Am I the only one here who does this with girls who have boyfriends?

NeutralBias · 2012-07-28T22:39:20+00:00

No, you aren't the only one. However, i generally try not to pass judgement on others in this subreddit.

Why leave her alone though? Maybe your intentions to bang her have gone away, but you can still network and expand your social circle. Hell, she might even end up winging for you.

Nothing wrong with making a new friend.

Horvaticus · 2012-07-29T00:17:42+00:00

I really agree with this actually. There's this girl who's my co-worker, and I just recently found out she's married. I have a sneaking suspicion that she really likes me, and it makes all the other neckbeards I work with jealous, but I flat out laid it down to her that I wasn't interested in her becuase she was married, although I did think she was cute and do enjoy talking to her because I'm a lonely bastard.

We're becoming pretty good friends, and I hope to have her wingwoman for me at one point.

And who knows? Maybe she'll remember you when her boyfriend goes off cheating on her, or they get a divorce, or whatever.

Just my two cents. There's literally 3 billion women in the world.

EDIT: My last girlfriend I met and started flirting with even though she had a boyfriend. She left him for me. Guess what happened 7 months down the line?

IStealBathroomSigns · 2012-07-28T23:02:58+00:00

Unless, of course, they are like many I know and engage in some form of non-monogamy - open relationships are very common these days.

angrybrother273 · 2012-07-28T23:08:05+00:00

Personally, I don't participate in cheating, and I don't go for girls who are in relationships.

But I have friends who do. Their logic is, ''If she's going to cheat, might as well be with me. It's not like she loves him anyway.''

I see it more as a ''Do unto others'' kind of thing. When you're in a realtionship, if you had spent a lot of time in your life sleeping with girls with boyfriends, you'll end up paranoid as shit and screw up the whole relationship from the inside.

furiouslamb · 2012-07-29T03:24:18+00:00

If they cheat with you; they'll cheat on you.

chickenshitmchammers · 2012-07-29T00:30:25+00:00

If a girl's willing to cheat on her dude, you probably don't want her anyway. That's how I feel. But good point, OP. It needed to be said.

2012-07-29T00:19:04+00:00

I think that when you realize a girl has a boyfriend or husband you just need to readjust your expectations. I personally agree with you and your application of the golden rule, but that doesn't mean you should completely shut down around her. In this case its all about entertaining yourself rather than trying to get the girl, so have fun, be flirty, and don't ask for her number (if she gives it to you anyway, thats a different story).

Above all else just have a good time.

DesignMyself · 2012-07-29T02:01:57+00:00

I agree, but, dude, some of these women in relationships don't make it easy. They come on stronger than single women. They're not happy with their bf and they're looking at you like they want you.
Maybe I've going too far down the rabbit hole, but they're not happy with their relationship and they're feeling if they sleep with you, then not only will that give them the impetus to finally end it, but it'll be "proof" that it was never mean to be. Backwards rationalizations that will make your head spin.

I've resisted some, but not others.
A solid abundance mentality would make it even easier to resist. I would also warn dudes that there is a cost to getting a girl to cheat with you. It's not some mystical karma. It's just natural consequence. You watch women casually lie to their bf/husband and it makes it harder for you to trust.

yenners · 2012-07-29T06:42:26+00:00

I definitely leave the girl alone. For a couple reasons. 1. It's most likely going to be a waste of time trying to bed a girl in a relationship. 2. I don't want to be the reason, or atleast part of the reason that someone cheated on their boyfriend. I know how I would feel, and I would be crushed if my GF cheated on me. 3. It goes against the idea of abundance. There are PLENTY of SINGLE girls out there. There is no reason why you should ever have to feel the need to bed someone else's girl.

I read some posts that said, I'd do this to someone unless they were my friend. That's a fucked up cop out. Basically you understand that what you are doing is morally wrong, but would only do it to people you don't know. That's the equivalent of knowing that stealing is wrong, so it's ok to steal from people you don't know, but stealing from people you know is wrong. I have a huge issue with that kind of douuchebaggery. Our world would be a much better place if people treated everyone they know and don't know like a friend.

I also feel like within the seddit community we are putting way too much emphasis on how much "control" we have over the situation. Like we are these God's of attraction, and as long as we kino, escalate, attract we can have any woman we want. Part of this is true, but I think we are giving women too little credit. They are beautiful, smart, and are capable of making their own decisions on whether or not they cheat on their partner.

2012-07-29T06:48:20+00:00

If it's not my dick it's going to be some other dick. My only advice when it comes to fucking women with boyfriends is to not date them, cheaters are cheaters.

cheese-and-candy · 2012-07-30T00:24:10+00:00

Stay classy, OP. As a woman I find it to be a horrible experience to have some asshole continue "putting his moves" on me after I've said I'm already with someone. If someone is going to be a loser and cheat, they probably wouldn't mention their SO anyway.

bmduffy · 2012-07-30T03:45:20+00:00

If I find out a girl I'm hitting on has a boyfriend, I leave her the fuck alone. Why? Simple. 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. If I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't want her to cheat on me or even seriously consider cheating on me.

