A relationship is not trading commitment for sex

TheColdWoman · 2026-03-19T14:32:45+00:00

I'm not going to stay married to someone who entirely denies me sex, and I am a woman. I agree that a relationship is far more than sex - I adore my husband and I have to admit I'd probably agree to a lifetime of celibacy to stay with him, but it would be really really difficult. Sex matters.

I'll also say that all the guys here who insist that they should get "everything" the ex got can go fuck themselves.

I was a virgin for my first husband. He spent five plus years pressuring me to get into swinging. That's why I laugh at all these guys who are so hung up on virginity. In the real world, I see men LOVING to take someone's virginity, but then they don't care after that. After years of saying no, I was finally coerced into swinging. It was one of the things that blew up our marriage. And thank god for it. It was a shitty marriage.

I told my now husband. I told him there would be no swinging, no threesomes, no hotwifing, and no anal sex. I tried it and it all hurt me, deeply. And was corrosive to the relationship. Everything was on the table beyond that. He could hang me up in a dungeon or put me in a collar.

Any man who heard what I had gone through with my ex and immediately and selfishly thought about his dick and his ego was too fucking insecure to be a life long companion or to have access to my body or my mad oral skills. I'm sure guys here think "well you'll miss out on a high value man" but I don't need his money and I was mature enough at that point to know that the handsomest man becomes ugly when he makes the days miserable.

Mela_ninja · 2026-03-19T09:54:26+00:00

Debate point 1:

This is just a misconception. Is sex important in a relationship for most people? Yes. The extent of that importance varies between people.

The runners I see here is from people saying sex is the only thing or sex isn’t important. Most people exist on the spectrum in between.

Debate point 2:

I operate on honesty and transparency. It’s really helped me find a partner who’s genuinely compatible and saves time and heart ache.

Does that mean I go to the first date with a checklist of “have you done anal before?” Not really. But it does come into conversation when learning about one another.

This take of it’s none of your business doesn’t make sense. Yeah it’s “none of my business” like if I ask her what does she do for work. She is free to not answer and I’m free to make my decision. This isn’t a case of good guy vs bad guy.

Debate point 3:

You aren’t “entitled” to most things in life. You aren’t “entitled” to be loved, cared of, listened to etc. You determine what you want, seek it and are allowed to leave if it isn’t what you want.

She can do whatever she wants and not do things with you. You can leave and find someone who would.

This whole thing wouldn’t exist if people focused on compatibility and being genuine more than fitting someone through a mould of what a partner should be.

MarioWilson122 · 2026-03-19T19:40:12+00:00

The primary point of a relationship is to foster connection, providing companionship, emotional support, and shared experiences that enhance personal growth. It acts as a partnership for mutual support, offering a "safe space" to share life's joys and challenges, improve self-awareness, and experience intimacy.

These things stated in the quote above are what women generally care about within a relationship. Having someone for sex has always been one of the biggest reasons to be in a relationship and probably always will be, especially for men that can’t get it without being in one.

Since some men can’t get anything without being in one unless they really lower their standards, which some men don’t really want to do, especially for anything serious, so, of course, for these men, they have to provide a woman commitment if they want sex and, of course, have to pretend that it is about more than that to not upset women, since a decent amount of women don’t like the idea of that being a big reason for the man being there.

esdebah · 2026-03-19T11:39:56+00:00

I'm pretty much with except... Why do you say "when the sex stops?" There area few healthy reasons for sex to stop, but usually it's a bad sign in a relationship. There's no reason sex stopping should be considered inevitable.

Kingcrow33 · 2026-03-19T11:18:12+00:00

This post reeks of entitlement. The basic premise comes down to men are not allowed to have any standards in the relationship at all. They must just take what they get and that's that.

_mainlander · 2026-03-19T09:52:30+00:00

> If the relationship is solely based on sex that is a FWB or just casual sex, or being a sugar daddy and not an actual relationship.

