Most ppl want to be the Adorers

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-07-27T18:15:40+00:00

Men think women should be adorer.

Women think men should be the adorer.

This isn’t anything new, both genders want the opposite sex to be the adorer so they can have slightly more leverage in the relationship. That’s really all it comes down to.

EqualSea2001 · 2024-07-27T18:09:21+00:00

Women get the exact opposite advice, that we should look for a man who loves us more than we love him.

EulenWatcher · 2024-07-27T18:24:06+00:00

However in my opinion it's generally better for women to be the adorers and men the adored.

I'm sure it has nothing to do with your being a man and wanting to be adored.

On a serious note, I think in a lot of couples these roles can be a) hard to clearly identify, because people tend to express and expect to be loved in different ways and b) they can shift, as they aren't built in stone. One partner can be more affectionate than the other during some periods of time and vice versa or they might express their love in different ways and some are more subtle than the other.

GymBroTRT · 2024-07-27T18:48:22+00:00

Sometimes I wonder where you guys get these ideas from. How exactly do you compare who loves their partner more though? If it's very obvious one of them is carrying the relationship love wise I don't think the relationship is very healthy and probably wont last.

Barneysparky · 2024-07-27T19:31:51+00:00

I adore my husband. I know he adores me.

This is normal.

Veganbabe55 · 2024-07-27T20:19:33+00:00

It should be equal, but if someone has to be a little more obsessed it should be the guy because I think they’d be less likely to cheat/leave. I say this because men are more likely to date out of desperation due to their limited options. So a lot of women are left wondering if the guy they’re talking to is genuinely interested in them or only talking to them because they’re the only option they have.

SlothMonster9 · 2024-07-27T20:02:21+00:00

Nah, I think in the best relationships the partners take turn in being the adorer/adored. Either this or the difference between the two is barely noticeable.

EugeneCezanne · 2024-07-27T20:26:34+00:00

It is not possible for two people to like each other exactly the same amount

It's also not possible to read minds and measure each others' "like" with certainty. So we're not really dealing with liking, but with perceptions of liking—this runs us into the cognitive biases of whoever is doing the observation.

Bias aside, the fact that we can't read minds means we can indeed have relationships in which both people perceive themselves as equally adoring and adored.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-07-27T22:41:40+00:00

All I can say is, if you haven’t gotten to have and be both with the same person, you don’t know what you’re missing. It can take a while to find that, but it’s so worth it.

leosandlattes · 2024-07-27T18:32:17+00:00

Lots of simps do well with women. “Happy wife, happy life” and all that. It’s just that they’re also not complete pushovers.

Ideally both of you should feel like you are each adored.

SaBahRub · 2024-07-27T19:13:08+00:00

Whoever cares less wins

Or loses, depending on your point of view

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Just_Another_Cog1 · 2024-07-27T19:41:25+00:00

Most people actually want to be the adorers, most People don't think they do, but they actually do.

What evidence or data do you have to support this claim?

-Kalos · 2024-07-27T21:11:32+00:00

I think so. For me anyway. I definitely like approaching more than I do being approached. And feeling like I earned what I wanted.

2024-07-27T21:22:28+00:00

Lots of people want a daddy or a mommy. Most people are not capable of being in the adored role, which is why so many male & female simps fall into the adorer role. I like the Drake song sliming you out

“need somebody who could micromanage you You know what I’m sayin’? Tell you right from wrong Who’s smart from who’s a fool Which utensil to use for which food”

Baezil · 2024-07-27T22:23:43+00:00

I don't think it's nearly so simple to say relationships with one sex as the adorer/adoree is better. The temperaments and capabilities of both people needs to fit the role well. I also don't think this is the best relationship schema regardless of who's in which role.

The adoree is usually the one with the power and power corrupting people is a real thing. You need someone capable of wielding that power responsibly and equitably. That's no small thing. I'm sure most people undoubtedly believe they would do it well but it's really not the case.

I do sometimes wonder if it's better for the couples sex life if the woman is the adoree. From what I've seen, many women often seem to have a higher libido for a guy they see as powerful who they look up to, where that's not so much the case the other way around.

BUT I think the same case can be made for men keeping up other aspects of the relationship when he is the adoree.

The adorer is going to be more naturally giving so you need an adoree who is able to be more... consciously intentional about being grateful and giving.

Both sexes get the same advice about being the adoree because the adoree has more power/control and when people get hurt in relationships I think it's natural to feel like having more control and power in the future is the best way to not get hurt again.

I think the best relationships are ones where people are about even and feel like they are both adorers. For these relationships to last though, they require a lot from both partners in terms of effort, compromise, humility, honesty, communication, experience/wisdom, etc. Love is not enough.

FebruaryEightyNine · 2024-07-27T23:14:03+00:00

I think this is a great analysis and a little bit of a level up from the usual dross about misogynists or "picky women".

However I'm unsure of whether the "adored/adorer" dynamic is gender specific. I also think being the "adored" is more complex than you give it credit. Whilst I'm sure a lot of people like the idea of being admired and doted upon, I often find that humans struggle "adoring" complex and multifaceted people/things. Such adoration often hinges on the adored living up to a standard or expectation of behaviour/lifestyle/looks which can be difficult to maintain.

What I absolutely despise about women on here is not the belief about which gender should be the adored or adorer but they're pathetic and desperate need to sell this idea that all relationships are mysterious or egalitarian. You'll often here bullshit remarks like "people love differently" or "both people can adore each other" when, in truth, plenty of long lasting and even fruitful relationships (successful, well raised children) are toxic/lopsided/codependent in their nature. Hell, it doesn't even only happen in gender dynamics. I'm big into boxing and people constantly complain about fathers living vicariously through their fighter sons...and yet so many of the best boxers today (Teofimo Lopez, Lomachenko, Mayweather, Tyson Fury) have overbearing fathers who clearly live through their sons.

flipsidetroll · 2024-07-27T18:38:18+00:00

You’ve contradicted yourself. Ok, maybe women want to be adorers, but why would “simps” (fuck I hate this word) do badly with women? You have no information that happens except what you are told by redpill.

