What is your action plan for getting out of a date early? / Why you definitely need one.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-08-02T18:15:40+00:00

One guy was so awful (thoughtless rude racist sexist and classist) I just literally looked right at him and I said "I can't do this. I need to leave now." Probably wasn't the best approach since the guy got agro, came at me like you was going to hit me, caught himself, then started crying crocodile tears. I all but ran the hell out of there!

saxophonepax · 2020-08-02T18:51:44+00:00

I just did this earlier today. I wasn't feeling it on my way there but I still turned up as we had arranged. Nice guy but I had zero attraction. We were talking for 30mins and mainly about himself (I was that checked out). When he had finished his next story and there was a pause I said "So I think I'm going to head home, I'm really tired and need to get some rest before a long day tomorrow". He looked surprised but I started putting my coat on from the back of my chair and said bye, turned and left. It's not my job to look after his emotions but it's my job to look after mine.

It's easy in that situation to try be nice and keep chit chatting until they get the message and ready to leave but men would never do anything to be polite/considerate if they had zero attraction to us so we need to learn to be clear with what we want. I left and deleted him from the app. I now make sure I don't exchange numbers with someone before we first meet for this reason.

AfraidofFollowers · 2020-08-02T18:46:36+00:00

You owe them nothing. Not even an apology.

I walked a man back into a bar, found the sidekick he came with, and then said bye. He had no clue/warning.

I walked across the street and got some nice dinner on a nice patio.

MakeURegret · 2020-08-02T18:24:45+00:00

“Remember” you just left the stove/curling iron/iron/air conditioning on and you need to leave RIGHT NOW to turn it off.

I think the harder thing is getting used to leaving middate. It can be easy to brush things off in the moment, think well I can sit through the meal, it can’t be that bad, it will feel weird to leave now, etc.

powerline2500 · 2020-08-02T22:20:57+00:00

Look him dead in the face and say "This isnt going to work out".

Then leave.

If he tries to follow you, be prepared to mace his ass.

More women need to learn how to be BOLD. Blow these LVM down. Be harsh. Dont give them even one more second of your time. Not even one.

One thing I will not allow is for anyone (especially not a man) to waste my time. I will not. You should have stopped him when he asked if you had eaten and said that he had.

I would have told him. "Oh? You ate before you came? Well I will be going then. I can eat alone by myself. I will not allow you to waste my time. Goodbye".

And leave him with his jaw on the floor.

For men like this, they did absolutely nothing but got 1 hour sitting in front of a pretty women. Maybe they wont get to see you again, maybe they wont get to sleep with you, but by you continuing to sit there they do get personal satisfaction out of it.

For any man, sitting with and talkig to a woman is a winning situation. Even if she doesnt like him or doesnt answer. He wins by keeping you there and by being able to have you in his presence.

Walk the fuck away from them.

electroloop · 2020-08-02T19:29:35+00:00

I always say I need to go to the bathroom, take my purse and phone with me and just leave.

Their number usually gets deleted and blocked while I’m in the washroom. I’ve done this in extreme circumstances only with extremely crass men with tons of reg flags and negative traits I’d rather not entertain for another hour over our meal.

londochig · 2020-08-02T18:39:49+00:00

Say you need to go to the bathroom and just quickly walk out of the restaurant. Leave him with the bill. Why on earth would someone ask you to dinner and then eat before dinner?? 🤦‍♀️ That's incredibly rude. Sounds like a cheapskate to me. He was already blatantly disrespectful when you were ordering your pizza and couldn't even be considerate about your dietary restrictions. Queen, sometimes you gotta bail on the spot. Either directly say, "I'm sorry this is not working for me," and leave. Or say you're going to the bathroom and leave if you're uncomfortable with directness/ confrontation. It's incredibly hard to do. But I've done both and sometimes you just need to get yourself out if these situations with directness. Block and delete when you're at a safe distance.

Villanelloh · 2020-08-02T19:24:30+00:00

If you feel unsafe for any reason you should excuse yourself to the bathroom and tell one of the staff.

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-08-02T18:54:11+00:00

Let me tell you how I do it: so me and my girlfriends found some kick ass authentic restaurants- one of my choosing is a family-owned and predominantly female staff. They have seen me in there with 3 guys now and they know what I like to eat.

The closer by, the better
It’s food you’ll love
You can judge how they treat the wait staff
They’ll be on their best manners knowing it’s closer to where you are; none of this, let’s split the bill mess.
Any moment you don’t like him, say you don’t feel well, you get your to go plate and drive home with your favorite dish.

Win, win, win!

Practical_Appearance · 2020-08-02T20:31:36+00:00

When the date is just awkward, I'll usually just turn it into a "practice date" and try to negotiate the situation with as much class and dignity that I can. It helped me in other areas of life when I had to work with a rude co-worker or a difficult client. Sometimes you will end up in a situation where you won't be able to just leave and bad dates makes me feel better prepared for these other situations.

But when the date is really bad, and not just awkward, I will leave. Once were on a date with a guy who was being homophobic and racist. We have just ordered our meals when he said something extremely offensive. I took my bag, told him I need to use the bathroom, and walked out. Explained to the restaurant hostess the situation, that I'm very uncomfortable and scared that the guy might follow me. He saw me through the windows walking to my car and tried to follow me, but got stopped and forced to pay the bill before he could leave the restaurant. That gave me time to get away.

