family courts, fatherlessness, suicide (men commit suicide over 3 times as often as women, in Russia almost 7 times as many men as women, men do seek help before they commit suicide but they just don't get it), rape (contrary to popular belief men are raped just as frequently as women, mainly by women, some countries such as the UK and India don't even legally recognize female on male rape as rape although many surveys have tried to hide this result with clever wording and other tricks, such as redefining rape to exclude "made to penetrate" or counting both attempted and completed rape perpetrated against women but only completed rape perpetrated against men), homelessness, false rape/sexual assault allegations (hard to get by good statistics about this because of the nature of the problem), military service, domestic violence (there is a gender symmetry in domestic violence but almost no DV shelters for men, see this post and especially the entire comment thread). ___ More on the gender empathy gap: >Man up and take it: Gender bias in moral typecasting (Reynolds et al. 2020) shows that people more readily assume female victims and male perpetrators, that people assume that women suffer more pain from their harm, even when women fall in the perpetrator role, see male suffering as more deserved, fair and moral, feel more inclined to punish men and would like to dole out harsher punishments to men, assume more suffering and have more pity for women even in those cases where the real-world discrepancies signal that men have it worse. Women show a greater bias in almost all of the studies conducted.

In one of the author's videos, she suggests that concerns about gender-inequality are going to manifest asymmetrically and be skewed in favor of women because of this bias.

In her article on queermajority.com, the author suggests that this is probably an evolved bias:

"Through the lens of evolution, such a tendency [to instinctively cast men in the role of perpetrator and women in the role of victim] can be associated with reproductive roles. Women set the upper limit on reproduction; all other factors being equal, a group of 10 women and 3 men can produce many more children than a group made up of the opposite gender ratio. With this in mind, it’s not unreasonable to assume that natural selection has favored psychological mechanisms that protect women from harm. If so, our modern minds may possess relics of these asymmetric impulses, attuning our thoughts and emotions to more readily insulate women, relative to men, against peril."

There is plenty of research that further illustrates this gender empathy gap, a particularly gruesome result was obtained in this one:

In one study that examined the trolley dilemma titled Moral Chivalry: Gender and Harm Sensitivity Predict Costly Altruism (FeldmanHall et al. 2016), "88% of participants reported that they would push [a] man off the footbridge instead [of a woman]". The same study also found that "[p]articipants kept significantly less money when interacting with a female target than a male target" to save them from harm. See specifically figure 1.

My response didn't fit into one comment, so see my reply to this comment for the second part.

GSP2973 · 2021-08-30T23:37:23+00:00

I’d say you got everything you need just by having the wherewithal to ask this question.

CrappyWaiter · 2021-08-31T00:54:39+00:00

Don't baby anyone that's just patronizing. The best thing you can do is be supportive of anyone who talks about men's issues.

boron32 · 2021-08-31T01:41:33+00:00

Personally, I would spend any amount of money for someone who does not expect it. But the second she would assume I’m paying and start taking advantage over it is when I feel weird. So I guess if you go to dinner, have enough to cover it just in case. And be appreciative. Also, understand that men can go through terrible traumas too that can go unnoticed. Lastly, while you shouldn’t assume every male is safe to be around because in some countries/ cities that would be unwise, most men are not perverts and are not trying to harm you.

Gallagher_Shakes · 2021-08-31T03:04:40+00:00

I’d ask to just be 101% honest in all interactions. Male. Female. Aim to be clear in your interactions.

pubgmisc · 2021-08-31T03:41:04+00:00

A note in the workplace: I would just say that if you're working with men, just understand that men communicate overtly, fast, direct, so it's not like they are 'treating you as less' etc., or anything like that, it's just male nature

stunspot · 2021-08-31T05:37:24+00:00

Just be ready to genderflip anything gender related and ask yourself "Is this appalling?" . If so, then the original probably is too. See "killallmen".