All those things listed are "relationships".

sorry to be pedantic, but it's a semantic problem we're having here. you have a particular idea of what a "relationship" is, as if it's one specific thing. "relationship" is a broad term not constrained to a single idea you seem to have.

so your post is talking past each other. they were taking about X type of relationship, you're talking about Y type of relationships - of course the two are different. but both are "relationships".

The rest of your points can thus simply be countered with: they are right for a specific type of relationship, not necessarily the type of relationship you have in your head.

Relationship is an agreement between two or more parties and people involved can define it to be anything they want it be - at all.

It's not written anywhere in the universe that "thou shall have relationship a certain way". people are free to choose.

hope you get my point.

they can do w.e. they want and expect w.e. they want and structure relationships however they want (and so can you) and there's nothing inherently fundamentally invalid about having that.

kartu3 · 2026-03-19T16:32:14+00:00

sex stops at some point

What? At what age?

Asking for a friend.

The primary point of a relationship is to foster connection, providing companionship, emotional support, and shared experiences

Yes.

It acts as a partnership for mutual support, offering a "safe space" to share life's joys and challenges, improve self-awareness, and experience intimacy.

Yes.

If the relationship is solely based on sex

You have jumped from "sex is important" to "solely sex" here, I think, and swapped in the "no sex at all" in a sneaky way.

Sex does make a huge difference. Mutual support joys and challenges is what "boys" have when doing "boys" thing. In a way, often, much more entertainment than what is achievable with women.

There is also "leaving offspring" aspect that is far from not being important.

Getting into a relationship also does not entitle you to any sex acts even if she has done it before. That is dehumanizing.

From my perspective, an insanely entitled woman with "no sex for ya, hahaha, I don't owe you sex" attitude towards a life partner can go have solo kamasutra.

Forsaken-Station-113 · 2026-03-20T00:15:58+00:00

Hi, woman here!

...from a traditional perspective, yes, women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. Why? Because women have easier access to sex (being desired/sexualized) while it's up to men to commit and value that access to sex or not.

Also, a relationship that provides connection, companionship, emotional support and shared experiences is called friendship. But, all of that + romantic and sexual intimacy = romantic relationship.

Your partner is your partner, more than a roommate, and more than a friend - sexual access has nothing to with entitlement, it has to do with adjustability. In average romantic relationships, sex is, and will always be, a necessary component.

Unless you're asexual or have a peculiar sexual inclination, then you're an exception from how average human relationships that are based on love and desire are formed.

abaxeron · 2026-03-19T13:22:47+00:00

A relationship is not trading commitment for sex

Agreeing for the wrong reason. A relationship is a charity, it's trading effort, attention, care, and time for nothing; the vast majority of men get absolutely nothing positive from the vast majority of relationships.

The point of a relationship is not just for the man to get sex

The point of an intimate relationship is to get (ideally, exchange) intimacy; relationships without intimacy are called friendships.

It is also not right to get into a relationship with a woman only to bombard her about questions about her sex life in hopes of tricking and coercing her to do sex acts with you that she has done before.

Most 304s need zero priming to start babbling about how their exes were more interesting to play with right after sex. Btw guys, if a woman does this, you two will break up and you personally will look back at time with her as lost.

Getting into a relationship also does not entitle you to any sex acts even if she has done it before.

"Getting into a relationship does not entitle you to not being a training starter girlfriend before he meets his actual soulmate wife".

Scare-quotes and italics to signify reasoning by analogy, not actually a claim made.

Barely-moral · 2026-03-19T10:09:32+00:00

These men seem to think women are trading sex for commitment and seem to think the primary purpose of a relationship is that they would then be entitled to the same kinky sex she has had before.

The primary purpose of any interaction I have with anyone is me getting what I want and in return I will provide whatever the other side of the interaction wants.

Debate Point 1: The point of a relationship is not just for the man to get sex and if you think that you will be sorely dissapointed when sex stops at some point.

See above. The point is whatever the people involved want it to be.