Sure. Of course, and you have a right to think this. But, I had a set this last weekend, where I just approached a woman, said something witty, and the imediate response was, "I have a boyfriend".

My response to that was, "I said 'hey", not, 'let's fuck'" She put down her drink and looked at me, and I cracked a smile. She finally loosened up.

Don't want to backstab her bf? Then don't. Shut off the seduction and just talk to her like a normal human.

TheRedGoblin · 2012-07-29T00:03:11+00:00

I won't pursue a girl with a boyfriend seriously, but if she makes the advances I'm all game for it.

If shes going to cheat it might as well be with my dick. The only exceptions is girls who are dating my friends.

looking_online · 2012-07-29T00:51:25+00:00

it's a tough situation because I always try to carry myself in a respectful manner first and foremost. That means not fucking with someone's relationship just to try to get a nut. At the same time you do have to be bold to get what you want out of life (not just girls), and on top of that - a lot of "I have a boyfriend" snips that you get are going to be shit tests.

I think the best way to steer the ship here is to not act phased by it at all. No need for an "alpha one-liner" like "good, maybe him and my girlfriend can buy the next round" or anything like that. Just keep talking to her and conveying your intent like she didn't mention it at all. If she really does have a boyfriend and isn't interested she'll eventually shut it down. If she doesn't and it was a shit test, you handled it well by not giving into the bait.

MauiWowieOwie · 2012-07-29T00:12:34+00:00

Bitches be scandalous.

SpinMyRiki · 2012-07-28T23:30:17+00:00

absolutely agree with you.

Moonatx · 2012-07-29T14:09:02+00:00

I agree. Show some respect for a fellow gentleman and let him enjoy himself without having to deal with a guy trying to bang his girlfriend all night. If he won a girl who's attractive enough for you to hit on then let him enjoy it and move on to a single girl so you can find your own girlfriend.

KickinRockss · 2012-07-29T16:35:28+00:00

Dude, there's so many chicks out there you don't need to hook up with some girl that already has a significant other... plenty of girls at the bar want to bang.

2012-07-29T06:25:11+00:00

You're absolutely right. This has been my primary objection to r/seduction's ways.

I think part of being a respectable, attractive man is by also respecting others, valuing loyalty and commitment, and not tempting a woman that is in a relationship with another man.

Thank you for making this point. It kind of disgusts me when I see FR's about making out with a girl who's in a relationship...

Pedantic_Me · 2012-07-28T23:41:48+00:00

If I know she has a boyfriend, I won't pursue her. Often girls will say they have a boyfriend even when they don't, so you can't bail out too soon. Get her number, get to know her more and if she actually does have a boyfriend, get out of his way.

kissacupcake · 2012-07-29T07:32:03+00:00

I think it's polite to tone down your game once you find out she has a boyfriend, but I think you're not giving women anywhere near enough credit here.

If she has a strong desire to be faithful and monogamous with her boyfriend, she ain't gonna fuck you. It's rude and pointless to try to seduce women who are clearly not interested in you.

If she's happy to cheat on her boyfriend, that's her fuckup, not yours. She's the one that's hurting him and damaging their relationship. She's the one that made an agreement to be monogamous, and she's the one who's breaking it. You are not involved in her relationship with her boyfriend, and it's not your fault if she cheats on him with you.

If you're just totally uninterested in women who have boyfriends, that's fine - but I can't see it as a moral issue. It's a moral issue for her, absolutely. Not for you.

It's already been mentioned in this thread, but open relationships are a real thing. I'm a polyamorous female with existing relationships. If I'm talking to someone and there's obviously mutual sexual attraction, and I happen to mention one of my partners, I'll either throw in a reference to another one to make it obvious that I'm poly, or just flat out say I'm poly. However, if I'm just talking to someone without sexual tension, I might not make an effort to make it clear I'm poly.

Attila_TheHipster · 2012-07-29T01:49:42+00:00

I totally agree with you man I'm a lurker but from what I gather abut this subreddit is that it's about becoming a better man. Of thats the case then Start to embody that in yur moral character.

squarehouse · 2012-07-29T03:44:26+00:00

If I find out a girl I'm hitting on has a boyfriend, I leave her the fuck alone.

Yeah, you're a creepy neckbeard FA white knight for saying this.

Seriously, you're leaving her the fuck alone because the only reason you'd talk to her is because you want to have sex with her? Honestly, it's crappy when PUA's eject the moment a woman utters the BF line, or lose interest for any other reason.