YesAmAThrowaway · 2021-08-31T06:01:26+00:00

It's less about actively making somebody comfortable (society can't oblige you to do anything), and more about not belitteling, minimising or denying that every once in a while, the world finds ways to have everybody face crap in their lives.

Just, you know, treat everybody equally.

Remarkable_Weather21 · 2021-08-31T11:27:36+00:00

just do not use words like mansplaining or something do not use phrases like small dick energy

then we are fine

and do not assume we have some amazing privileges

ChadWolf98 · 2021-08-30T23:20:48+00:00

Simply put, forget everything the media, society etc taught you about men.

Now, simply treat other man as human beings with feelings. Little difference compared to women is that most men like being treated as a masculine man, and most of them use logic instead of emotions to go throught life. And even this is a generalisation.

No-Feedback7437 · 2021-08-30T22:49:24+00:00

I as male appreciate your efforts we should not be condemned because of our gender I was being accused by a woman child molestation because I walking near elementary school Saying hello would be nice also

GinoMan2440 · 2021-08-31T02:47:38+00:00

I mean, we could probably give you a pretty exhaustive list of the issues that men face in general, but overall, if you adopt a mindset that men and women are equally valuable as human beings, that's 99% of it right there.

I don't think you have much to worry about as far as offending us or as "ANobodyCalledJames" put it, "do anything specific". Really empathy is the key. When you hold that egalitarian view, then it becomes obvious: "Wait, this article just described a boy and his female teacher as "a sexual tryst" or "a sexual relationship", wouldn't that be rape if the genders were switched?" or "wait, females are protected by law from genital mutilation, so why is male circumcision still a thing?"

Ultimately one of the things that becomes a paradigm shift for women who have your kinda heart is having a son. Suddenly it's no longer "men" in the abstract, it's "That girl is taunting my boy that he can't hit her back while she bullies and torments him and wails on him... Oh no you don't! Not my son! c'mere you little grunt!"

Men's Rights is very different from feminism, not just in the focus, but also in the sense that we embrace women who adopt this sort of "if it were my son, would I really find this ok" mama-bear mentality. A feminist would say of dads thinking of that about their daughters as "paternalism" and therefore somehow "patriarchal" and therefore bad and therefore it's still misogyny. But MRA's don't see women who think that way regarding men on behalf of their sons that way, as if it were part of some sort of etherial matriarchy.

I only mention that to say that Men's Rights is more grounded and tends to appreciate support regardless where it comes from. It doesn't bother me if a woman thinks circumcision should be illegal because it diminishes women's pleasure too. I'll take the united front that "hey, circumcision is wrong!"

I'm really glad you asked this question because ultimately I think when we protect both sexes, we protect everyone and ultimately I think that's what equality should be about: Equal protection under the law.

vcdghibhuu · 2021-08-31T03:48:54+00:00

A sammich calms me down

michaelpaoli · 2021-08-31T05:43:01+00:00

Do these things and you'll probably do fine:

listen
don't presume
be decent and honest, don't be a jerk
don't be a pushover and do well stand up for yourself ... I only mention that because, well, ... some will abuse the above, so, don't let yourself be abused ... as that also tends to breed resentment, etc., and that tends to gum up the whole works for everyone

wwwhistler · 2021-08-30T23:51:48+00:00

all that is really needed is to talk to the women you know. if one says something sexist about men in general. point it out. if they express views that are not very egalitarian, point it out. when one says "all men...." point out the fallacy. when all men are called rapists, sexists, violent. destructive. speak up.

when you do it it means more than when we do it.

Throwaway_Old_Guy · 2021-08-31T00:06:07+00:00

Just try your best to be a decent human.