I think women maybe do like to adore their partner (what other fucking point is there?) but we certainly need to respect them. And men who won’t acknowledge our feelings, who won’t acknowledge their own, or wrong doings, certainly won’t get or will actively lose our respect. It’s about simple communication. And men, there is one thing you don’t want…. When you have a woman’s respect, and you push so far you lose that respect? That is when women are brutal. Love can be won over, trust can come back, but respect? When you diminish yourself to lose our respect, we will then notice every single hypocritical, fake, wrong thing and we will make sure you know how diminished your are in our eyes. We don’t respect just anyone. So this bullshit about demanding respect from us, fuck off. You have to be worthy. You can’t demand respect. And respect is different for everyone. But lose it at your peril.

Just to add something to be clear: stop labelling men simps. A simp is nothing but a man who is with a woman you don’t approve of. And who the fuck are any of you to judge the man for that? This is hypocrisy. You all say women have to have their friends approval of their partner. But watch how quickly all you fuckers call a man a simp or his partner ugly, like you think your approval is the requirement. THIS is why I cannot respect redpillers. The constant hypocrisy.

Boudria · 2024-07-27T18:26:18+00:00

Water is wet, but yeah, obviously a great relationship needs a woman who adore her man. If it's not the case, you are to settle down option, aka the unattractive guy.

When a woman adore you, she is ready to do anything for you. She is going to forgive you more easily.

You aren't going to be in a dead bedroom with someone who truly find you attractive. Excuses like stress and no time are bullshits.

A woman who truly like her man often want to have sex. Also, sex helps with stress.

Sorcha16 · 2024-07-27T18:34:35+00:00

However in my opinion it's generally better for women to be the adorers and men the adored.

Why?

because only the adorer gets to be with the one that they actually love. The adored only gets to be loved by the one they are with

Not having both sides completely equal doesn't mean only one partner loves the other. And the other is there to absorb the love.

Goonerlouie · 2024-07-27T18:35:55+00:00

I am the adored and I hate it. Would love the blissful ignorance of being the adorer

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wtknight · 2024-07-27T18:51:17+00:00

I don't know. A lot of people these days really like the attention of being the adored. There are a lot of vain people these days. I'm not convinced that there are more people who are into the feeling of loving another person than there are attention whores/manwhores.

The ideal relationship is where both people enjoy equally the role of being the adorer and the adored with each other.

Cultural-Original-19 · 2024-07-28T06:01:21+00:00

This is very interesting.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-07-28T14:25:39+00:00

You can absolutely adore each other. But I agree I insist on being the adorer, I just need to FEEL the butterflies to be totaly enchanted by him... But it's possible fo both to absolutely adore each other.

Rich-Intention8667 · 2024-11-23T07:23:41+00:00

As a man who is anxiously attached, the last time i was the adorer the lack of equal reciprocation from her side was emotionally torturous to me I will never chase any girl in a relationship again. And I will never put more effort into a relationship then a girl again. From now on with everyone I date I will just initially be authentic and put in authentic effort but the moment I see a discrepancy I will mirror them permanently.

This way if they put in only 40% or 30% effort for example I will do so too and if that eventually leads to the relationship dying or mutual ghosting then I succesfully filtered out the type of person I dont wanna date. I might get my heart broken. So be it. It is better to have your heart broken once from breakup then continuously indefinitely from chasing.

If I find a woman who is an adorer type of person and puts in alot of effort then I will do so too and we will have a good relationship.

GymBroTRT · 2024-07-27T18:17:45+00:00

This is just the old Reacher and Settler saying. It’s true. In a relationship of any kind one person is always chasing the other slightly more. I find that the one who needs the least, has all the power. When I become utterly unafraid of losing a woman, I started having all the power in my relationships.

thedarkracer · 2024-07-27T18:29:57+00:00

Most people actually want to be the adorers, most People dont think they do, but they actually do. And this is because most people are looking for that feeling, they want to find their person, to feel excited about a relationship, to be in love, to feel lucky to be there, but this emotions are not equally shared between the two roles.

As a guy, I would agree that I would wanna be the adorer but for none of the reasons above. Guys don't get compliments or gifts or flowers or appreciation as much women do so by nature men are the adorers and women are the adored. (I could share my reasons which I think most guys would resonate with but it might come under woe is me)

Take example of initial stages of dating, first approaches, planning, flowers, pickup cheesy lines, etc all are done by men not women. Even women say they should be with a guy who loves them more than she loves him.

It's true women should also take the role of adorers for a good relationship but this doesn't happen much, you can't change nature.

unhingedtherapist254 · 2024-07-28T02:11:17+00:00

So…I think mutual adoration is the best, but I rather be the adored than the adorer, sorry 😅 I honestly think relationships only work if the man likes the woman more than she likes him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bikerbats · 2024-07-27T18:04:21+00:00

Nature has already taken care of that. As I've said before, my wife loves me more, simply because she has a greater capacity to love than I do. Stephen King said it best, "A man's heart is stoney, he grows what he can."

Title	Most ppl want to be the Adorers
Author	unhingedtherapist254
Upvotes	22
Comments	111
Date	July 27, 2024 5:58 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1edmd1q/most_ppl_want_to_be_the_adorers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-ppl-want-to-be-the-adorers.1525497 https://theredarchive.com/post/1525497

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