I truly don't understand how so many of you can have amicable divorces.

azwildcat74 · 2023-05-10T20:15:33+00:00

You let them go because you have no other choice.

Ncfc48 · 2023-05-10T20:36:06+00:00

I hear you mate but there is no other choice then to go down the road of massive self improvement my wound still runs deep, even worse she tried to monkey branch to her friends husband our neighbours, he dumped her arse not long after and yes she tried flirting hinting for new improved ex husband back gym even better dad hitting work hard , especially after other woman wanted to take her place she hated it i wanted with every bone in my body to back to my home and son to normal family life but I have never felt so powerful as a man when I turned the tables and rejected her I still have moments were I feel like approaching her about starting again but then wake up and remember everything she has put us through my 11 year old son included She is now a struggling single mum of 47 that on her only hear the sob story I am now the ex husband she can't have Seriously good luck mate push on smash the gym become super kick arse dad and hopefully you will look back and down at your low character ex wife

Ncfc48 · 2023-05-10T21:14:55+00:00

Just pisses me off reading these stories lads shocking

bopapocolypse · 2023-05-10T21:15:25+00:00

How can you all just let her go so easily?

Who said it was easy?

Motor-Connection5608 · 2023-05-11T00:06:40+00:00

Sorry mate - you let go and move on or just end up dying a slow painful death. I chose to view it as a blip in life - like a job that I lost - you got to move on - nothing you can do. You can beg and cry - but you will not get that "job" back.

Like a shark - keep swimming or die

Good luck

Ncfc48 · 2023-05-10T20:58:46+00:00

My ex wife was hoping I had met someone obviously to aliveate the guillt although she has never admitted she tried to run off with him "just friends! Coincidence but obviously when he dumped her boom who am I seeing etc etc brilliant

Remarkable-Potato21 · 2023-05-11T00:29:46+00:00

The day I let go was when I realized I was lying to myself. I loved the "idea" of my wife. Not the person I married. The "idea" or "image" of her was someone who would never make me feel betrayed and heartbroken. I stopped making excuses and justifications for her actions. That was the day I started to gain my self-respect back. Then came the realization that I love and respect the mother of my child. I no longer love and respect her as a partner.

Forgiveness comes after you grieve the death of your marriage. One day, you will wish her and her partner the best and truly mean it. It's okay to still care. I did the whole dance too, infidelity, reconciliation, lies and betrayal again. My philosophy now is I hope she finds what makes her happy. I have found happiness in my solitude, freedom and peace. No more constant anxiety. I'm still not even to the finish line of divorce. She still wears her ring and recently broke up with her man. Asking me if I'm single and if she could move back in. It solidified my own healing process to be able to tell her I'm single and absolutely not. Old me would have jumped on the idea of a second chance. New me understands that nothing but pain and heartbreak will happen again if I allow that.

smooth-vegetable-936 · 2023-05-11T06:33:31+00:00

She cheated on u man. U shouldn’t accept that as a man.

mrclark121 · 2023-05-10T22:47:47+00:00

Brother I know this might sound a little far fetched but your literally singing my song. My ex wife did the same shit. Had a great home, great kid, she came home one day and just wiped out 10 years of my kids family in one fell swoop. Like it never happened. The only reason she's still walking around is because of our current judicial system and having to do LWOP.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2023-05-10T22:48:08+00:00

It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do. And absolutely no one said it has to be amicable. I hate my ex for what she did.

rpm04004 · 2023-05-10T22:51:50+00:00

Yea. Damn. Well spoken and i feel this big time. I feel for you, with you and its a cyclical wave of massive pain with temporary relief— such is life. This sentiment is a part of all of us in different measures. We wouldnt have taken such a massive leap and commitment if it wasnt what we wanted life to be. Women are different it seems to me. I think that many of us come to realize that nothing will bring it back, but especially not screaming to God to get it back. So what choices are there If you read enough of this sub, theres so much wisdom. I miss my memories- the real ones that were shattered and the ones that werent made yet of our happy family that were not real yet, but i had pictured so vividly they may as well have been. Nothing will stop that feeling you have except maybe time… im not far enough yet to know if thats true. But i can snap out of it by remembering—- this person chose that. Chose to leave, and hurt us and our kids in an irrevocable way. Chose to devastate and take and destroy. What can i choose? To get the best revenge of all, you have to feel the pain and get no revenge. Heal. Move on. Be nothing like her.

SII75 · 2023-05-10T23:21:45+00:00

Mine was rough because I wanted custody of my son. My wife was never around but she still got 50/50. Fuckin Guardian at Litem was a cunt. In the end I gave up so I can be free.

