AITA for buying my ex wife flowers on V-day, after the divorce?

BmoreBigLos · 2025-02-14T00:00:56+00:00

Update: Thank you all for the advice and messages. I have decided that I will NOT be buying her flowers but instead sending some money to my kids to get flowers from them and my youngest has said he wants to cook him, his brother, and mother dinner, so I’m gonna send a little extra to buy some food and he can make them dinner. I hate the fact that people thought I was “simping”… when did simping become another word for caring? It’s ridiculous but whatever. I still and will always care and love her. Thanks again for the advice

fffrdcrrf · 2025-02-12T10:03:07+00:00

Yeah I agree with some of the comments here about you simping if you do that and if anything you can give your kids some money to but their mom something but it shouldn’t be a gesture from you on what is a romantic day.

But hey I know that theres an elephant in the room and that is you have some romantic feelings left towards her and thats understandable because of how long you two were together and you have kids. Idk your whole story but if you want her back and you think there is a chance then go for it man. But if she makes it clear as day that its done you need to walk away from her being your wife and accept her as only the mother of your children

Necessary-Song9881 · 2025-02-12T01:54:21+00:00

Send the flowers. If anything it shows your kids the mom of their child deserves to be appreciated if shes cool. If shes not a cool girl, then no, but if you guys are amicable I think its nice. If she says anything like why did you do this, tell her because shes the mother of your children and she deserves flowers on Vday for everything she does for your kids. Shell like that

tyyyy110 · 2025-02-11T18:27:32+00:00

dude....cmon get real

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-02-11T18:25:04+00:00

Don't. If anything, show your boys how to buy something for the woman in their lives. I wouldn't get her anything.

Spudlink9 · 2025-02-11T17:51:20+00:00

Yes. You might not be the ahole. But you’d be SIMPING and it would be kind of a weak move. Move on. Why on earth would you even consider that? You going to send her flowers on your anniversary too?

Slowloris81 · 2025-02-11T17:49:10+00:00

Yes.

sludgepress · 2025-02-11T17:15:52+00:00

Man, I wouldn’t call you an asshole, but I would call you out of your mind. I have a somewhat similar situation. I was married 20 years and then divorced. It was very hard at first, but holding onto things like that does absolutely nothing for the advancement of your existence, brother. You are holding onto an ideal and tradition that means absolutely nothing to the person that you’re holding onto it for. I mean, if you want to spend the money and the time to get your ex-wife flowers, shit, do what you Gotta do. But understand that when she receives those flowers, more than likely, she’s laughing. There’s a reason people get divorced. And honestly man, if you’re trying to get information out of your kids about your wife you’re headed down the wrong road man. You need to be thinking about you and getting your shit back on track. You are very much stuck in the past and your now defunct relationship. I know it takes people longer to get out of that mode, but brother you gotta get out of that shit. All you’re doing is digging a hole that you can’t climb out of. I’m not saying this to offend either, like I said, I have been exactly where you’re at. 20 years of marriage gone to shit. I know what it feels like.

ThrowawaySunnyLane · 2025-02-11T17:08:00+00:00

Yes YTA. You move on. She moves on.

You did something for her on V Day in the past because you were married. You’re not anymore.

Get over her.

Corvettelov · 2025-02-11T16:46:28+00:00

Female here. Flowers will send the wrong message. Don’t do it.

DaveTheDrummer802 · 2025-02-11T16:05:31+00:00

Don't do it. She's an ex. Move on.

Busy_Investment1104 · 2025-02-11T15:18:50+00:00

Just send me the 100 bucks you woulda spent on flowers to me. You’ll get the same reaction. Thanks. It won’t help your situation one bit.

Syyina · 2025-02-11T15:11:56+00:00

No, you should not do that.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-02-11T14:58:50+00:00

Total asshole move to use your boys for intel.

What does this poor woman need to do to tell you its over? She divorced you, it does not get any clearer than that. If you actually care about her at all you would respect her wishes, leave her alone, and move on with your life.

I know it sucks bro, I've been there still wanting and hoping for a reconciliation. But if you don't let go and move on you are never going to heal and you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life.

The first year is the hardest, next is her dating again and introducing your kids to the guy, then her remarriage, then kids with the new guy. If you don't work on letting go you are in for a world of pain my man.

Exactly65536 · 2025-02-11T14:00:40+00:00

Definitely not the asshole, but you might come across as clingy.

black65Cutlass · 2025-02-11T13:58:33+00:00

Don't do it. Just move on, it is over.

sicrm · 2025-02-11T12:58:19+00:00

unless she tells she’s getting you something, don’t do it.

and even if that happened, keep expectations low.

Negative_Comfort6848 · 2025-02-11T10:52:16+00:00

One thing is sending her something on mother's Day or Christmas on behalf of your kids.

This is just a desperate move to show yoy still like her. Sorry brother but if it's over, it's over.

youknowthevibbees · 2025-02-11T06:11:06+00:00

From what you are writing in your posts and comments it seems like you are doing this because you still love her, and by that I wouldn’t call you an asshole,

BUT you have to also think how she will see it. She left you because of your screw ups, maybe she didn’t have the same love for you back then, and that’s why she wouldn’t want to work on the relationship? Or maybe she has love for you still, but trying to “forget” that because of what you did.. sending her flowers and a card will just make her more confused and maybe feel bad for that she just left so quick.

