Are dating apps at least worth trying, or are they really THAT bad?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-06-04T20:52:36+00:00

They really are that bad, BUT you should try them anyways. Think of it like a casino. You should go in knowing all the odds are stacked in favor of the house (the online dating company) trying to get all your money. But that doesn’t mean you still can’t have fun playing and even find something about it you enjoy. And who knows, you might even win (it’s called getting lucky for both things for a reason).

But know the odds. Be realistic. And after trying you can always be like “not my thing. I’m not interested in playing”

Aramuis · 2022-06-04T22:34:27+00:00

I'm an attractive guy and it's still a shitshow. I had tinder from Feb to May, paid for gold the last month, racked up about 70 something matches and 200+ likes. Never went on a date. Got numbers, facetimed, set up dates. It never went anywhere. In that same time period I hooked up with 3 different girls that I met at bars and dated one. I'm also extremely picky with who I sleep with (past trauma).

TotalTravesty · 2022-06-04T20:43:40+00:00

They’re best as a supplement—not a substitute—to real life socialization. Don’t take it any more seriously than you would, say, a really poorly designed video game and you should have a decent (though not guaranteed by any means successful) experience with it.

sarkington · 2022-06-04T20:39:06+00:00

They’re only bad if it’s all you have

And lots of men find it to be that

Puzzleheaded_Bet7294 · 2022-06-04T22:13:23+00:00

If you are not at least 2 of these: tall, white, or good looking (7+), it’s a complete waste of time.

You can have the best personality in the world and be a super intelligent, caring person but you won’t be able to show it after you get swiped left on within seconds.

GarbageZestyclose698 · 2022-06-04T20:54:31+00:00

Make an account and you will experience the inevitable brutality

Sad_Top1743 · 2022-06-04T21:45:21+00:00

I’ve had casual sex and relationships from OLD, it’s still vastly tilted in womens favor

I would do it just to have another funnel of opportunities

AelfredRex · 2022-06-04T21:25:53+00:00

Maybe Match or eHarmony, or Fetlife if you're into that scene, but most of the rest are crap. Tinder won't tell you when anyone last logged in. I suspect most of the women's profiles on there are for dead accounts that haven't been touched in years.

Online dating is on the way out. It's nothing like it was in the early days. Everything's pay to play, there's way too many scam sites, and the creeps are driving off all the women.

cautionTomorrow555 · 2022-06-04T21:06:13+00:00

As a guy unless you are an 8+ for looks you are better off not bothering and even if you are considered attractive you will have more luck in real life for less effort. The only advantage is you can be somewhat passive and put low investment in it to maybe get some interest from a woman once or maybe twice a month depending on your looks.

NockerJoe · 2022-06-04T21:04:43+00:00

Don't spend any money, take some decent photos first, and expect to get fucked over. You can do it and the investment isn't that great, but when nobody is investing much to be there there's no real incentive for them to put any effort in or act in goodfaith at all.

Barneysparky · 2022-06-04T22:26:12+00:00

I checked out your post history, and I would say for you it will be worth it, as you come across as personable from what I have read.

Also you are looking for a relationship. It's important to note that most of the guys who hate online dating went on those sites not to date, but to hookup.

throwaway164_3 · 2022-06-05T03:12:01+00:00

Yup, they’re definitely worth a try.

On a scale of hookups to relationships, I’d rate it as Tinder<Bumble<Okcupid<Coffee meets bagel. Never tried Hinge but I hear it’s the new thing these days.

I’d been on over 100+ dates in ~ 2 years thanks to online dating. And only like 2 or 3 without it (aka “offline dating”) in the same period. Without OLD, I’d probably still be single.

Of the seven woman I’ve had relationships with (5 casual, 2 long term), I met 3 on CMB, 1 on bumble and 3 on okcupid.

Tinder was barren for me; despite my best efforts, I barely got matches. You need to be really tall/hot/jacked to be successful on Tinder as a guy. I got a ton of matches on bumble and CMB, but mostly gold diggers.

Best of luck!!

2022-06-04T23:27:42+00:00

I've never used one but isn't the barrier to entry incredibly low. Like, it requires very little effort and reaches a very large group of potential mates. All it takes is a few pics, a bio, and some swiping and you get your face in front of hundreds of people. So don't get too invested and just try it.

Hot-Stranger24 · 2022-06-05T00:18:03+00:00

If you wanted to get ghosted and rinsed, or your self-esteem utterly fucking ruined, then by all means get the apps.

