Most women aren't good at telling what parts of a man make him sexually attractive

KikiYuyu · 2022-11-22T22:50:27+00:00

You're assuming that women tell you everything they know and think. It's a little weird to me, to assume people don't have an inner life beyond you.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-11-22T22:49:04+00:00

This was inspired by an earlier post about friends with benefits, and how many women there were saying an FWB is "first and foremost" about friendship. Well clearly, being friends with a woman is unrelated to whether or not she wants to sleep with you.

So the term 'friends with benefits' usually means you are friends, yes. That doesn't mean all casual sex takes place within a 'friends with benefits' situation. Some might be one night stands, some might be recurring casual sex with the same person. Some people are cordial but only spend time with each other for sex. Some people actually have a friendship and have sex occasionally. Some have a 'situationship' which is a vague term meaning they aren't necessarily exclusive but there may be potential for a more formal arrangement.

I am afraid you're not going to convince a lot of people that women don't know what they are attracted to. People certainly know what turns them on better than a stranger or even a friend does.

ClaraBow01 · 2022-11-22T23:04:09+00:00

Maybe it’s more about the whole than the parts. Or different women have different things that they are attracted to. Same with men.

baresquad · 2022-11-22T22:44:23+00:00

I’m confused about what we’re supposed to do with that information? Say they were good at it, then what?

You’re not gonna fuck by emulating personas of what she’s told you she’s been sexually attracted to before.

Demasii · 2022-11-22T22:35:17+00:00

Women falling under this group tend to give very surface level observations. Like, about hobbies, work, food, they don't say what he did to turn them on. They don't say what keeps her thinking about him.

Why would a woman feel the need to explain this in the first place? What's wrong with finding his hobbies sexy?

The_Herpes_Burpees · 2022-11-23T00:55:33+00:00

This is all essentially wrapped up in the old Male vs Female Attraction debate. Men see a physically attractive woman and will be immediately interested in fucking and/or dating her. Her hobbies, personality, job, etc… have almost zero impact on that initial attraction. It’s the total reverse with women, and that’s what we men will never completely understand. It’s honestly baffling at times.

propyl21 · 2022-11-22T22:32:13+00:00

Is there any studies to this? It's all good to come in here and make an anecdote, but that's all that it remains, and cannot be taken seriously at face value.

So to label it as CMV, means you've picked up this belief from somewhere without doing your homework.

Previously existing peer reviewed studies are needed for any sort of a discussion.

medlabunicorn · 2022-11-23T02:33:19+00:00

Men: “women, what are you attracted to?”

Women: “X, y, z, and q.”

Men: “Nuh-uh! I have q, and women won’t drop trou for me within five minutes of meeting!”

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-11-23T02:05:43+00:00

I would argue that what attracts me to one man is not the same as what attracts me to another man. My husband is Mexican with excellent cheekbones and an athletic build. My ex-husband is white, tall and lanky. The only thing they really have in common is expressive eyebrows. I do have a thing for men who have great eyebrows and know how to use them.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-11-23T02:50:17+00:00

You don’t think it’s fair to say that women take a wholistic approach to sexual attraction?

y2kjanelle · 2022-11-23T07:18:22+00:00

AHAHA okay I had to laugh because women literally rule the erotica world. Women do know what they find attractive in men and say it all the time. Most of the time, men just don't want to hear it, don't want to or find no value in putting in the work, or will use it to manipulate women.

If the men of the manosphere truly know women like they say they do, they'll be able to read between the lines, or I guess just read the lines of what those surface level observations mean.

But again, it's just funny because women literally write novels about what they find attractive and create fantasies and stories and plots of falling in love with men to the point that women rule this part of the sexual world and men still are like "what?"

But if any man wants to know the key, it's about the experience. It's about how you make her feel. When you see yourself through the female gaze, you might notice some things lacking about how you truly are able to make women feel. Looks statistically are not as valuable to women as they are to men. They matter a lot of course, duh, but the key is the experience you give to women.

Ok_Chicken3237 · 2022-11-22T22:31:18+00:00

Uh no we tell you all the time. You just make excuses about how our expectations are “unfair”. Want proof? Read the posts made by men on this sub.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-11-22T22:19:24+00:00

Eyes, smile, hair, shoulders, biceps, hands, defined torso, "grey sweatpants outline".

Smell, certain types of clothing, the way he moves, charisma, humor, intellect, being skilled at something, the way he acts in certain social situations, general good energy, being able to trust him.

northernlights190 · 2022-11-22T22:05:43+00:00

Can’t say I agree, myself and all the women I know and discuss this topic with are pretty clear on what gets us going, but I’m not particularly sure how to change your mind.

