Marriage for men

Specialist-Action-33 · 2023-06-20T06:55:38+00:00

Marriage is just a lifetime come up for women. Thats why hypergamy exists. For example, a broke girl with a high n-count can marry a rich man who barely had sex and she wins. If theres a divorce, who mosly gets alimony or child support? Thats just only the common stuff. We not gonna talk about stuff like who gets blamed for DV with no evidence, or who is blamed for the reason of a divorce with little or no facts. If you're like me and have kids during marriage, you're more fucked because you're trying to be a father at the same time escaping the hell with your spouse.

EulenWatcher · 2023-06-20T02:38:17+00:00

Marriage is just a way to get the state and other people see you as one family unit. If you've cohabitated for years, it isn't supposed to make things much different. So I wonder whether your friends actually liked their partners before marriage and why they married them in the first place if they don't find their company and companionship enjoyable enough.

Marriage brings the same perks LTRs do with the extra legal perks from the state. There are legal downsides too, especially if you want to get divorced later on and you believe that "your" money should stay "yours". If you and your partner are on the same page about marriage, you're compatible enough and you both put enough effort into your relationship, you get love, companionship and partnership and everything that is linked to these things.

Among my social circle a lot of couples seem to be satisfied with their relationships, both men and women. I have some married male friends, they sometimes talk about their issues with me, but although there are certain bumps in the road, overall they're happy with their marriages. They have loving wives, kids, good support nets etc. Financially-wise they are all working couples, so it's not that this responsibility lies solely on men.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-06-20T01:22:03+00:00

Grass is always greener. Those men are complaining but they’re not divorcing, and men are more likely to remarry than women. “Watch what they do” and all that. I’m not saying that a a vast majority of men are happily married, but I know people love to complain no matter what their situation.

Workaholiconew · 2023-06-20T12:31:09+00:00

All men hate marriage, particularly those who are married.

And for a good reason, it is the signing of your own slavery contract.

Tell me that its not worth it, is insane. Is there really any benefit too marriage for anyone?

It is a last resort if you want sex. And one, which wont be long lived.

It is basically a demon's contract, it will own you for live, but you got to enjoy yourself for a little while.

There is some positives in the beginning, the honeymoon and all that.

No long term positives outside of a longer, more suffering ridden, life.

babazuki · 2023-06-20T01:26:19+00:00

Yeah, marriage is a selfless endeavor. You're committing yourself to a life of servitude to your spouse and family. It's not supposed to be for yourself. It's only in this highly individualistic modern society that people think it's supposed to be about their own happiness.

Marriage is for the purpose of raising a family. The family is what's worth the toil and sweat and servitude. Serve either through working for money or through catering to your spouse and kids. Mix it up with your spouse if you both agree. Just don't get married if you don't want that.

63daddy · 2023-06-20T01:39:53+00:00

Laws and practices related to marriage, divorce and child custody tend to favor women. Only you can decide if the risk is worth potential benefits. I think the biggest reason to accept this is if raising a family is important to you. One can have meaningful relationships without the potential negative consequences that come with marriage.

As for the grass looking greener on the other side: I’m unmarried and in comparison to friends of mine who have married, I think the grass is overall much greener on my side.

slazengerx · 2023-06-20T03:37:19+00:00

I never wanted to get married but ended up doing so anyhow in my late-thirties. I was living in San Diego and dating a Mexican woman (from Tijuana) and after three years I just said, "Look, I have no interest in marriage but your life will be much easier if you have US citizenship. We've been together for several years and things are going really well; one day, they probably won't be. So, if you want to do this, this is the time to do it. We can do so with three conditions: (1) you'll sign a pre-nup, (2) we'll keep separate residences, and (3) one day in the future after we've accomplished the citizenship goals, we'll get divorced." She wisely agreed and we were married for 7 years, then divorced. There were no fireworks toward the end, it was quite amicable and she remains one of my closest friends. I have no regrets; we had a very good run. But it's highly unlikely I'd marry again.

I would advise most folks to tread carefully with marriage because of the high divorce rate and even higher general-misery rate. (Lots of couples stick it out for all sorts of reasons even after the romance has long bolted from the barn.) As much as I think traditional marriages look pretty awful from my viewpoint... people dig different things; everyone's wired a bit differently.