2022-06-04T22:09:55+00:00

If you are really short or ugly you wont do good, as in maybe zero matches.

Other than that of course its worth it, even if you are short/ugly its worth it for the learning experience and who knows you might meet someone.

Go in with zero expectstions.

They are a very valuable tool. Real life matters most, but dating apps are a nice bonus to give more avenues

2022-06-04T23:47:39+00:00

Not worth it for me, I gave it a try for a year with only 4 bad matches. Changed my profile every 3 months and got it vetted by male and female friends.

It's such a waste of time honestly and it takes a toll on your mental health.

It just became my daily toilet activity. I'd max my daily matches while I took a dump.

feedmepizzaplease99 · 2022-06-05T00:26:04+00:00

They are shit for women. For men i would say don’t even bother tbh

SDW137 · 2022-06-05T09:04:23+00:00

If you're attractive (and of above average height) and a guy, or are at least above average and are a girl, then yes, it's worth trying them out. For everyone else though, yes, it's really that bad. Also if you're a guy who's not white and you live in a predominantly white/conservative area, good luck getting matches.

AreOut · 2022-06-04T21:41:20+00:00

They're worth trying if you don't take them seriously and have zero expectations regarding the number of matches or dates.

Even if you do chat with an interested girl, just assume that until you meet her, there's every chance you will be ghosted.

It's worth finding out which app suits you and your area best. For me, it was bumble - more attractive women, you're able to add a bio and prompts plus women message first.

Hinge was the worst for me. Women ghosted a lot and the userbase was very small. I swear women make profiles on there and just forget them. Tinder can be hit or miss, many party girls and thots but there's also some normal girls.

K8164 · 2022-06-04T22:15:02+00:00

Dating Apps are all about looks and demographics. I'm between a 5-6/10 lookswise, but I manage to average a match a day/every other day, and that's not using all my swipes, otherwise I could possibly hit 2-3 a day. I think a large part of this is that I live in a city with I believe a 5/3 ratio of women to men in my area; if I lived in a more balanced area I would probably be in trouble.

If you are above average attractiveness it is probably worth it, just to get some dating experience and put yourself out there. If you are below average then I'm not sure if I would bother. You will be setting yourself up for for few matches, few dates, and a not insignificant portion of those dates you will be flaked on. But the thing is that it only takes one to potentially be off the market, so might be worth it to you.

baresquad · 2022-06-04T22:17:56+00:00

They’re not bad. People just take them too seriously. Realistically you’re never gonna find your wife or husband on them. It happens but chances aren’t high enough for people to let online dating seemingly make them miserable

I first got on tinder in 2015. Back then, nobody was “looking for a relationship” it was tinder. Then tinder clones came but it was already too late because dating apps will always and forever been for sex. Don’t get me wrong, some deeper connections have definitely come out of quick casual flings but I’m never gonna have real expectations from an app

It’s a whole lot easier when you don’t put any pressure on yourself, just have fun and see what’s out there with 0 expectations

prettymuchredpilled · 2022-06-04T22:53:39+00:00

It's worth a shot, especially if you're white or you consider yourself to be attractive and/or popular. But it's dogshit for most people.

Time_Animaal · 2022-06-05T00:44:16+00:00

Height matters least for dating apps because you can hide it, though it can be a big boon if you post a picture where you're the tallest in the group so it's obvious

So what's most important for dating apps is muscles, low body fat, and an attractive face (i.e. strong jawline). Next is demonstrated social value and displayed wealth.

Guessing the Weights

Attractive face (i.e. strong jawline) - 25% (range from 0% as neck melding into face to 25% as male model )

Muscles - 25% (range from 0% as mclovin to 25% as Schwarzenegger)

Low Body Fat - 20% (range from 0% score at 40% body fat to 20% score at 8% body fat)

Social Display - 15% (range from 0% as always alone, to 15% with several pictures at things women want to go to like parties or music festivals and playing sports with friends)

Wealth Display - 15% (range from 0% as shitty bathroom pics, shitty clothes, nothing to indicate wealth to 15% with formal clothing at ritzy setting, boating, being in rich travel areas, private plane etc)

I don't think you even need that many points here, I think someone with 10 points in muscle (swimmer level), 15 points in low body fat (14%), 15 points in attractive face (above average), 7 points in social display and 7 points in wealth display would be able to get dates occasionally (54 points overall), but if you can't even get yourself to 45 points in the scale I just gave you're wasting your time.