The primary point of a relationship is to foster connection, providing companionship, emotional support, and shared experiences that enhance personal growth. It acts as a partnership for mutual support, offering a "safe space" to share life's joys and challenges, improve self-awareness, and experience intimacy.

The point is whatever the people involved want it to be.

If the relationship is solely based on sex that is a FWB or just casual sex, or being a sugar daddy and not an actual relationship.

Oh so this is a discussion only about the definition of what a relationship is?

It is also not right to get into a relationship with a woman only to bombard her about questions about her sex life in hopes of tricking and coercing her to do sex acts with you that she has done before.

I don't care about what you believe is right. If I believe asking something is necessary I will. You are not providing a convincing argument about why if is wrong.

If you want to know about compatibility just ask what she likes early in.

I don't want to know about compatibility. I want to know about her past.

Getting into a relationship also does not entitle you to any sex acts even if she has done it before. That is dehumanizing. She might not even like the act or it causes pain etc.

Good. Getting into a relationship also does not entitle my partner to anything. The only way she gets what she wants from the relationship is if I get what I want from the relationship. If she does not like what I ask she can leave. I am quite open about what I want so she knew before entering into the relationship

CosmicBioHazard · 2026-03-19T11:16:43+00:00

These men seem to think women are trading sex for commitment and seem to think the primary purpose of a relationship is that they would then be entitled to the same kinky sex she has had before.

Honestly I think the problem here is that these men are settling for relationships with women they don’t actually want to be seriously involved with because they feel like they just aren’t getting sexually involved otherwise.

Are these men relationship material? It’s either that or they’re meeting women with poor judgement; but either way they’re dealing with previously sexually adventurous women who’ve deemed them as such and being honest about not seeing a future in commitment has been closing deals for hookups that they thought they should have sealed for the fact that the woman both likes them and has a track record of not having qualms with hookups. They very much feel that they’ve done something wrong.

_Peasant_ · 2026-03-19T16:13:40+00:00

I can agree with the first part of relationship being what it isn’t. By chance I think men can have attraction to women without the sexual pull due to whatever factors and values. But there is no primary point of a relationship as they change so much person to person. Some relationships also have sex without the emotional connections ,where coming mostly from the women’s side seen relationships end because “he couldn’t open up” or even last long because “he doesn’t ask a lot”

Point 2 seems like a weird point that you need to refine. Is asking questions about your partners sex life inherently bad then because it’s always going to lead to unwanted sexual acts? So is talking about sex and sharing info about each other’s preferences and boundaries, which are both likely refined from past experiences, forbidden because you didn’t ask early in a relationships. For me personally, I wouldn’t look at my partner the same way if they revealed that they did like something like a 10 man and I would never ask to recreate it lol. I can see where you’re maybe coming from because I believe in forgiveness and relationships should ideally be treated in as a reset to commit fully to the person in the present but it’s also dishonest to hold some informations and to be offended if ever asked about thier past. There’s always a way to have a healthy dialog about these things in relationships and having some discussion is better than having no talks about it imo.

no one is entitled to be in unmet relationship the same way no one is entitled to sex in relationships. I think it’s fucked that women are expected to put out to show commitment within a short time frame sure. But why would he stay if he is unmet, he’s allowed to leave and say no, the same you can say no and meet someone else who can agree to this boundary

gdognoseit · 2026-03-19T18:02:10+00:00

The men who think like that are always shocked when the divorce comes.

dbmsmanagear · 2026-03-19T10:59:24+00:00

Relationship is men trading commitment in exchange of not pursuing other women.

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2026-03-19T10:21:14+00:00

Debate point 1: The difference between a best friend and a lover is sex. Sex is important. You act as if the sex stopping is inevitable. Meanwhile STD’s are most rampant in nursing homes. Sex only stops when you lose interest, barring a disaster. Sex isn’t the primary purpose of a relationship the same what a bathroom isn’t the primary purpose of owning a house. But if I came and ripped the toilet out of your floor one day, you’d be pretty pissed about it.