CimZim · 2022-11-22T22:52:31+00:00

Like, about hobbies, work, food, they don't say what he did to turn them on.

Be patient, caring, understanding, passive, was okay with me determining the sexual pace.

They don't say what keeps her thinking about him.

His dick, his scent, and his trust in me.

pending_ending · 2022-11-23T05:23:41+00:00

You clearly just don't get that women are not you. Even not all men are like you, but I'd guess most of them understand their sexual attraction and how it is object-focused. Those objects being found in abundance, everywhere at any time. Your sex drive is always triggered and ready to go at particular sights of particular objects.

Women rarely have object-focused sexual attraction. They become attracted to the subject, the person which the narrative grows from and sticks to. Like yeah, women get horny, and even then they are usually stimulated by things other than visual cues like a hot guy, usually they are talking/speaking to someone that interests them or triggers their emotions. For guys the emotional part is more of a bonus, but looks will be enough in most cases. On the other hand for women, it's more often necessary to have a "deeper connection" and some familiarity, or just some mystery, intrigue, excitement, newness, but it is more feelings-based, about how you make them feel. Instead of working out your muscles to attract women, you'd be a lot better off training your limbic system instead honestly. Plus gym dudes.... :x Well idk, some women love them too. And I mean love (or at least like) not necessarily omg he's so fuck i need to fuck him right now now now. That can happen...but meh. Women aren't as impulsive sexually like that. It's more like an exchange, and she is the gift giver and she knows that. If she feels sexually attracted you you, she will most likely first ponder if it's "worth it," or what will she get in return for that? Maye she doesn't ponder this rationally, maybe she just relies on her intuition, and if she believes she will be rewarded for whatever reason, maybe she'd fuck you. If she has a hunch that it's a bad idea, she will not. It's even more different if this is taking into account two people who want a serious relationship, they're not just fooling around. But that's enough of a contrast I'd hope, in how men vs. women treat even casual-er sex. It's usually never casual for women.

In summary, women do not prioritize looks in sexual attraction usually, like a sexy personality will usually be the winner, but hotness can of course be prioritized if the dude is hot enough or maybe if a girl is very naive. Not only do they not prioritize looks in sexual attraction, they also do not prioritize sexual attraction over long term prospects either. Their priority is always to have a provider, whether he provides emotions, resources or all of the above, women tend to like relying on males for something. I really do not think males are this aware of that kind of a need/desire, maybe some males do want true LTR, feel lonely and what not, but I do believe men would be satisfied if they never had to worry about keeping around a female stock to fuck whenever they want on command, variety changes daily etc (And many men likely even believe this kind of life is totally realistic and that's why they all strive to be Chads, thinking that life is just one big pornhub and women defiiiiinitelyyyy want that deep down so they don't even begin to think about the fact that women are people with their own agendas and may not have a matching one to them). Even if they didn't get the long term lover. This just isn't the dream of most females, having a harem of men to fuck. That's just not reality. Reality is not too far off from the perfect setup for most women; the game is ultimately in their favor at least if they use their time and brains wisely and have the goal of obtaining one or more male orbiters to provide you with whatever you want..attention, love, sex, money, etc etc etc. Men come in a variety I guess. Like I said, yes women get horny, and they're probably even having a looooot of sex, but the super promiscuous girls are usually misguided, and the ones that are ore stable usually can just...not have sex even if they're horny because they don't have the same burning need to copulate and sperm inside of a vagina. Pretty weird hobby men, by the way. But yeah, it is what it is, I just really don't understand why so many people don't understand how biology works and how it makes certain people and other things behave in different ways. Like, we're not dolphins are we? No. Well, men are also not women and women are not men.

Men and women of course have a lot of similarities as well, much more than you think. But in terms of sex and sexual attraction which males never seem to shut up about, you're overly mystifying things and complicating it. Women are not helping since they are either unaware or don't want this information being public for whatever reasons. And confused males only keep their agendas working, as they have been for so many thousands of years lol. Though idk, maybe males did win, did you always want to be tools? Tell me more about that. Lolol.

WilliamWyattD · 2022-11-23T07:06:30+00:00

Women aren't worse than men at this; rather, female sexuality is legitimately more complex when it comes to this. Not only for each women, but there is more variability among women than men here.

