Crazy double standard at urologist

Sperm40mmSprintChamp · 2022-02-10T15:56:33+00:00

This is really common with both men and women. For me the most frustrating part is how many women think this is a female only issue. You can't fix a problem ignoring half of the damn problem.

Kaylarmagic · 2022-02-10T17:15:46+00:00

I'm so tired of hearing people say doctors need their spouses approval to get something done to their OWN body. WTF is this! I'm sorry your doctor sucks, I hope you can get another one to do it.

CawlinAlcarz · 2022-02-10T14:16:22+00:00

There is no federal legal requirement for this (for either women OR men) in the US, not sure about states. However physicians and/or hospitals/clinics are more or less free to define their own policies/practices on the matter - not just about spousal consent, but about age of person requesting the procedure, etc.

It comes down to their belief that they're preotecing themselves legally by doing this, and of course, many more physicians require a male to have spousal permission while not requiring a female to have spousal permission.

Almost surely this reflects the "risk based approach" which says that they are more likely to catch hell if a woman has a beef than if a man does.

arrouk · 2022-02-10T13:45:41+00:00

This is actually a common complaint from women also, it's a conversation both me and my wife have had with doctors separately and been given similar answers.

I think this is a case where we need to not see it as men vs women but men and women against shitty medical practices

lostcymbrogi · 2022-02-10T14:22:44+00:00

I got mine back when I was single. They were pretty bitchy about it though and demanded I wait a month so I could "think about it." They were clearly against giving me one since I didn't already have children and were not shy about expressing this opinion.

offtable · 2022-02-10T12:59:11+00:00

Im telling this for a long time, but outside of MRA, noone is listening. They think im crazy.

Men dont have reproduction rights.

FrogTrainer · 2022-02-10T12:40:47+00:00

Ya I was shocked when they handed me a permission slip when I requested a vasectomy. .

I was also shocked to learn that tubal ligation,, which is a much more costly and invasive procedure, is fully covered... and vasectomies are not.

maxlvb · 2022-02-10T11:26:12+00:00

Did you ask them if your wife had to get your permission if she wanted the female equivalent, because she didn't want any more kids?

Feminism:Equality, when convenient.

sangfoudre · 2022-02-10T16:33:09+00:00

It's as outrageous as it's for most women asking for a sterilization. But still very outrageous. Our bodies belong to nobody else, SO included. Some countries have futur patients a long way ahead of them to ensure they know what entails such an operation (shrink, urologist, consent forms, several months waiting period, proposition to freeze semen/eggs), that's way better but still some MD ask (illegally) for spouse's consent

Mongoose_Stew · 2022-02-10T16:38:42+00:00

Your wife doesn't need your permission to get pregnant. Sounds like you need to fire that doctor and find a replacement.

neoalfa · 2022-02-10T14:50:26+00:00

Nah. I've heard the same complaint on the side of women. Without tangible data, I don't think it's got anything to do with sexism and everything to do with old fashioned mentality.

SodyPops17 · 2022-02-10T15:11:16+00:00

Go to different urologist.
Take your ring off for a couple hours.
Tell them you aren't married.

Boom. You won.

jonnyhaldane · 2022-02-10T14:49:37+00:00

What country was this in?

CyanHakeChill · 2022-02-10T12:23:08+00:00

My wife didn't even ask me about having a tubal ligation. Maybe she forgot! After 4 kids, of course I would have agreed!
I had a good income so she never had to earn money.

Basketballjuice · 2022-02-10T16:16:16+00:00

This one's not a double standard, women face it too. It's actually a huge feminist talking point because some feminists don't know that it happens to guys too.

CryingMadGirl · 2022-02-10T17:31:46+00:00

You shoudl ask “do you also need my permission if my wife doesn’t want to have kids anymore?”

LockedOutLegacyMeme · 2022-02-10T22:23:45+00:00

Same with abortions. A woman can just kill a baby that a man was looking forward to raise with no say

GreatGrizzly · 2022-02-10T18:39:37+00:00

What. The. Fuck?

I am glad I got snipped when I did. I might have lost the choice to my own body if I was married.

Lets get this straight:

If a man doesn't want a kid and the female does, tough shit. The guy has to pay for it for the next 20 years.
If a man DOES want a kid and the female does not , tough shit. Her body, her choice.
If the man wants to permanently maim himself to be childless, tough shit. The female needs to approve.
If the women tricks the man and has his child without his consent, tough shit. He has to pay for it for the next 20 years.
If the women tricks the man and has someone ELSE'S child without his consent, tough shit. He has to pay for it for the next 20 years.
If the women forces a man to give her a child (rape), tough shit. He has to pay for it for the next 20 years.

