Does the 'cool girl' even exist?

belletaco · 2018-04-16T16:03:43+00:00

I hate any female trope. However, I think there are women who try to impress guys by being 'one of them' and I think they are comparable to the 'white knights'. And I definitely steer clear of any woman who says, "I prefer hanging out with men because..." or "I don't really have any female friends."

philomexa · 2018-04-16T17:42:43+00:00

For a long time I've been designated the cool girl, turns out I have HF autism (diagnosed last Friday actually). I've talked about this before, but its not a very fun position to be in, as the other side of the role is an assumed aptitude for sociability (coded feminine) which I sorely lack.

Men assume the best (and are disappointed), women assume the worst (and don't trust you), and in the end you just want to do your thing but no one understands or is happy with it.

I can say "I don't have female friends", a banal truth for me, but everyone else infers a whole lot of internalized this or that. I'm secretly a ho, I secretly hate myself, blah blah blah, I just...don't understand a majority of female social matrix nor do I wish to understand it.

I don't understand a lot of the neuroticism around sex, therefore I wish to have it on a consistent basis. I guess this gives me cool girl points (i.e. DTF). I understand my husband's desire to sleep with other people, and I'm not emotional attached to his physical fidelity, so again, guys think I'm amazing and girls think I'm shifty.

A lot of my approach to socializing and relationships is male coded but that also means I'm very cold, direct, and not at all comforting. I don't have a softness for men to cherish, just a weird/alien understanding of Things People Do To Procreate and Maintain Relations.

I'm pretty, so guys think its awesome until it isn't.

yasee · 2018-04-16T15:48:48+00:00

I mean girls who are cool exist. Girls who legitimately like video games and listen to metal and don't care if you stay out all night with the boys exist. What also exists is this trope of the ultimate woman as a quirky, nerdy, impossibly low-maintenance buddy who will also blow your mind in the sack, and I don't doubt that some of us less "cool" girls end up acting against type to fulfill those expectations, either consciously or unconsciously

planejane · 2018-04-16T16:42:35+00:00

The cool girl is often an amalgamation of masculinity and femininity.

They have masculine interests and hobbies, but they've kept the feminine desire to be pleasant and agreeable and it manifests as attempting to be low-maintenance.

Cool Girls often have feminine bones with masculine dressing on top: they may have a dry wit, but they will use it to socially moderate, just in a manner that's more easy to men. They may have male interests like videogames and beer, but they will often defer to the males as authorities unless specifically called upon for their expertise.

The ideal fantasy cool girl is into the same things as men and willing to give ground when she's not. It's why they're appealing and also why it can be unfulfilling. Too much effort into keeping up the Cool Girl act and they begin to miss the ability to slip into more traditionally female roles and circles as well as actually lose the freedom to stand up for themselves specifically when it comes to her vs her [often mostly male] social circle.

Source: am into masculine shit, was once a Cool Girl. Now I'm just a regular girl who still likes dude stuff. I'm not as afraid to admit typically female vanities and motivations from time to time now, though.

LuxuriousBottleCap · 2018-04-16T17:05:41+00:00

Yes, almost every woman I've every dated hasn't been nagging, bitching, or controlling. And I've dated several for over a year. So if that was an act, they were really, really good at it.

Trying to control people(and nagging and bitching are just methods of control) are not a sign of a mentally healthy or mature person.

I actually think *most* women are basically "cool". I think control is a two-way street. If I start trying to boss a girl around, and drag her to a baseball game when she hates the outdoors and heat, she'll reciprocate and expect me to go to her friend's painting class that I have no interest in. In the process of doing things we don't like, we each start to resent each other. And instead of having a relationship where we respect each other and enjoy each other as we are, we start jousting to see who can manipulate the other more to our ideal image. That will of course, lead to massive dysfunction.