I think this a question only you can answer… some people here’s relationship with their ex’s are either good or bad. You have to see from how your relationship with her are at the moment…

Is your guys relationship good where you can feel that she still loves you? Then maybe this is a nice thing to do.

Or is the relationship at the point where she only tolerates you because of the kids and the history you guys have?

Me personally I wouldn’t do it no matter what😅 the only reasons I would’ve ever send some flowers to my ex would been on Mother’s Day.

Every-Lab-5607 · 2025-02-11T05:50:15+00:00

Mammoth-Push-2612 · 2025-02-11T05:30:39+00:00

Why bother. That chapter is closed.

overarmur · 2025-02-11T04:59:03+00:00

Sending flowers would be sending very confusing messages to your ex and possibly your boys. For example, mom comes home with flowers. The kids are going to ask where they came from. Dad sent flowers to mom? Does he want to get back together?

As others have said, let your boys do something nice for their mom.

TheBoyBand · 2025-02-11T04:43:10+00:00

Lmao

grey_Individual · 2025-02-11T04:39:48+00:00

Nope. Save your money! Put in a bank account for your kids

Other-Analysis1754 · 2025-02-11T04:35:41+00:00

I would not do it. But!!! You may give money to your kids and they can buy a bouquet for her. I always give my kids money so they can show appreciation and love to their mom. I don't know how you end your marriage, but if she is already your ex, you should not give her gifts or presents on these dates.

Due-Act6417 · 2025-02-11T04:19:12+00:00

Don't do it she's not your wife

Illustrious-Tear-749 · 2025-02-11T04:06:55+00:00

Nope.

Particular_Act7478 · 2025-02-11T04:04:34+00:00

You don’t know how she might respond and no good deed goes unpunished … buy yourself flowers 🌹 for being a great dad. Get your kids something special that they will remember. She’s a ship that has passed.

itoocouldbeanyone · 2025-02-11T03:50:55+00:00

I wouldn’t and we coparent well. But we are all different. A Valentine’s Day gift is to me, something filled with love and emotions. She lost access to that part of me when pressuring me into a divorce.

bluephotoshop · 2025-02-11T03:43:39+00:00

Maybe a small bouquet from you and your kids would be more appropriate than a large bouquet.

HistoricalRich280 · 2025-02-11T03:42:13+00:00

Think they should come from you and the boys OR a very clear message like to a wonderful mother

pandatitanium · 2025-02-11T03:33:40+00:00

I mean, she’s not “your” valentine anymore. This seems like a hard no if you are trying to move on. Maybe if you were hoping to reconcile.

Analisandopessoas · 2025-02-11T03:31:40+00:00

Since she doesn't have a partner and you don't have a partner either, I think it's viable. I just keep thinking how she will react...... What will your ex wife think about this act of sending flowers... . After many years together, why the divorce? You seem nostalgic to me....

bizbunch · 2025-02-11T03:25:01+00:00

Give your sons money to buy her some if you feel compelled. I think this is innapropriate from you on V day.

InspectionOk3946 · 2025-02-11T03:14:05+00:00

Idk I’m married a long time too and I don’t see the problem if you do this at peace with yourself expecting and anticipating no response at all - that includes even a thank you.

I don’t see the problem if you do it to be kind and that’s it and that’s the end and it’s really in a way for YOU and you’re totally at peace with that. Then go ahead.

LOL I see others disagree. Idk maybe our marriages were less contentious or longer.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2025-02-11T03:08:08+00:00

If you divorced her and you buy her flowers, that’s messed up and you are playing games with her mind

If she divorced you and you are buying her flowers, you need to learn to move on. Please do not embarrass yourself like that.

Focus on yourself and your sons.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2025-02-11T03:03:17+00:00

No. Just no.

She's your ex wife, not a romantic interest.

TF you thinking?

Puzzleheaded-Yam1718 · 2025-02-11T02:55:56+00:00

Opposite of asshole move. However, boundaries are really important for you to protect your heart moving forward.

IceCreamMan1977 · 2025-02-11T02:51:18+00:00

Have your teenage boys get them (with your money). Teach them the value of respecting and loving their mother.

aarongdl · 2025-02-11T02:46:16+00:00

Asshole? No.

Simp? Maybe.

You'll see a lot of response that essentially says not to waste your money, that women are terrible, and you're better single.

While most of those are things are reasonable and probably accurate, I can't help but feel like it stems from the feeling of being betrayed, which I get. I'm in the same boat. I've lost everything I've worked for, the person I married betrayed our vows, and now at best I get to spend 50% of my time with my kids until they fly the coop at 18. Wooohooo.

I will say, I hope to get to a point of being able to be cordial and maybe even getting flowers as sort of a dark humorous joke. Maybe in a decade, I'll give her a framed wedding picture with some captions along the lines of "look at us fucking idiots, thinking we could communicate lololol"

Odd-Collection9840 · 2025-02-11T02:41:41+00:00

No! YTA ! No!

Title	AITA for buying my ex wife flowers on V-day, after the divorce?
Author	BmoreBigLos
Upvotes	3
Comments	59
Date	February 11, 2025 2:38 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1imo96i/aita_for_buying_my_ex_wife_flowers_on_vday_after/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/aita-for-buying-my-ex-wife-flowers-on-v-day-after.1543527 https://theredarchive.com/post/1543527

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