Literally every single scenario is completely and legally under the woman's control.

Jedi_Baggins · 2022-02-10T15:34:40+00:00

Doesn't this come down to the personal policies of the physician? But how does doctor/patient confidentiality work with that?

Sorry you're dealing with it, OP.

Lordosrs · 2022-02-10T16:51:51+00:00

Hey i have nothing to say about your story. But i am also a BJJ player and it is a game changer for mental health to all dads out there you should start even if you are older.

Bjj is like a tree. The best time to plant one was 25years ago. The second best time to plant a tree is today.

randomjack420 · 2022-02-10T17:50:03+00:00

And women complain about the same thing. No tubal ligation without hubbies consent. It's pretty fucked up no matter which end you're on.

barn_burner · 2022-02-10T20:25:19+00:00

My husband had the exact same conversation, I got my tubes tied with no questions asked. Yes, he did know and approve but the doctor never asked.

velvetalocasia · 2022-02-10T12:24:30+00:00

A lot of women run into this problem….there are whole online groups where people share which (rare) doctors will do it with only the consent of the woman herself. It’s not only that married women are told they need the consent of their husband. Many doctors will not do it at all if the woman has no children. They will not do it without a partners consent, even if the woman does not have a partner. They although will not do it if the woman is to young, often to young is below 30 or even 35.

A lot of doctors just don’t want to do it.

Folamh3 · 2022-02-10T17:02:56+00:00

was told it’s a lawsuit risk that they are not willing to take.

Sue them for refusing to grant you one lol

LatterSeaworthiness4 · 2022-02-10T15:26:25+00:00

This happens to women commonly when seeking hysterectomies too. Had no idea they try to stop men as well.

cougarsaremyfave · 2022-02-10T19:28:40+00:00

Too many "miracle" pregnancies after the man got the vasectomy and the spineless doctors dont want expose the cheating wives and destroy a family.

Runtyaardvark · 2022-02-10T19:37:42+00:00

It’s common for women who want their tubes tide to have the dr say the same thing

LateralThinker13 · 2022-02-10T19:56:20+00:00

I asked the doctor if they were serious and was told it’s a lawsuit risk that they are not willing to take.

Lawsuit from... whom? On what basis? That makes no sense.

hottake_toothache · 2022-02-10T20:47:16+00:00

That is some BS!

Normal-Yogurtcloset5 · 2022-02-10T21:13:46+00:00

So, if a woman wants to abort a child she can do so without telling the father but if a man wants a vasectomy they can’t do so without getting their wife’s consent? Is this to protect women in the case of possible paternity fraud?

RavenWiggles · 2022-02-10T22:55:49+00:00

Thanks for posting this. Didn't know that men had to deal with this bullshit also.

Not really a double standard though because they treat women the same way. My friend had to go through several doctors before they would touch her because of her age and they always liked to quote that her future husband might want kids so no tubal for her. Luckily she finally found a doctor that would and 12 years later after making up her mind she finally got the tubal of her dreams.

Nobody should have to ask for another person's permission on something like this and I'm sorry that you had to experience that.

yoitsericc · 2022-02-10T23:53:39+00:00

But watch your wife get an abortion in 5 minutes with no questions asked.

idiotbusyfor40sec · 2022-02-11T03:35:59+00:00

I’ve heard feminist say most doctors don’t give tubal ligations to women who are under 25 and women without kids but will give a vasectomy to any man as long as he’s 18 or older but I guess that’s misinformation

TAPriceCTR · 2022-02-10T13:17:32+00:00

I constantly hear feminists complaining that it's the exact opposite, that men can just go get a vasectomy and women have to get spouse's permission... frankly I think it's some doctors respect that a married couple are one while others respect the modern idea that marriage is just a piece of paper. And everyone who complains because they got the former do so within the group they're most likely to get sympathy from.

Moldyshroom · 2022-02-10T14:43:26+00:00

Both times I consulted for a vasectomy they asked about kids and my reasons. I kind of gave them joking responses. Like I don't want to have to buy a 2nd mini van on the form. Got a chuckle from the docs... never did they ask for my wife or her signature. Although they did ask if she was currently pregnant.

I ended up having to cancel my first ball abuse appointment because my wife got cold feet and wasn't sure she didn't want a third kid. The following year I got it done and made sure she was sure before I scheduled.