If she enjoys talking with you, then talk to her! She doesn't belong to her boyfriend, no matter how much he is "the jealous type". "Don't go out. If you go out, don't wear anything attractive. If you wear anything attractive, don't talk to other men." This is what women are hearing all across the world from their controlling boyfriends.

And you're taking sides with this guy.

Get it?

Lenney · 2012-07-29T03:51:19+00:00

Unless you happen to know the guy and he's a douchebag.. It's all about respect.

Adamtess · 2012-07-29T04:18:54+00:00

I always make a friend either way, leaving her alone isn't always the right call. You're already partially invested, if her boy is at the club with her meet him! Your social circle is never full enough!

oh84s · 2012-07-29T04:33:33+00:00

I agree. However unfortunately most guys don't follow this rule. All my ex's get constantly hit on by numerous guys trying to steal them.

Unfortuantely this is a no win for everyone, you get to view their actions and see them as questionable.

So if they don't leave you, but go along with it in the slightest, you lose regardless.

So yeah I respect guys like you, I'd never do it. Hell sometimes I act in a flirting with with girls with a boyfriends and have no intention of hitting on them but feel bad for it.

smokintreesinatree · 2012-07-29T07:28:10+00:00

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2012-07-29T09:14:48+00:00

I'll probably get trashed for this, but my view is:

If a girl would consider cheating on her bf, then that's the girl's problem and the bf is better off without her. Isn't it better to have them sort it out now, rather than him finding out she cheats on him during their marriage or late relationship?

Best summarised by this quote from a book: 'better a little hurt now, than a big hurt later'.

Ofcourse if it's your friend's girl, then you don't go there, but you gotta let your friend know about her behaviour.

And being drunk is not an excuse. Heaps of girls get drunk and don't cheat on their partners.

outragez_guy · 2012-07-29T09:25:36+00:00

Me: pull out my old man spectacles (actual glasses) Yeah, you have what it takes to sit with me.

Girl: I wish I was single I wish I was single.

You don't know what the girl wants or what kind of relationship she's in, what she does with her boyfriend is none of your business.

I say if a girl rejects you, she rejects you, regardless of if she has a 'boyfriend' or not.

RavenMFD · 2012-07-29T09:30:47+00:00

Was having a conversation about this just a few days ago. People called me crazy, glad to see I'm not the only one with some sense of respect.

rozza228 · 2012-07-29T12:40:39+00:00

This subreddit isn't about the superiority of one or anthers beliefs. Morals are subjective, live and let live

wallaby13 · 2012-07-29T15:42:17+00:00

I ALWAYS talk to girls with BF's

If they are happy they make it clear, but I still don't stop talking to them.

1) They're easier to talk to bc now its just a natural conversation as opposed to seducing them.

2) if they see you can hold a conversation and aren't just looking for the next piece of tail they'll see you as a nice guy and most likely try to set one of their friends up with you. Might not be a looker or it could be

3) if she's not happy with the guy maybe she's just a girl that is afraid to be single and thus hasn't ended a broken relationship.

4) having girl friends makes you much more attractive to the opposite sex

chocobaby · 2012-07-29T15:58:44+00:00

You're good. I used to fuck any attractive girl that would fuck me and EVERY GODDAMN GIRLFRIEND of every goddamn friend I had always flirted with me. I banged quite a few of them. I lost my best friend that way...even though in this particular case, they had been broken up for months. (Didn't matter to him...lame, but true). I am older and wiser now. Don't do it. Get her to introduce her friends to you with prior selection BECAUSE you didn't bang her.

2012-07-29T18:53:25+00:00

Plus, if she's willing to cheat on her current boyfriend with you, she'll probably cheat on you with the next guy she sees.

the_flood · 2012-07-29T20:03:02+00:00

It's best not to go for girls with boyfriends. If you have sex with them - afterwards they may regret it/their boyf finds out somehow, then the only way they can get out of it is by saying, 'he .. he RAPED me!'. i think many men have gone to jail just because the girl couldn't own up to cheating.

Casting_Couch_Guy · 2012-10-24T13:33:42+00:00

I always followed the rule that if you cant respect the relationship that she is in why should she respect a relationship with you.

dlefnemulb_rima · 2012-07-29T04:24:12+00:00

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2012-07-29T20:40:25+00:00

While I'm not a player, and I only join seduction for tips when single, I only look for girlfriends in taken girls. Taken girls why I have girlfriends. I've always dated a taken girl.

Single girls don't know what they want, or when they do they have high expectations of what they expect. They want a guy with a six pack who makes millions and has no flaws. They'll never find this guy.

Taken girls know what they have. They know whether they're happy or not, and they have realistic expectations based on what they already have. If a taken girl has a great guy, she won't leave him. If she has a crappy guy and you're not any better, she won't leave him. If you're a better guy, she'll leave him for you. And because she knows what to expect, if you don't maintain what's needed, she'll leave.

