Being seen as only hookup material is not a good thing

N_Count_Council · 2026-01-27T08:33:42+00:00

Just casually proving AF/BB

Superannuated_punk · 2026-01-27T08:38:43+00:00

I’m blue pill as all get out, and even I’ll admit that this is spectacularly tone-deaf.

IridikronsNo1Fan · 2026-01-27T08:38:19+00:00

This would be true if women applied the same standard of attractiveness to both the hookup guy and the relationship guy. But that's not how women usually frame it. The most common story is that she's had her fun and is now looking to settle down. Hard not to be upset when you're the guy she would have never hooked up with during her fun phase, but will now settle for you as long as you fulfill a much longer checklist.

ComposerLast7741 · 2026-01-27T08:42:53+00:00

I honestly feel bad for your current or future partner. You openly admit you give your body, attention, and intimacy to men who meet the lowest bar, then turn around and demand a laundry list of virtues from the man you want to take you seriously. You're literally devaluing yourself and gas lighting yourself to think it's empowerment. You’re teaching men that access to you is cheap, while commitment requires premium pricing.

And the orgasm stats don’t help your case. They just underline the irony: you knowingly choose dynamics that leave you unsatisfied, then use regret and research to moralize afterward. Men don’t feel bad about that, they take it as confirmation they were never dealing with someone who values herself or intimacy in the first place.

You want partner treatment after advertising hookup behavior. That disconnect is exactly why men separate women into boxes, and why some never get promoted out of them.

Secnasus · 2026-01-27T08:51:16+00:00

Sorry to inform you but this is not a compliment for guys.

Logos1789 · 2026-01-27T08:43:26+00:00

Being incapable of being hookup material is even worse than only being hookup material.

As per your 40% of women had an orgasm during hookups, but were twice as likely to orgasm in a relationship stat:

Guess what happens? The men who are good at sex (the 40% of hookups) eventually land in relationships.

There is selection bias. Of course the men who make them cum end up being chosen for relationships.

shockingly_bored · 2026-01-27T08:45:33+00:00

Nothing in the first list is contradicted by what's listed in the second. And given that the men in the first criteria are the ones the women look for/take notice of/the only men women have physical attraction towards, those men get a chance to then demonstrate their ability to meet the criteria in the second list.

And as for men who only fit the criteria of one list, at least the hookup material only men get to spend time with genuinely excited, attracted and enthusiastic women. The husband material only men don't and never will get that. Why wouldn't men prefer to share an experience with a woman who is excited for him to be there Vs just resigned to him being there.

milkmangofunny · 2026-01-27T09:00:45+00:00

Women post stuff like this and then blame Andrew Tate for misogyny

IgorXY · 2026-01-27T08:44:22+00:00

For the millionth time, a hookup material can be promoted to relationship material, but relationship material can not become a hookup material. Just by this fact alone, being a hookup material is better.

Colt_Master · 2026-01-27T08:46:46+00:00

This is a very vapid definition of "good". Seemingly your arguments are 1. That you can extract more validation from selected, as you belong to a more exclusive/"better" class of men 2. That you better sexually pleasure her.

Leaving aside whether these two are true, how are these "good"? Good for whom? If a man argued it was good for him I'd argue that's a toxic unhealthy mentality.

JollyRoger66689 · 2026-01-27T08:52:22+00:00

As another person already pointed out way men are able to get relationships than hookups, you can say whatever pretty words you want, but the real world shows what is harder and thus more impressive to attain.

Being "relationship material" has always seen as almost a negative to me UNLESS you also think they would be a good hookup.

captainsaveahoe69 · 2026-01-27T09:00:00+00:00

You don't understand men at all.

Useful-Personality38 · 2026-01-27T08:35:34+00:00

Any guy can get into a relationship but only the top percentages of men can get hookups

throwaway1276444 · 2026-01-27T08:46:11+00:00

Most women feel the same way about the men that they date: It might not have the veneer of hookup/long term partner dynamic put on it. But if a woman finds out that her man does not desire her sexually as much as he desired other women that he has been with. Women feel insecure and sad too. Not just men.

Unfortunately its a far more common experience for men. But on the few occasions I have seen a thread where the sexes were reversed. It blows up on reddit, with women getting all up in arms about how shitty it is of him to have dated her in the first place.

I remember a thread where a guy mentioned him not finding his partner attractive when he first met her, but exchanged numbers out of politeness, and then proceeded to meet her again, and fell in love with her. She found out through mutual friends. And he was abosulutely ripped to shreds for having done that.