Ecstatic-Eye-5766 · 2023-05-11T02:02:06+00:00

Once you are in peace with yourself you will understand how this is possible. I have been in your shoes…. But I started to respect myself more and that’s where everything changed. My life doesn’t depend on a woman…. If I have her or not it won’t change who I am.

pk2at · 2023-05-10T21:00:45+00:00

I think most western men are not capable of fighting back, understanding the law, knowing how to hide assets, rearing a surrogate baby etc. They get screwed over and say things like 'I love my children', 'you have no choice' etc. There is also a whole host of 'lawyer types' that will have you believe the system is excellent at tracking assets and will get you no matter what you do

Thus men are defeated even before they go to court and basically concede everything to the woman and then say its all 'amicable'

Ncfc48 · 2023-05-10T21:13:22+00:00

Ha ha just wondered itsvgood guys all over the world can help each other I'm English and the woman are horrendous here you should see a Friday Saturday night out in any UK town or cites loads of trouble and thats just the woman 😂

Ill_Atmosphere_414 · 2023-05-10T23:09:42+00:00

This is a great thread, amazing advice within these comments. Sad stories, and it's fucking sad to see, so many of us have gone through similar shit. I cohabitate with mine since we have a 4 year old and she has no job or car, goes n sees her new man, who I feel bad for. All fun n games now till he realizes. But not my problem anymore. It makes me extremely sad, but I stay strong for myself and my daughter who is the only female (besides family) I give a shit about.

Best of luck to all of you. Feel free to reach out n dm me. We all need friends in this shitstorm we call life

EnjoyTheRide52 · 2023-05-11T02:13:21+00:00

“It seems like there should be more people screaming to God for their marriage back like I do”

I am not very religious but I was at your point where I had begged my wife to come back, had the sleepless nights and the complete sadness that my now ex-wife was breaking apart my little girls family for her affair partner. I hit rock bottom and went into a church in the middle of the day…alone…no one else there and got down on my knees and prayed in front of a statue of Mary. I had nowhere else to go. I can’t say for certain if this was the reason but about a week later there was a fairly minor thing (in the grand scheme of all of her BS) that she pulled and something in my brain just changed. It was like the funeral for my marriage happened and I never wanted her back. Still to this day, I wouldn’t take her back. She’s still with her AP and has tried to come back. No way. I’m done. They deserve each other. When you get to the point of desperation I was at, it might be worth a shot.

Ncfc48 · 2023-05-11T08:50:44+00:00

Great replies again guys 💪💪

Key_Preference_4594 · 2023-05-11T12:45:58+00:00

I always have love for my ex wife from 5 years ago. But sometimes time just can’t reverse, we have to accept reality, and move on. Me being hateful and angry doesn’t change anything

-NukeX- · 2023-05-11T16:00:43+00:00

Honestly, I was in the same boat as you. My wife was hooked on money and prescription adderall. She ended up having 3 affairs, started losing her mind from abusing adderall, was fired twice in 5 years, and had a mental episode where she talked about potentially doing something bad to the kids (you get the picture). It ate me up, I lost about 20 pounds, and was in a dark place for a while. Finding a GOOD therapist made a huge inpact. I take all this as a lesson I learned, and with all the self help books and therapist help, I can now detect all the red flags to avoid in the future. Just know, her behavior isn't a reflection of you, but rather herself. It's been about a year now, and I've learned to let go of all that anger and resentment. It does nothing for you but weigh you down. I figured the best revenge is living well, and that's what I'm doing. I'm into eating healthier, hiking, and just changing my overall perspective on life. I'm so much happier now with my own place, and I've forgiven her for all the horrible things she did (there is a list a mile long of other hits below the belt). We do have kids, so I do hope she is happy and finds someone that will be good with our kids. I think when you get to that point, you have successfully moved on, and she will no longer live rent free in your head.

If you ever want to vent, feel free to DM me. I have about 8 other close friends going through similar situations, and I enjoy helping and listening to others who are hurting. If I can bring any type of joy, learning experience, or anything else, it's a win win for both of us. :)

Spodee5 · 2023-05-11T07:02:35+00:00

You’re in a phase. You’re still grieving the relationship loss. In time to come weeks, days, months, years from now you will have a different perspective. You will look back in anger at yourself for not seeing the truth and praise yourself for leaving the disaster.

You’re only regret once you rebuild your happiness and life will be not getting her out of your life sooner.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-05-11T02:08:59+00:00

The good majority of divorces are basically amicable. Then there’s the rest of us.