Taken girls don't see the world through a 'perfect guy' filter where all the great guys are friendzoned and the assholes are boyfriends. They see it through a 'Is he better than what I have' lens.

People who have a car always want a nicer car, but they won't say no to the Mustang when they're driving a Sunfire. People who don't have a car want the best right off the start.

Obviously this doesn't apply to EVERYONE, but I'd say it applies to the majority.

dj_sash · 2012-07-29T01:36:42+00:00

In most cases I would agree with OP but what about a relationship in which the girl is not happy? Maybe the guy is treating her badly and she deserves better. She might not notice or she can be too insecure to ditch his BF. I'm not saying you have a right to judge about people's lives but sometimes you can help people see the reality,

glassuser · 2012-07-29T14:27:04+00:00

It's not neckbeard white-knighting. It's simple self-respect.

it_wasnt_me_ · 2012-07-29T20:15:39+00:00

Just because there is a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score my man.

Lit-Up · 2012-07-29T11:27:03+00:00

Only in a "seduction community" would this even need to be stated. Stay classy guys.

2012-07-29T03:29:10+00:00

Actually most girls, specially the attractive ones who get hit on often, will often say that they have a boyfriend with an attempt to "shoo" you away. As NeutrallBias said, make friends with her. Make her feel comfortable with you and only until you're 100% sure she has a boyfriend, leave out the flirtation in your interactions.

2012-07-29T04:59:10+00:00

Be careful with the evers and nevers when it comes to cheating, there is no black and white morality. And while your actions and boundaries are respectable, you ought to be realistic about the fact that there are others out there who don't give a fuck how moral you or your girlfriend believe you are. To a man who only wants to get laid, nothing is off limits and you'd be surprised how far an egreqious violation of boundaries can entice an insecure woman,

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2012-07-29T07:43:52+00:00

The way I look at it:

a) If we just met, she could be lying because she thinks she's not interested.

b) How many real-deal HB8-10's just wander around with no boyfriend, anxiously awaiting a guy to pick them up? Not many. She may jump to some other guy eventually so why not me?

c) Her "boyfriend" is probably just the most recent guy to pick her up. How did he do it? And who say's he's some great guy? Odds are he's a total dipshit and she'd be happier with me.

d) "I have a boyfriend" is a pretty vague statement anyway. If you asked my mom, she'd say I have six girlfriends. "I have a boyfriend. We're pretty serious. I'm not interested. It was nice meeting you. I'm gonna go hang out with my friends now." Well, that's pretty clear.

e) She didn't say "fiance'", "husband", or "girlfriend".

But I'm with you on mentioning cheating in your pickup. That seems...trashy. And just an all around terrible move psychologically.

Vecoma · 2012-07-29T17:02:09+00:00

"I have a boyfriend"

"Okay, well I don't"

Gets some laughs.

backfatt · 2012-07-29T02:24:30+00:00

You never know if they are serious or not. I got a number from a bartender last night who was wearing an engagement ring. I asked her about it and she said she only wore it to reduce the number of guys who hit on her. It could be just shit test saying she has a boyfriend. Girls will always have a backup guy when they leave their boyfriend. If a girl wants to cheat she will cheat and you may never know she has a boyfriend. I understand where you are coming from but at the same time you dont always know for sure.

Rockembopper · 2012-07-29T04:25:11+00:00

How would you guys want to act around a girl who currently has a boy friend but you would like to date later? I'm thinking like you have been friends with her for awhile just she has always been taken.

49897785478 · 2012-07-29T06:45:36+00:00

ThrowawayPUA definitely doesn't

haha but nah I think like you do. Helping someone cheat on their SO is as bad as cheating on your own SO in my opinion.

Anonymous_Upvote · 2012-07-29T07:36:20+00:00

You probably are. I don't stop talking to a girl just because she has a boyfriend, simply because, I'm not walking around with my dick out trying to get laid 24/7. I like meeting new people and just use this SUBREDDIT for SELF-IMPROVEMENT.

I understand people here try to use this just for a root and a boot, but that's not the purpose I've fulfilled here. I've become a better person overall from using this subreddit by actually talking to people and seeing what they're like in person!

Back to the point, the word boyfriend doesn't equal "Anti-guy barrier" - I bet she still have loads of friends who are guys, but she's only getting serious for one.

keikenamarinai · 2012-07-29T11:16:19+00:00

I'm not interested in cheaters for an LTR, but maybe for a casual relationship. I don't actively pursue taken girls, though; like NeutralBias said, it'd be nice to have them around to introduce me to their single friends.

2012-07-29T11:53:33+00:00

You reap what you sow. If someone wants to play that game let em. It won't end well for em anyway.

Rourne · 2012-07-29T12:38:32+00:00

The girl is in the relationship, not you; it's HER responsibility to tell you to kick rocks, not yours to the boyfriend. That being said, I like your attitude.

westsan · 2012-07-29T12:47:35+00:00

I have never had luck with a girl that says she has a BF on a pick-up. But I have been with a few that were friends first.

