What would you do in this situation?

Gillionaire25 · 2024-09-01T17:27:49+00:00

If it's legal she can consent and if she can consent it's not morally wrong to have casual sex with her.

Assuming there was no grooming or drugging happening of course. Grooming in this case would be abusing her naivety to convince her they are a real couple with a future. You can scam grown adults but doing it to someone young who doesn't know better and who spent the last 18 years having to trust adults, is not right. It's a bad character trait to have no compassion for young people and I don't find that acceptable in a partner.

egalitarian-flan · 2024-09-01T14:06:13+00:00

I'd have a few questions about their relationship before making any judgments.

First of all, how did they meet.

Secondly, what attracted him to her as a girlfriend.

Third, what attracted her to him as a boyfriend.

Fourth, what was the specific reason they broke up other than the vague "age difference" comment. Did she say/do something, did he, did something happen in one of their families, etc.

Werevulvi · 2024-09-02T02:20:37+00:00

I'd probably be fine with it. When I was 18 I briefly dated a 27 year old, and there was nothing creepy about it. He was a bit of a douche but I doubt that had anything to do with the age difference. So if I shrug at a 9 years age gap at that age, I hardly see how 12 years is much to fuzz over. Besides, it seems this hypothetical 30 yo learned a valuable lesson from having tried to date an 18 yo. And I do care more about a potential partner's morals/values than his past actions

Fyi I'm 35 but I wouldn't be against dating a 30 year old guy. Kinda doubt any 30 yo guy would wanna date me though, but that's beside the point.

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-09-01T15:15:54+00:00

Personally I’m looking for a partner with more maturity and intention than that, so this relationship wouldn’t go further. Frankly it wouldn’t have gotten to the three months mark in the first place lol.

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-09-01T14:11:51+00:00

I wouldn't care as long as he wasn't manipulating or lying to her.

EqualSea2001 · 2024-09-01T18:39:53+00:00

If he was early twenties and it’s not a pattern, I wouldn’t care that much. But 30 and 18 is just… why?

fiftypoundpuppy · 2024-09-01T14:44:30+00:00

For the streets

starksoph · 2024-09-01T15:16:35+00:00

It’s a red flag but I wouldn’t end it unless it was accompanied by other negative things

januaryphilosopher · 2024-09-01T14:09:14+00:00

We have completely different ideas and wants about relationships. We are not compatible and he is not ideal. Goodbye.

Corbast7 · 2024-09-01T21:23:23+00:00

I’ve never seen a dude dating super young women who didn’t simultaneously also have other skeevy red flags. I’d probably be an idiot if this was the first red flag I noticed already 3 months in.

monster_lily · 2024-09-01T14:53:01+00:00

I would think it was gross

Planthoe30 · 2024-09-01T16:58:59+00:00

Men bragging about hooking up in general is a turn off for me, the fact that she’s 18 in high school is absolutely disgusting I expect men I am considering to be my husband to have restraint and respect for women. Bragging about fucking 18 years olds at 30 pretty much nails in your coffin you have neither of those qualities.

You said we would be getting our ideal partners but my ideal partner wouldn’t do those things at 30.

holyskillet · 2024-09-01T14:20:55+00:00

Dude picked up a high school/early college kid, deflowered and dumped. Amazin'. Of course I care.

Novadina · 2024-09-01T16:38:41+00:00

If that’s the entire truth I wouldn’t care.

LiftSushiDallas · 2024-09-01T15:14:43+00:00

What would you do in this situation?

You've been dating a guy for 3 months. He's 30 years old. It's going great, he has his own place, great job (whatever that means to you creative or monetarily), looks good etc. etc. Up until this stage, he's your ideal partner.

Sounds good.

You find out that the girl he "dated" directly before you was 18 and she had just finished high school. He says it wasn't serious because she's too young.

He wants to be serious with you because you're closer to his age and are at a similar point in life as him.

What do you do? Do you care?

Don't care at all because I'm getting my ideal partner right?

AngeCruelle · 2024-09-01T15:47:41+00:00

I don't do casual relationships at all and in all likelihood I wouldn't be compatible with a guy who has. The age thing is also weird I guess but not the primary red flag for me in this situation. If it were a woman our age I would still break up.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-09-01T19:09:15+00:00

He had something casual, deliberately just used her for sex, he can't be trusted. The girl has nothing to do it with, he is a bad person because he iss willing to have not serious relationship with intention that it won't last.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-09-01T17:16:14+00:00

If you (general you) don’t want your legal past held against you (ie, body count, previous ONS, etc) you can’t hold his legal past against him. We know men value youth. If she really was 18 when they got together, and he learned from his experience, whatever. It’s done now, move on

delusional-gf · 2024-09-01T23:14:03+00:00

NOOOOOOOPE nope nope nope nope 🚩🚩🚩🚩

He’s 30!!!!! and she followed a bell schedule less than what, 4 or 5 months?? He’s what, on his 4th big boy job with an executive or manager title?? Any type of guy who has that much in common with an 18 year old, to the point where they had a fling, is NOT hitting my emotional and mental intelligence standards and I would absolutely not date him.