Gru2509 · 2023-05-10T23:04:35+00:00

My wife and I separated and divorced 4 years ago, she wanted a child I didn't,so she basically went out and got pregnant.

We remained friends and slowly got back together, she wanted to move back in to the family home. The child is non verbal autistic,

I should say at this point I'm a lot older than my wife.

I accepted that for us to become a family I would have to include and love the child, I did, he's a handful but he's 4 and is a lovely kid for all his problems.

I recently lost my job so after paying all the bills mortgage insurance etc and helping her with money and other expenses I thought that moving back in was a formality.

She told me last week that she has 3 kids not 1.

I've been totally blindsided for 3 years, had completely no idea of the other 2 kids, feel a complete muppet for being played for so long.

I know have to sell the house as I have done all my savings.

She still wants us to be a family as if it's the most natural thing to do 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️😪

Acceptable_Photo6956 · 2023-05-10T23:38:57+00:00

Well I guess it's like this and yes I'll be the first to admit I made some decisions at the outset that I am regretting not going through not that here. But what it comes down to bis what I wanted was to grow old with her . She decided I don't get that. Is it maddening yes. Am I angry and hurt and betrayed... All yes. Does she have anything else I want? No. Does it benefit me in any way to make this a knock down drag out fight? Also no.

5unshine_Daydream · 2023-05-11T01:06:55+00:00

johnb_123 · 2023-05-11T09:33:41+00:00

As a codependent, your identity got enmeshed with hers. Go read Melody Beattie and Nicole La Pera’s books and figure out who the fuck you are.

Timbers-creek · 2023-05-11T09:36:43+00:00

It wasn’t easy, I aches for the first few months & every once in a while I cry for her. But at this point, my cries are for the happy moments we shared, the memories we got to make & the time I spent with her. I know it’s going to take a long time to fully get over what I lost. I can’t control anything that she doesn’t want. With the help of therapy, journaling & working out, I’ve been able to jump those hurdles. It’s going to be a long race but I keep jumping. I’ll fall, but you have to pick yourself up.

scivan · 2023-05-11T16:11:53+00:00

I’m about a year and a half out and it still stings from time to time but not nearly the same. It’s not crippling. It’s bursts of thoughts that are intrusive but it doesn’t wreck me. And I can’t specifically pin down when it faded but it did. I remember the strength of that pain and how much it hurt. Weather it and continue to grind and if you are working on yourself you will reflect one day and realize it’s not hurting as much. But you have to do the little things. Workout, get good sleep, eat well, therapy, etc. I journaled and I can read about my thought spirals. It was awful. But I grinded through it and survived the short term thinking of my first year and it did get easier. And when it did, I started thinking more and more longer term and not just surviving. Continued to grow and put my brain and body in a position to take advantage of the growth. I am 50/50 now with a relatively amicable relationship and it blows my mind sometimes still at the lack of feeling I get when I look at her. It gets easier you just have to grow. And it’s worth being extra careful In the early days and not ruining things when your emotions are full tilt. Once you are distanced from the pain more it’s a hell of a lot easier to put the kids first over the betrayal. I feel for you man and hope things turn around. I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone.

pharmd718 · 2023-05-11T17:38:17+00:00

If you raise a puppy into a faithful adult dog, and then you kick him. He will take the kick and remain faithful. However, if you continue to kick the dog…the dog will eventually leave and never come back.

Please get therapy

swrdfsh2 · 2023-05-12T00:07:02+00:00

Move On

https://youtu.be/c709rGYW8v0

Long-Review-1861 · 2023-05-12T09:45:01+00:00

I instantly lost all respect and feelings for this person once i found out she betrayed me. I found her repulsive and didn't want to be near such a trash person. You'll get there too in time

CB33isGMC · 2023-05-12T23:58:21+00:00

Once you truly understand the nature of women it isn’t even worth getting upset about my man.

She’s had your children so mission accomplished.

Move on and learn to enjoy your newfound freedom.

Humble_Face_4600 · 2023-05-13T18:21:34+00:00

I miss the idea of my wife and felt like you did until I realized how cruel she was and is. It’s been a few years for me as well and it is easier most of the time. You will have momentary lapses and that is ok. You do what you can to get through each minute, hour, or day… keep fighting brother!

Title	I truly don't understand how so many of you can have amicable divorces.
Author	PastGas2023
Upvotes	42
Comments	79
Date	May 10, 2023 8:12 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/13e1tra/i_truly_dont_understand_how_so_many_of_you_can/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-truly-dont-understand-how-so-many-of-you-can.1218923 https://theredarchive.com/post/1218923

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