Debate point 2: You’re making the assumption that a man is bombarding her. Some insecure men might. Most of us don’t ask questions we don’t want answers to. The information is volunteered 90% of the time, and you’re well within your right to feel some type of way about it.

Debate point 3: In a monogamous relationship, you’re agreeing to cut off all other options to be exclusive with your partner. You ARE entitled to something. Be it the act itself or a good explanation of why you won’t do it. Then you can choose to leave that relationship if it bothers you.

ViolentShallot · 2026-03-19T10:59:24+00:00

Context: About 20 Red pillers replied to my last post saying in a relationship the woman is trading sex for commitment.

Challenge for you: You said "about 20". Give me the example of... let's say, five. Go on, find that.

These men seem to think women are trading sex for commitment and seem to think the primary purpose of a relationship is that they would then be entitled to the same kinky sex she has had before.

These 20 (five?) (two?) men have said that or is it a stretch you're pulling out for the sake of starting from a wrong premise?

Debate Point 1: The point of a relationship is not just for the man to get sex and if you think that you will be sorely dissapointed when sex stops at some point.

Find me a single person claiming that the point of a relationship is just for the man to get sex. One.

If the relationship is solely based on sex that is a FWB or just casual sex, or being a sugar daddy and not an actual relationship.

I don't disagree. But I'm fairly sure we can agree that a relationship without sex is... a friendship.

It is also not right to get into a relationship with a woman only to bombard her about questions about her sex life in hopes of tricking and coercing her to do sex acts with you that she has done before.

Again you're doing a combination of strawmanning and gaslighting. You can perfectly well be weary of someone whose sex history is way wilder than what she's doing now, without "bombarding her with questions in hopes of tricking and coercing"

Getting into a relationship also does not entitle you to any sex acts even if she has done it before. That is dehumanizing. She might not even like the act or it causes pain etc.

Nothing entitles you to anything. But it's extremely disingenuous to imply that being bothered by asymmetric treatment in a relationship is okay unless it's about sex. That's a weird line to draw. We all agree being bothered by asymmetric treatment is reasonable elsewhere, after all.

You find out your partner, who staunchly insists you drive to his place every time because "driving 30 minutes is too long", drove 2 hours every day to spend time with his ex, you'd be pretty bothered by it. You'd be asking yourself if he maybe cared more about her.

You discover that your partner, who according to him (or her) "is not a big texter" and leaves you on read for hours, replied to all his exes within a minute, and you'd not be okay with it.

Your partner has never given you a present over $20, not for Valentine's day, not for anniversary, not for your birthday. You then find out that they gave their ex presents over $1000 consistently, you're not going to even ask about it?

So, again, why is the line drawn at "sex"?

Turbulent-Serve5777 · 2026-03-19T13:14:20+00:00

foster connection, providing companionship, emotional support, and shared experiences that enhance personal growth

How am I suppose to do that with a woman who had group sex, a woman who had "kink" sex, who became a sexual slave for another man?

It is also not right to get into a relationship with a woman only to bombard her about questions about her sex life

Why would asking her questions about sex be a problem, unless you are implying she is ashamed of her behavior. Is sex sacred, or is it not? Is it intimate or is it "just cheeky fun"? Which is it? All of the above?

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2026-03-19T09:46:20+00:00

The point of a relationship is not just for the man to get sex and if you think that you will be sorely disappointed when sex stops at some point

That’s called a dead bedroom, and it has high potential to end the relationship. You should not get into relationships if you plan on never giving your partner sex

The primary point of a relationship is to foster connection, providing companionship, emotional support, and shared experiences that enhance personal growth

Just go make some friends and spend time with your family if you don’t care about sex

If the relationship is solely based on sex that is a FWB or just casual sex, or being a sugar daddy and not an actual relationship

Some people have a ton of their basic needs fulfilled by their career, hobbies, friends, family, etc. Since I never plan on having kids, I wouldn’t really need a relationship if it didn’t involve getting money & sex

It is also not right to get into a relationship with a woman only to bombard her about questions about her sex life in hopes of tricking and coercing her to do sex acts with you that she has done before.