TSwizzlesNipples · 2022-02-10T13:59:15+00:00

Same thing happened to me. This was around 12-14 years ago. They asked if I was married and I told them that I was divorced, so they didn't need my ex to sign off on it.

Absolute bullshit, but at the same time, I can understand the liability side of it.

Normal-Yogurtcloset5 · 2022-02-10T21:26:40+00:00

If we think this is bad…just wait until there’s a birth control pill for men. Feminists have been calling for one but, when one is developed and used, women will be complaining about men preventing women from having children and controlling their reproduction. Then, they will demand that men get consent from their wives before using birth control.

vhisic · 2022-02-11T00:26:01+00:00

what if a man doesnt have a wife? does he need to seek permission from his mother? I fail to see how anyone could hold a doctor as responsible for a woman not getting pregnant because the man she was sleeping with had a vasectomy. What if you get a divorce, should you have the procedure undone until a new wife approves? Whats exactly is the logic of this?

Kacidillaa · 2022-02-11T03:29:58+00:00

This is so weird to me. I mean I had to practically beg them to tie my tubes and it took the only male doctor in the practice to say yes after asking at least 5 women. But not once did they consult my husband or say they needed his approval.

skirted_dork · 2022-02-11T03:52:18+00:00

Wow, here in Canada I asked about vasectomy during a checkup and the doctor handed me the papers to do it right away. It's also free!

EsIstNichtAlt · 2022-02-10T19:16:48+00:00

It’s because some men choose not to have kids and deceive their wives about it. Leaving the wife who wants kids to waste her life not knowing why she can’t get pregnant.

I’m not saying that the solution they are using is correct or fair. Just saying why it is done. My immediate counter argument to that is that nobody requires anyone to prove they’re capable of reproduction when they get married, so the idea of anyone being bound by marriage to this requirement is irrational.

jady1971 · 2022-02-10T20:16:46+00:00

Doesn't this violate HIPA?

bluehorserunning · 2022-02-10T16:45:23+00:00

Wow, that's shitty. I've heard lots of stories about women wanting to get sterilized and doctors refusing to do it, but this is the first time I've heard about a man wanting to get sterilized and a doctor refusing. It sucks, and you're right: you should have the right to decide that you absolutely do not want more children. Women sometimes go through 2 or 3 doctors before they find one who will do the procedure; I would suggest the same for you. Luckily it's an outpatient procedure for guys, so you might be able to find a doc to do it without dropping your relationship with your current doc, if you value that.

OldEgalitarianMRA · 2022-02-10T13:58:38+00:00

I guess it varies based on age and status of children. I had one son and was about 45 when I went for my vasectomy. They didn't ask for anyones permission but mine.

Best decision I ever made because I got a young girlfriend after that and I'm so glad she never accidentally got pregnant.

zwcbz · 2022-02-11T00:29:13+00:00

Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap!

You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person

mikesteane · 2022-02-10T13:01:26+00:00

Perhaps the lawsuit could be the other way; they're on the hook for an unwanted pregnancy.

excess_inquisitivity · 2022-02-10T17:30:54+00:00

Sue, as a matter of principle.

Jakefini · 2022-02-10T18:54:12+00:00

Talk to literally any single woman who tried to get a tubal ligation in their twenties. Established medicine really pushes procreation on everyone.

peanutbutterjams · 2022-02-10T19:05:20+00:00

If you're in Canada, this is actionable. If you're in FreeMarketLand (America), probably not.

princesssbrooklynn · 2022-02-10T19:50:51+00:00

They do it to women too

SgllsTaklnDux · 2022-02-10T20:39:40+00:00

I asked about a vasectomy at 30. The doctor's first question was "Do you have kids?" And I told him 3 with a 4th on the way. He responded "oh. Ok, when do you want to schedule it?"

Rawrtherton · 2022-02-11T00:05:39+00:00

I've heard the same thing about tubes tied several times. Just talk to a different urologist. Done.

Doctors don't want to get sued by spouses doing shit behind each other's backs. This isn't a double standard. It's just doctors trying to dodge bullets from angry rich people.

KingKookus · 2022-02-10T13:58:00+00:00

This is because men have sued and won in the past. This has nothing to do with equality it has to do with lawsuits.

leeks_leeks · 2022-02-10T15:17:13+00:00

you could have just left out the last paragraph and made your point well! no need to make it men vs women, that’s not what this is about. and im genuinely shocked that you think women can have similar procedures with no questions asked.

rdcngl · 2022-02-10T16:59:33+00:00

Isn't this the same thing that happens when women can't get things done at the hospital without their husband's consent? You're just angry because you got to know how it feels

flying_baboon · 2022-02-10T14:55:28+00:00

Does this happen also when you go private?