KirthWGersen · 2023-06-20T06:47:18+00:00

The main issue with marriage is that it creates perverse incentives.

When you can't leave, or it is difficult to leave, the other party can easily gain control over you with bad behaviour, which you then have to placate to get by day to day. When you don't live together, you can simply stop seeing the person if they misbehave. When a couple does not live together, they tend to have sex every time they meet up and treat each other kindly, as they are happy to see each other and want to keep it going. Marriage encourages people to be lazy or worse and show the worst side of themselves when it is in their interest.

Add in the financial consequences of the higher earner (usually the man) being disproportionately harmed by divorce, and you can end up being trapped in a hellish situation.

Worst of all, this is not just possible, but highly likely.

You can vet people all you like, but they change over time, especially when the incentives point them in that direction.

The moment you get married, you relinquish control over so many key ingredients of your own happiness.

Steakman1 · 2023-06-20T01:28:40+00:00

I think there’s a lot of fear mongering online about marriage for men. Of course there’s always the risk the marriage will fail. And if there’s a huge difference in income between the man and woman which favors the man, then there’s the potential he may have to pay up in some way.

Ultimately there isn’t a huge benefit to being married unless you are both religious. Just if you do choose to get married, make sure it’s to a woman who cares more about being married than having their wedding day.

Happy_Nuclear_End · 2023-06-20T02:51:55+00:00

Toss a coin, if it lands head you lose your kids, half your house and a piece of your earnings for 18 years + married years if alimony. And if you wins there's no guarantee that the outcome is favorable.

50% of chance to just lose so you can in the other 50% for variable outcome, while you pay it on full.

Do you feel lucky?

Dom-Francon · 2023-06-20T01:23:57+00:00

Happily married men don’t talk about how good their marriages are to the bachelors so you don’t feel bad lmao

Bikerbats · 2023-06-20T02:58:28+00:00

I can sum this one up simply. You should see how happy the unmarried childless men my age are. It ain't a pretty sight.

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John_Oakman · 2023-06-20T01:28:39+00:00

Marry for the wrong reasons usually tend to not work out too well. You don't do it for the benefits or whatever, you do it out of a sense of duty, responsibility, and sacrifice.

Anxious_Adult123 · 2023-06-20T02:52:57+00:00

I’ve talked too has talked so poorly of marriage.

This is a 80s or 90s comedy stuff. Even in my place (India), where women face DV and other forms of non violent, non physical abuses, there are comedy sketches showing how marraiges are a losing game for men and how theur lives become living hell post marraige. They cite example of how these men have to now listen to their wives, spend less time with their bros etc. But a lot of times, women leave their house post marraige and stay with their husband's (Indian thing, may not be applicable to the west) and do a lot of other changes. When two people decide to live together and unless they are just two matching peices of a puzzle, some level of changes are expected from both It's natural that men too would have to do that. They might have to make their wife a priority now, give more attention to the family they are raising. No point in whining about thay while your wife is toiling in kitchen after coming from her office. (And no, I'm not 50yr old Becky living with her cats but I felt what I said needs to be said)

A lot of working women I know have to deal with their career and then comes back home to take care of children and do house works. And yes, there are women who are vocal about it saying how marraiges are a scam for women. But the amount of such narratives coming from women are far far lower than what that comes from men. (Or maybe my views are biased, idk, weird algorithms of social media ig).

And yes, men do face injustices in divorce courts and paternity courts. Court system tent to favor moms over dads significantly and there are news about women's organisation that have lobbied to keep them that way.

For those for whom marraiges clicked, it clicked. For those who don't, it's shit!

anotherstarbuckeroos · 2023-06-20T03:56:02+00:00

Husbands love complaining about their wives and wives love complaining to their husbands.

Beebum5 · 2023-06-20T04:22:09+00:00

They could just have shitty wives or are unhappy in general from work etc & reflects on their home life

nemma88 · 2023-06-20T11:09:45+00:00

It's not really much different than cohabiting long term. I've been married now 6 months, we've been together for 8 years. The dynamic didn't change on marriage, those complains are relationship complaints, not marriage complaints specifically.