You think a guy asking you to do acts you’ve done before is “trickery” and “coercion”? Fascinating. I’d probably ghost you and go to the next date. I’ve been doing anal bi myself since before I ever had sex with someone, I’m not going to be compatible with a grown ass person who can’t be a bit open minded.

If you want to know about compatibility just ask what she likes early in

I have a feeling that I’d never receive anything more than a vague answer from most people

Getting into a relationship also does not entitle you to any sex acts even if she has done it before. That is dehumanizing. She might not even like the act or it causes pain etc.

Again, I’d probably just ghost someone and go next if we’re not compatible. I think it’s weird to make a big deal about it and call that “coercion”. I’m allowed to have different preferences than you

CelicnisGhost · 2026-03-19T09:47:16+00:00

Context: About 20 Red pillers replied to my last post saying in a relationship the woman is trading sex for commitment.

No, the context is you doing olympic tier mental gymnastics to interpret unrelated comments into saying that. Nobody was saying that.

Debate Point 1: The point of a relationship is not just for the man to get sex and if you think that you will be sorely dissapointed when sex stops at some point.

Of course it is not. Again, not a single person has been debating you on this.

No, it is not just for the man to get sex, but sex is a key component, and a relationship without it is not one a man should put himself in.

Just as he is not "entitled" to prior sex acts, you are not "entitled" to a relationship with him, if he determines the current situation of no sex is not working out for him.

Debate Point 2: It is also not right to get into a relationship with a woman only to bombard her about questions about her sex life in hopes of tricking and coercing her to do sex acts with you that she has done before.

If you want to know about compatibility just ask what she likes early in.

It is not, because autistically asking questions about it is bad. Find it out in other ways.

Debate Point 3: Getting into a relationship also does not entitle you to any sex acts even if she has done it before. That is dehumanizing. She might not even like the act or it causes pain etc.

And once again, literally nobody is saying "you must do anal with me because you tried it once". What is being said is "if she kept giving enthusiastic blowjob to other dudes, but won't do it to me now, I don't feel appreciated in this relationship, and imma head out".

Just as he is not "entitled" to prior sex acts, you are not "entitled" to a relationship with him, if he determines the current relationship is not working out for him for whatever reason.

Icy-Gene7565 · 2026-03-19T13:49:35+00:00

Debate Point #2 is almost poetic in its bias.

I dont think i've seen a textbook example of dodging accountability before but I think this one counts.

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Suddenfury · 2026-03-19T15:20:13+00:00

Point 1: "The point of a relationship is not just for the man to get sex" True.
"The primary point of a relationship is to foster connection..." blah blah blah A lot of words for saying you're insecure in yourself. You can get most of that from friendships or self compassion. The important thing is romantic connection. For most people it's like baking a cake, you need eggs AND flour. For a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend, marriage) you need romantic connection AND sexual connection.

But if you say YOU don't think sex is important for a relationship, then you shouldn't be upset your partner gets that connection outside of the relationship. This might be a good thought for you personally.

Point 2:
Yeah, absolutely wrong way to go about it. Talk about your yums and get all yummy with that together.

Point 3:
Yes, if someone really wants to try something that the partner doesn't want to do, they should try it with someone else.

