Why is she rewarded for blowing up our family. It's got to stop.

Sunnykit00 · 2025-07-05T01:46:34+00:00

This is why you're getting divorced. You don't value the work she puts in and see all the income as yours. It was already half hers.

HalachicLoophole · 2025-07-04T04:08:53+00:00

She's getting rewarded because you didn't inform yourself about how the law works on a breakdown of a marriage and take steps to mitigate this with a marriage agreement /"prenup" -- at which point you could have also decided not to get married if she refused to sign.

Unfortunately, you only have yourself to blame :(

I'm the higher income earner in my family and I've got the prenup 😊

No_Examination_5005 · 2025-06-21T17:39:48+00:00

I feel this brother. I was with mine for 17 years. She was never happy no matter what. The worst mistake was sharing an account. I redid our house with my inheritance and spent over 70k. Every time I got a raise she would spend more. I got va disability and was planning on using that to pay off the house. She spent more. I asked her to get her own account and she threatened me with divorce. A week later after a hard day of work I came home to 3 cops taking all my guns. She told them I was going to rape her, kill her and get into a fire fight with the police. I was forbidden to go back to the house. Judge ordered we have to keep the same conditions as if we were married and I must pay child support until the divorce is finalized. Everything is in my name and the judge ordered I can’t stop any services or utilities. I’m stuck paying 9k a month in bills forcing me to basically be paycheck to paycheck. She has been dragging this out and now wants alimony because she realized how much the world costs without me. I’ve emptied all of my personal stocks and all I have left is my 401k. Which is next to tap into. I’m burning at both ends. Stay strong brother

CleanAd952 · 2025-06-11T11:57:28+00:00

Society was build that woman can always be the victim it’s sad. Especially because now they are so great at weaponizing it.

Noobagainreddit · 2025-06-09T22:54:05+00:00

UpdateMe!

tinrooster2005 · 2025-06-06T01:34:31+00:00

I think young men are at least wising up. by 2030 45% of women will be *technically single. Then come the bachelor tax which will result in men leaving the country or purposely choosing subsistence living or getting married to buddies on paper to skirt the tax Chuck and Larry style. Then the tax system completely implodes, followed by a period of major civil unrest resulting in a violent swing back to 50s style marriages or something else. Enjoy the next 20 years because it's going to get dicey after that.

Il_Valentino · 2025-06-05T05:30:58+00:00

Marriage is a scam and you fell for it.

Rportilla · 2025-06-05T04:09:49+00:00

Yeah. It's called the plantation bro. You were on it.

cowboy-Jim · 2025-06-05T03:18:01+00:00

Agreed! We seriously need to lobby politicians!! Look at the crazy executive order being signed, and this cause doesn’t get any love?

derpMaster7890 · 2025-06-05T01:44:22+00:00

the contract is 50-50, no matter what was reality. more people just shouldn't get married if they don't get that.

we split, she got the house, and I kept the retirement. I made 3X for 10 years, and because of when we lived in CA I could have owed more than 50-50.

we split amicable, I definitely legally owed more, but we still agreed on 50-50 after marriage. no kids, which helped, and were, and still are, friends. this happened in early 2024, I'm still not 100% okay, but we all have to be better.

vent here, it helps, but we are all part of this too, and very few men on here take responsibility for being part of the problem. work on that, we are all better than posts in here.

derpMaster7890 · 2025-06-05T01:43:58+00:00

the contract is 50-50, no matter what was reality. more people just shouldn't get married if they don't get that.

we split, she got the house, and I kept the retirement. I made 3X for 10 years, and because of when we lived in CA I could have owed more than 50-50.

we split amicable, I definitely legally owed more, but we still agreed on 50-50 after marriage. no kids, which helped, and were, and still are, friends. this happened in early 2024, I'm still not 100% okay, but we all have to be better.

vent here, it helps, but we are all part of this too, and very few men on here take responsibility for being part of the problem. work on that, we are all better than posts in here.