Sent me some horrible threats after I left, blocked him and moved on with my life.

suspended_animation_ · 2020-08-02T20:00:26+00:00

Just when us ladies try to meet people like the good 'ol days... It's just so dangerous just to be social with men. They have the audacity to act shocked when they terrorize us and we want nothing else but to run away. What should have happened was that dude should have been carried away to the looney bin while you sat at the table and watched.... Sipping a drink only for Queens :D

nurse_sammi · 2020-08-02T21:13:04+00:00

I have had so many dates like that in my younger years where I have stuck around and been polite and let the man completely drain my energy. Never again. Nowadays I’d have absolutely no issue with just getting up and telling them I’m leaving. I’m in a relationship now but i remember one particularly awful tinder date a couple of years ago, which was just drinks.. As soon as the guy got a bit drunk he smacked my ass and when I told him not to touch me he said “most girls love it”. I had great pleasure in telling him I was leaving and blocked him immediately. First red flag was when he joked via messaging he didn’t usually go on dates with girls in our area because he didn’t want to have to bump into them again (clearly he was referring to his behaviour)... but back then I had no clue about all this and still went along. The only other times I saw him out in my area I was out with friends and he was by himself sitting in a corner somewhere eating food. I wonder why 🙄 We owe these men nothing!

Struggleis4real · 2020-08-02T22:58:19+00:00

I realized I have the luxury to tell dudes off to their face this won’t work or I have to go (my height plays a factor here). My shortest date (time wise lol) was 10 min because I instantly told him I can’t stay long.

Vice versa, if it seems like he’s rushing you and being passive aggressive about your standards (or any other red flag), just cut your losses and leave, no explanation needed. I had a date where he was peeved I took time to go home and get ready before the date instead of arriving after work like he did. He acted like I wasted his time to go do that, but I arrived to the date on time. Projecting their low standards onto me is extremely unattractive, and it tops as the worst date I’ve ever had (which is saying a lot).

tiavarga · 2020-08-02T21:44:06+00:00

Perching for ideas because I don’t know either One date I was on was so bad that the whole time I wanted to flee. Luckily for me, we were at a karaoke place and he left his ID as collateral. It was so bad (he yelled at me because he felt I wasn’t paying enough attention to him while he was singing AND totally took over and sang over me while it was my turn). This was after he continually mansplained and talked down to me about a passion of mine (music). I finally had enough and suddenly said , “I’ve got to go!” and bolted. He ran after me but he was stopped because he needed to get his ID so it gave me enough time to get away. I went home; he started texting me and I ignored and blocked.

So, maybe run away? lol

MissFifi1097 · 2020-08-02T22:12:09+00:00

I suggest saying ahead of time that you can only meet for an hour. So in case that the date is not going well you can leave. If you are enjoying yourself and feel like staying for longer, I doubt that a guy would say anything. Cheers 🥂!

letsberealforamoment · 2020-08-03T01:05:52+00:00

I just leave.

If at dinner drinks, etc, , I pay my part of the check. I say " nice meeting you" and leave. I always meet in public so I can wait safely.

That's it. I don't waste time on shifty dates or worrying about what said shitty date thinks or feels.

seraphinelysion · 2020-08-03T01:15:05+00:00

I would just get up and leave in the middle of him talking. I wouldn't say anything either as there is no point in making a fake excuse. I'm not having fun and he's being weird and I would like to never see this person again. There's no point in holding back just to be nice. I am not afraid to make a scene.

2020-08-03T04:20:51+00:00

[deleted]

Cosmictears83 · 2020-08-03T02:41:08+00:00

This reminds me of an episode of Netflix Dating Around season 1. Scrotes behavior and the woman running from the date inspired an article.

https://www.glamour.com/story/netflix-dating-around-review/amp

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2020-08-03T12:57:42+00:00

Schedule a call from a friend or family member at a certain time, make sure you’re where you can get to your phone. If the date is going well, look at your phone, turn down the call, and comment about it not being important if asked. If the date is going badly and you want an out, pick it up, pause, look alarmed, then tell the person on the phone “I’ll be right there” or something and explain there’s an emergency, of pressed say “it’ll take to long to explain”. This is also a good way to have someone check in on you because if you don’t pick up or turn down the call, that flags them in if something is going wrong and you might be in danger.

I only do this for first dates, and I’ve only once actually left. The dude was a haaaaardcore trump supporter and kept trying to convince me to come to church with him the next morning (gross) even though I specifically said I wasn’t Christian. As if I was gonna spend the night with a republican.

2020-08-03T05:25:26+00:00

Honestly, I take my car and I’m a okay with just walking out whenever. I don’t bother with theatrics like asking a friend to call with a fake emergency, I’d rather him know he was garbage enough to make me leave on the spot.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2020-08-03T03:43:06+00:00

I would say maybe develop a sudden illness (e.g. headache/migrane/stomach ache) if you really can't sit through the date and it's unbearable. You could call yourself a taxi or have a friend pick you up.

If you are concerned for your safety, you don't need to make any excuses, just get out of there safely and quickly.

redfarmmmmm · 2020-08-03T07:10:10+00:00

I tell them that I have plans, have to goto bed early or tell them I have to use take the phone call saying I'll be out talking on the phone and leave.

Title	What is your action plan for getting out of a date early? / Why you definitely need one.
Author	xoladybugxo
Upvotes	176
Comments	82
Date	August 2, 2020 5:45 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i2g7e2/what_is_your_action_plan_for_getting_out_of_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-is-your-action-plan-for-getting-out-of-a-date.720447 https://theredarchive.com/post/720447

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