If women leaving jobless men is okay because no money, men leaving sick wives is ok because no sex. Either both are ok, or neither are ok

Practicing_Raccoon · 2023-06-03T22:31:31+00:00

If being jobless is a choice these aren't equivalents. Being sick isn't a choice. That being said, don't stay in a relationship you don't wanna be in. If you truly love someone, you'll be there for when they're sick and/or lose their job.

bluestjuice · 2023-06-03T23:27:02+00:00

This doesn’t seem like the sort of question that can be answered definitively. There are several general principles involved.

People shouldn’t leave their spouses for frivolous or unimportant reasons. Since marriage is entered into freely and with the understanding that it is intended to weather good and bad seasons of life, there is an expectation that both parties should put in real effort to resolve differences and succeed against adversity.
People should seriously consider leaving their spouses and marriage if they are unable to resolve significant differences, or if the relationship has broken down to an unhealthy level for one or more of them. They have the right to leave at any time, of course, but reasonable people will expect some of the prior serious issues to be in play in order to continue to think the person is acting rightly. They also have the right to remain in their marriage even in light of such serious issues, as long as their spouse also agrees, but here too many reasonable people will question the wisdom of their choice.
Sex is an act of individual personal agency and ongoing consent is needed from all parties in every instance.
Sex is a significant biological drive and it is unjust to demand an ongoing monogamous sexual relationship with someone while simultaneously refusing them all sexual activity (leaving aside certain kink-related power exchange dynamics).

I tried to come up with some foundational principles that directly related to income and employment but I struggled to come up with any - maybe someone else can think of some that are universal. Points 1 & 2, about the significance but potential breakdown of a marital relationship, may cover that well enough, I’m not sure.

In any case, the upshot is that the most correct course of action is going to depend on the specific circumstances of any given scenario and how those circumstances impact these principles. I can imagine scenarios involving a lack of money or sex where a divorce seems entirely justified, as well as some where it doesn’t. Of course, as alluded to in point 2, the ability to divorce is retained regardless; it’s just a question of the merit of that action.

therealcosmicnebula · 2023-06-04T00:58:07+00:00

togetherforall · 2023-06-03T23:25:23+00:00

First of all sex is not a transaction in a health relationship. Secondly, if joblessness is a choice this is a false equivalent.

Yucky take my dood.

operapeach · 2023-06-04T01:59:52+00:00

Having a job is a normal part of being an adult. Not having one makes it evident that you’re selfish and don’t care about your family’s welfare.

Becoming physically incapacitated is usually not a foreseen circumstance.

That said, men do leave their sick wives often. It’s been documented many times over. You’re just saying the quiet part out loud. Shock value is nil. Yawn.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-06-04T00:42:12+00:00

Who cares what's ok.

Both are being done, for obvious reasons.

Both are legal.

You can like it or not, you can try to compare, the point is it happens - so if you plan on being jobless, pick a woman who fancies you more than paying rent.

raldabos · 2023-06-04T00:46:39+00:00

Neither are ok. People telling you either one is okay are shitty people.

BeneficialTop5136 · 2023-06-04T02:35:02+00:00

I hate to break it to you, but having a job is a normal part of adult life, and having an income is a necessity if you plan to live in the world.

A spouse can leave a spouse for any reason, thank to No-Fault Divorce. If a man’s wife is too sick to sleep with him, he’s certainly within his rights to leave, sure.

But guess what, he still has to have a job. Just get a fucking job, dude.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-06-03T22:37:17+00:00

Sure if he's jobless because he's suffering from an illness as severe as cancer she'd be a jerk to leave him just for that.

If it's just that he refuses to pick up even a McDonald's job due to pride or laziness that's different but it would depend on what they had agreed to as a couple. Some couples (the rare ones who can afford it) are okay supporting the other for a limited amount of time even if it's just so one can relax for a few months with video games and refurbishing their resume.

I personally don't think you should have to stay with a sick person either if their illness makes them abusive for example (an alcoholic who beats their spouse is suffering from a disease, sure, but nobody has to accept that abuse).

I wouldn't consider 'not getting sex' for a few months of chemo 'experiencing abuse' though.

Ultimately it's up to the couple and if they both decide to work through it. Some people dying from a horrendous disease give their spouse a 'pass' with a friend or a sex worker to let off steam, some will tell them they're 'out of their will' if they sleep with someone else.

Anybody can walk away from a relationship at any time, but yeah some will see you as a piece of shit for doing so. You can't control what people think of you.

If you don't think you can make a vow of 'in sickness and in health' don't make that vow, don't get married or make it clear to your partner before you marry that such will not be part of the agreement.

But again, if their 'sickness' is causing you to be abused (refusing to take their meds and throwing things at your head, alcoholic who abuses someone), most people would acknowledge you are justified in leaving.

neetykeeno · 2023-06-04T01:24:02+00:00

I left a husband back in 93 who kept losing jobs. It wasn't just the lack of income, that we could have worked with. It was the lack of willingness to take measures to attempt to address the causes of the joblessness combined with the utter fucking disrespect involved in not even lifting a finger to do housework that was usually my burden even though I was going nuts taking on as much paid employment as I could get.

