What is she waiting for?

AirSailer · 2022-09-30T01:26:26+00:00

She told me she wants me to be happy without it?

This is only a reasonable thing in the mind of a person who doesn't want to be married. If the mindset was reversed but you said to her "I want to stop contributing money to the household and I want you to be happy without my money “, how exactly do you think that would go over?

Brother, can you honestly say to yourself that there's anything you could do, that you would be OK doing, to make your marriage better? The fact is, you're asking people on Reddit if your marriage is over... I've been on here for years and I can say with some degree of certainty that you're asking even though you already know the answer.

The next step, starting the process, is the tough one, but once you accept that it's over you need to be strong for all the bullshit you'll encounter along the way. Go cold, because there's a good chance you will finally see your wife's true colors, and it won't be pretty. Don't take the high road thinking it's your job because you're the man, be amicable but not a doormat.

Go find a lawyer and file tomorrow.

georeddit2018 · 2022-09-30T00:04:29+00:00

Well, Its what she does that matter, not what she says. She says she loves you but she doesn't wanna be intimate with you. Her words doesn't match are action.

Also, if you have discussed this issues with her and nothing change, would you be happy and content to continue living like that?

Contranovae · 2022-09-30T04:13:11+00:00

Ah, so she's cheating.

black65Cutlass · 2022-09-30T14:37:16+00:00

I would say this is an exit strategy, you may want to prepare yourself. My ex-wife did similar things, she was preparing things in the background.

HorrorAd1946 · 2022-09-30T00:12:30+00:00

A good friend of mine used a saying...the thermometer of the bedroom, is the statis of the marriage. Another one he used, sex is only 5% of a marriage unless it's not happening then it's 95% of a marriage.

Have you sought counseling? Have you asked what was missing the make her feel more intimate with you? Women tend to slow or stop giving their bodies when they don't feel emotional loved. Men feel it through the physical act.

Perhaps a conversation worth having to change the barometer?

Character_Hippo90 · 2022-09-30T02:27:06+00:00

If she's keeping a tally of things you can bet that preparations are ongoing. Women plot, men respond. She's dictates your life okay, and you get treated how you allow someone to treat you. Your next activity should be divorce advice and financial segregation.

captainchippsixx · 2022-09-30T01:09:57+00:00

Dude. Their is something else going on. I would give good odds she is having an emotional affair or more. Time to think about things. Does she keep her phone with her at all times?

Go do a consultation with a lawyer to see how the divorce will go. That way you know. She might start talking once you drop that bomb. But like I tell everyone, you know 10-20%. It’s scary to find out the rest.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2022-09-30T05:15:56+00:00

Well in Life no one has to “tell you what’s actually going on” being able to TELL that is a key life skill called either intuition or Madness if it’s more times the former than the later you avoid being Shot / sacked / divorceraped - if it was the later you wake up with a room full of dead/traumatised/alienated people looking at you thinking “what have you done ?!?!?!” . But I’d suggest if things are as discribed make worst case preparations in terms of lawyer , camera , evidence WITHOUT causing visible offence . Just in case it’s Madness not Intuition . “If you stare into the Abyss long enough… and so on “.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-09-30T11:24:10+00:00

"I love you but I'm not in love with you" is woman doublespeak for we're divorcing.

warrior_up · 2022-09-30T11:55:00+00:00

Time to turn up the don’t give a fuck meter. Quit giving her your emotions to play with - she’s doesn’t respect you, most women have no respect for anything other than themselves these days. Divorce is eminent not because her necessarily but the times we’re living in. Take no shit, she wants to act like a child - treat her accordingly

stent00 · 2022-09-30T14:37:42+00:00

Sounds like a structured rules based women. Always keeping score. Worst type of woman to be with. Always some problem or restraint in things that should be just normal. Holds them back and the marriage.

BraTaTa · 2022-09-30T17:18:22+00:00

Biding her time for her own exit. Finishing up her degree, securing a better job, getting that promotion, getting sure of the guy she has been confiding in will be with her, and having her legals ready to secure her the best financial benefits when she files for the divorce first. Those are the things that I've seen from friends and family members that have reflected on their own divorce processes. Don't wait if you know it's not working for you.