Silent-Suspect-4075 · 2021-08-31T01:03:29+00:00

I'm glad someone is taking the time to acknowledge that men do have issues and not blowing them off and saying that women issues are more important.

zellegion · 2021-08-31T01:07:25+00:00

Don't flog yourself you're not at fault for a system

MillionWilliam · 2021-08-31T01:43:15+00:00

This isn't like one of those other movements. You don't need to check yourself. Just be aware of the issues and listen when you can and speak up about it if you want. We aren't trying to see we're oppressed or victims or none of that. We just want acknowledgement and, hopefully, change. Of course, without being considered incels or misogynists.

Women have their fair share of issues and I'm glad to see things changing for them, but it feels weird to be blamed for all the issues in the world (as a white man ..) without any acknowledgement that any issues I have are of my own making.

reddut_gang · 2021-08-31T02:11:18+00:00

you don't need to. just like, don't be an asshole. I think that applies to everyone.

BrokenDeity1 · 2021-08-31T03:05:48+00:00

The big problem with most women is their unwillingness to acknowledge their privilege and dominance over everyone else.

Your gender is a protected class put above men, children and even the wealthy.

Gynocentrism has completely warped people's perception of reality and what's worse is that an anti-male hate movement's lies have become mainstream.

ladyofthenight_ · 2021-08-30T21:57:50+00:00

Be a true feminist that supports actual equality for both genders

atheist4thecause · 2021-08-31T00:33:18+00:00

Honestly, I think this is kind of a toxic mentality. We don't need women to be self-flogging themselves, we need societal changes. For instance, allowing men in domestic violence shelters whether that be in the ones that exist or getting our own that women can't go into.

But to answer what you personally can do on a day-to-day basis, avoid doing some of the harmful things. For instance, at work I noticed that women with kids use their kids as an excuse to get out of work at close earlier than everybody else. They always say they should get to leave first, but it wasn't my choice for her to have kids and I shouldn't have to pay for her choice. The really annoying thing about this is that it's a daily occurrence and closing is when we make the least because it's just cleaning and there are no customers tipping or buying anything. That's the real reason she wants to leave early, because lets be honest: The child will be sleeping when she gets home whether she gets home a half-hour earlier or a half-hour later. Women consistently use these kinds of excuses to gain non-financial benefits in the workplace, then complain they make less on average than men.

I would also say see things from a man's perspective. This is called having empathy, and in my experience, it's extremely difficult for women to have empathy for men. For instance, a woman wants an attractive man to hit on her so that she can find her soul mate, right? But if a non-attractive man hits on her than it's said that he is harassing her or out of line. Well, how is he supposed to know whether she's interested or not if he doesn't ask? So she wants the benefits of finding the right man without the detriments of attracting unattractive men. Well, you can't expect to have it both ways.

To use a Feminist word, realize that you have privilege, too. Men have our advantages tending to be bigger, faster, and stronger physically, but women have theirs. Don't acknowledge our advantages without acknowledging your own. For instance, especially attractive women get HUGE advantages of getting jobs easier, getting higher tips, being more successful streaming games/videos with inferior content (inferior meaning that if you take a man and woman streaming a game, the man will often be objectively better at the game but the woman will get more views for being a woman), etc.

Stop turning advantages into disadvantages with a victim mentality. Feminists often complain about a pink tax. Their razor will cost 15% more (or whatever the amount is) for the same product just a different color. But why is this? It's because women control most of the money, they control most of the spending, and they are more willing to spend more on themselves than men are. Quite literally, female selfishness leads towards them having to pay more. And then Feminists complain that men make more, but that's because men are working more. And so when men are at work longer, when are shopping more, and women are taking that time to spend more on themselves, where a man in the same situation would generally spend less on themselves than the woman. That's massive female privilege that is painted as male privilege.

I could go on and on, but the truth is that your question is impossible to answer since I don't know how you act. So instead, I tried to show what to watch out for with your own mindset. You have to get to a point where you can identify the issues for yourself, not just try acting off a script someone else gives you.

JoeSmith1907 · 2021-08-30T22:59:41+00:00

Welcome to the sub. I don't have much to add to what's been already been said. You might want to look at Alexander Grace's Youtube channel. He has some videos that might answer your question. Some Men's Rights channels have an edge to them that might turn you off, but his is pretty even keel.