I waited until I'd managed to find him work to leave

Basically his behaviour during unemployment just threw into sharp focus what trash he was. I'm glad he never had kids, that I was his only real opportunity to and he blew it.

I guess I wouldn't have left him if he was ill ...unless the illness was something that brought those issues of unwillingness to attempt change and unwillingness to do the best possible under bad circumstances to the fore too.

Just a little personal window into why women leave some but not all jobless men. It isn't the joblessness it is the shiftlessness. Now I got no idea why men stick with jobless shiftless women more often but it seems to me that's a more relevant comparison.

Devourer_of_felines · 2023-06-04T02:25:59+00:00

Hold up

That comparison is only good if the dude is staying jobless by choice

Or the woman is withholding sex by choice

_here_ok · 2023-06-03T23:27:37+00:00

These arguments don't make sense because comparing one thing with another doesn't make it equal.

Sex is not equal to money and vice versa. it's pretty subjective.

In my subjective opinion. It's more understandable to leave for money than it is for sex. Money guarantees a higher chance of success for a lot of things in life. Sex does not.

If men are leaving sick wives why assume it is for sex? It can easily be that she is also a financial burden. Women and men alike leave when anyone is a financial burden because it's a threat to their own survival and chances of success. It's selfish and shitty but it's what I see.

OpiumTraitor · 2023-06-03T23:02:55+00:00

Whatever helps you sleep at night

iLiveInAHologram94 · 2023-06-04T02:15:24+00:00

Obviously neither are okay. Can the man work but WONT work? In that case only that’s okay. But down on his luck or due to a disability, not okay.

MistyMaisel · 2023-06-04T03:39:57+00:00

As if these things are the same at fucking all.

Firstly, being ill, not a choice. Being jobless is a choice.

Making money is something all adults pretty much have to do in order to survive and not doing so without a reasonable excuse is unacceptable. It's not some part of a relationship, it's part of being an adult. If an adult stops caring for themselves and stops upholding their adulthood and shows no real sign of returning, other adults are not unreasonable to abandon them.

Sex is not an adult necessity. Sex is cream. Sex is extra. Sex is what two people who want sex together do. Are you allowed to leave because no sex? Sure. But generally, if you leave a sick partner cuz no sex, it is appropriate to suggest you're a shithead who shouldn't have committed to them because you're a child who cannot uphold promises. What kind of person wants to fuck their awfully sick partner who doesnt want it and cannot do it, I'll never know.

If my man refuses to have a job and contribute without a good reason, I would try for a very long time not to leave him, but eventually, I imagine the weight of caring for an overgrown child who is a shadow of the man I committed to would destroy our relationship. If I'm sick and not giving him sex that isn't destroying diddly. Our relationship is based on way more than fucking. And I'm sure I would love to stop being sick so I can go back to fucking.

The fact men compare these things sometimes is wild. Just say you see women as warm holes that are meant to tolerate all your poor choices without so much as a squeak.

AreOut · 2023-06-03T22:42:06+00:00

wives are also leaving sick husbands but men leaving women because they are jobless is almost non-existing

Ok-Map-7596 · 2023-06-03T22:47:16+00:00

There's a huge difference between a man not having a job and a woman not having one.

A woman not working outside the home could just mean they both agreed she stays home and takes care of the house and the kids.

A man not having a job is almost always just some unemployed dude doing nothing in your house but playing video games lol.

MxMaster9907 · 2023-06-03T22:33:27+00:00

I would also leave my wife if she became a financial burden.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-06-03T23:05:37+00:00

Neither are ok

wtknight · 2023-06-03T23:59:04+00:00

But it would be okay for her to leave him if he isn't making any effort to find another job. If she is sick, then it's likely not her fault and it would be ethically problematic if he left her, but if her sickness is caused by her own actions, then it would likely be justified just as a woman leaving a man who has become lazy would be justified.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-06-04T03:42:55+00:00

Not all evolved instincts are equally moral. Men's preoccupation with sex is not as important as a woman's need to have a responsible partner who can cover his share of the bills.

Ok_Tomorrow_3963 · 2023-06-03T23:49:57+00:00

Can't the woman make her own money though? Isn't this something women are supposedly really proud of anyway?

A guy can't exactly get his own sex without her. I mean technically he can, but she will not be happy about it

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2023-06-03T23:59:55+00:00

The man can get a job eventually but sicknesses can be unpredictable.

The man having a job is a contribution to the family, it helps pay rent, bills, and food. A woman having sex with a man should be for both their pleasure, but the way it’s framed it’s for his pleasure. These things aren’t equal if one gets taken out of the equation.

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nunchuckbitch27 · 2023-06-04T00:06:42+00:00

There are many circumstances around this but looking at it from a very black and white perspective I agree with you. And since I believe in marriage and commitment I don’t believe in breaking vows you are supposed to be together in sickness and in health for richer or poorer so you make it work if something happens.

Title	If women leaving jobless men is okay because no money, men leaving sick wives is ok because no sex. Either both are ok, or neither are ok
Author	Censoredpatriarchy
Upvotes	64
Comments	188
Date	June 3, 2023 10:26 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13zrvq7/if_women_leaving_jobless_men_is_okay_because_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-women-leaving-jobless-men-is-okay-because-no.1221215 https://theredarchive.com/post/1221215

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