Positive_Rub_6696 · 2025-06-05T00:50:21+00:00

You paid 80% before and that won’t change… 50 to her and 30 more for you. But at least now you’ll have some peace.

Comfortable-Might240 · 2025-06-04T23:48:36+00:00

It's a defiance and mockery of God, quite frankly. Not to be all religious and stuff.. They don't have the authority to separate a man from his son. Like God and Jesus were one, so should it be with a man and his son. it's terrible they often steal from a good man and give his property to some treacherous woman. Divorce court breaks all kinds of God's explicit laws and commandments. And fundamental laws nature too. I don't think God is pleased to be mocked and have his power flippantly denied. You have to worry about the long term consequences of this widespread corruption in our land. The forces of hell will be here upon our country soon to deliver God's wrath if we don't fix it soon

Shreddersaurusrex · 2025-06-04T22:28:57+00:00

Yeah stuff like this is why men are avoiding marriage

redragtop99 · 2025-06-04T22:00:39+00:00

This frustrated me so much in the divorce.

I can’t even fathom getting rewarded for cheating on and leaving my spouse. I will never get married again and came out of everything OK due to my absolute refusal to let her pay.

BlueGoosePond · 2025-06-04T21:41:15+00:00

50% of marital assets makes sense to me. Sure, the raw financial cost may have been borne 80% by you, but it was while you were in a legal marital partnership. She (should have) provided some things of intangible value that contributed to it or allowed for you to be able to do it.

That said...if you're talking about splitting pre-marital assets, inheritance/family property, or alimony going forward, that's a whole different thing.

You said in another comment that you are amicable with her. Is a mediated divorce not an option? You can hopefully sit down and talk it through and come up with something more fair and appropriate than what a court will do.

First-Sail8421 · 2025-06-04T19:22:56+00:00

Orion Taraban and James Sexton (look them up) both talk extensively about this. As long as there are ‘cash and prizes’ to be gained, women will continue to seek divorce rather than trying to save marriages. The system is woefully set in favor of the lower earning party (almost always the woman), and no-fault divorce is a flagrantly unconstitutional crap all over the notion of substantive of due process. You can be deprived of property, liberty, and even your own children without any finding of legal wrongdoing. With a system like this, the institution of marriage is a dead letter in this country, and this is why you will see divorce rates rise and marriage rates fall. I would never recommend to any man to marry. A prenuptial can help some, but courts can break them in the interests of equity.

THX1138-22 · 2025-06-04T17:51:14+00:00

You are only losing half your money? Wow, you are lucky. I lost 65%. I had a good lawyer too, and spoke to several others who confirmed that this is what the courts would rule. And the kids are adults, so there is no child support involved--she got 65% of everything when you factor in asset split and future alimony. I would've been so happy with 50/50...

RespectInevitable479 · 2025-06-04T17:49:42+00:00

With this my hope Is the govt contract of marriage ends and men being providers also end. Now you need dual incomes so even if you divorce it’s still 50/50. Make a joint bank account and make sure she puts half so when you split assets it’s really 5o/5o. But the most sound advice I can give is don’t get married and you won’t ever have to go through divorce.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-06-04T17:13:47+00:00

I lost 32% of my military pension. I pray to God she gets married when the divorce is finalized so it get cancelled.

-NukeX- · 2025-06-04T17:01:29+00:00

Same situation my friend. What helped me push past all this was several things. One, it's worth it. I'm basically paying for my freedom, and it's worth every penny. It's just money. You will make more. You will make adjustments as needed, but I can assure you, 3 years later, I'm the happiest I've ever been. I used to get so mad every month having to send over that payment, even more so when it's 50-50....but you get adjusted to it. It won't be forever (hopefully in your case). I have 13 years.

Xan-Diesel · 2025-06-04T16:33:02+00:00

The vast majority of us signed up knowing what we faced in the event of a divorce and most of us also grew up as children of divorce. Maybe we didn't realize the divorce rates when we got married but we all foolishly believed we were the exception and our love wouldn't end like the stats indicated they would. My parents were both married and divorced FOUR TIMES each. Why I ever considered asking my parents for marriage advice or even listen to people that demonstrated they didn't know what they were doing is beyond me, but it illustrates how naïve and deluded we can be.