HayzuesKreestow · 2012-07-29T13:34:32+00:00

Leave her alone? If she's just hot and not very interesting, sure. But if I really think there is a strong connection there is no way I'm just going to back off because some faceless joe saw her first. Assuming every girl that is presently in a relationship will stay in that relationship is foolish. Who's to say the two of us don't hit it off that night and go our separate ways only to cross paths a few years down the road when we are both single. If I left her alone we would have never hit it off and she would've never known I existed and vice versa. A connection is a wonderful thing, even if it only happens through 30 minutes of meeting somebody.

Besides.. I'm cooler than him.

toughluck1 · 2012-07-29T13:43:57+00:00

Yeah you wouldn't want to do this. But girls that are flirty with you even after they said they've boyfriends, it probably means they're just in the relationship for the sake of it, or they want something else. So it's all on the girl. If the girl really likes her bf, she wouldn't have anything to do with you. So make sure when you have a girl, you make her want you more than anything else.

Chances are, her cheating on her boyfriend is not your amazing seduction skills, rather she wants something else than her bf/she's attracted to you more than her bf.

But most of the time after they say they're taken I just play with her for a bit, and then leave her. Other than that I can't tell you, cause I haven't gone much further than that.

lawrnk · 2012-07-29T16:44:23+00:00

Agreed. And with misdirected anger being common, that's a dude that may come looking for you. I've seen fist fights at bars over it.

2012-07-29T16:50:13+00:00

What is this, the fourth grade? Who the fuck cheats on math tests

2012-07-29T16:51:25+00:00

A lot of hot chicks maintain a disconnect between "dating" and banging. They will let you take them out, buy them dinner, dance with you at the club, and then have no qualms about going home and fucking the lazy dirtball bf on the couch, after snubbing you for a good night kiss. David Spade even had a comedy routine about this. How the hell can you respect a relationship , or a girl, like that? The chick is just working over AFC's. In my mind, she deserves to be sarged. She uses her power over men to get nice things. Why can't a man use his power to get something from her?

Tinbet · 2012-07-29T16:59:22+00:00

It's also fair to remember, however, that she may just be shit-testing you...

But otherwise, I agree - I stay away from that.

gallez · 2012-07-29T17:03:21+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ChasingShad0ws · 2012-07-29T21:51:10+00:00

Let me tell you a story.

I started college last year. For our class party we went to another town's night club, 2 hours away, on a bus from our college.

That night none of my guy friends were going so I decided to tag along with two girls that were good friends with me (as good as you can be in a month or so). So we leave. We get to the club. I have the two girls in my arm, I have few pics in my iPhone still but never showed them or some other girls I was with.

So... we are there drinking, all night. Dancing. One of the girl had a boyfriend, I was fully aware of that even before we left. So obviously I had no intention of getting on with her. And the other girl was with us most of the night but she baled on us later.

So, I kept this girl (who had a bf) from making out with any other dude. She was a hand-full... this one creeper kept of going for her. I kept on reminding her "Think about [boyfriend's name]" and I also kept on telling that guy "She has a boyfriend bro, go for some other girl." I know he felt I was cock-blocking him but I had no choice, my moral got the better of me.

So, the club closes. We walk out. She was very very drunk so I take her to a fast food shop to get sober. I have her in my arms. She is murmuring what she wants, I ask for that. She takes out money and what she had wasn't enough. She checks her purse. I decide to pay. The man beside me said "you two are a cute couple." Which was definitely something.

We go out, it's freezing cold. I am shivering. She pulls me in. Her arms around me. I am holding the food I bought her with one hand and with the other, holding her so she doesn't slam head first into an oncoming traffic. So we were there cuddling (kind of), stalemate for 10-15 minutes, keeping each other warm. We were whispering into each others ears, at one point I think she kissed my cheek. It wasn't the friendly cheek kiss, this was her kissing me very very near my lips. A bit of her lips actually touched my lips. But, I kept my cool. I didn't kiss her. If I had a girlfriend and she cheated on me, I would be devastated, I am a jealous type. She told me how nice I am, taking care of her and how much her boyfriend would love me as much as she does (on that drunken state).

I called the other friend to find out where the bus was parked. I take her to the bus. We were apparently half-an-hour late. We held up 40-50 people for 30 mins! The two of us! That looks very fishy. I had 3 guys give me high-fives! I put her in the only seat that was left, one seat in front of that other girl. I then go back to the back-end of the bus where the only seat was left.