For most Redditors I'd bet they have 5 or less points in muscle (little to note), 10 or less points in low body fat (20+% body fat), below average face (around 10 points), poor social display, and above average wealth but below average wealth display. 5 points each of the last 2.

Own_Wall_4233 · 2022-06-05T00:58:50+00:00

Obey Rules 1 & 2 and you'll be fine.

Ohms2North · 2022-06-05T01:58:50+00:00

They’re not bad, as long as :

You are also meeting people via other means

You are prepared for how expendable everyone is on the apps

You realise that it’s not a true sample of the people on the world. The way I see it, if a woman is good looking m, has her shit together and looking for a relationship, she’s probably not on the apps. She is being hit in everywhere she goes and is being set up by friends and workmates

DrinkItInMan11 · 2022-06-05T02:18:42+00:00

If you're a woman they're pretty great, hundreds to thousands of people wanting to be with you, sleep with you, the lot.

As a man unless you're in the top 10-20% you're going to have a difficult time.

Malaysiaman222 · 2022-06-05T10:44:35+00:00

Yes, it is that bad, because dating apps inevitably show you inactive profiles, Instagram funnels and scammers for the most part.

Go outside and have a social life. Seriously, it's not that hard.

2022-06-05T19:15:05+00:00

waste of time if your ugly

SaucySascha · 2022-06-05T20:06:09+00:00

Its worth it if you are a chad.

2022-06-06T15:13:29+00:00

I'm a man and dating apps are trash.

Major apps like Tinder use gaming developers to make Mens results throttled, less attention, and more apt to pay for better features in hope to get matches.

wtknight · 2022-06-04T20:54:49+00:00

I'd just try chatting with women online somehow without using a dating app. That's what always worked for me. I think that the biggest problems with dating apps is that the gender ratio is skewed, and the women there are flooded with suitors and therefore they become extremely picky.

gofigure62 · 2022-06-04T23:49:39+00:00

They are that bad and they are disappointing. You're better off changing your REAL life social circle yo have stronger bonds and attachments to people IRL.

There's always a possibility that you could meet your soul mate via old. But the reality is that your profile will be buried by the app in attempts to get you to shell money to actually be viewed by bots and a handful of women that you'll have minimal to no interest in.

You can try online dating, but don't be delusional about it.

sleuthoftrades1 · 2022-06-05T01:57:19+00:00

Try it for a month or so, and if you can't get a date or even a convo from it, I would focus on other things and keep them up as a backup passive option. Never pay. That was my hard line when I first gave it a try. I ended up getting a date within the first week, and got laid within the first month (two different girls). Got my first relationship off an app a little past a month later. So I knew I was part of the guys it works for. But also try multiple apps during that month. For me, I mostly get uggos on Tinder responding so even if it "works", it isn't worth it. Bumble I get pretty good looking girls but it is rare. Hinge I get good looking girls more frequently.

The unfortunate truth is, even if you try to meet girls offline, they are probably on dating apps too. I routinely see girls from my school on apps. If I had met them from "through school", they still would have guys blowing up their phones. At least this way, I know which ones are and which ones aren't.

hdksndiisn · 2022-06-05T02:10:09+00:00

It largely depends on who you are and how you present. Your style. Your aesthetic. Your age. Your demographic. Quality of photos. What Image do you project and can you maintain that in conversation well enough to get off the app?

Give it a try but if you’re a guy be prepared for ghosting or low match rate.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-06-05T05:47:26+00:00

For men: they're only useful if you are above average attractiveness. Otherwise they are useless, both for casual sex and for pursuit of a relationship.

Substantial_Video560 · 2022-06-05T07:04:23+00:00

I've used both free and paid dating apps/sites over the last 15+ years without much success. Changed my bio multiple times and taken new pics but it hasn't worked for me.

What I usually find is your messagrs are either unread or deleted. On one occasion a woman blocked me for simply looking at her profile. This particular woman seems to have been on this dating site for years. It's strange but I see the same faces on them year after year. Are they fake or is there something else going on?

On the rare occasions women did reply to my messages the conversation would start off well with lots of chat and banter but then would go silent. No more replies.

I did however manage to go on a date with one woman from using them but she was neither attractive or had anything in common with me. At the time I guess I was lonely and was willing to lower my standards and settle with anyone rather than be alone. I guess we all live and learn.

