Can we talk about the phenomenon of childless stepdads who are actually good?

Ppdebatesomental · 2024-03-06T09:47:59+00:00

I know an amazing guy and stepdad who recently and suddenly died. He was actually more attractive than the single mom he wifed up for a few years. The kid thought he was the bio dad, this guy had adopted him as an infant. They divorced when the boy was about 5, and he had joint custody, coached baseball, did scouts with him and genuinely loved that kid like his own. Got together with a childless woman 15 years younger, still never had a bio kid.

I don’t know when, or even if, the kid found out he wasn’t the bio dad, but he is in college now and the guy’s photo is all over his step kids social media

spanglesandbambi · 2024-03-06T10:16:35+00:00

Just my own experience with my Step Dad, his own child died of SIDs when she was a baby due to this he didn't want to try for children. I'm sure there are a few men who may have lost babies or children that fit into this bracket. Or have genetic conditions they don't wish to pass on.

He is incredible with me, and I often have to say, "Oh no, not him, my biological Dad," as people in my own family forget he is not my actual Dad. When discussing something normally about what a twat he is as my bio Dad is a state.

Becoming a step parent is a huge commitment and peiome don't get enough "credit" for doing the dirty work often so the non step parent who doesn't have custody can be the fun one.

Christian_Kong · 2024-03-06T15:51:30+00:00

I imagine the pool of men willing to do such a thing is limited. For many guys it's an automatic disqualifier.

bluepvtstorm · 2024-03-06T09:37:46+00:00

My observations only. Men like to feel needed in a a lot of ways. Once women get to a certain age they have figured out how to stop being the damsel in distress. They aren’t “masculine” but they have just figured out how to life without needing someone to help. Single mothers still have that aura of “needing” a man around. Even if that need is to help parent their kids.

Just things I have witnessed and observed. I could be completely wrong for the general public.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-03-06T13:48:59+00:00

It's not like everyone without children is seen as more desirable than every single parent by everyone. They might be picked for other reasons and/or the stepparent may want children.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-03-06T09:07:37+00:00

The question is if a man is willing to wife up a single mom in her 30s and basically adopt her kids, how are there childless women at that age range who still claim they can't find a man?

There are simply not enough men like these for every single mother.

And childless women in their 30s think of themselves as of still being in 20s and keep same standards.

Background-Map-7243 · 2024-03-06T08:42:20+00:00

Nice but unattractive guys

If they had options they wouldn't date single moms in their late 30s

But it means that's the best they can afford

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-03-06T09:17:23+00:00

How about we talk about the amount of bio dads that abandon their kids?

GlitterAndFireballs · 2024-03-06T12:57:08+00:00

This is my parents. My mum met my stepdad when she was divorced, 34 with five kids.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2024-03-06T16:07:51+00:00

Because there’s far more single mothers than men willing to date them let along good men. The ones you describe (assuming that’s the reality. Remember you’re on the outside looking in)are the exception not the norm

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-03-06T09:15:39+00:00

Sad losers in my view.

All the ones I know got taken advantage of.

My aunt got pregnant by some drug addicted lowlife when she was young. Left him and married a good friend of my dad. He stepped up and raised my two cousins to be good women.

When my cousins got married, they wanted her biological dad to walk them up the aisle, not the guy who busted his fucking balls to give them a future and WHO PAID FOR THE FUCKING WEDDINGS.

Eventually he got cancer. My aunt left him and he died kind of alone. She quickly moved on to the next fucking loser.

That galvanised my views about how calculating some women can be. I heard my aunt all my life complaining about a guy that gave it all for her and my cousins.

My best friend also dated a single mom. Same bullshit. She eventually left and he was destroyed. Good he recovered.

Single moms have a single objective: give their kids the best chance. If you come into the picture you're the means to that end. Everything else comes secondary.

ingenjor · 2024-03-06T10:37:28+00:00

I had the same experience as you and I also wish that the good stepdads would get some more recognition. At the same time I feel sorry for them. They got a lot of extra responsibilities but no rights when it comes to the kids. They are expected to build a good relationship with the kids while at any moment they can be forced out of their lives forever. I think in a lot of cases it'd be better for them if they just stayed single instead of getting involved with (some) single moms.

