Those of you who initiated a divorce, how did your wife take it?

endures61 · 2026-06-18T15:32:33+00:00

I had the conversation, which I thought would result in “sad but I agree”, but which in fact resulted in total emotional collapse. Which I was not prepared for. Plus a panic attack/collapse 2 weeks later. And more. I’m still here 3 years later.

Grand-Expression-493 · 2026-06-17T18:38:37+00:00

She walked out, ghosted, and then gaslit me for 3 months constantly. I filed and has her served and she was mad.

Then the lies came out.

So... Fk that.

Married less than a year, dated / engaged for 2.

Mental_Antelope_7202 · 2026-06-17T18:18:56+00:00

I just sent the process server to serve her. She was upset. I didn’t care.

TheCyborgDad · 2026-06-17T13:44:36+00:00

By immediately messaging her AP to say sorry.

Individual-Sea-2630 · 2026-06-17T11:23:26+00:00

Be prepared for her to go file a protective order . CPS etc .. just to make it slow and painful

Budget-Hedgehog-4498 · 2026-06-17T10:47:06+00:00

She didn't take it - that's why I divored her!

Terrible_Lift · 2026-06-16T19:48:40+00:00

It got bad. It’s still bad. Only because there’s kids in the mix.

Everytime I have regret though, I have trouble imagining still surviving in that scenario

brittastic1111 · 2026-06-16T18:02:08+00:00

Ask me in 2 weeks, which is when I file. My wife is the devil incarnate.

BlackFire68 · 2026-06-16T15:02:30+00:00

You don’t ask for a divorce, you inform the other person that one will be taking place. While you desire for it to be amicable, you’re only in control of your side of that.

LonelyNC123 · 2026-06-16T14:57:24+00:00

I left as soon as my one child finished college.

Mine was STUNNED when I left despite me begging her, for years and years, to work on the marriage.

YoyodyneCog · 2026-06-16T14:05:31+00:00

I initiated separation (which eventually became divorce) from my ex-wife just under a year and a half ago. It was pretty rough in the beginning and she took it quite hard (it was rough for me too in the beginning) but we're both doing well now and have an amicable (though not close) relationship.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2026-06-16T13:17:50+00:00

She was cheating, so she was pretty happy I initiated it. She got to pretend to her friends that I was the jerk divorcing her and she met her new boyfriend after the fact.

Atticus_1916 · 2026-06-16T07:53:27+00:00

Still going through it, she told me she wouldn't mind if I died. But at least she didn't say she wanted to kill me so could be worse. She's getting worse as we go through the process though, it's clear that the kids would prefer spend more time with me, and she is struggling with that notion. The divorce is going to financially ruin me but losing money is worth the peace of not being belittled and criticised morning, noon and night. I just want her out of my life so I can focus on my relationship with the children. Time will tell if I'm happy in a few years.

flyingSquirrel-0 · 2026-06-16T07:50:35+00:00

I’m going through this right now. Sometimes it is so hard I wish I was the one getting left! She goes through different stages. Guilting, shaming (about impact on kids), anger, professing love. Everything. Never know what I get on a given day! I try to take it all in a neutral state but it gets to you at some point. I think (fingers crossed) she’s finally come to terms and we’re talking about separation living arrangements. If I’m being honest, I’m drowning in guilt right now, so much so I was almost considering staying and sucking it up. But pity stay won’t do either of us any good! And I really cannot see myself being happy with staying. More so, the toxic environment needs to end for the sake of kids. That’s the main reason I’m standing my ground, that 2 separated non toxic parents are way better than a living together and bickering all the time parents.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2026-06-16T05:39:22+00:00

She cheated. I told her that I am gong to divorce her immediately after I found. She was way too busy riding dick carousel while I was working on legal matters. I got everything I could ever dream about and a bit more.

desertr05e · 2026-06-16T05:12:49+00:00

She run away with my 9 year old daughter. Went to live with her parents in another country. Filed divorce and effectively run my finances to the ground with courts child support and crooked lawyer fees. I was happy to get rid of her but I'm broke financially because of many reasons. I see my daughter but at very irregular intervals because of practical and financial reasons. The child is now 17. I am going to see how it pans out after school graduation. I would never go back but the biggest loss was the father daughter separation. Still I'm standing, surviving and have a positive outlook.

Unusual_University14 · 2026-06-16T04:07:39+00:00

I'm kind of a special case. I caught my wife planning the silver bullet, so I immediately filed (the only room an OP request is "scrutinized" is in divorce court). I asked for amicable, and she was pissed and said I don't get that.

