Men who are unsuccessful in dating are so because they have nothing in common with women?

SerpentCypher · 2020-01-22T16:11:03+00:00

My gf is a bit of a homebody and has similar interests to me, she likes doing art, writing, hiking together and is a gamer, which to most PPD women signals a "pick me" so I don't bring it up much. Especially given that she is quite critical of feminism.

I think it's important to share some interests, but I don't think that's the biggest barrier to getting into a relationship for a lot of men. They simply aren't attractive enough.

It's common sense that extroverts that are big into partying and drugs are going to be more popular with "basic bitch" types, of which make up a large percentage of young women. I don't think gamer guys want those types of women though, I know I don't. I'd rather be single than date a girl who's interests are instagram, clubbing and MDMA.

barbodelli · 2020-01-22T16:01:23+00:00

It may be a part of the issue. But only a small part. The problem with these one size fits all solutions is that often times fixing them won't actually do anything.

I'll give you a personal example. I was a hermit for many years. Pretty did nothing besides work. Last year I decided enough is enough and starting going out.... all the time. And not just partying. I joined all sorts of clubs. Kickboxing, Bachata, Salsa, Kickball, Jui Jitsu, Regular Gym. Went to all sorts of parties and regular social events. etc etc etc.

While I was busier than ever. The only people I hooked up with were "holy shit what was I thinking" when I woke up and sobered up later.

There's a lot more to it than common interests and social ability. The women have to find you attractive. Otherwise you're just wasting your time. I live in a college town and am 36 years old. Don't let anyone fool you unless you're very attractive women in their early to mid 20s are not going to be into you. Regardless of your monkey dance.

edit: BTW before I started going out I also lost a ton of weight. I was maybe slightly underweight. I was working out regularly so it's not like I wasn't trying to fix that as well.

slackforce · 2020-01-22T15:58:11+00:00

The average person is neither a 24/7 rave party MDMA addict, nor a basement dwelling gamer.

The average woman can toss a fuck to anyone she sees as soon as she walks outside of her apartment. The average man cannot.

I don't think anyone is ever going to deny that outgoing guys have more opportunities than introverts.

Orange_Paisley · 2020-01-22T16:00:50+00:00

Yeah and the same men who bitch that women are only interested in makeup and Netflix are the ones who gatekeep more male-centric hobbies like video games. Instead of using those hobbies to meet women they insist women just do those hobbies for male attention. Even if said woman had been into those hobbies since childhood.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-01-22T15:59:03+00:00

[deleted]

noNooodleArms · 2020-01-22T15:57:27+00:00

You're largely right. Prepare for the black pill, though. That's what you're likely to get with this post.

Eastuss · 2020-01-22T16:06:11+00:00

I've 0 thing in common with my wife, we've been together for 10 years.

But it's true that it's difficult to socialize as a very masculine hobbied introvert male and to find anyone with any shared interest.

Though I know some men who are very sociable and have lot of outdoor activities that involve women, and they're basically doing worse than me. Why? Because they rely on socializing to find women when I relied on nothing and created my encounters myself, and learned to desinhibit myself into making it work.

oneplasticbike · 2020-01-22T16:44:52+00:00

LOL nope. All that matters is Chad can have sex with a hot girl regularly and Stacy has a Chad to brag about in the FSM.

jdmki · 2020-01-22T17:43:54+00:00

I clearly remeber that you said that women are attracted to only 20ish % of the male population. How does that not play a role in this post? If Joe the gamer is part of the fabled 20% he should be more succesfull than Dave the Dj, no?

sadomasochrist · 2020-01-22T16:05:51+00:00

We live in a society. Jokes aside, red pill 101 stuff. Get in a band etc.

PennnyLame · 2020-01-22T17:26:31+00:00

I actually had this convo with my husband the other week. Something he noticed about romantically unsuccessful guys when he was young and what he knows of inc*ls now is that they don’t have female friends. He always hung out with girls through swim team, theatre, youth group and drugs. My HS guy friends were always made through drama club and performing arts activities. You don’t have to be cool to get laid- there is a reason sexually active band kids are a trope.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-01-22T16:11:03+00:00

Geeks also hang out together and date each other. Every group has their standards. I know one very typically geeky group of friends, it's a pretty big group and those girls are more impressed by the fact that the guy writes LARP scenarios than they'd be by a successful businessman or a fashionable metrosexual type or a popular party guy or a musician. The idea that there arent any girls in interests like this is silly.

reluctantly_red · 2020-01-22T16:12:04+00:00

Football players are "more likely to be unlucky in sex and dating"? WTF???

blackedoutfast · 2020-01-22T18:33:35+00:00

Men who are successful in dating and casual sexing most likely have things in common with the girls they are doing it with. For example, partying (men and women who party fuck more and casually), in fact - just being social and going out in general. The people who are getting the most sex and dates are outgoing, cool people with a DGAF attitude.