A week goes by. After then till today (approx. 9 months), she has said hi to me the maximum of 15-20 times even though we saw each other every day. That pisses me off a lot. And guess what? She made out with the guy she was sitting next to in that bus! She thinks I don't know but that other girl texted me the next morning saying that she did and not to tell anyone. She has yet to introduce me to her boyfriend even though he came to her lecture (mine too) and there was only about 30 people because it was the last day before Xmas break. Want to know the worst part? If I can go back to that day I would still not do it and be treated like dirt! I lost out on like 3 girls that were hitting on me that night, just because of some scumbag girl. One of the girls was actually yelling in the club (to her) "Your boyfriend is hot!" And I saw a guy pull her away.

Funny thing is I am not even good looking. I am skinny as fuck, short as crap and to top it all off 19 year old who can be mistaken as a 15 year old! We are still friends though. She is an all right girl. She is nice.

EDIT: I am calling her scumbag because she can't control herself and be loyal in 2(I think) year long relationship. I am also calling her scumbag because What I did for her that night (well, I tried, didn't succeed) not many others will do. I have taken crap from many of my close friends because I was "too pussy" to make the move.

TL;DR: It's not always the guys fault that she is cheating. And oh yeah FUCK Scumbag girls

2012-07-30T01:19:33+00:00

If I find out a girl I'm hitting on has a boyfriend, I leave her the fuck alone.

It's funny, judging by the reddit score I was able to guess this is what you were gonna say... more proof that game is devolving back to its origins.

I usually do the same thing though, for different reasons. If a girl is into you she will never tell you she has a boyfriend, so it's an almost garaunteed reason to move on. The older and more experienced I get, the less I hear those words coming out of a woman's mouth... can't even remember the last time I heard "I have a boyfriend," maybe half a year ago?

With regards to the stereotypical conversation you posted there I'd say I agree, and I'd find it hard to believe shit like that ever working. Once a girl states she has a boyfriend, then you state that she should cheat on him, she is going to double clam up and make things 100x more difficult for you. At this point it becomes a mission for her to prove to herself she isnt a slut. Nfi why this fail convo gets reposted so often tho.

JackAintBlack · 2012-11-01T14:11:38+00:00

If a girl is willing to cheat on her boyfriend, I think that says something about how she feels about said boyfriend...

Wizard_of_Legacy · 2012-07-29T00:56:18+00:00

Chivalry should make a return, and I think this subreddit would support that. Have an upvote for the cause.

cocainfancy · 2012-07-29T04:03:54+00:00

Against my morals (i have very few but the few i do have i stand by), those who go for a woman with a man, i hope they get there teeth knocked in.

carBoard · 2012-07-29T05:20:59+00:00

She says she has a boyfriend, just dismiss it, keep the conversation going act unphased by what she said. They're so use to "oh you have a boyfriend... some BS line" just keep the conversation going. Thats not to say keep gaming on her but there's no need to just close whatever conversation you're having already. Maybe she'll have friends and you can switch targets. I find the best thing you can do is don't merit her saying she has a boyfriend, just keep talking and see where it goes.

Steam_Powered_Rocket · 2012-07-29T06:25:31+00:00

My favorite method of discovering this is to say something to the effect of "I'd like to ask you to coffee, unless of course you have some big scary boyfriend that would try and beat the hell out of me if I did."

This does a couple things. It amuses, almost always gives you a yes/no answer to the question of whether or not they're taken, gives her an out of she is, and has usually given me a barometer of where they're at. The reactions I've received have been things like:

"Well, I don't have a boyfriend, but I would love to get coffee with you."

"I do have a boyfriend, but I would love to get coffee with you. He doesn't like doing things like that" (Later found out the guy was a total tool, ignored her for counterstrike and this worked to my favor - dated her for 3 years following)

"No, I don't have a boyfriend. I'm busy for a while, but here's my number."

As with what NeutralBias said, there's nothing wrong with making a new friend. New and interesting people are almost always valuable to you with respect to networking, friendship, and just having more people to chill with.

2012-07-29T08:13:50+00:00

If I find out a girl I'm hitting on has a boyfriend, I leave her the fuck alone.

I feel like this doesn't give the girl or their relationship enough credit/respect. Let's say for example I'm dating a girl for 3 months now. Why should I be worried paranoid if some guy is flirting with her? I'd rather do my best to ignore it and be confident that she will remain with me because I'm funnier/smarter/whatever. I extend this logic to myself when flirting with other women.

If they are in a stable and happy relationship, then I will have no effect on things whatsoever, aside from having a fun interaction.

2012-07-29T08:39:33+00:00

Seconded. Absolutely. My girlfriend and I were discussing this yesterday.

This is what changes a confident man into a true creep.

This_Fuckin_Guy_ · 2012-07-29T16:58:52+00:00

I see what your saying, but if a girl is going to cheat, she is going to cheat. Very few healthy relationships are ruined by infidelity.

You also don't know how serious they are. Maybe she is saying "boyfriend" but it's really some guy that she is sleeping with, they aren't too serious, he's unwilling to commit, and sleeping with other girls on the side too.