I recently deleted my accounts/profiles for the last time and won't be trying again. I'm making peace with being alone and finding acceptance. Focusing on myself, hobbies and interests.

ionlydatechads · 2022-06-05T10:53:05+00:00

If you are male, good looking, tall and white, you have the easiest time on dating apps.

If you are female, thin, white, and marginally pretty, you will have a great time on dating apps.

It’s a shit show for everyone else. I will say one thing - men, stop with the psycho close up pictures shot in your bedroom. It doesn’t look good and nobody will swipe right on that.

avoriure · 2022-06-05T11:49:08+00:00

yeah, as a woman i hated it because it felt like a waste of time. to be fair though, i wasn’t looking for a relationship or sex but i was open to getting to know new people and open to something starting from there.

tinder was terrible. i swiped a little mindlessly in the beginning because i didn’t care much about looks if i just wanted to talk to people. i ended my first day with like 700 matches and an overwhelming amount of messages. most of them were “wanna come over and chill?” or something extremely boring or a pickup line. i tried to respond to them all but it was taking too much time so i deleted it. i came back like a week later and there were MORE matches and conversations. i started only swiping on hot guys and all of them didn’t seem to have brains.

bumble was better. i was a little more careful with swiping on it and i had good conversations there. of course, there were some people asking to hookup but a lot less. i prefer bumble because you can see what each person is on the app for, plus i stayed in the bff section a lot to meet more girls to hang out with on the weekends.

as a man, i wouldn’t recommend. i got fatigued from the messages FAST so i’m pretty sure other women go through the same thing. there were a lot of guys i just never replied to by the end because they didn’t grab my attention. you really have to stand out.

Slight_Fig5187 · 2022-06-05T17:30:49+00:00

You say that most environments where people meet are not viable for you due to lack of women in there.

Yet, lots of women like myself complain that, while dating apps are full of men, in most activities in real life, women are overwhelmingly overrepresented (painting, music, yoga, amateur theater, group travel, language learning, etc).

At least in my case, that's where I've met most of my bf, and where most of my friends would be interested in meeting interesting men. While women on OLD apps are a minority, in there the trend is reversed.

Puzzleheaded-Lab-165 · 2022-06-04T22:04:32+00:00

For every one woman there are ten men. I am not going to waist my time.

suzibruzy · 2022-06-04T20:50:03+00:00

Try it with zero expectations so you won’t be disappointed; at worst your expectations were met and at best you end up surprising yourself with what you find.

No-Description-9235 · 2022-06-05T03:49:43+00:00

Really depends on a lot of information you haven’t included here.

I had good success on Hinge, but ultimately I met a woman on Instagram and we hit it off, so the dating app went away.

That being said, I have a few feathers in my cap: 1. I’m 6’5. 2. I’m white 3. I make over 100k 4. photography is a hobby so I take great pictures with expensive lenses 5. I know how to talk to women because of many relationships and being an adult in the before time (pre cellphone/internet).

So.. that all being said, here are some things will make you have a bad time on dating app:

be short
be poor
be obese
take horrible pictures with bad lighting
demonstrate an undesirable lifestyle/lonely-boyism
be not white (sad, but true, and god help you if you are Indian
unkempt facial hair

There you go. If you can avoid all those things above, you will be okay. If you are any of those things, expect undesirable matches, because well… you are also undesirable to the general female population.

If you are any of those things, I suggest taking your winning personality out in the the real world and meeting women organically, as time consuming and uncomfortable as it is. You will be able to woo them over with your charm and find a higher class of woman.

Good luck!

jobbo321 · 2022-06-05T10:09:27+00:00

If you're average looking and can take a few really quality pictures, you'll get a few matches per week at most. Many of those will be uglies, many of those will be bots, and a few of those will be average girls. Now you're competing with the other 80% of men for her, some who will be exactly her type. Everyone is messaging her, good luck.

gladusgates · 2022-06-05T14:07:31+00:00

It shouldn't be your main strategy, but it's good to have in your back pocket. Worth trying if you pay for services, if you don't want to pay for Platinum or Premium then don't bother.

bison5595 · 2022-06-06T00:45:52+00:00

Dating apps are fine. Most guys hate them because they refuse to put in any effort when it comes to taking pics and not writing a good bio. The other issue is most guys are overweight, grooming is crap at best and most don't dress well. Yes, if you're short, you will struggle a little bit more, but the reality is 95% of guys who struggle on dating apps are lazy as fuck and I say that as a guy who takes crap pictures, is overweight, but my saving grace is that I'm tall.