__Zero_____ · 2026-03-19T15:25:07+00:00

Agreed
Agreed
Agreed

1- I want to expand on each though. The point of a relationship for men is not just for sex, but for most men, physical intimacy is going to be an important part. I like to try the gender swap test, but to remove the genders for a moment (because many marriages have women as the high libido (HL) partner, and the man is the Low Libido (LL) partner. If the HL partner values sex, and the LL partner refuses to invest in the sex life, the relationship will likely fail. That's just reality. A relationship without sex, to a HL partner, is going to be frustrating and its going to lead to resentment most of the time no matter how hard one tries to manage it. Most modern relationships start with the expectation of monogamy, so you are investing in one person for life in all ways, financially, emotionally, and physically. Removing one aspect of that (if not mutually agreed upon at the start), is breaking that agreement. That doesn't mean the LL partner is obligated, but they need to understand that their partner may react accordingly based on that behavior. They may decide to end the relationship, they may decide to stop investing emotionally, they may cheat, etc. (I was cheated on and it sucks so please don't do that). Just like the LL partner is not obligated to provide sex, the HL partner is not obligated to provide emotional intimacy or domestic support or whatever else, and the relationship will suffer all the same. I am just approaching this from the mindset of "what leads to the best chance at a long term happy relationship", and that means if the LL partner is not interested in sex that they should ideally find a way to support their partner in that area in other ways. Maybe you can compromise with oral or manual stimulation. Maybe they can find a FWB who is aware of the agreement. Whatever works.

2 and 3 - Similar to point 1, coercive behavior is bad, and trying to force sexual acts from your partner because they did them in the past is bad, but that post was proof that some people may take your unwillingness to do the same acts with you as a measurement of your attraction. If it was something you tried once and hated, that would be different than say something you willingly did for a decade for a previous partner. You aren't obligated to do it, and they aren't obligated to be okay with you not doing it, so instead people should be digging into "Why is it now an issue?". You don't ask that to overcome their boundary, but to understand why its there and then make a decision from that place. It might just be an incompatibility, like if one partner really enjoys giving and receiving oral sex, and they start dating someone who doesn't like it, then they aren't compatible and that's ok. Maybe that person meets a new partner who seems to love oral sex and engages willingly until they get married and then they stop and say they no longer want to do it. They aren't obligated, but I think we can all admit we would feel a little duped?

To use a non-sexual example, if you hired an employee who was a standout employee, went above and beyond and you liked them so much you wanted to hire them on for a permanent contract and the day after they signed the permanent contract they just turned in sloppy work or enough work to not get fired for breach of contract, I imagine most would not like that bait and switch?

desiringyouall8 · 2026-03-19T15:37:56+00:00

I agree that men shouldn't buy sex with provision, and women shouldn't trade sex for provision. All this does is turn romantic relationships in more sophisticated forms of prostitution. Rather, commitment, especially exclusively, should be mutually exchanged, and sex should be freely given by both sexes.

While I think fostering connection, providing companionship, emotional support, shared experiences that enhance personal growth, etc., are important for romantic relationships, I think these characteristics describe any kind of friendship. What makes romantic relationships unique among other forms of friendship really is the purpose and consequences of sex, even if all these other elements are necessary and fitting for romantic relationships as well.

You have to understand that from a man's point of view, if a woman was willing to do something with another sexual partner but not with him, he cannot rule out the possibility that she was willing to do it with the other partner because she was more willing to give herself sexually over to the other partner than to him. It might really be true that the reason why she doesn't want to with him is because she didn't like the experience before and doesn't want to do it with any partner going forward, but even here a man may not be able just shake off the feeling that she was so much more attracted to the other man that she was willing to do something she didn't even like for that man, and that in the end she not only doesn't feel he's unique from the other men she was been with, but even that other other men actually stand out from other men more than he does.

It's unfortunate, but if a man wants something that a woman was willing to give to other men (especially on a regular basis) but she doesn't want to give it anymore, this will introduce doubt in the relationship. I think the remedy to this problem is for the man to give up watching pornography, and for the woman to try new things sexual with the man. The idea her is that by being willing to experiment sexually with the new man, she is showing to him that she is still willing to give herself to him even if she has already discovered with other men what she doesn't want and like, and she is still willing to treat him as unique from other men.