I've had girls occasionally do something that could be seen as "bitching" or "controlling" and I just simply don't argue(or comply), and I don't reciprocate. Bam! No problems. I assume because of the way I handle it, the girls I date extend me a similar grace when I do something a bit out of line

SpaceWhiskey · 2018-04-16T19:18:54+00:00

Cool Girls exist in the same way that Nice Guys exist. They’re doing what they think they’re supposed to do, what they’ve gleaned is correct dating behavior from various media and social tropes. So they let themselves become a doormat, because everyone wants to be liked and by being easy going and acting selfless they think the world will pick up the script and be equally cool/nice back. But the world doesn’t work that way and they get trampled on until they do some serious self reflection and actively shift their priorities.

Women definitely exist who let their shitty boyfriends get away with shitty behavior. But I don’t think any of them enjoy it (who would), so in that sense no, the cool girl doesn’t really exist.

haunting-you · 2018-04-16T17:50:19+00:00

Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want.

no, i don't believe this is real. while there's room for different interpretations (what you think is a guy "shitting" on her might actually just be their dynamic/not as harmful as it appears to outsiders) there is a threshold, and even the coolest of people will get mad when that is crossed. this also sounds more RPW than cool girl, to me. seems like the cool girl trope i know of would be a woman who "shit" on him right back or at the very least, found a "cool" way of shutting it down or shrugging it off.

Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl.

probably. all kinds of people pretend to be what they're not, for all kinds of reasons.

that said, as others have mentioned, there are girls and women that are legitimately into things that have been designated masculine. they're not pretending, though i think they get mistaken for the type that does.

wtknight · 2018-04-16T17:22:59+00:00

I think the cool girl exists in some form but not the idealized form that guys wish that she existed in. There are certainly women out there with more masculinized brains, but they’re not the men with vaginas that some men wish they could be and they are definitely going to have some feminine traits that a guy is eventually going to see the longer that he is in a relationship with her.

I’ve been friends or dated women who might be considered somewhat of “cool girls” since they were more masculine than the typical woman, but I never expected them to be men and was glad they didn’t act like that constantly, since I’m not a hyper-masculine guy myself.

cattermelon34 · 2018-04-16T18:24:41+00:00

It's the classic "I'm not like other girls" or "I'm not friends with girls because I don't like drama." It's subtly putting down other women.

But to be fair as a gay dude I do the whole "I'm not like straight guys" thing.

Drippyskippy · 2018-04-16T23:13:53+00:00

Back in college there was a "cool girl" in our group of friends who paired off with one of my bro's (they are still together surprisingly, in their early 30s). I was one of the first people in my group who started seeing through her chameleon ways. Anything that her BF enjoyed doing she was instantly a fan of, anything that her friends liked she liked too. She basically lacked personality and her own opinions and always agreed with others. I guess you could say she was very feminine in this aspect and submissive. She is one of the few people who I have actually disliked in my entire life because of how fake she acted. It wasn't just because she was a "cool girl", but because I tried to help her once, she completely agreed with me that I was right about something, then acted in a completely opposite way. TRP 101, watch what she does, not what she says, though I was 100% BP back then.

I hold onto hope that real cool girls exist and I'm sure that are some out there that have cool girl qualities, but generally these women get snatched up very quickly by guys. A cool girl to me is someone similar to Mila Kunis (she's funny, played video games).

PennnyLame · 2018-04-16T16:22:30+00:00

I am sure women with some of the “cool girl” qualities exist but doubt having all of them is all that common because so many of those qualities are at odds. I’ve never understood the penchant for women to be “bitchy” or “mean” in response to men not doing what they want. It’s so much more effective to approach these situations with vulnerability. “I saw you checking that girl out and I get it kinda; you’re in a relationship, not dead but it makes me feel really shitty, sad and ugly when you’re so obvious about it...” or “I want you to hang out with your friends but I worry when you stay out all night. Can you just check in so I am not creating elaborate scenarios in my head where you are dead on the roadside and leave me as a widow, all alone supporting our precious dog babies?!” I have never had to have these convos because my husband and I’s dynamic is that he is my protector, even from himself. I guess I’ve had more success being the sweet girl than the cool girl...

says_harsh_things · 2018-04-16T17:47:22+00:00

The cool girl is the antithesis to the 1950s feminine but nagging and controlling housewife, which I think has long gone out of favor. Most girls are cool in that they are pursuing their own happiness rather than trying to fit the image of ideal housewife material.