Another issue is most guys don't know how to text properly and take to long to set up dates. You have to have proper strategy and tactics and most guys suck with that.

themalcman · 2022-06-05T04:38:20+00:00

As many have people have said, it can be GREAT but it’s just a tool in the tool shed, you can be as active or non-active if you wish, but you should always use.

This if it like fishing, more lines you have in the water the better, its likely not the best for average looking people, it’s like deep sea fishing with a 18 lbs fishing line trying to catch 75 lbs fish, it’s not likely, but it’s better then no rod in at all.

Secondly you NEED a good profile pic, link you insta to build a bigger validation that you are a real person. Have 4-6 photos, one smiling perhaps alone, a few with friends in social situations, maybe a family, and then doing activities related to your profile.

Once matched, ASK FUN questions, give them some “would you rather questions” or “fuck, marry kill” hell even go to Reddit’s AITA or relationship advice questions and talk about your and thier opinions, this does multiple things, makes it a FUN game, you can pepper in some sexual ish questions / topics to ensure they view you sexually, lastly you create organic convo that teach you shout her / him.

It doesn’t need to be said that hot fun guys do AMAZING, disproportionally, but this is alwats a stupid excuse, hot fun people do disproportionately well IRL dating too lol

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ashpr0ulx · 2022-06-04T22:28:26+00:00

i don’t know. it’s a hookup app but tinder has actually lead to my last and current long term relationship. i don’t think it hurts to try with low expectations

PaleoPimp · 2022-06-04T23:07:20+00:00

They're that bad even for good looking people with decent photos. It's more for women than it is for men. Don't recommend.

HironTheDisscusser · 2022-06-04T23:08:49+00:00

they're good if you can get a decent number of matches

immoral_mage · 2022-06-05T01:36:16+00:00

I assume women don’t use those apps because they gets swamped with options irl.

Unless the woman is out of her proverbial prime.

Dating in your 20s on there as a guy will be hopeless since at this age girls have tones and tones of real life options

Neptune-Jr · 2022-06-05T04:52:32+00:00

There useless but i guess it's worth a shot you don't really lose anything.

RealPrinceZuko · 2022-06-05T05:06:40+00:00

Honestly, if people just accept that not everyone will be attracted to you, and the right people for you will make it easy, then dating in general would be a lot less of a headache. Too many people try to impress/win people over that aren't attracted to them in the first place. If someone has a preference, and they are unwilling to at least try and date someone because they don't have that feature, then it just means they're shallow and not worth your time making it easy to not care.

Example: I love big butts/breasts. However, I was married to someone for 6 years that didn't have either. It was never an issue in our relationship. Just because I have a preference does not mean that it outweighs the values I look for. Obviously physical attraction is important, but attraction in general is A LOT more than just looks.

flamingoinghome · 2022-06-05T11:06:44+00:00

It depends on the app.

No-Contribution-3596 · 2022-06-05T13:12:07+00:00

all ways to find women suck. dating apps are better than all other forms to meet women.

Emotional attachment to women you just "met" is their problem not the dating app.

hightailed · 2022-06-05T19:48:04+00:00

I don’t get why people say dating apps suck. Hinge is good, the rest are trash imo. I had 5 dates this week off of hinge. Tinder I don’t get ANY matches tho :(

2022-06-06T03:50:27+00:00

Hit or miss. Be prepared to wade through the worst humanity has to offer. Like, people that have no business looking for shit

Cerrax3 · 2022-06-06T11:15:19+00:00

The one thing I've always kept in mind when browsing online dating apps: All of these people are doing online dating for a reason. And that reason is generally because normal, day-to-day interactions or average social-life and social interaction are difficult for them.

You have to adjust your expectations accordingly.

The_Piperoni · 2022-06-08T06:29:49+00:00

Don’t do it. It will ruin your self esteem. You can check my post history to see what I look like. My only options are women twice my weight on the apps and even they get so much attention that they’ll ghost etc.

iamprosciutto · 2022-06-08T21:03:59+00:00

They suck, but it's a line in the water. I met my current partner of 5 years on tinder, and I plan on marrying her and having kids

Title	Are dating apps at least worth trying, or are they really THAT bad?
Author	Glass_Bucket
Upvotes	25
Comments	105
Date	June 4, 2022 8:38 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/v4xjdf/are_dating_apps_at_least_worth_trying_or_are_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-dating-apps-at-least-worth-trying-or-are-they.1117224 https://theredarchive.com/post/1117224

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