This is very true and if you do the above paragraph correctly you can basically become a pseudo-Chad and fuck around and do all kinds of crazy shit with HOT girls. I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.

But it's not 100% perfect strategy. some guys go too far with all the socializing and having lots in common with girls and start being seen as just another one of the girls.

Zippo-Cat · 2020-01-22T18:55:56+00:00

Your entire argument is based on assumption that mutual interests is what makes you sexually attractive which is wrong and stupid

NeedingAdvice86 · 2020-01-22T20:22:44+00:00

You seem to have it backwards.....

Just some of the "new" interests which my current and former GF has developed AFTER we started dating.

Spanish girl with a passing interest in Real Madrid is now a fanatic US college football fan and baseball fan because I played in college.

She now loves Eric Church and Luke Combs country music including going to all sorts of festivals including Watershed in the Columbia River Gorge of WashState.

I now do salsa....not an interest in mine at all before.

Attraction comes first usually...the rest is up for grabs.

dylang92 · 2020-01-22T21:42:34+00:00

Ya know, I actually agree with that. I find LTRs are easy to get because I do a lot of different things and have things in common with a wide variety of people. A lot of the TRP dudes are very autistic, and either like gaming, gym, or some other sport. I’m not saying you need to be a gay bestie level and talk about fashion and makeup and some other mainly feminine interests, but Jesus it’s okay to like things the “normies” like.

Like I’m sorry no one cares about that book you read from an obscure author that you think makes you more intelligent. Most TRP men just seem boring to me.

TheRabbitTunnel · 2020-01-22T23:00:54+00:00

Men who are successful in dating and casual sexing most likely have things in common with the girls they are doing it with.

Lmfao. No, the Chads that sleep around dont have much in common with them. The men that sleep around are the ones that are attractive (looks, personality, or both). Attractive personality means socially dominant. Like the "bad boys" that so many women are fatally attracted to.

Common interests/hobbies have nothing to do with it. Women have tons of guys in the friendzone that have plenty in common with them (so they get along well as friends), but those guys aren't attractive (looks or personality) and thus the women have no interest in them.

Attraction is an evolutionary trait based on survival/reproduction. Women aren't attracted to guys that have things in common with them. Theyre attracted to good looking, socially dominant men.

poppy_blu · 2020-01-23T02:51:11+00:00

In the dancing monkey thread, I read things like “making conversation,” “getting dressed,”’or “going outside of the house” as things that were unreasonable requests by women.

I don’t think this is a gender issue. I think it’s a social aptitude issue.

AI_WAIFU · 2020-01-23T06:15:20+00:00

I think this is spot on. I would go further and say that the internet has allowed men to find far more specialized niches than they otherwise could have found before. This completely prevents them from relating to normie women due to the massive inferential gap.

decoy88 · 2020-01-22T16:12:19+00:00

These guys are more likely to be unlucky in sex and dating and girls who like this shit are very rare.

Which translates to

"women are so boring all they care about it makeup and netflix reeee!!!"

Those girls are boring because they nothing interesting to say that you can't already figure out for yourself based on stereotype. You learn shit from interesting people, however in the dating arena, women don't need to be interesting as people at all, so in general they're not.

AutoModerator · 2020-01-22T15:52:08+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

MuleFool42 · 2020-01-22T18:30:13+00:00

Probably true, at least partially. I do like though, that it seems like nerds and gamers are adopting a IDGAF about sex and relationships. For all that social people f'k around, it doesn't get you much more than if you stayed home and gamed online. And it's more fun to game than to go out and get drunk in your spare time.

Sex is fun but overrated. Guys are learning that earlier than past generations and that's a good thing.

M4sterDis4ster · 2020-01-22T19:37:06+00:00

Men who are successful in dating and casual sexing most likely have things in common with the girls they are doing it with. For example, partying (men and women who party fuck more and casually), in fact - just being social and going out in general. The people who are getting the most sex and dates are outgoing, cool people with a DGAF attitude.

Thanks for this. I will use this thread every time someone downvotes me for saying I dont want a tattooed girl with piercings and history of drugs.

Jikira · 2020-01-22T19:49:32+00:00

I was just writing something similar on rpw. I believe shared interest is needed for a happy relationship. I dislike not like other girls for different reason, because they tend to pigeon hole other girls and judge girl for being girly. When there is nothing wrong with that. I love video games, camping, hunting, both my bf and I raised animals. I am in tech. I also sew, cook, and working on my homemaking skills. Just because I like getting my nails done or watching keeping up with the kardashian doesn’t make me a thot and just because I am a software engineer who plays video games doesn’t make me not like the other girls lol.