CyclopeWarrior · 2021-08-30T22:46:02+00:00

I'd say just appreciate men, and how we can all have comfortable lives because there's men out there making it easy for us all.

Average_gun_enjoyer · 2021-08-30T23:54:11+00:00

You don't have to do much, treat us how you want to be treated and try talking to your friends about it. Thank you.

pimoflex69 · 2021-08-31T09:24:26+00:00

Men aren't as sensitive as women so there's no need to be extra careful or anything. Just acknowledgement and bit of compassion goes a long way. That's all we're asking

z3bru · 2021-08-31T04:54:17+00:00

Honestly, we dont need any special treatment. We just want the issues of our gender not to be dismissed.

mattypea · 2021-08-31T04:28:41+00:00

This thread has been a pleasure to read through. Such open, honest, and equal discourse ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽ Love the points about looking at people as individuals rather than for their gender. We need to stop taking score!

Arrow218 · 2021-08-31T05:25:41+00:00

Honestly just acknowledging that men have issues too is it. And speaking up if you hear any of the "men's struggles are irrelevant bc penis" BS from people like the ones over at the ironically named /r/AgainstHateSubreddits

wanthonio31 · 2021-08-31T05:38:26+00:00

You don't really have to check yourself, you're not in debt to anybody. But I feel like your acknowledgment / awareness is amazing and ahead of the curve. I don't have much to say but you have nothing but respect for that and keep it up

Isaaker12 · 2021-08-31T07:15:18+00:00

Honestly I don't think you as an individual can do much. In my opinion, the problem is systemic. Laws, judges, politicians, etc.

masterdarthrevan · 2021-08-31T10:28:15+00:00

We should all be trying to help everyone be their best self, support, caring, encouragement.

KoDa6562 · 2021-08-31T10:49:26+00:00

Of course not universal, but if a guy asks you to drop the topic then just leave it be and don't persist. I've noticed a lot of my women friends tend to do it to myself and other guys. Otherwise all other advice here is quite valid. Hope this helps

sdlcur · 2021-08-31T11:30:10+00:00

A huge thing is don’t diminish men’s struggles and problems because of your own. Women definitely have their own sex based daily struggles and this movement is NOT about minimising that! Don’t tear yourself down to prop men up, just have equal support for the men in your life that you would for the women

EmotionalFail927 · 2021-08-31T11:41:23+00:00

whenever u hear a guy was responsible for something, please, hear im out before forming an opinion, its very important and suprisingly scarce today doing this means ur genuinely a good human, to be able to look at both sides of the story

Starforce2005 · 2021-08-31T12:17:04+00:00

Treat the man the same as how you would treat a woman, then you are fine.

GrandpaTheBand · 2021-08-31T12:33:53+00:00

Don't forget to compliment them once in a while. People need them.

Panderjit_SinghVV · 2021-08-31T13:20:41+00:00

Advocate for equality. Sex discrimination against men is legal and encouraged in many nations.

akrause03 · 2021-08-31T13:35:46+00:00

Treat them as a person not a being that deserves everyone’s ire

ApprehensiveMail8 · 2021-08-31T14:25:56+00:00

Being unknowingly hurtful isn't really a gender problem, or even a problem specific to gender issues. The most hurtful comments often come from people who are trying to help, and that's true across the political spectrum and across every issue.

If that's really something you feel you struggle with I would recommend learning non-violent communication.

LegalIdea · 2021-08-31T14:41:26+00:00

Men as a whole, just acknowledging that we can and do get the short end of the stick sometimes is a good start.

Men you're in a relationship with (whether platonic or romantic). They to help with whatever they are dealing with in the moment. Could be custody issues or workplace or something else.

In regards to the legal system. Look at legal proposals and try to understand how they work. Ask yourself if you would be upset if the genders were reversed. If so, it probably isn't a good idea.