Beyond the actual higher difficulty of the task, there are also many more reasons why a woman might not want to be fully candid. In general, women are selectors, and the last thing she wants to do is tell men how to spoof female selection heuristics so as to appear more appealing than one really is. In addition, just as the true nature of male sexuality is shocking and disturbing to most women, so too is the true nature of female sexuality to men. And women intuitively know this. It isn't always in their interests to reveal just how selective women can be, particularly since men are stronger and sometimes react violently to this information.

Wise_Apartment_2245 · 2022-11-22T22:51:54+00:00

I realized in my early 20s that I was not attracted to "traditionally" good looking men, typically because their personality sucked. This may be biased because my friends and I were wrapped up in the party/music scene at that age but I have yet to meet the stereotypical muscular, tall type that I would choose to spend more than a night with (with the exception of someone from HS but he was definitely the "get married straight out of HS" type and that also wasn't my style, so, not attractive at the time).

What is attractive? Being upfront about intentions. Checking in to make sure you're both on the same page about the relationship (whether it be FWB or something serious). Having a skill/hobby that they get joy out of outside of the relationship and something that they work to better themselves in. Working in a job they actually enjoy. Not putting me on a pedestal. Having a good relationship with other women in their lives. When their actions match their words. Quick to apologize if they are in the wrong (actual apologies, not the type of person that just apologizes every time they make the same mistake with no intentions of changing the behavior). For extra razzle dazzle, knowing that if we were ever stranded in the woods for some awful reason, they would actually know how to protect us and survive. All of that shit is a panty dropper.

TheCounsellingGamer · 2022-11-23T00:09:21+00:00

For me I feel like there's a subtle difference between attractive and sexy. Sexy is purely based on physical attributes, whereas attractive can include lots of things. I've always found mens chests quite sexy. I don't mean super chiseled or defined, I just like the fact that men have flat chests. Being hairy isn't a must but it's definitely a plus, so long as it's all well maintained. It's fun to run my hands through chest hair. Legs that have some kind of definition to them are good too. I don't find stick legs to be a huge turn on (maybe because all the men related to me have stick legs, so I'm hardwired to not find stick legs appealing?) Broad shoulders are another one. I like to be the big spoon and it's nice to be able to rest my head on his upper back while cuddling.

That's all stuff that is sexy. If I see a guy on the street who ticks all those boxes then I can objectively look at him and say "I find that man hot". Any attraction I feel will quickly go down to nil if I see that he's a douchebag though. He has to be kind, caring, respectful, etc for me to feel anything more than a surface level attraction. In the same vein, a man might not have every single physical attribute that I find attractive, but if he hits all of the personality points then I'll be attracted to him.

Fun_Push7168 · 2022-11-23T02:06:47+00:00

I think what you mean is a lot women are terrible at explaining what they are attracted to, not bad at knowing.

There is also a trend that it's often a list that is fanciful, an ideal that they think they should be attracted to but not an objective review of the pattern they have actually followed in the men they've been attracted to.

Mix the two and you get women that know but suck at explaining and women that say something way off from reality and those women drown out the ones that don't fit either of those descriptions which draws this perception for you.

2022-11-23T10:15:11+00:00

Talent. Talent is attractive because it shows that they have invested their time into being good at something. People liking them is good because I feel less like I have to make excuses for their personalities and can stand back and be proud of them socially without too much input, I like to be an observer socially and talk in depth to a few people rather than being centre of the room, so I like people who are confident and can take the lead more in social settings, and have depth to carry meaningful conversations.

2022-11-23T03:24:06+00:00

Put another way: OP doesn’t understand why women aren’t attracted to the men he thinks they should be attracted to.

Men don’t decide what makes men sexually attractive to women. And it’s not on us to help you resolve that conflict in your mind.

And btw a FWB is typically someone for whatever reason you can’t or don’t want to be in a relationship with but you still enjoy their company and do lots of things you would do with a committed monogamous partner. So when women say it’s about friendship, that’s the whole point. That’s why he’s friend and not her boyfriend.

vorter · 2022-11-23T05:30:36+00:00

Women know when they see “it”, they just aren’t always able to put “it” into words.

Illustrious_Health88 · 2022-11-23T03:16:13+00:00

How are you gonna say most women aren’t good at telling what makes them sexually attracted to them , 1 it’s their own body / mind so what they find sexually attractive is always gonna be 100% correct cause it’s what they find attractive not what you find attractive 💀

Hour-University5631 · 2022-11-22T23:33:06+00:00

I disagree. I don't think they aren't good at telling what they like. They are more likely to not want to appear superficial and thus mask away their dating requirements. They want to fit into the idealistic conception of romance where "just" traits triumph over the actually desirable ones.