It's been 5 years and still fighting. She is down to supervised visitation. We have court tomorrow for, among other things, to move her supervised visits from Friday to Monday because the supervisors availability changed, and she is fighting that... not the actual time, she wants the order to cut me out of having any say as to when the supervision times are. Trump got a deal with Iran before I can get an agreement with my ex.

veinychocolate · 2026-06-16T03:53:37+00:00

Worse than I could've imagined. Relationship has been dead for years. She's suggested that I leave multiple times over the past few months and that she was "moving towards separation".

Those empty threats, the contempt and disrespect, my mounting resentment, it all just got to be too much. The toxicity was affecting the kids. Marriage counseling was doing less than nothing.

I told her I wanted to leave and go back to my hometown where my support system is. I guess she thought "separation" meant I live in the basement and keep supporting her life. She went ballistic and has been berating me ever since.

I got out and now it's just a matter of getting through the court battle. I actually feel like that's going to be the easier part.

exhausted_husband25 · 2026-06-16T02:51:05+00:00

It was a mixture of "I still love you and want to make this work" to "#@!& you". Depended on the day. Former was just manipulation in hindsight.

Granted she threatened divorce almost weekly by that point so while I filed first, she arguably initiated it.

PoetCandid7543 · 2026-06-16T01:40:02+00:00

Sigh. Not well. At all. We were married 27 years. I'm 50M. I filed in March. I told her I was seriously considering it in late January. She shook uncontrollably for 15 mins, then tried to talk me out of it by saying I was wrong and that I didn't really feel this way. She also begged me and said she'd do anything, all the while she continued to gaslight my feelings. She's a combination avoidant/dismissive/narcissist. We have 2 middle schoolers. She told me the night before I filed "you won't get 50/50!" When she told them we were getting divorced, she said, "this was done to us". I was sitting on the same couch when she said it. She sobbed uncontrollably. She turned my daughter against me completely. She refuses to go with me during any of my ycourt-ordered time. I'm falling into depression because my kids are everything to me and I haven't had any meaningful time with my daughter in over 3 months. My son continues to come with me, but he is so trapped in loyalty binds between me, his sister, and his mom, that's wearing him out. Poor kid.

To be clear, I was as involved as any parent can be...every bedtime, every P-T conference, every sporting event, every play, every classroom field trip, coached every team...I've got the receipts.

So, yeah, she freaked out and has weaponized her anger/pain against me through the kids.

tgodfrey123 · 2026-06-16T01:31:42+00:00

I caught her cheating on me in my house with a “friend” of mine and I left immediately. This happened about 10 weeks ago. She’s still really pissed and doesn’t understand why I won’t forgive her for “1 little mistake”. Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. Luckily, I kept all the friends and she’s allegedly all alone. I hope she is and I hope it stays that way.

_Vatican_Cameos · 2026-06-16T01:08:07+00:00

I thought she might actually shoot me, and I removed her pistol from the home. If she could go back and redo it, she’d probably try and claim self defense. Absolute narcissistic psychopath of a woman and mother

Cool-Lavishness-1955 · 2026-06-16T01:03:38+00:00

My ex-wife cheated, I caught her having an affair that was a little over a month old. Tried to break her out of Limerence, but she was in La La Land. Served her divorce papers at work, she went ballistic. Made the whole process very difficult. Apparently, she did not like it and lost control of the situation.

TsWonderBoobs · 2026-06-16T00:41:32+00:00

I asked my husband how his ex wife took him filing, he said she immediately asked to smell his dick and started to rage around the house throwing things and screaming… only proof as to why he left her - she was the narcissist cheating, not him.

As a female, I give kudos to men who have the courage to leave. I’m all about girl power, but women are bitches. 🤣 I sympathize for men way more than I do a woman.

NSomeGuyJ · 2026-06-15T23:08:30+00:00

She knew it was coming.

streetsmartwallaby · 2026-06-15T23:02:56+00:00

I didn’t ask; I just filed. She was super pissed; I’ve never heard language like that before and I had a bunch of friends in the armed services two of which are marines one of whom was a drill instructor. Swearing was his art form. And he had nothing on what I heard from my wife.

She wasn’t pissed about the divorce itself; she was pissed because I discovered what she was up to and got all of my ducks in a row before I filed and she had no idea. (I had to; she was wild and out of control; the kids were not safe with her). She thought I was some kind of pushover wimp and she never saw the hammer coming; THAT’S what she was pissed about. She thought she had me fooled.

She fought tooth and nail and we were going to court until she relapsed - again - and that was the end of it. She settled and her attorney withdrew that afternoon.

Ok-Reward-7731 · 2026-06-15T22:55:24+00:00

Not great Bob!