My rule of thumb is that I don't press the issue too hard if she has a boyfriend and seems content with the relationship. If she's happy with her boyfriend and you're trying to manipulate her in to sleeping with you, that's a shitty move.

I think that sometimes, men will sleep with a girl who has a boyfriend so they can feel better about themselves and chalk it up as an accomplishment.

NoStretch · 2012-07-29T17:01:14+00:00

My philosophy on this is, go for it man. Even if it's my girlfriend go for it. Try as hard as you can. In the real world, these situations come up. It is up to the girl to remain faithful. If she'll cheat on me with you, she would have cheated on me eventually. The more she does it, the more likely I am to find out the truth.

So, when they have a boyfriend, go for it. If she really enjoys her relationship, she will stay faithful.

dantaeos · 2012-07-29T19:09:07+00:00

DO what you want.

But the majority of the people on here pass judgement despite never approaching. They dont' understand what it means to go and beast.

Some of the closest girls I've met because of this had boyfriends. Once you realize relationships aren't the end all be all, you don't care as much.

BFG_MP · 2012-07-30T01:26:47+00:00

I agree with you on this... but i have been smitten by one girl in particular who has a boyfriend. she seems pretty receptive towards me and we cant help but smile when we talk to eachother. i saw her play a show the other night and her voice is fucking amazing, and she looked great. she ended up talking to me for a long while and the conversation was so comfortable and fun. her boyfriend was there and after a while of talking she told me she should probably go hang out with her boyfriend. eventually by the end of the night i met him and i didnt act like a douche, i just chatted, cracked some jokes, bought everyone a round of shots(i was drunk at this point), etc. im sure he knows my intentions but he didnt do much about it, seemed like a nice guy actually... but i dont care becuase at this point i feel like if i dont try to take this girl from him than i will be missing out on a very important relationship in my life. maybe its a dick move but i need to do this, or so it feels that way. im sure most people can relate to this.

TL;DR girl i like has a boyfriend but i dont care becuase we click really well and i am completely head over heels for this girl.

AidenStillwater · 2012-07-29T02:00:33+00:00

So what if she has a boyfriend? Maybe you're better for her. One of the main reasons people break-up is because they find someone better, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's a perfectly natural process. (Monogamy, on the other hand, isn't, but that's a bit beside the point.) Don't try to fuck up people's lives by tempting them to do something they'll regret, but also don't think of monogamy as some sacred bond that's immoral to violate no matter what. And yea, plenty of fish in the sea, but some girls are too good to not pursue. Also, don't sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of preserving a relationship you don't know anything about. It could be a bad relationship, it could be an open relationship, etc. Treat her like any other girl. If she shows interest, that probably means she wants something more.

I understand where you're coming from, and I sympathize with you, I just think you're putting monogamy on a pedestal.

Yaaf · 2012-07-29T01:56:59+00:00

IMO, the reason why you shouldn't hit on girls with boyfriends is that it's just stupid and complicated. Why would you intentionally be making it harder for yourself? Why would you willingly walk into a shitstorm? Because your massive ego needs validation? So you can feel good and mighty with the knowledge that you can seduce women away from their boyfriends?

On the other hand, you don't own your girlfriend. Your girlfriend is her own person and can cheat as much as she wants, or even consider it as much as she wants. And you know what? There's nothing you can or should do about it! The problem is that she's actually actively considering it, and that just means that there's a problem with the relationship or with her.

The only thing you can do is to keep being your attractive, non-jealous self. Why should you try to fight for someone who would actually seriously be considering cheating on you, huh? A girl like that wouldn't be deserving of you bro. The superior mind-set is that your girlfriend is free to do whatever she wants, and you will find that a good girlfriend will not stray and will always come back to you :)

fish619407 · 2012-07-29T13:11:55+00:00

How does your advice help anyone?

You're just tooting your own horn.

Did you give any advice?

Was there a field report?

No one cares about what pisses you off.

This sub wasn't created for you.

Vpicone · 2012-07-29T05:14:43+00:00

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO...stfu.

2012-07-29T06:06:20+00:00

Who's to say they're happy with their current bf and not looking to trade up?

Edit: It's an honest question. I generally respect relationship boundaries, but I've met a couple girls that were in crappy or non-serious relationships and it's not what they want. I'm not a one night stand kinda guy if that makes you feel better, but I'm certainly not going to run just because the word 'boyfriend' comes up. Hell, sometimes it turns out they don't have a boyfriend at all --it was just their initial shit test.

fragglemook · 2012-07-29T17:10:22+00:00

Boyfriend? Until they have a wedding ring on their finger then the term boyfriend is pretty relative to me, especially if the young lass in question has her hands all over me.