AlarmingArm9919 · 2026-03-19T15:59:53+00:00

commitment and sex are naturally intertwined

sex is generally a way to be closest to ur partner and exploring the kinds of sex u like is especially beneficial there

if ur into something and ur partner doesnt at least entertain it on some level, commitment/compatibility issues will almost always follow

sex for men particularly stands as a way to explore authenticity and vulnerability w/o the pitfalls of talking about it WHICH OFTEN HOLDS MORE DOWNSIDE THAN FUCKING

the kind of sex u are into can reveal a lot about a person w/o arguing over it directly or stepping in shit verbally

it becomes something u can explore together rather than an argument against each other

petellapain · 2026-03-19T16:14:15+00:00

Point1 counter: men and women both knowingly enter relationships with the notion that he is getting sex and she is getting commitment. They have done this in large numbers for most of human history, regardless of what progressive people think they should do

Point 2 counter: men bombarding women with questions about body count has nothing to do with the over all motivations behind why people enter relationships. Its a non sequitur.

Point 3 counter: men might not get the sex they want. Women might not get the commitment she wants. People suffer dead bedrooms or abandonment all the time. Yet, the desire is still consistent. Men are im it for the sex. Women are in it for the commitment

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-03-19T16:19:33+00:00

If men believe so, it is

And they do

Purple-Reference-923 · 2026-03-19T20:35:13+00:00

That's just an argument over definitions. What you mean by "relationship" isn't necessarily what someone else means.

2–3. Coercion is bad, period.

Substantial-Fly4895 · 2026-03-19T20:59:28+00:00

Wait wait wait…

WHEN sex stops at some point?

Not even “IF sex stops”?

You are outside your mind if you think any man, anywhere is interested in being with a woman if sex is inevitably stopping at some point. Most women won’t even agree to that

misogynerd69420 · 2026-03-19T22:06:07+00:00

Point 1: The primary point of a romantic relationship is that the people involved are engaging in romance; they are fucking or working towards fucking. The other things are important, of course, but they are also present in platonic and familial relationships. Any discussion that ignores this distinction is made in bad faith.

Point 2: Obviously you have had some bad experiences with some tactless individuals. Unfortunately there is little wisdom to be found here beyond "be more tactful".

Point 3: No one is entitled to anything, including the entitlement to others' lack of entitlement. Anything you can bargain for in a relationship is by definition your entitlement, and anything you fail to bargain for is by definition not your entitlement.

Sophisticated_Cynic · 2026-03-19T22:40:20+00:00

When the sex stops either I’m 100% onboard with it or she packs her stuff immediately and finds a new place to live.

Intelligent-Insight · 2026-03-20T04:06:08+00:00

Nah, you are trying to exclude sex and present a false dilemma. The point is not just to get sex, no. But it's also not to get all those others things but not sex. It is to get what one needs which during a large chunk of life includes sex.
Again using the word "only". Nobody is entering a relationship only to do it. But you didn't show that there is anything wrong with doing it. It's not about coercing to do something. It's about giving an opportunity to show that she is attracted as much or more than to others by doing something.
Not liking an act with one person doesn't mean not liking it with another. For example, people have vaginal sex and don't like ti sometimes (e.g. many don't like the first time), but they still do it later. If one partner was bad, they don't quit, but try it with another. So no, relationship doesn't entitle you to practicing any act regularly (unless thats' what your partner did in the past), but it does entitle you to the same or better effort. So, if he or she tried but didn't like it in the past, then they should try to see if they like it with you. Simple.

Ok-Ninja-8165 · 2026-03-20T05:03:05+00:00

Getting into a relationship also does not entitle you to any sex acts even if she has done it before. That is dehumanizing. She might not even like the act or it causes pain etc

But you have no obligation to be or stay in relationships either, with or without reason, at any point. You can just leave relationships if there's no sex you want for example.

tiddermacss · 2026-03-21T16:41:11+00:00

“The primary point of a relationship is to foster connection, providing companionship, emotional support, and shared experiences that enhance personal growth”

the why should men pay or risk money on top of all this, lol how convenient.

