Wife makes plans without me

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-09-27T20:45:39+00:00

> I feel like I'm in a sham marriage.

Because you are. You're an ATM to her.

AirSailer · 2022-09-27T21:45:32+00:00

Dude, I just read your post history... you've been posting for a year about how bad your marriage is. Get out now, DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER, if she gets pregnant you will be forever attached to this woman. Seriously, you are in a very bad spot, especially if you've been support her daughters, there's a chance she will try to hit you with child support for them, so the sooner you can get divorced the better.

RideATX · 2022-09-27T21:18:15+00:00

You don't have kids with her? Get the fuck out. She is using you bro. You are a plow horse to her, an ATM, not an object of desire... Her kids... They already have a dad and it ain't you. They aren't your problem. This is the easiest case of walk away i've ever seen on this forum.

King_Cobra_666 · 2022-09-27T20:38:35+00:00

Get an attorney and get out now.

hotantipasta · 2022-09-27T21:09:36+00:00

Let her go get a job and pay for her daughters and her needs. It's nice that you are providing for her and her daughters, but that really isn't your responsibility. It sounds like she is using you for money right now. You should really reevaluate your relationship as it sounds like you are a doormat right now.

yosemitesam00 · 2022-09-27T22:32:50+00:00

This sounds like my marriage that is waiting for papers to be signed. Mine lasted 10 years before it got like this, and we had children to add to the "package".

My advice, do not get this woman pregnant. Take back the regins on the finances, today. If that blows up then you have your answer.

76ersPhan11 · 2022-09-27T23:28:05+00:00

Another guy coming to the rescue of a helpless mom with 4 kids. I have one question… why?

dadmacintosh · 2022-09-28T01:55:57+00:00

You married a mother of four daughters. That totals five vampires. They are not your daughters, the woman is there to use and throw you. Leave before it is too late.

CRobinsFly · 2022-09-27T23:41:39+00:00

You have a reckoning headed for you dude. Marrying a single mother with 4 kids that arent yours? Why on earth would a man ever perceive his value so low that he'd settle for that trash? She's postwall too.

Dump her and get the hell out of this situation before she slaps you with child support under the equitable parent doctrine.

JDogMoore · 2022-09-28T00:29:13+00:00

It’s a hard pill to swallow but you are literally just a meal ticket. They’re so greedy and self absorbed they can’t help but to bite the hand that feeds. Get off the plantation now. When your no longer needed to support her daughters she’ll kick you to the curb.

zippyweinstein · 2022-09-28T01:10:04+00:00

If she wants to get a job, strongly encourage it. It’ll cost you a lot less in a divorce.

playvltk03 · 2022-09-27T22:19:01+00:00

My ex wife is the same way, she just do what she want without even consulting me in her decision process, worse is her family support her decision. It didn’t get long before I realized I’m just a vessel. Have a conversation, said your piece, if it’s not getting better, time to move on

xjeeperx · 2022-09-28T00:12:30+00:00

Spent 10 years in those shoes. Get out now. I ended up having a child with mine so I’m an atm for 17 more years.

henrysmyagent · 2022-09-28T06:33:44+00:00

The best time to marry a single-mother is NEVER.

TomCatInTheHouse · 2022-09-28T11:11:37+00:00

Omg, I read your profile. You only knew her a month before you married her a year and a half ago????

Fucking... get... out... now.

My girlfriend comments I rarely swear unless I am really emotional or passionate about something.... that's how serious I am.

Just fucking leave.

In the future give all relationships at least two years to grow before tying the knot.

The first 6 months are pretty much the honey moon phase. This is where everyone is on their best behavior and trying to impress each other. Physical/emotional abusers, narcissists, etc love bomb during this time. Normal people subconsciously (and not maliciously) hide their flaws.

The second 6 months, you start showing your true self. Abusers start abusing, narcissists start making you feel like crap. Normal people start showing their quirks that might be tolerable for you, might not. In my book, if you survive the second six months, (i.e. have been dating a year) it's OK to get engaged but not married.

The second year of dating, which face it, is where you are at, is where the real person you are dating comes out. Abusers, users(your wife, hopefully stbx), narcissists, usually can't hide their true selves anymore and treat you like shit. Normal people tend get back to their normal selves, quirks and all, and both partners have to decide if they can handle those quirks for life. If after 2 years there's no apparent sign of using or abusing and you can handle your partner's quirks... then by all means get married if you want.

So get a lawyer, get divorced already, and next time move way slower.

Barkaat · 2022-09-28T00:28:02+00:00

Because you’re just a financial atm for her

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-09-28T04:58:25+00:00

Brother, you are nothing more than a walking, talking, ATM to her. She thinks your job is to provide for her and her kid's money.

And since she doesn't think you are doing a very good job of that she's making future plans that don't include you.

Brother, I understand a man seeking to be loved. But this woman you chose is not returning the love you are giving her.

Since you are posting your story in this sub that means you already know what you need to be doing. Good luck brother and remember that you have 1,000s of friends who want nothing but the best for you.

You got this brother.

ElectronicInstance2 · 2022-09-28T04:59:31+00:00

Gtfo . Move to another state or country . She can deal with her 4 kids on her own . You can have a life . Hookers would probably be more fulfilling than that situation .