That said, there are a lot of girls out there pretending to be into male hobbies because they like basking in the attention.

[deleted] · 2018-04-16T16:30:17+00:00

I hate all these internet names for shit. Nice guys, cool girls, numales, soyboys, SJWs, etc. I mean, they just sound like spineless doormats. We don't need a new special word for them.

carefreevermillion · 2018-04-16T20:33:54+00:00

1) There are certainly masculine women, ranging from deeply masculine (think like CEOs, high powered lawyers, top level surgeons - note, these women are generally childless) to moderately androgynous (which is what they mean when they say cool girl). So yeah, they exist. They also come with detractors, because they're not as feminine as many men want.

2) In my friend groups, I've always been the "cool girl". I like to debate and I worked on not getting offended (so I would be invited to debate more), I play rock music (in my car and on my bass), I work more hours and make more money, I play video games and am usually above average (although not spectacular at them), I love a good sexist/bathroom joke, I like to get my hands dirty and work on cars when I see my dad, and I have a high sex drive (and decently attractive to boot). I lack a lot of the feminine traits that men want though, as I mentioned is a "cool girl" problem. I'm not good at cooking or cleaning, I'm good with hygiene but bad with fashion and hairstyling, I'm not particularly submissive, and my social skills are not awful but below average. When more feminine women pretend to be masculine (or when I pretend to be feminine - literally fuck everything about cleaning) it's exhausting because it's not their natural state.

In my opinion, the "cool girl" is real but women overrate her as the male ideal because she comes with flaws that are not immediately obvious. Secondly, anyone who tries to fight against their own nature is an idiot. Much better to be the best version of yourself, rather than the best version of a fantasy.

newName543456 · 2018-04-16T22:35:43+00:00

They exist. And tend to be quite attention hungry.

[deleted] · 2018-04-16T22:55:07+00:00

I think women are social chameleons and naturally gravitate towards imitating the mood of the group.

So when a girl hangs out with a bunch of guys she feels pressure to act like them. Feminists and others blame this behavior as external without realizing that it's mostly an internal pressure.

boshin-goshin · 2018-04-16T17:26:51+00:00

Do "cool girls" exist? Of course they do. Whether or not they're vanishingly rare or just uncommon is another matter.

Does the bizarre Gillian Flynn-by-way-of Amy Dunne "Cool Girl" strawwoman exist? No, but that's not surprising. The idea is an amalgam of resentments possessed by a certifiable psychopath.

BiggerDthanYou · 2018-04-16T17:23:44+00:00

If you were to read TRP you might also think that genuinely nice men don't exist and that they all just pretend to care about you or your friendship in order to get laid.

But the truth is that only listening to those who vocalize their complaints doesn't tell you much about how common it actually is.

There will always be some people who pretend to be nice or cool, but that doesn't mean that there aren't others who just are like that.

Some people have risk taking / adrenaline junkie genetics. Such girls will always be cooler because they enjoy cool things like drinking and extreme sports and because they give less of a shit.

Maybe the "cool girl" from nerd fantasy movies doesn't exist, but I certainly know some girls who are just cooler than others and have always been that way.

storffish · 2018-04-16T17:33:21+00:00

a girl who likes guy shit and thinks like a guy but looks hot? 99% of the time that's a trap.

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2018-04-17T07:12:23+00:00

Q4All: Do you think the 'cool girl' even exists?

No, it's from a rant written by the psychopathic protagonist of the book and movie Gone Girl. I am surprised to see discussion of it outside that context at all, quite frankly. The character is an unreliable narrator who put on multiple fake personas and said things for Machiavellian purposes. Why would you take a quote from such a character out of context and look for it in real life at all?

Q4All: Do you have any experiences with one you'd like to share?

The movie of Gone Girl was a good watch.

goatismycopilot · 2018-04-16T16:21:42+00:00

No, I do not think the cool girls exists.

exit_sandman · 2018-04-16T17:44:04+00:00

I think it's hilarious how much women complain how intolerable being confronted by expectations from the other sex is. Apart from that, the celebration of that cool girl-paragraph by feminists is hilarious as well. The persona Amy describes in the book is basically a low-maintenance woman who the guys she describes can relate to and share interests with (in the description), consider interesting (brilliant, funny), aren't relentlessly shit-tested by (understanding, doesn't constantly throw tantrums), likes sex (also in the description) and of course are attracted to (hot).