AoiLune · 2022-11-23T01:47:24+00:00

I've learned the hard way that it's simply not worth it for a man to ask a woman her opinion on what they should be doing. The advice she gives will almost surely misdirect him straight into the friendzone. Women are rarely conscious of what they actually want, and often what women think they want will backfire upon them in one way or another. It's similar to how young men will fool themselves into thinking that what they want is a sexy, slutty, pink-haired, super-model girlfriend who will answer to their every beck and call. Such a woman might satisfy the senses, especially when you can't have her, but such a woman will rarely ever satisfy a man the way a real, human, traditional woman with natural beauty can.

CentralAdmin · 2022-11-23T10:25:56+00:00

There was an older guy on an AskReddit thread who, through years of asking and analysing finally got what women like about men's hands.

Clean hands with trimmed nails that are big, hairy and accompanied by strong (veiny or muscular) forearms did the trick. But he said getting the answer from women was like getting blood from a stone.

That being said, part of the reason you aren't getting an answer is because the parts of men women find attractive are about their utility and are signals of wealth or status. If he is confident and commands a team, he has status and power. These are more conceptual than physical. Women get turned on by power. They aren't looking at random forearms or dicks and getting soaked unless they are attached to powerful men or showing some utility.

Women don't dedicate art, poetry and writing to men's physique. They aren't at a loss for words when a ballsack peaks out of your shorts. They aren't making sculptures of beautiful men with erect penises then admiring their masculinity. Men do more of that than women.

Look at what women do use a lot of words for and get emotional about: men's power. Men are physically stronger, tend to be richer and are more willing to take risks to climb the socioeconomic ladder. These men are hated by most women but they are also most desired by them. The language you see or hear coming from women regarding men tells us that women are obsessed with male power (especially from older white men) and they are envious of it to the point of forming groups to access that power or put them in the proximity of powerful men.

Look at romance novels. The men are either enacting their power by dominating the women or giving these women some power for simply showing up. Sex isn't enjoyed in and of itself. She is not worshipping cock as a concept because she enjoys the idea of random penises. It must be an expression of power for women to find it worthwhile. This is why a more common form of transferring power - through money - can get women naked and performing all sorts of sexual acts even if they have other options available to earn a living.

szclimber · 2022-11-22T22:35:44+00:00

I think they often are just lying. I think the most disingenuous part is the advice they give. Women often say something generic like be nice, or be respectful or treat her well or just be yourself. None of this helps men becoming sexually successful.

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IntegrityDJones · 2022-11-23T00:47:50+00:00

Body like a basketball player or football player (though this can be too buff).

obviousredflag · 2022-11-23T11:14:58+00:00

Because it is nothing about the man. Women are turned on by how turned on the men are by them.

Interesting-Wish69 · 2022-11-23T14:17:29+00:00

Sometimes it’s just the pheromones. Sometimes it’s the way you walk. Sometimes it’s the way your face falls. Sometimes it’s your scent. A lot of this stuff is subconscious level shit. It’s hard to explain.

Ohmaygahh · 2022-11-23T18:32:20+00:00

Women are excellent in observing and dissecting the smallest of details, what do you mean?!

Women are so good in deep diving into the whys of things, how systems work, identifying patterns of behavior, can tell you how long 6 inches are with her hands, can correctly identify varying body fat percentages not only for women but for men as well, can ALSO accurately judge strength discrepancies between herself and other women/herself with regular men/regular men to trained men/trained men to genetic freaks!

Of course she can tell what parts of a man make him sexually attractive...

EugeneCezanne · 2022-11-23T19:37:51+00:00

Some thoughts:

A) I think that women do less compartmentalization when it comes to attraction than men, thus are more likely to view attraction holistically. Asking "what part?" is therefore the wrong question, and citing an inability to answer it well may be inadvertently prejudiced toward a male perspective.

B) Are men really so good at describing what part of a woman attracts them, outside of body parts? I'm thinking of the last three women I've slept with--they each look very different from the others and have different personalities, but on some level I feel like we all belong together somehow. At the same time, there are other women who, by every observable measure, also belong with us, but towards whom I feel no attraction. That explanation isn't very useful to anyone. Attraction is a feeling, not a formula.

EDIT: I know these points don't really gel--that's why I listed them as two separate thoughts, not one coherent argument.

Title	Most women aren't good at telling what parts of a man make him sexually attractive
Author	Repulsive-Cupcake505
Upvotes	40
Comments	171
Date	November 22, 2022 9:54 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/z26b9z/most_women_arent_good_at_telling_what_parts_of_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-women-arent-good-at-telling-what-parts-of-a.1144484 https://theredarchive.com/post/1144484

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