WilliamWyattD · 2024-03-06T09:19:18+00:00

If the culture and environment is somehow jacking up women's standards past what they need to be on a biological basis, then you have to somehow undo the unneeded inflation first. You cannot just say that women whose standards have been inflated should mate with men they find unattractive. That would be traumatic. First, you have to find a way for those men to be sufficiently attractive to the women.

BatemaninAccounting · 2024-03-06T10:40:34+00:00

The question is if a man is willing to wife up a single mom in her 30s and basically adopt her kids, how are there childless women at that age range who still claim they can't find a man?

Same reason there are men in that age range that can't find a woman: Their standards for a LTR are high enough that the current men/women around them don't meet that bar.

treadmarks · 2024-03-06T15:03:05+00:00

The only way I'd do this is if the woman is just so amazingly better than every other woman I've ever met, and she's not expecting me to move in with her and adopt the kids. If she's a single mom, the chances of her being amazingly better than other women are very low.

Despite what Pornhub tries to sell, there's nothing good about being a stepdad. It's just another shitty, thankless job for men.

GhettoJamesBond · 2024-03-06T08:57:00+00:00

Not as many guys wanting to be step-dads as before.

CraftyCooler · 2024-03-06T08:58:20+00:00

Maybe your mom is actually good looking and not mid and guy is not really desirable ? And single women in their 30s do not necessary need to have unrealistic standards - sometimes it's just a numbers game, in bigger cities there is usually a surplus of young women, so it is obvious that not all of them will find a partner. Also many women have the hard requirement for men to be equally educated - it's not something unrealistic, rather in categories of bare minimum, so in situation where you have more women in the city, and they are en masse better educated - then surprise-surprise, you end up with surplus of single women in their 30s.

jaybalvinman · 2024-03-06T12:54:32+00:00

This is the hope I have for myself. Hopefully I'm about to be a single mom sooner than later. I see all my friends get childless men to confess their love to them before they even leave their husband's, so why not me too.

Im also in the boat of not being able to find a man as well. So I want the first part, stuck in the second part.

The reason women can't find men is because there are terrible options.. most men will never get past the looks requirement. At least not in my experience. I settled on looks already, not doing it again. .

abaxeron · 2024-03-06T09:40:05+00:00

Have similar thing in my extended family.

I respect the woman btw. She just decided she wants to have a child, found a suitable guy, and made herself one. No divorce-rape, no custody hearing, no child support claims, no nothing. Bio dad was a donor, that's it.

Then she meets my distant relative who basically allowed himself a decade of MMOs and doritos after failing college and returning from military service. I'd say all three have quite positive influence on each other.

I think in 95+% of the cases, what separates a woman from meeting a simp ready to bail her out of whatever misery, is three months of not eating after 6 PM. That simple.

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harmonica2 · 2024-03-06T11:33:17+00:00

I have a friend who married a single mom which I was surprised by because he is a pure alpha male type and usually that goes against the alpha male persona to do that.

However, he did know her in our social circle years beforehand so maybe he developed a connection with her and her kid beforehand.

BrandenDailyisaprick · 2024-03-08T18:30:25+00:00

Just because some men are willing to become a stepdad doesn’t mean all or even majority are.

Most men I know don’t want to raise someone else’s kids and who could blame them? It’s a messy situation

SecondEldenLord · 2024-03-06T13:01:40+00:00

Oh, women can find a guy, but not a guy they want. When they finally realise in their 30s that they cannot lock down Chad, they settle with what they can, the step father who are nice guys but not high up in money, looks or status.

Konoha_Shinobee · 2024-03-06T14:05:22+00:00

how are there childless women at that age range who still claim they can't find a man?

Always bullshit, a woman can always find a man. They just want a rich, tall, good looking man and the ones they're meeting are too poor, too short or too ugly for their taste.

The answer is always they don't want the men that want them and the men they want don't want them back.