The Amy character of course exaggerates for comical effect, but when you really get down to it, the "cool girl" is - while probably pretty rare (and in demand due to her rarity) - basically just an ideal match. I mean, is it really too much to desire (not to expect, but to desire, as in, "ideally, I would want that") that you want to connect with your partner, share interests with her, get along with her and also have an active sex life based on mutual attraction with her?

Because that's what feminists who are, as usually, looking for somethint to be pissed off about, are essentially saying: that a man wanting such a woman is an intolerable transgression, and that they'd rather celebrate a psychopath than musing about the possibility that maybe such a desire isn't totally unrelatable. Especially considering that the ideal man for not too few women is a glittering super-hot vampire who lives in a mansion and worships the ground she's walking on.

And finally, the complaints about the girl who pretends to be a cool girl but actually isn't, and how women shouldn't do that. The OP behaves as if she single-handedly smashed the patriarchy because she stopped playing games she didn't enjoy and removed herself from the gamer community; all the while pretending as if doing shit you don't like to impress people you do like (or who you think are impressed if you do the shit you don't like) was something unique to women. Men do this all the fucking time as well you twat!!!! Whether it's taking dance classes, trying to like the music his crush hears, impress her by reading her favorite philosopher or whatever. You don't want to do shit you don't like? Fine, but don't expect people to celebrate you for it. Unless of course they're feminists, for those everything a woman does is empowering and worthy of celebration.

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crackrocksteady7 · 2018-04-16T16:30:02+00:00

That's not my definition of cool girl at all, that's just a pushover. The cool girl is the man brained one who doesn't just tolerate your pursuits but wants to be an active part of them. Mine takes hires pics of my bad wheelies and taps my head when the cop from 3 blocks ago starts following us.

Pope_Lucious · 2018-04-16T22:43:20+00:00

Women cannot be men.

They can only pretend to be (hilariously).

rpwthrowaway2016 · 2018-04-17T03:50:42+00:00

I think there's a conflation of 2 things in this trope - the masculine qualities (male-dominated hobbies, making and laughing at offensive jokes) and the feminine qualities (submissiveness to the guy, maintaining her appearance for the guy) - that are contradictory to some extent. Basically, guys who subscribe to it want the best of both worlds.

Speaking as someone who's more on the male-brained side (software engineer and gamer, logic-oriented), I suppose I fit the trope to some degree. I do also enjoy more feminine things like dressing up and cute things. But on the flipside, because I'm more male-brained, I lack some of the more desirable feminine qualities, like being nurturing or 'softness' in general. I can be rather cold and standoffish, I tend to be rather blunt, and I'm bad at comforting people. I'm not particularly submissive - I don't boss people around, but I don't take well to being told what to do. Hence, if a guy prefers more feminine energy in a relationship, I wouldn't be a good match for him. My female friends who are more male-brained also similarly lack such feminine traits to some degree, compared to other women. I think this is something that guys who want 'Cool Girls' and then proceed to look for women in male-dominated spaces fail to consider.

exhibitionistcouplez · 2018-04-20T15:16:59+00:00

I don't think any of you get what the cool girl actually is

[deleted] · 2018-04-16T16:12:14+00:00

They exist. And they are usually fat too... So. Not even talking about other stuff like poor hygiene, uglyness etc. This cool girl surely isn't my type. Maybe it's some neckbeards incels type but not mine. I don't even like video games that much.

Jammerly1 · 2018-04-16T20:34:07+00:00

Why do you think so many women fake orgasms?

Why do you think the black community has so many baby mamas and so few marriages?

Title	Does the 'cool girl' even exist?
Author	Mr_Smoogs
Upvotes	8
Comments	158
Date	April 16, 2018 3:33 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8coeeq/does_the_cool_girl_even_exist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-the-cool-girl-even-exist.262849 https://theredarchive.com/post/262849

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