PotentialPresent399 · 2026-03-19T13:37:13+00:00

Relationships aren't binary and most men and women don't robotically go into them with the idea of I put sex coins into you I get commitment coins.

That doesn't mean that generally, men want the same broad scope things, and women want the same broad scope things.

If women are entitled to full on broad commitment men are entitled to sex. This isn't to say women should be forced to have sex with men. Entitled in the same aspect that attraction is entitled to both people, love is entitled to both people, if any of these basic things aren't met the relationship SHOULD end.

So in short, yes AXIS in your hyper specific example that isn't happening en masse of men asking about sexual history and then getting upset about women not wanting to perform sexual acts that hurt them or that didn't interest them with the new guy, you are correct that isn't good and shouldn't be promoted. Men shouldn't pressure women to do anything. Just as women shouldn't pressure men to commit more than they are comfortable with.

I don't think more than 2 people on this entire sub would even argue different.

Not having even a close amount of desire to person B when Person A was someone you previously broke your rules for, did more with, is objectively wrong and the other person should break the commitment and leave you alone.

I have quite literally never gone on anything passed a 3rd date with ANY woman that didn't outwardly and expressly WANT me. The idea of anyone entertaing some "guarded, hurt, cautious" woman is insane to me. This is why men go for women with less baggage. Your experience and hurt isn't my responsibility.

CrispyLinettaa · 2026-03-19T18:47:12+00:00

Literally every other post on this sub is some form of women arguing that they are entitled to relationships and commitment from men without being required to give men what they want in return. Men aren't allowed to expect any personal growth or anything in return for their monogamy. They make this argument on this sub over and over and over again. It's not even about purple pill debate anymore.

It's a debate about whether or not men deserve sex, or anything else for that matter, in a relationship. The only reason it is allowed is that the mods are all feminists. We need to start an actual red pill debate sub that is run by men and completely stop interacting here to force the conversation to a more reasonable and fairly moderated sub.

The entire premise of her post is that all men coerce women or have cuck fantasies for asking about their past. Other places she argues it is insecurity or relationship fomo. Whatever is convenient. I guess. She won't even engage in actual debate she just keeps doubling down on her points. Isn't that against the rules of the sub?

preferablyno · 2026-03-19T14:08:21+00:00

Debate point 1: this type of relationship is fundamentally a sexual relationship. If I wanted a business partner or a friend I would pursue that. It isn’t just about sex but that is one of the bases and without it, it’s something else

Debate point 2: agree but also I can’t really relate to this problem. I would just suss out who she is and disqualify if prudish without ever being explicit

Debate point 3: I agree but I mean it also doesn’t entitle either party to the other party staying. One partner can leave for whatever reason. That’s kinda sad when it happens and one person just leaves because some feelings but so be it that’s life

virtualPasserBy · 2026-03-19T14:43:49+00:00

I agree, but relationships are a hassle. Aint gonna be in a setup where sex is situational. Their BFs can have them after we're done though lolol.

y2kjanelle · 2026-03-19T14:17:27+00:00

This generation is just full of porn addicted brain dead men obsessed with sex. Very few want to and know how to connect with women and most men are superficial to the max.

Another reason not to go for incels, they are only seeking sex. It’s a validation thing and a waste of women’s time. Sex comes naturally in a relationship, men’s hyper fixation on it is not normal and not a good foundation for a genuine connection. You gotta pick one of the very few who are looking to actually date.

Title	A relationship is not trading commitment for sex
Author	Axis_Control
Upvotes	25
Comments	586
Date	March 19, 2026 9:22 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rxvn8u/a_relationship_is_not_trading_commitment_for_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/a-relationship-is-not-trading-commitment-for-sex.1575882 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575882

Comments

From my perspective, an insanely entitled woman with "no sex for ya, hahaha, I don't owe you sex" attitude towards a life partner can go have solo kamasutra.