Responsible_Mind_206 · 2026-06-15T22:54:26+00:00

She fought it with every trick she had. Guilting, shaming, emotionally manipulating, you name it.

i80west · 2026-06-15T22:50:47+00:00

After 45 years I told my wife I was divorcing her because she'd declared war on our children. I didn't ask. She tried a half-assed apology but it wasn't real. Because she's younger and healthier than me divorce was the only way to preserve half our assets so I can leave something to the kids. When she saw I wasn't changing my mind, she went full on hate mode. We got lawyers and split everything 50/50. I'm waaaaaay happier now than I've been in years.

StoicSchwanz · 2026-06-15T22:46:50+00:00

Things were bad enough between us for long enough that she wasn't all that surprised. There was some anger on her part but that quickly dissipated when she realized that I had not one fuck left to give.

PHL1365 · 2026-06-15T22:29:07+00:00

I'm sorry you went through all that. I'm also concerned about the trouble my wife might cause, but hoping there won't be any allegations.

She will also die alone, I'm pretty certain, as will I in all likelihood. I just want to live out my retirement in peace (and maybe have some fun in the process).

Financially, she would be in a good place. She'd have a decent state pension, divorced-spouse SS benefits based on my earnings, the house and ~750k in retirement accounts. I just want to keep my 50% in the form of liquid investments and retirement accounts. I'm actually entitled to part of her pension, but I plan to let her keep all of it as a bargaining chip to resolve things quickly and quietly.

Mangrove43 · 2026-06-15T22:20:46+00:00

She didn’t take it well. She never does anything wrong, just ask her

IrresponsibleInsect · 2026-06-15T22:17:11+00:00

I wish I could have made it as far as you did. Still have 5 of 7 kiddos under 18. I filed after she went silver bullet with a restraining order. She seemed to be surprised by my filing, for some reason, and it ended up that everything she was looking to accomplish was actually what you do with a divorce, not a restraining order.
We both dropped our filings and reconciled briefly.
Then I filed again. She wouldn't go back on the false allegations of rape and DV... which is pretty much the only non-negotiable I had other than infidelity.
She wanted it all along. I was her first and she wants to play the field before she's old and ugly, her words, not mine. She will be disappointed by what she finds, I'm sure. She's a walk away wife who refuses to walk away because she knows my money is the only thing standing between her and the big ugly world I've been insulating her from for 28 years. The kids want nothing to do with her. She ran up so much debt and then thinks it's all mine since I'm the primary on the accounts... my attorney is basically going to negotiate that I keep the house, my retirement, and no spousal support, and the debt. She can walk away.
Mediation will give the kids to me. I have a semi-truck of evidence of her lack of concern or care about the children, and when interviewed, they will all prefer me by a long shot... so no child support for her either.

She's going to die alone, but thinks she's "living her best life".

EmbarrassedAge7612 · 2026-06-15T22:12:44+00:00

My ex cheated and we had a mostly miserable marriage. When I caught her cheating I filed for divorce. She acted shocked and betrayed that I would stoop to such a level. She played the victim until people started to realize she really was cheating.

Coffeecankicker · 2026-06-15T21:58:56+00:00

She threw a huge tantrum, what she’s known for, and filed an order of protection against me, threw me out of the house and tried to take my dog. She’s then missed three court dates and refuses any kind of negotiation. I’m divorcing a child.

Relative-Cicada1553 · 2026-06-15T21:55:35+00:00

I initiated under the same conditions. 20+ year marriage. Early 50s. My youngest just finished school.

My ex went scorched earth. Prep ahead of time.

MisdirectedAnger- · 2026-06-15T21:55:19+00:00

She left, had a one night stand.... Went crazy, is homeless, jobless and barely sees our daughter. She's trying to snes trying to come around more now.

Started a bunch of drama about a friend I was hooking up with but not actually interested in dating as of now.

But her I won the exparte today so that's good

No-Succotash6237 · 2026-06-15T21:55:14+00:00

Kicking, screaming, also with a suicide attempt.

UrAristotle · 2026-06-15T21:50:23+00:00

I would have several ducks in a row ahead of time. Know who you’ll use for a lawyer. Have an idea of you want to do mediation, collaborative, or litigation. Set up a bank account now that you’ll be able to access in your own.

My wife initiated, but I had 3 months’ warning and had a couple of these things in place before she filed. So glad I did.

l3landgaunt · 2026-06-15T21:47:27+00:00

She did not take it well. Make sure you get a lawyer

Title	Those of you who initiated a divorce, how did your wife take it?
Author	PHL1365
Upvotes	22
Comments	110
Date	June 15, 2026 9:42 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1u6ucz8/those_of_you_who_initiated_a_divorce_how_did_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/those-of-you-who-initiated-a-divorce-how-did-your.1582860 https://theredarchive.com/post/1582860

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