Yet, women say this stuff about their current partners, right in front of them, casually, and if the man feels insecure or bad. He is the problem.

cuddly--suar · 2026-01-27T09:05:20+00:00

Being a catholic how can you drum about being into kinks while also talking about morals? It's so ironic and you talk about penis size of all that's so superficial and being into young guys is kinda creepy bro.

If a 50 yo man tells he's into 20 year olds that would be so off

Intelligent-Insight · 2026-01-27T09:06:06+00:00

So as you can see there are a lot more criteria for a relationship so being seen as only good for sex is kinda an insult really.

At this point you are in denial unless you just joined this sub.

Hookup - fewer criteria that are harder to meet because most of them are not under your control, they are immutable/genetic. You have to be born with them or not age out of them.

Marriage - more criteria that are easier to achieve and that are in principle achievable. Of course, you added similar criteria to hookups, but make no mistake - the requirement for the same criteria are very different, e.g. how attractive one must be or how big of a dick they must have.

As a result we have that hookup material don't need to put in any work compared to marriage material, yet they get a more exclusive deal that marriage material men can't get. Most hookup material men can and do get married, most marriage material men only get to have sex with their gf/wives because they put in all that work and without it their wife/gf would not hook up with them. Easy test: Let's say all hookup men ask for LTR and all LTR/married men ask that they are not expected to be exclusive. Who do you think will be more successful? The answer is pretty obvious.

Not to mention a lot of women regret hookups and don't find them satisfying and don't orgasm. Only 40% of women had an orgasm during hookups. Women were twice as likely to reach orgasm in serious relationships as in hookups. Both men and women sometimes experience hookup regret, but Garcia found women are twice as likely to have a negative reaction later on.

https://time.com/archive/7135161/no-satisfaction-woman-are-less-likely-to-orgasm-during-casual-sex/

Personally I found hookups dissatisfying and didn't orgasm. So as a male how would you feel if you did have a hookup and the woman was dissatisfied and didn't orgasm? Honestly sounds bad to me. Being partner material is much better and the woman is more likely to be satisfied and orgasm.

Yeah, that's been known for decades. I found out about it without looking for that info before I even hit puberty. Not to mention, that it's all over mainstream culture, parents teach their daughters that men only want one thing etc. Yet you and many other women choose to hookup, so that means hookups are either satisfying enough without an orgasm or women don't look for orgasms when they hook up.

Being partner material is not much better because most men are partner material while only a minority are hookup material.

Popeoath · 2026-01-27T09:32:43+00:00

For men it's better than being seen as only relationship material.

Personally I'm more into younger guys so younger age

So the hookup guy can fill his list of requirements earlier than the relationship guy can filll their list.

Men prefer quickness.

Has good morala Is a good person Is polite

So the the relationship guy isn't allowed to do as much.

Men prefer freedom.

Has a career Has a good education

So the relationship guy has to put in more effort and throw money around.

Men prefer simplicity.

Lasts a long time during sex

So the relationship guy has to go slow.

Men prefer intensity.

So as you can see there are a lot more criteria for a relationship so being seen as only good for sex is kinda an insult really.

Men are more insulted by being held to higher standards than others you slept with.

Not to mention a lot of women regret hookups and don't find them satisfying and don't orgasm.

Meaning they were so attracted to the man that they slept with him despite that risk.

So as a male how would you feel if you did have a hookup and the woman was dissatisfied and didn't orgasm?

Who cares. If she wants someone to care about her pleasure then she should only have sex in relationships, like people advised women for generations before modern culture fucked it up.

RidingRedHare · 2026-01-27T10:18:17+00:00

I'm not into hookups, but I don't see the problem when two consenting adults do adults activities outside of a long term relationship.

alphamaker420 · 2026-01-27T12:08:20+00:00

Eh, i disagree with this as a blanket statement because it's subjective. Some people are shallow and only care about sex and being seen as hot. Also lots of people with self esteem in the gutter. To them I'm sure being hookup material is great, they don't care about being a decent person who someone actually likes and wants to spend time with, they just want validation and attention but only in the form of sex.

Also not everyone is a size queen op. What's up with the big dick, bigger dick thing? If I'm waiting until a connection is formed then I wouldn't reject him if we have a genuine connection just because he doesn't have a big one. They make dick sleeves and stuff now, it's doable if hes really small but willing to try.

I get what you're saying though and I see it as an insult too but a lot of men are a different breed. They're free to feel how they feel and I just reject them and keep it pushing.

mashedturnip · 2026-01-27T14:41:47+00:00

Men say so, and I believe them

AutoModerator · 2026-01-27T08:32:15+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2026-01-27T08:32:15+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Ego73 · 2026-01-27T09:21:04+00:00

Anyone with a cursory knowledge of statistics will know that increasing your number of parameters will necessarily reduce the efficiency of your estimators according to their colinearity. Thus, an estimator muddled through a massive list of parameters will hardly tell you anything.