Stoicism1981 · 2021-08-31T16:49:55+00:00

I am not a man I probably shouldn’t comment but I just saw a post from r/askmen - why men avoid marriage? Haha... making them more comfortable so they can get married? Sorry, I am brainstorming now.. lol

LateralThinker13 · 2021-08-31T19:27:27+00:00

http://empathygap.uk/

Just keep reading up about it. Awareness is more than half the battle.

Rjohn_arjun · 2021-08-30T22:14:53+00:00

Also guys upvote this post everyone...and send it to ur friends family let's get atleast 5k upvotes.. I have already sent this post link to my friends and family....

falante788 · 2021-08-31T00:03:30+00:00

Thank you very much for this post. One thing that would be greatly appreciated would be educating yourself on feminist propaganda and how feminists rewrote history to make it seem as though men have oppressed women throughout history

fredditfascists · 2021-08-31T03:26:16+00:00

Just be a decent person, don't dismiss people because of their gender.
Don't treat men and boys like "oppressors" or "potential rapists" or any of the other nonsense feminists spit and I think you'll be fine.

Most women are O.K. if a bit ill-informed (but so many are, it's definitely not gendered), but I rarely have issues with them they're usually pretty receptive to discussions on male suicide, workplace deaths, etc. as long as you aren't openly hostile.
Feminists however are vehemently anti-male, so don't give them credibility by equating them with equality.

Mollof2 · 2021-08-31T05:17:03+00:00

You are awesome queen

CharacterAd2360 · 2021-08-31T06:23:58+00:00

Here’s a huge one. the approach And for the love of god stand up for men when they try to talk about how much they hate dating norms and get called an incel for trying to talk about their problems with them. The definition of toxic masculinity is “expectations expected of men that have a negative impact on them or society.” The approach, scheduling the dates, expecting the man to message first after the date, the proposal, expecting him to make the first move, paying for the meals, etc. THESE ARE ALL EXAMPLES OF TOXIC MASCULINITY AND WE ARE ALL EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT THEM DUE TO HOW NORMALIZED IT HAS BECOME TO MAKE FUN OF MEN WHO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS. THESE THINGS THINGS ARE ALL LITERALLY TOXIC MASCULINITY!!!

Greeddeath · 2021-08-31T07:13:56+00:00

Just be straight forward. Guys mostly are simple. And dont be little their problems cause 'gender'. Also small protip, honest kind word often can get you further, than ton of mean actions.

LoveIsUnderrated · 2021-08-31T07:22:08+00:00

I love seeing other women that care about men here! Men definitely have unique experiences compared to us ladies. They have struggles, too.

no_user_ID_found · 2021-08-31T08:22:52+00:00

Just treat everyone equal. Truly equal. Truly truly equal.

Mythandros · 2021-08-31T08:39:39+00:00

You specifically, probably nothing.

Society in general... Well. Some attention to the issues men face day to day would be good. But it would be better if we were actually listened to and not just told how to feel.

There are many, MANY more things that could be improved upon but it would take way too long for me to list them and that would make this post too long.

Dwaynedibley24601 · 2021-08-31T11:25:43+00:00

The silent treatment is abusive, don't expect me to read your mind JUST SAY IT! and if you have had a headache for 17 days GO TO A DOCTOR!

DavidByron2 · 2021-08-31T00:34:07+00:00

Stop treating men the way racist store detectives treat black people as they try to shop.

Complicated_Peanuts · 2021-08-31T01:33:41+00:00

Pick random experiences, in your life going forward and in your past. Replay them in your mind but with the gender reversed. If what you see is still ok, then it’s probably ok.

Edit: I do not understand the downvotes. This is a method to test if you’re treating people differently based on gender…which is what was requested

DrakeFruitDDG · 2021-08-31T11:38:11+00:00

Even if its meaningless to you, give men compliments. Small ones work just any compliment out of no where will help them through the day.