JohnnyBandito · 2022-09-28T13:31:34+00:00

My dude, I’m really sorry, but she never loved you. She was looking for someone to cover expenses, maintain her and kids, and help with her daughters. In exchange, you may or may not get some pus*y.

There was another thread somewhere about a guy who’s wife left him right after the kid became an adult and moved out. 10-15 years of “marriage”. It was never a very health marriage with the occasional pitty quicky ...... I think the kid had finished college and got a job. She legit packed her shit and went to live near child. It wasn’t his kid. She used him to help raise and pay for expenses and then peace out. Both are ghosting him now.

Gtfo while you can.

Quick question: are the four daughters even from the same dad? What happened to him

Jonger1150 · 2022-09-27T23:41:19+00:00

Read you other Reddit activity.

You don't have a lot of experience with women prior to this woman, do you?

Current_Tonight4140 · 2022-09-28T04:21:13+00:00

She should get a job.

xoxoLizzyoxox · 2022-09-28T04:43:29+00:00

So why does she not work? Why would you be with someone who doesn't plan a future with you and only a future without you. You don't need to be her white knight, you can let her go be a parent and support her own children. It's not and never was your job, you did it out of kindness but she has rejected and abused that kindness

NewDay0110 · 2022-09-28T16:44:15+00:00

She sounds just like my exwife. She does not respect you. Get out. If you get out now, you might have a chance to avoid paying child support for her 4 daughters. Consult an attorney.

rsa1x · 2022-09-28T17:52:46+00:00

First of all, why exactly you're wasting your time and money on a single mother?

MomentSpecialist2020 · 2022-09-27T21:16:13+00:00

Where is the father of the daughters in all this?

HelixFish · 2022-09-27T21:40:03+00:00

Sounded like you won’t let her get a job. Is this correct? If so, why?

DucatiDrew · 2022-09-27T23:31:02+00:00

Unfortunately things will not improve even if you were to triple your income. You are viewed and valued on what you provide and with 5 mouths to feed beyond yourself (daughters and wife included)…will be hard to get ahead. If you are becoming depressed or down on yourself seek help (therapy then legal) for YOURSELF and explore your options. I did it for 10 years to be there for my son and it was misery. Wife passed away unfortunately but the the time we were together it was sheer misery in every aspect and it was my choice and fault for choosing someone the polar opposite of myself intellectually, sexually and motivation wise. You are worth the investment to understand what options you have. I wish you the very best.

Thermalguy11 · 2022-09-28T04:00:09+00:00

Ah man. I am sorry from what I can tell you is this feeling is not gonna go away and it depends on how you want to deal with it.

rb577511 · 2022-09-28T07:46:24+00:00

I've never been more lonely than when I was married. I understand your feelings. Time to make hard decisions.

Salt-Pension-2965 · 2022-09-28T11:46:22+00:00

I'm right there to I'm gonna get out of it you should too man it's not worth what she puts you through.

Complicatedlogic · 2022-09-28T12:25:53+00:00

Good advice? Get a lawyer and get out of there before she somehow finds a way to get you to pay child support for her 4 daughters. Hopefully she doesn’t get much alimony since you haven’t been married long.

rjinchico · 2022-09-28T14:10:41+00:00

Bro, that sucks and you need to get out. That’s no way to live. One thing that stuck out to me about your post was the comment about her getting a job. What’s the problem with that?

Traditional_Bell7883 · 2022-09-28T14:12:53+00:00

Suggest you work out a budget as a family, with her. Consider yours and her income, and all the household expenses. Maybe for a horizon for the next 12 months. Good to put things down on paper, even an Excel spreadsheet. Then whatever shortfall becomes clear, and you can jointly decide on how to cover that shortfall (either spend less or earn more, and who to do so). It avoids the "he said, she said" problem and reacting emotionally to each other. It also helps to avoid overspending and builds some discipline. Don't forget to set aside some savings and buffer for contingencies.

Classic_Dill · 2022-09-28T15:51:39+00:00

You're a door mat, my friend. She needs you for only a few things, pay for my kids, babysit my kids, give me orgasms? you have no value to her, and if you don't leave her now? you also have no self value. Don't even tell her, go to the lawyer and serve her papers, you don't owe her any explanation, find your spine and man up!

That-Potential-5684 · 2022-09-28T20:53:54+00:00

I welcomed her and her 4 daughters into my home. I pay for everything: rent, utilities, food, extra miscellaneous stuff. Unfortunately I don't make so much money to afford luxuries but sometimes I feel like my wife resents me for that.

No surprise here. You're a beta provider and a cuck.

Upset_Opportunity_43 · 2022-09-29T16:06:33+00:00

Case in Point #292 as to why you never get serious with single moms. Single moms will ALWAYS put themselves and kids first and anyone else in line is far far down the list.

I can't believe you married this woman too. Beyond stupid.

Get a divorce. This woman is only using you for money and doesn't care about you at all.

someatxdude · 2022-09-29T23:27:53+00:00

One thing I've realized in the course of my journey and shared with others as a cautionary tale:

Your wife always has plans for the future. If you don't know what the plan is, you aren't in it.

Title	Wife makes plans without me
Author	newdadof4
Upvotes	36
Comments	93
Date	September 27, 2022 8:36 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xprxei/wife_makes_plans_without_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-makes-plans-without-me.1133669 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133669

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