With some of our recent media attention questioning if FDS really “works” or not, I want to share some FDS success. I had already left my NVM abuser when I started reading FDS and was trying to heal, but I was dating a too-old LVM who regularly pushed my boundaries. FDS convinced me to dump him and move on. Since then I’ve been vetting a partner of seemingly MUCH higher quality.

One thing discussed here a lot is women’s disappointment over gifts and dates from men, particularly holidays and birthdays. Particularly since we attempt to be thoughtful.

My birthday isn’t for over a month. So far my partner has done the following:

He sent me tickets he had already paid for a highly in-demand (selling out months in advance) art/cultural exhibit for my birthday.

He texted me an Airbnb link that said “Your trip is confirmed” for trip away in a mountain cabin for my birthday weekend. This will be the first time we have left the area since Covid (we will both have been fully vaccinated and driving there), and it’s for me.

After I reacted with excitement, he sent me some of the research he had already done on sightseeing and activities in the area. He made sure to book in a place with nice options to eat and fun things to see like waterfalls, etc.

Finally, one of his friends mentioned offhandedly that he had already asked her about watching my pets that weekend. So that’s a load off my mind and something I would have worried about dealing with for the trip.

This is, again, over a month in advance. I am always vetting, but this is a green flag and FDS success. The best part of this? I have said nothing. I did not have to ask, beg, or plead for anything.

A lot of men leave details and logistics to women as “household project managers,” which is a form of labor in itself and exhausting - the “You Should Have Asked” comic covers this in detail. In past relationships, men have consistently whined about planning trips and even complaining for me wanting to be prepared before we leave.

But if he wants to, he will. It’s so simple. And so true.