No_Point_8751 · 2021-08-31T12:25:24+00:00

I would reply empathy but you must have had this answer a ton of times.

I personally get annoyed by the women that thinks the way to my heart is my genitalia.

Just building trust. Creating a space where both of you feel comfortable saying no (keyword is both).

Basically what hurts the most is being not heard or taken for something we aren't.

parker1picasso · 2021-08-31T12:26:11+00:00

It irks me when perceived “popular” women treat nerdy not as “popular” guys & don’t treat them with respect. The average man dissent care that this happens & thats a reason why girls continue to do it. It’s a sign of intelligence & of course compassion when women treat everyone with kindness.

On the flip side- women have to be careful about attracting attention from someone who could turn out to be a creep. However, still possible to be respectful & cordial to men who are just trying to be kind.

DriftyFlea · 2021-08-31T12:30:06+00:00

Just be open to the fact that men have problems too, and don't laugh/make fun of them for "not being man enough."

lsaz · 2021-08-31T13:17:11+00:00

Wait I was told this subreddit was misogynist and hateful!!!

The_Canadian_Viking · 2021-08-31T15:38:46+00:00

To respond to "gender based struggles" if you ever decide to have a kid and it's a boy, please don't mutilate his genitals.

Tetrahy · 2021-08-31T17:47:06+00:00

I'd like to point out after reading these comments, that men just want to be treated as individual human beings, that want respect and have emotions. That's basically all we need from anyone. We aren't asking for any physical, mental, financial, or societal privileges or pedestals like these "feminists" are. We just want to be recognized as humans that also struggle in day to day life.

Edit: I feel gross for using privileges but I couldn't think of a different word haha

GrinningPizza · 2021-08-31T21:15:49+00:00

Just remember there’s more good people than bad

coffeegrounds42 · 2021-08-31T21:45:26+00:00

All I would ask is don't ask for a man to show feelings then belittle him when he does. A good rule of thumb is simply to switch genders in your head and if it sounds messed up happening to one gender then it's messed up happening to any other gender.

lemons7472 · 2021-09-01T00:09:22+00:00

Well nothing actually. Just as long as you treat men as regular human beings with emotions, you are Golden. It’s weird tho that there are people who do the complete opposite and treat men or women as something different. Anyways have a good day.

SamuelNevaSeen90 · 2021-08-31T00:47:18+00:00

Stupid simps

rustjelqing2 · 2021-08-30T22:29:50+00:00

By taking care of yourself and staying sane.

Blutarg · 2021-08-30T22:33:32+00:00

It isn't your job to make other people comfortable.

donhuff23 · 2021-08-31T02:28:27+00:00

Simple rules: 1. NEVER NEVER NEVER compare him to past boyfriends, even to close friends. If he isn’t the biggest or the best, he will find out you told. Since men (and I said men, nor boys) do whatever they can for their lovers, he will find out and then you’ve lost a level of trust. You only so many levels to work with. 2. Be honest and open. We cannot read your mind. 3. Accept his emotions as valid for him. Never deny his feelings - it’s hard enough for a guy to start acknowledging feelings, and he willl joy create a stronger shield. 4. Play with him. Do something different every now and then - maybe once every other month. 5. Let him know you he is the only man in your life. You can flirt with him, but not anyone else. 6. If you have a problem, talk to HIM FIRST. If the problem is with him, no one else can work it out except you two. 7. Tell him you love him. 8. Kind of said this before - Don’t under any circumstances discuss your intimate life with anyone else. 9. Be interested in him.

junkstarter · 2021-08-31T06:34:12+00:00

Tell them to quit being such pussies.

Aidennn92 · 2021-08-31T11:35:44+00:00

I think the biggest thing that you can do is to acknowledge that men do struggle with things and that men’s issues exist.

Most of us acknowledge that women’s issues exist and support the majority of them. But a majority of those who identify as feminists just deny that men have issues because they just see us as the all encompassing “patriarchy”.