Most houses are duel income now, you'd probably be in a house that you both own and most of the martial goods joint bought so when you break up you still have to go through the rigmarole of dividing assets, sending money (because I assume we're talking CS - alimony is on the rarer side so only a few of these men complaining should be bringing it up) et al. We might not call it divorce, it may go though different courts if things get ugly, but it's the same thing.

For the most part humans are social creatures where love and cohabitation is rewarding. Being in a partnership comes with downsides (this is any LTR, not particularly marriage, and I don't think they're gendered) , like I'd always check in with my husband about plans and larger spends, but while its a inconvenience from the outside we are a team and I don't view it as such- the advantage is he also checks with me so I'm not blindsided with double planning or debt. You have to get used to their gross habits and you can't always get your own way - if you don't like this don't have relationships.

The advantages are duel income means much more disposal income as a team. Food for two, accommodation for two, transport for two etc etc as a unit is relatively cheaper than that for one. When you're having a bad day you can count on someone to have your back. Sure these things can be gotten elsewhere - but the reciprocal nature of human relationships means you're still restricted then by the other persons wants and day, same for friendship, family, LTR or Marriage, usually you get what you put into them.

SierraMistSoda · 2023-06-20T01:56:17+00:00

Men don't want to accept emotions. Love is an emotion. caring, dedication, through sickness and in health. They don't want this. They would rather push this down and away for surface level relationships. Men don't want to share the money they make to buy baby bottles and carseats. The don't want a wife and children because it means they have to put other people before themselves or others will shame them, rightfully so. They are afraid that they will have to re-evaluate how they see women once they have a wife, daughters. Men don't want to re-evaluate, they want to keep seeing them like a slutty hole toy.

Average men would rather have accomplish having a cool car with some hot girl in it than having a wife and children. Men are making their own loneliness.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-06-20T09:15:38+00:00

Men profit financially, socially and emotionally from marriage. Financially because their wives generally bring in incomes beyond their expenses as well as providing disproportionate amounts unpaid work in the home allowing men to be more productive, and many countries also have financial perks attached to legal marriage such as having less tax or being able to share health insurance. Socially because being married has a certain status attached making others think more favourably of married men and often offers access to a broader support network that's linked to their wives. Emotionally because people, you know, enjoy spending time with those they love and marriage can provide lots of support with someone who you go through life with as a team (and like any team, especially if you live together, you might want to consult each other about decisions, but that doesn't mean you have no freedom unless you choose a very controlling wife). Marriage is wonderful for men, yet many men will deny those benefits as they take them for granted or simply think the grass is greener on the other side.

Far_Significance2023 · 2023-06-20T03:36:24+00:00

I think it depends on the priorities of the guy and the woman they choose.

If the wife is mental, marriage can be hellish. Men who divorce usually get married later to a woman with a totally different personality from the first one. So men recognize the issue is not marriage but who do they marry.

So yes, marriage can be very positive and I have no doubt it is for most men, but at the end it is also a risk and some men don't want to take it, and that is OK too for those who want to take it.

Still, probably most men who are not married did not choose that. Women HATE autistic or shy men, for example, while autistic and shy women are as attractive as neurotypical ones.

Other men did became marriageable later in life, like me, but at this point I don't have the energy or will to make huge changes, so I guess I just have to wait to die while living my best as a single man.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-06-20T02:44:51+00:00

It sounds like you've been talking to 80s comedians about marriage.

Atleast for guys, it just seems like you send her basically all your money and you basically do everything for her.

This is less true now than any other time in history. It is not hard to find a woman who is financially independent. As for doing everything for her, statistics repeatedly show that women take on the majority of housework and child-rearing, so I would be curious what exactly the "everything" would be.

Can’t do anything for yourself. Gotta ask the wife first.

This is just exercising common courtesy. When I call my wife to ask her if it's all right to go out to the bar with the guys, I'm not asking for her permission like I'm a child, I'm a) making sure there's nothing planned that I forgot about, b) there hasn't been an unexpected change in things going on at home (i.e., child is sick, dog has explosive diarrhea), and c) letting her know that I'm not going to be home when she expected because I'm at a bar, not because I'm dead in a ditch.

You don't have to get married, I know several long term couples that aren't married and don't have any plans to, and that's fine, that's what works for them. If you don't want to get married, then communicate that to potential partners.