YesYesYesVeryGood · 2022-02-10T15:57:22+00:00

I wish there was some kind of legal procedure where men and women can sign a form protecting doctors from "regret liability." Meaning that, if someone gets a vasectomy or tubal litigation of the their own request and they cannot have children afterwards, they cannot sue the doctor for doing the procedure, unless there is another health problem deriving from the procedure.

This would help plenty of young applicants get the procedure.

BalloonPilotDude · 2022-02-10T17:54:22+00:00

Hmm. Strange. I guess that’s a local or individual doctor thing.

I was asked quite forcefully if we were sure we were done having kids and if I was being coerced into it. Other than that it never came up again.

McFeely_Smackup · 2022-02-10T18:42:09+00:00

I had a vasectomy when I was single, and all the doctor cared about was signing a release that said I acknowledge it was a permanent sterilization.

__pebble____ · 2022-02-10T20:11:56+00:00

I’m not going to recommend it because I don’t know what your financial situation is, but I would’ve sued them for discrimination.

red-tea-rex · 2022-02-10T22:11:18+00:00

What country are you in?

SabrielRaziel · 2022-02-11T01:54:49+00:00

I’d escalate this to the practice manager/patient relations because this is a fundamental violation of your right to autonomy as a patient. Your wife doesn’t have a say in your medical decisions without power of attorney and vice versa.

Diistortiionx · 2022-02-11T02:15:56+00:00

I had zero clue women are given a choice to decide if you want to be snipped or not. Holy shit, weird how "My body, my choice" is so conveniently said for abortion but, not for getting your balls snipped.

CdnPoster · 2022-02-11T02:17:30+00:00

What about single men and gay men? Who do they need permission from, their mothers?

Bipolar_investor · 2022-02-11T02:54:09+00:00

You're right to be bothered. No doctor has the right to ask what your marital situation is. If you want to get it done, just go see another practice and change your current urologist. 🤡 vibes from this one.

Double standard is real. Equality goes out the window when it comes to exercising men's rights.

CJPsalm139 · 2022-02-11T04:45:55+00:00

A woman can't have her tubes tied without consent of the husband either. At least not without extensive and repeated requests

Smuggred · 2022-02-11T04:59:37+00:00

glad i got my balls removed

Mycroft033 · 2022-02-11T08:06:53+00:00

Okay, for the millions of people saying this happens to women, pause. No, it absolutely does not happen to women on anywhere near the scale it happens to men. Here’s an article from the National Women’s Health Network. It is not federally or state mandated, and is sufficient grounds to sue if a hospital does practice it, falling under the protections allowing women to obtain sterilization procedures without spousal consent.

Do men get these protections? No. Statutes in many states require the husband to acquire his wife’s written consent prior to any voluntary sterilization.

ThatDamnCanadianGuy · 2022-02-11T08:21:28+00:00

Time for a new doctor.

cittix · 2022-02-11T09:17:23+00:00

MmMm AcTuAlLy💁🏻‍♀️

majestic_tapir · 2022-02-11T11:10:30+00:00

What country was this? I can't imagine anyone in the UK being told this.

TheHardwayExpress · 2022-02-11T15:29:05+00:00

Uh, no. It was a double standard to allow men a vasectomy but not women abortion or tube tying without the consent of the husband, which is how it was for a LONG time. If anything this makes it equal. Is it right? No. Is it equal,? Yes.

BaconCatBug · 2022-02-12T16:12:05+00:00

Show some principles and sue the doctor.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-02-10T12:37:34+00:00

Can we stop with trying to find “Double standards” as this gotcha? It’s not a double standard—it is two different standards for two very different sexes.

AFKpink · 2022-02-11T03:11:38+00:00

I'll take 500 for things that never happened.

solar-garlic1776 · 2022-02-11T16:45:30+00:00

Just wonder out loud

What if what if us guys all got together and said enough. Until things are changed to be equal under the law than we are done. And I mean full stop. No work, no dating, no kids, nothing we take ours balls and go home.

How quick would A) society collapse B) how quickly would we see things change

Title	Crazy double standard at urologist
Author	Punkrockid19
Upvotes	1080
Comments	242
Date	February 10, 2022 11:12 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/sp48d7/crazy_double_standard_at_urologist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/crazy-double-standard-at-urologist.1101416 https://theredarchive.com/post/1101416

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