So it's not flattering at all to know that you included a lot of criteria, as that effectively means the end result will probably be overfitted. I lose the privilege of simplicity from knowing that she picked me for exactly the right reasons.

Siukslinis_acc · 2026-01-27T09:23:20+00:00

I think those who want to be seen as hookup materials tend to have a problem of feeling not to be seen at all. So between not being seen and being seen as a hookup material, being seen as a hookup material is better for them as at least they are being seen.

It might ve less "being seen as a hookup material vs being seen as a spouse" and more of a "being seen vs being unseen".

John_Oakman · 2026-01-27T11:21:45+00:00

All of those points only matter if there's a coherent society to enforce its norms. In the absence of that most of the perks of [serious] relationships falls off and it becomes less competitive in comparison to hookups.

Kingcrow33 · 2026-01-27T12:27:05+00:00

Best to be both but if you can't hook up is better.

Why can't women see men's perspective here?

SlickPiccolo · 2026-01-27T12:07:12+00:00

I don’t believe that you’re Catholic.

Brief_Mongoose_7291 · 2026-01-27T09:19:24+00:00

Would you like to be considered hookup material only? That's what husband/relationship material is for men.

Downtown_Werewolf_44 · 2026-01-27T10:15:54+00:00

There is the obvious point that people claiming that "being only hook up material" is a good thing.

Most of the "qualities" needed to pass from the Hookup to relationship material are variation of "Don't be an asshole". Basicaly a fuckboy is someone with attractive traits, staying a fuckboy or being the "whole package" (an attractive guy investing in the relationship) are basically his choice to make. IRL, probably all fuck boys end up in LTR once they find the one they really like.

Both men and women sometimes experience hookup regret, but Garcia found women are twice as likely to have a negative reaction later on.

There is a really logic reason to that. For a woman, getting a hook up isn't hard, most women could get one any day. Getting into a relationship with an attractive guy is another story. I've been hooking up a lot and I've always been the one making the decision to transform this hook up into something serious or not. So in most of those cases were women regrets hook up, what they really regrets is that it was ONLY a hook up. They don't regret sleeping with the guy, they regret it didn't turn into something more.

Personally I found hookups dissatisfying and didn't orgasm.

That's normal, hook up (and first sexual relationship with a new partner in general) aren't about performance or being the best, it's about releasing sexual tension. Great sex come with intimacy, discovering your partner and knowing what he/she really like. I'll be honest with you, most of my hook up weren't that great either because women aren't sex wizard who knows instinctively how to please their partners.

So as a male how would you feel if you did have a hookup and the woman was dissatisfied and didn't orgasm? Honestly sounds bad to me. Being partner material is much better and the woman is more likely to be satisfied and orgasm.

Again this is dishonest by stating that a hook up guy can't evolve into something else. If a choose to become partner material, sex will get better with intimacy.

Safe-Mention-7181 · 2026-01-27T11:01:38+00:00

Being partner material is fine, so long as you are given at a minimum the same sexual energy as a hookup.

If by relationship material you mean that you are treated worse (restricted from physical affection or types of physical affection) then the woman can look for another chump.

CelicnisGhost · 2026-01-27T12:04:57+00:00

Jesus, reading what OP posted and their further replies in the comments, I can only pray this is a very successful troll.

I'll reply assuming it's genuine though.

While you would of course rather be viewed as BOTH "relationship" AND "hookup" material, most men would rather be seen as only hookup material than as neither of the two.

And if having to pick between the two, most would end up choosing "hookup" as that is a harder bar to clear. Only successful men can hookup constantly, lower value men have to be "relationship material" to get you into bed.

Natural_Answer5705 · 2026-01-27T14:01:25+00:00

it translate to "being attractive is not a good thing"

ThatBitchA · 2026-01-27T15:20:06+00:00

Hey if these men want to be disposable and used solely for their mediocre dicks, let them be pumped and dumped.

These men want nothing more than to be a hookup and discarded.

Who am I to get in the way of these men desperately trying for a hookup.

Title	Being seen as only hookup material is not a good thing
Author	Axis_Control
Upvotes	0
Comments	513
Date	January 27, 2026 8:32 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qo8aby/being_seen_as_only_hookup_material_is_not_a_good/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/being-seen-as-only-hookup-material-is-not-a-good.1572054 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572054

Comments