But yes I met my boyfriend because I was invited to a party got bored and started playing sims. He was also at the party playing civ 5. When we come home for work we decompress by playing lol or over watch. Though right now I am playing rdr2.

Kwint86 · 2020-01-22T21:00:14+00:00

Common interests aren't as important as have interesting interests. Or at least an interesting personality.

That happened all the time where we would have a lot in common but it never evolved into anything because I wasn't able to get any attraction going.

RahLyt · 2020-01-22T21:24:55+00:00

I have no hobbies in common with most girls but I'm not doing too bad.

12112019 · 2020-01-22T22:41:33+00:00

Sounds about right

MrHerbSherman · 2020-01-22T22:42:31+00:00

i disagree

One, if a girl likes you she just picks up your interests. God the number of girls who became “little me” as we dated it’s funny

Two, what do “things in common” even matter lol you think a girl is going to be into it if I tell her how I’m super into makeup? Or fuck if I tell her I’m just into Netflix she’ll probably think that’s boring even if it’s all SHE ever does

goneaway2thewind · 2020-01-22T22:45:54+00:00

You're accounting for meeting women initially, not how the relationships end.

2020-01-23T01:01:22+00:00

what's the male equivalent to 'cool girling' ?

rus9384 · 2020-01-23T01:15:32+00:00

This is associated with other fun things that people do like drinking, techno music, taking drugs, and dancing. A lot of the time these things lead to sex and/or dating.

Men are more likely to drink and take drugs. This advice is similar to "Start playing video games and hit on gamer girls." You are gonna be DISadvataged by that.

Or club hobbies like running, gym, hiking, dancing, wine tasting, darts, etc. Men meet women with similar interests and these clubs.

This can work. But there is a big chance it won't if the club is small. Say, most women are taken and the rest 5 women have rejected you for different reasons.

Mystery_Tragic · 2020-01-23T01:22:20+00:00

Men who are unsuccesful with women in dating are so because they lack the certain something that makes women attracted to men. I believe no many how many parties they went to, or how many different hobbies they tried (that they liked and wanted to try), and how many women they talk to they still wouldn't be getting as much sex as if they stayed home all by themselves.

burgerboymemes · 2020-01-23T03:41:25+00:00

What about modern times there is a lot of women who game and are nerdy, so will those girls not pick a guy with that same thing they love

MILFBucket · 2020-01-23T08:31:43+00:00

I totally agree! I'm a good-looking guy who catches some eyes but my niche interests, male-dominated hobbies, and ADHD brain can be such cockblocks! Online dating was a brief source of hope for me but that shit turned out to be pretty even worse fml!!!

the-lone-squid · 2020-01-23T14:07:42+00:00

I couldn't disagree more. I've had basically zero in common with the strong majority of my gfs or hookups.

There may have a been a few common interests here and there (like drinking or riding), but the similarities stopped there.

Opposites attract

bonusfruit · 2020-01-23T19:48:30+00:00

Chad has nothing in common with women. Still fucks. Next

MassiveDill · 2020-01-24T01:24:58+00:00

I have to disagree here. I do almost everything you listed, and what happens is I have fun conversations with women. But when I ask them for their number, they give it. But I get friendzoned. Even when I make it clear what my intentions are.

QuestionablePresenc3 · 2020-01-22T16:19:24+00:00

Personally, I'm unsuccessful in dating because I have no clue how to escalate, neither sexually nor romantically, and it feels a bit too late to learn.

Despite being a supposedly smart physicist lol, I' have fairly normal interests and hobbies so I think I tend to get along fine with normie women. However, my issue is that I don't like to make my hobbies social - i.e. I do hiking but don't belong to any hiking club or whatever, do yoga for the sake of yoga, when I listen to certain genres of music I have no desire to become part of the corresponding subculture and so on. So in the end it doesn't really matter.

2020-01-22T16:12:28+00:00

I guess it makes sense. If you aren't around women or share at least some of their interests then you aren't really going to have as much opportunity to start relationships. Some men taking up female-dominated areas just to surround themselves with dating options and I wouldn't be surprised if some women do the same.

At the same time though, some men are just not into that stuff enough to go out of their way just for the sake of women. Though it is important for men to understand that to get women you need to surround yourself with women, even if you have to fake being interested.

Title	Men who are unsuccessful in dating are so because they have nothing in common with women?
Author	_Tumbleweed-
Upvotes	12
Comments	194
Date	January 22, 2020 3:52 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/esdvdt/men_who_are_unsuccessful_in_dating_are_so_because/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-who-are-unsuccessful-in-dating-are-so-because.313282 https://theredarchive.com/post/313282

Comments