Most of our issues come from poor framing and bad PR. I.E. most people can name at least 3-5 women’s issues that are being contested right now. But when it comes to men’s issues, a majority of women struggle to name 1.

Often the only thing you hear from them is mockingly saying that the only male issue is that the feminists are taking their toys away. Completely dismissing huge men’s issues like child custody in divorce cases, infant male genital mutilation, lack of justice for false rape allegations and the male mental health and suicide crises, amongst others.

Men’s rights and feminism can and should co-exist and support each other. We all want good things for each other and as far as I can see there are no real conflicts in what both groups want to change.

Innercepter · 2021-08-31T11:36:06+00:00

Check out emilywking on tiktok, if you have one. She does a really good job at giving out thoughtful advice regarding men.

WingsofSky · 2021-08-31T11:36:20+00:00

Sweet tea and lots of yummy food.

That'll do it for me! lol

PrimoXiAlpha · 2021-08-31T11:47:42+00:00

Hmm, speaking from my pov, just generalise men. Nothing really special you need to do. As long as you respect one's personal space and individuality, it should all be oki doki.

melpiddy · 2021-08-31T16:22:14+00:00

It really seems like a lot of people are giving good advice, but missing the point of the post. OP asked for ways to check themselves if they are being unknowingly hurtful. Probably the easiest way to pass this mark is by explaining what it looks like when a man gets hurt and what to do, generally speaking.

u/ANobodyCalledJames had a good point about treating everybody as an individual. That's the best place to be. Learn what makes them tick.

For the rest, you'll probably want to start with some generalities. For most men, negative emotions are processed as anger until it's properly thought out. Shame, disappointment, hurt from comments, depression, etc. will all likely process as anger first until the man has a chance to think things through.

Anger itself can take a few forms. We're all familiar with loud yelling, throwing tools, and other outbursts, but these are outlier actions. Getting quiet and looking like we want to leave is actually much more common. Excessive stubbornness is another, to the point of making decisions that we'd otherwise not make is pretty common (think "it's the principle of the thing.") Aggressive jokes might be another clue, something where it's clear they're making fun of a situation, but it's also not clear that they're having fun.

Biggest thing to know is that a man might not even realize yet that he's been hurt, but start acting in some of these ways. Natural stoicism is a double edged sword. It's great for keeping somewhat calm during big events, but creates lots of opportunities for misunderstandings during small-medium events.

Fast way to handle that would be to apologize and give space if you're the one that caused hurt. If someone else did, normal human empathy is enough; a friendly ear and a kind word will go a long way to helping.

kieranbrownlee · 2021-08-31T16:25:02+00:00

You my lady have already done lots, just be aware and treat men the same way you treat woman with all issues and situations!!

Flying_Toad · 2021-08-31T16:35:24+00:00

Say what you mean and mean what you say. It's a real struggle for guys to try and interpret what other people mean and similarly, DON'T try to interpret what a guy says. Usually (but not always) guys just mean exactly what they say.

For example, if he says he doesn't want to have sex on the first date because he feels more comfortable waiting until he's gotten to know the other person first before getting intimate, he means exactly that and it's NOT a veiled way of saying they think you're fat (true story)

If a guy is not toxic, he'll usually try to fix problems and sometimes just wants to feel supported.

There's no magical solution, just be kind and understanding while maintaining your own clear boundaries.

Laszu · 2021-08-31T17:25:29+00:00

Idk, just be normal. I don't believe (they) are doing it unconsciously.

Title	I’d like to be informed to how I can make men more comfortable.
Author	ApprehensiveAd3282
Upvotes	1015
Comments	277
Date	August 30, 2021 9:40 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/perv2n/id_like_to_be_informed_to_how_i_can_make_men_more/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/id-like-to-be-informed-to-how-i-can-make-men-more.1066106 https://theredarchive.com/post/1066106

Comments