Now you're on the other side of it and you're trying to understand a situation using rationale and logic. Unfortunately you'll never be able to understand her decision making process because she didn't use logic or rationale to get here - she used emotion. You can't use logic to defeat an emotionally based decision. Now you're armed with knowledge and its important you relay what you've learned to your children in the hopes they can make informed decisions for their future.

IcyMycologist4837 · 2025-06-04T16:29:18+00:00

Marriage is the biggest contract you sign in your lifetime with giving all control to a court and a judge with no exit plan. It’s shocking high school and college don’t teach everyone about the risks by giving all control to a judge and legal system that is quite frankly rigged by the bar association. The other lie is courts look out for kids interest but in reality cause friction which destroys relationships between kids and the parents. I agree prenups should always be done. If you think about it a prenup actually probably increases the chance of a successful marriage whatever that is ? No prenup equals no exit strategy in a contract that fails 50% of the time. And when it fails it is war!

OkEmphasis5923 · 2025-06-04T16:27:48+00:00

This won't end until women start feeling our pain. Unfortunately, even when lower earning men go through a divorce 9/10 times they take the high road and don't seek alimony.

Grafixx5 · 2025-06-04T16:00:10+00:00

Yep, I feel you 1,000%! And most women say how they should benefit cause “they suffered”. To me, you shouldn’t get any of the retirement, you didn’t pay into it, the person working did. If she works and has one, you didn’t pay into hers, why should you get hers? I can see only ONE instance where I can say “ok” to this and that would be in the military when you’re moved around every like 3-5years and the spouse doesn’t have the ability to have a career. Fine, then give them a portion but NOT 50%. And I’ve seen where dads can prove they are the better parent, like the mom doesn’t do shyte for the kids, doesn’t know the kids, dad has proof of a bad mom, alcohol, drugs and whatever and the court is still like, “Mom gets custody!” Why? Because the dad will break his back working to pay to support TWO HOUSEHOLDS and child support so the state can get their 3:2 ratio off of T4D contribution from the FedGov.

chinnick967 · 2025-06-04T15:59:39+00:00

Prenuptials are important. Ours divides out assets based off average income of the last seven years of marriage, with a minimum split of 30% to either party (protecting her if she is a stay at home mom, etc)

LonelyNC123 · 2025-06-04T15:54:48+00:00

I would HAPPILY lose 50% if I could avoid alimony. In my state alimony is a death sentence (I am older).

her_dog_is_odd · 2025-06-04T15:43:30+00:00

Completely agree on the financial side. We bought the house with my money, then to keep the house, I had to pay more! And in the second case, I’m buying equity, which isn’t even tangible wealth…

It certainly doesn’t incentivize reconciliation when they can cheat, lie and manipulate their way through a marriage and then still leave with half our retirement.

Mobile_Scientist1310 · 2025-06-04T15:37:46+00:00

Happened with me as well. Since my vindictive ex wife wanted my children all to herself, she claimed that I’m abusive and the Indian courts granted her full rights! Lost everything in one go.

2025-06-04T15:36:43+00:00

Welcome to the jungle of Family Courts. And I'm with you....enough is enough.

Llamma_llama · 2025-06-04T15:33:29+00:00

I know you don't want to hear this right now, but try to make peace with it all. Make sure that you vent your frustrations among men groups or here. Approach all the next steps as logically as possible. And make sure that you show up for your kids as much as you can. Try to be patient and strong. And when you can't be, reach out for help amongst friends and family. Hang in there brother

Title	Why is she rewarded for blowing up our family. It's got to stop.
Author	Fuckthedarkpools
Upvotes	128
Comments	106
Date	June 4, 2025 3:27 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1l38h89/why_is_she_rewarded_for_blowing_up_our_family_its/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-is-she-rewarded-for-blowing-up-our-family-its.1553902 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553902

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