TL;DR Some people seem to have the idea that lonely men lead uninteresting lives, and if only we joined clubs and hobbies we'd make friends and incidentally find a girlfriend or wife. That's why the "if you want to meet women" is in brackets: some people who give this advice seem to have an undercurrent that the man's real problem is a general lack of hobbies or socialization and that relationships will either inevitably flow from "getting out" more or be a fun unexpected bonus after the "real benefit" of making new friends. Alternatively, they want to help him find relationships but for some reason intentionally trying to get a girlfriend is frowned upon in a way that intentionally trying to make friends is not; we don't say "Go join a bowling league but don't do it just to make friends."

The brutal truth is that for a lot of men our "comfort zone" is already a place of interest and fulfillment. We know we must get out of our "comfort zone" to meet women, but what if we have an otherwise fulfilling life and "meeting women" is the only reason to add more to it?

Even when you have passions, they might just not have women.

I remember when the phrase "touch grass" became popular, as yet another variation on the idea that a lot of people, sometimes lonely men, are assumed to have their loneliness be entirely self-inflicted. If only we went outside, lived an "interesting life", had "something going for us", and so on.

However, even if we have a lot of hobbies or interests, there's a huge gap between "Have interesting hobbies." and "Have interesting hobbies that single woman your age are also interested in."

A Civil War reenactor is passionate about history, and even something as stereotypically "lonely nerd" as miniature wargaming is a skill-based hobby (painting and assembling the minis, playing the game) rather than a consumption-based hobby (i.e. watching TV). However, the brutal truth is that the vast majority of women are not into Civil War reenactments or keeping up with the current WH40K meta: you can have a vibrant life filled with 90% men and 10% women who are only there for their boyfriends. For a lot of activities men find meaning in, that's not an exaggeration.

Even if you do in fact have a hobby that overlaps with women, like certain kinds of fitness, it's not necessarily social. Okay, a man and a woman both go to the gym, but they're 4 treadmills apart from each other with headphones on.

There is, of course, the idea of something like a group fitness class, but then we get into the whole idea of intentionality being taboo in dating as a man. If you're a man who is fine doing the elliptical by yourself, you're not going to organically or naturally sign up for a cycling class that just so happens to have women in it.

The "Comfort Zone" vs. "Don't go out just to meet women"

People really love to romanticize the idea of romance just happening, of just living your best life trying new things until you find someone. However, the problem with being a man is that sometimes all the new things you want to try are solo activities or male-centric hobbies, or you are an introvert who just doesn't like socializing in and of itself.

This runs into the unspoken truth is that a huge percentage of people are introverts who do not like socializing in and of itself. The idea of "Just go out and have fun!" works for an extrovert who would try to meet new people anyway, but for introverts it needs to be reconciled with the fact that they have to do something they don't enjoy to get to the thing they actually want. In all other areas of life we understand that you have to put up with job applications to get the job, but in dating it feels like people just want introverts to actually enjoy the process and not care about the result, which is unfair. Again, we don't treat platonic friendships that way: "I want a friend, where do I meet them?" is never met with "Join a bowling league, but don't do it just to meet new people to get along with."

What are men supposed to do then? Their "comfort zone" is their existing life and hobbies, and they must get out of it to meet women, but what if they have an otherwise fulfilling life and "meeting women" is the only reason to add more to it?