I have never known a woman that didn't have somebody trying to get with them.

apresonly · 2024-03-06T18:25:00+00:00

no offense but men get praised for the bare minimum, especially when it comes to parenting

so i'm going to need to hear specific things that make them "nice guys" and good stepfathers.

> The question is if a man is willing to wife up a single mom in her 30s and basically adopt her kids, how are there childless women at that age range who still claim they can't find a man?

i think single moms are more desireable for men bc they are more vulnerable and needy. they can't leave if the man fucks up like a woman with more resources can.

i think the shitting on single moms is just to keep their self-esteem and expectations low, not because men don't actually want them.

> This is why I genuinely don't believe women who say they can't find a guy. Trust me guys, if my mom could do it while being a neurotic mess and having two kids including an autistic kid (me), then anyone can do it.

consider that we wouldn't be happy with the same men "neurotic messes" choose.

John_Oakman · 2024-03-06T11:37:06+00:00

A lot of people have forgotten how to leverage their social legitimacy value, not helped by those who made it their life purpose to attack said social legitimacy values.

TRTGymBro · 2024-03-06T11:43:18+00:00

For the same reason that men at that age can't find a woman. Too neurotic, too afraid, too delusion and 100% unwilling to acknowledge they may be the problem.

purplish_possum · 2024-03-06T19:28:02+00:00

My ex-wife's new husband isn't adopting my kids. Hell they barely talk to him. I'm their dad and new husband knows it.

YesNoMaybe2552 · 2024-03-06T13:14:15+00:00

Exactly something to avoid at all costs. I'm not looking to be anyone’s father; I'm realistically looking for someone who wants to continue having fun for the remainder of their life.

The idea of a woman “settling” for me just makes me ick, I’m not interested in becoming a provider or panic purchase. If there’s nothing else for me in the cards, I’d rather stay single, work further on my career, and just pay for fun times once I’m old and truly ugly.

May sound harsh but what’s the point, what exactly would a woman have to offer me that just takes me as her consolation price? Love? Companionship? Sex? Please…

More likely none of the above.

Purple_Kangaroo8549 · 2024-03-06T19:00:25+00:00

Suppose there aren't enough suckers.

I would burn every penny I have(which is we in the 7 figures considering inheritance) before any of it went to a kid which wasn't mine.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2024-03-06T11:55:54+00:00

Trust me guys, if my mom could do it while being a neurotic mess and having two kids including an autistic kid (me), then anyone can do it.

Not saying this is your stepdad, but there men who are desperate enough to deal with a woman who is a neurotic mess with kids. Men with no options with no kids will take any woman who comes and gives them attention, no matter how much baggage these women will drag with them. Sure they can probably be good stepdads, but it suck that have to be placed in a father position just to be with the woman he likes.

I'm not even going to go there with it being more likely she wouldn't be with the man shes with if she didn't have kids. Since you used your mom as an example, chances are if she didn't have kids she wouldn't even thought about being with your stepdad.

Safinated · 2024-03-06T15:40:13+00:00

Are you interested in fathering discussion, really? Seems more like another “women are too picky” discussion

LimpJongUn · 2024-03-07T01:17:20+00:00

I love my step dad. He only had 1 gf from 19-23 until he met my mother at 36. He tried dating but had no success. I think being asian, my mother found him cute while western women did not. He was probably a 6/10 but he was the best partner and father.

I believe most step dads are men who were not very high on the SMV totem pole in their 20s and 30s. Like today, they were the portion of men who did not partake heavily in hook up culture, maybe raised under different ideals, cute but not hot, among other things and down on their luck in dating but were overall great people. Its not a surprise that many men often overlooked would make great partners, and i think that will happen more with OLD and hook up culture as permeating as they are

Title	Can we talk about the phenomenon of childless stepdads who are actually good?
Author	Novel-Tip-7570
Upvotes	26
Comments	133
Date	March 6, 2024 8:33 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1b7usla/can_we_talk_about_the_phenomenon_of_childless/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/can-we-talk-about-the-phenomenon-of-childless.1426439 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426439

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