Out of curiosity, of the things you listed in your OP, why do you think it would be different in marriage vs. a long-term, co-habiting girlfriend?

retal1ator · 2023-06-20T07:42:12+00:00

Some women will tell you until they are blue in the face marriage benefits men. They often cite weird statistics like “married men live longer” or that “studies shows that 70% of household duties fall on women” to try to convince you it is not like some men say.

In truth, I’ve never seen a man that was better off married. Not one in my life. Yes, there are benefits in being in a relationship for men just like the same is true for women. But marriage goes beyond that and applies a veil of rights and responsibilities which, is 99% of cases, weights the man more than the woman.

We all know that most divorce payments are of men to women, women get custody of the children A LOT more even when it would not make sense, and that a majority of abuse victims without support in marriages are men.

You just have to break down statistics a bit more to find out for example that on certain studies married men seem to do better than single men because in the single cohort there is a sizeable portion of men that DID marry at some point and then got divorced. Of course then single men seem to be doing worse: that’s because the statistic includes men that went thought the divorce meat grinder. And we all know that divorce heavily favours women.

Other lies that are used to obfuscate the real issue with marriage for men is for example saying that women do most of household duties or emotional work. It is a fact often used by feminists to justify the notion that men do get something out of marriage.

But even this fact is a misleading point because it never keeps into account all the work that men do that often does not get taken into account - even if in some households women do more of the chores, men often do all of the hard work (for example, gardening, maintenance, etc), work more hours and in more physically demanding jobs, earn more, and are called upon when shit hits the fan.

There is much more to say but the statistics and horror stories are out there.

In my opinion marriage for men makes sense only if you’re marrying rich (maybe), or if you’re so socially low as a man that any arrangement with a woman is better than none. Men with options should never marry and instead seek more balanced arrangements.

KirthWGersen · 2023-06-20T06:33:08+00:00

It all depends on your personality and your relationship style with your wife.

I know that marriage is not for me: my marriage was great; not being married is even better.

However, some people love cohabitation, get a lot out of it, and are really good at it.

From my observations, if we are brutally honest, it is only in about 10% of married/cohabiting relationships that the two people are actually happier, more developed and better people overall for being together in the medium/long term. Most relationships stagnate and the individuals are held back from personal growth. It is rare for two people to create a virtuous circle within such a confined relationship structure. Most of us simply don't have the skills required.

Active-Razzmatazz-86 · 2023-06-20T10:42:57+00:00

It's not of any benefit for men.Bcz women divorce too much .Why would you enter into a contract which rewards the party breaking it? Most modern women don't want to emotionally support their partners.They just want a dad who pays all the bills,fucks them daily without getting tired and never opens up to them

Vronicasawyerredsded · 2023-06-20T23:13:23+00:00

I would never recommend marriage to men or women.

It’s sucks for most everyone.

Chokeman · 2023-06-20T02:14:12+00:00

It depends on women's standards.

If she's fine with just living together or already lived together with her ex-partner(s) in the past, there's no need for marriage.

Novadina · 2023-06-20T02:57:47+00:00

I assume it depends on who you marry. I personally wouldn’t marry someone where I need to ask permission for things or where I have to send someone all my money and do everything for them, why would you do that?

Seems like the men you talk to don’t even like their wives - did they tell you why they married??? I don’t get why someone would marry someone who makes them miserable.

obviousredflag · 2023-06-20T07:38:32+00:00

Your marriage is yours to design. Don't send your wife money if you don't want to. Don't do basically everything for her if you don't want to. Don't ask the wife first if you don't want to. Do everything that you want to do for yourself.

Just find the woman that goes well with this. People are getting married to the wrong partners and then complain...

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2023-06-20T21:11:38+00:00

it just seems like you send her basically all your money and you basically do everything for her. Can’t do anything for yourself. Gotta ask the wife first.

None of these things have anything to do with marriage.

Safinated · 2023-06-20T03:08:55+00:00

Nope, there’s no benefit, do not get married and please don’t think for yourself

Marriage for men

Comments

instantly laughed.

Title	Marriage for men
Author	LocksmithBig4103
Upvotes	25
Comments	195
Date	June 20, 2023 1:12 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14dwq1w/marriage_for_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/marriage-for-men.1223126 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223126