Boyfriend also often means "I don't yet know if I want to sleep with you so I will see if you give up at this first hurdle I throw you. I'm hoping you're the kind of guy that is used to the company of hot girls and you don't care too much if we don't sleep with one another...even though we still might...because that tells me you are probably a pretty strong guy with high survival value who can take knock-backs on the chin".

A girl who is DTF is definitely going to get laid and the very minute she really wants to, she will take someone home with her. There is no good reason why you shouldn't be that guy, whether YOU think she has a boyfriend or not. Who knows? Maybe he thinks it's on when she thinks it's casual.

2012-07-29T19:10:22+00:00

If you can seduce a girl who has a boyfriend, then her boyfriend isn't good enough. If he were so amazing, then what can you offer that would make her jeopardize what she has with him?

psaluva · 2012-07-28T23:36:06+00:00

You seem insecure. Why the hell would you be so condescending? Chill dude.

Choopster · 2012-07-29T04:07:02+00:00

boyfriends are holders til a better one comes along.

2012-07-29T01:10:00+00:00

I have never been in the situation, but philosophically speaking, I'm of two minds. On one hand, I think it's fucking low to bang another dudes girl just because you can. On the other hand, it's not your problem that 90% of women have the mental fortitude of a chipmunk when faced with a guy who is good at PUA ...

2012-07-29T03:54:39+00:00

I agree with you as in I leave them alone too, HOWEVER:

I also do see the side of "what she does is none of my fucking business" as well. I totally understand the side of guys who do pursue, and while I don't agree... they have a point. She's a grown ass woman. She can make her own decisions and doesn't need me to 'protect' her.

2012-07-29T09:39:15+00:00

Maybe realise that dating you doesn't make her your property and she is free to do what she wants, including leave you for another person? If a girl decides she's done with me and wants to fuck other guys, I say go for it, who am I to say what she can and can't do? I don't own her.

If I am hitting on a girl and I realise she is in a relationship, and she doesn't say no, I will continue. Everyone has their limits though, and I would draw the line at a woman who is involved and has kids.

IANAPUA_Yet · 2012-07-29T12:52:01+00:00

I wouldn't do it to friends and I don't want the drama that would come from it, but I don't have any moral objections to it.

I'm not responsible for the promises she made. Nor would I blame the guy if my gf/wife cheated on me. It was her responsibility to stay faithful. "He was so charming" is no more of an excuse than "She had gorgeous legs". Resisting temptation is part and parcel of a serious relationship.

onedownfiveup · 2012-07-29T19:24:17+00:00

If she's going to cheat she will do it anyways. The way I put it with my girlfriends is this, I trust them till trust is broken and then we really have nothing left. Like the dance floor. I'm not a dancer at all what so ever. If a guy starts trying to dance with her and her friends I'll leave it be. She knows if she's uncomfortable or needs help shell let I or our male friends know.

gallez · 2012-07-29T19:44:26+00:00

The way I see it, if she's willing to cheat on him.. he doesn't deserve her and they should break up.

eelnitsud · 2012-07-29T20:16:42+00:00

My opinion on the matter is that it's not my problem... married, boyfriend, engaged. It's not my situation, it is theirs and who am I to judge what she does.

2012-07-29T13:20:30+00:00

This has nothing to do in r/seduction. You should just open a rager blog like www.itellwhatisagoodpersonandwhatisanasshole.com We are not here to break relationships. Just to have fun and seduce.

smokintreesinatree · 2012-07-28T22:42:45+00:00

everyone has the urge to cheat, who cares if the only reason they didn't do it is they didn't wanna get in trouble? once you get over it and stop trying to control your girlfriends' actions, it stops being hypocrisy.

irvinestrangler · 2012-07-29T03:28:34+00:00

This is /r/seduction not /r/monogamy. Fuck off.

SupALupRT · 2012-07-29T13:03:34+00:00

I always look at it as doing them a favor. Girls will stay in awful relationships. if they go for you after a bit of game how good is the relationship?

ThePhenix · 2012-07-29T15:32:24+00:00

If you even think for a second that you could be considered a white knight, then you don't belong here.

Try to put someone in an awkward position is never a good idea, and generally brings trouble with it. I thought this was common sense.

smokintreesinatree · 2012-07-29T07:09:04+00:00

be honest. how many people downvoting the "share and share alike" opinions are butthurt because they've been cuckolded?

Fiach_Dubh · 2012-07-29T14:33:23+00:00

its amazing how quickly some people hit eject on their current situation when given a little exit confidence. nothing wrong with this, if anything its a free service and goes to show.

Title	Am I the only one here who does this with girls who have boyfriends?
Author	gallez
Upvotes	642
Comments	259
Date	July 28, 2012 10:26 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xbdxp/am_i_the_only_one_here_who_does_this_with_girls/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/am-i-the-only-one-here-who-does-this-with-girls.1336348 https://theredarchive.com/post/1336348

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