We also don’t know long it’s been since she “just” graduated high school, but I’d also want to know how long they had a fling for. Did they get together when she was 18 years and 3 months old?? To so many of these types of guys, the ONLY thing stopping them from dating someone who is 18 and 1 day, and 17 and 11 months is the law. If the law is the ONLY reason holding you back, I do not trust your morals.

Also a guy that looks at an 18 year old (or even 17 and 11 months) and thinks they’re sexually appealing is disgusting. If this guy can’t look at high schoolers without thinking they look like children, that’s predatory and gross. (But if he can look at them and think they look like children, while also dating one is also a no no. 2 birds 1 stone)

You can also imply personal characteristics on this guy based on his actions in life and the decisions he makes. By pining after someone so much younger, tells me that it’s very likely he might have some control issues. That he likes to be the one controlling the relationship and what he says goes. Women closer to his age are significantly less likely to put up with this weird power dynamic, whereas CHILDREN are more naive and easier to control.

But let’s play the narrative that we do in fact date him, and even get married! Mazel tov! You have a child together- awww a daughter! But now your daughter grows up and is celebrating her 18th birthday. I wonder how my husband would feel if she went out with someone who was 31? Putting a prettyyyyy strong bet on “not comfortable”. Why? Because he knows exactly what that 31 year old is thinking.

I would never ever date someone who was like this.

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SaBahRub · 2024-09-01T15:00:00+00:00

Depends on how she saw the relationship. Certainly not a plus

basteandpilled · 2024-09-02T11:23:48+00:00

Gross, but appearances are often deceiving and people who seem “ideal” are often anything but.

I dump him and explain to other people that I’m not fucking or being seen with a nonce.

MonkeyTeals · 2024-09-02T20:55:47+00:00

Nothing. I don't really care. Only exceptions are if he groomed this girl prior to her being 18, then that's an issue. If not? I don't care. It was in the past.

blackdaalia · 2024-09-03T21:40:38+00:00

I got with my partner when I was 19 and he was 28 or 27, I don't remember exactly, so as long as the girl knew it was nothing serious and there was no grooming involved, I believe it's okay. I would still be wary of it because even though it worked out well for me, I know a lot of girls with different stories.

The questions I'd ask would be mostly to check his intentions behind it. I don't like the idea of a partner manipulating a young girl just to fuck her, so if that was the case he would no longer be an ideal partner. I would also be iffy about it if she was still in school when they started their casual dating, just because it's a big life change from going to high school every day to having a work life and/or studying in college.

Demasii · 2024-09-01T15:58:19+00:00

Yicks! Wish he wouldn't have shared that. I would ask how they met and make sure that he didn't intend to meet someone so young (not OLD or an old friend's little sister)

If it was a random encounter in public and innocent flirting turned into a date than I'll be fine. If he is perfect in all other areas probably the halo effect will take over and I would overlook it.

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-09-01T20:10:49+00:00

I want to know how this comes up. Why is he telling me this information? This isn't have you been single very long or why have your past relationships ended.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-09-01T15:01:58+00:00

there is no combination of words that could make me care about anything like this as long as he's acting in love with me the way I need him to be, like all my LTRs. my h had a baby with a 16 yo before me. people date before you. were you all raised in boxes

Gilmoregirlin · 2024-09-01T15:53:42+00:00

Is that his normal dating range or was it a one off? Yes there could be some manipulation and control issues involved, so I would ask more questions. But the issue I see is men who consistently date women a lot younger than they are (say 10 years). The reason is you will age and he will lose attraction to you.

KikiYuyu · 2024-09-01T16:04:17+00:00

I would be extremely put off, and I would question him heavily about it. If his answers weren't satisfactory, I wouldn't look at him the same way ever again.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-09-01T18:06:25+00:00

I'd have a few questions about it - how did they meet, how long did it last, has he had any previous partners who were that young. Depending on the answers, I'd either stay or go.

beautyloser · 2024-09-01T19:45:16+00:00

i would probably end the relationship. i don’t want men who deliberately seek out younger partners and would never be able to shake off the concern of being traded in for a “newer model.” unless you can convince me of exactly why you thought dating a barely legal teenager was truly a good idea and benefitted you both, the streets can have you.

Commercial_Tea_8185 · 2024-09-01T20:49:46+00:00

Eww no way, 30 is way too old

MistyMaisel · 2024-09-02T02:18:48+00:00

I'm not interested in someone casually fucking barely legal young ladies. So, gonna have to bounce him.

attendquoi · 2024-09-02T13:40:27+00:00

Based on this information alone, I'd leave him.

Anon060416 · 2024-09-02T18:27:37+00:00

That’s weird and gross. Onto the next one.

Title	What would you do in this situation?
Author	RicePresident_
Upvotes	0
Comments	113
Date	September 1, 2024 1:58 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1f6f3an/what_would_you_do_in_this_situation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-would-you-do-in-this-situation.1529071 https://theredarchive.com/post/1529071

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