Theedon · 2022-09-30T03:04:41+00:00

Hey Buddy, I love you too but you can't stick it in my ass. Now go Man up and file for your "Relationship DD-214"

CrazySanta7 · 2022-09-30T00:50:26+00:00

The better question is, what are you waiting on? Let me guess, she is also going out and staying out late or not coming home? Women decide divorce in their mind way before the man finds out. Sex starts to dwindle (with you) and her overall effort starts to decline. She is done without even saying it. Crazy thing is, she wants sex (just not with you) and will start testing the market. Go watch 'the marriage wheel' by coach greg adams on YouTube to see where you are at, and your ultimate fate. Good luck man, but i would not sit around hoping things are going to turn around. Some may mention counseling, but i'm a firm believer that marriage counseling is a waste in most cases, especially when someone has one foot out the door.

NewDay0110 · 2022-09-30T03:43:32+00:00

My 2 cents is that she's getting ready to monkeybranch. My ex behaved that way physically after her affair, but did the whole scorecard of chores stuff long before. Not sure what you meant by weird about money but mine thought she was entitled to all of it after declaring the divorce. lol

James1933-75 · 2022-09-30T03:13:52+00:00

OP, in my opinion, she's cheating, and might already have seen a lawyer (weird about money). Look up the signs if cheating, if any ring a bell, consult a lawyer. If in an at-fault state, gather evidence.

iwantagoddamnliterof · 2022-09-30T02:58:20+00:00

Weird about money how?

capacioushandbag · 2022-09-30T12:56:18+00:00

Is she on anti-depressants or any kind of medication? That can change your physiological and psychological sex drive in a way you don't really understand until you experience it.

firstlymostly · 2022-09-30T18:12:33+00:00

She feels like you aren't pulling your weight so until she feels like the relationship is 50/50 she feels like a mother to you instead of a partner.

Either that, or you are not doing what she likes so sex isn't enjoyable for her.

Or...both.

Boomer70770 · 2022-09-30T20:05:30+00:00

Get. Out.

It will get exponentially worse.

syro23 · 2022-09-30T22:06:10+00:00

It might benefit you to check out the married red pill Reddit. Lots of ways to build attraction that potentially solves a lot of your problems, if you go down that path and still get divorced you’ll be better for it.

76ersPhan11 · 2022-09-30T00:36:27+00:00

You deserve better

Striking-Trainer8148 · 2022-09-30T02:09:28+00:00

She’s looking for boundaries .

Put your foot down and say you don’t want to be in a sexless marriage and things will change real quick

Y_so_cunty · 2022-09-30T15:31:02+00:00

She keeps tally of everything she does around the house and time spent together and is very weird about money.

This part stood out more that anything else. She might be building a case against you for a trial.

I kind of cringe at the people jumping to her cheating with so little evidence. It sounds like she may have some mental health issues going on. Bottom line, though, is you deserve better.

derelictherds · 2022-09-30T03:30:17+00:00

You'll go crazy trying to figure this shit out. Consult with an attorney and find out what divorce would look like. Keep it on the down-low until you decide how to proceed.

EvidencePlz · 2022-09-30T03:49:32+00:00

What do you mean when you say the sex is terrible? What is she doing or not doing?

upvotersfortruth · 2022-09-30T11:06:55+00:00

Love me like you do.

La la la love me like you do.

/kthxbye

Seemedlikefun · 2022-09-30T12:43:28+00:00

You are young enough to recover mentally and financially plus stay on track for retirement, if you pull the trigger now. Especially since she is working and has an earning potential that can be considered in the settlement. Consult several attorneys asap. You've described the symptoms of something very serious with her behaviors. Counseling will be a complete waste of time and money. People tried to tell me the same thing, and I refused to listen. It cost me years and thousands of dollars that I should have invested in getting out of a hopeless marriage.

BitterJellyfish1055 · 2022-10-07T03:47:24+00:00

Him to pass away

Title	What is she waiting for?
Author	genericScreenName22
Upvotes	29
Comments	105
Date	September 29, 2022 11:52 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xrmqgw/what_is_she_waiting_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-is-she-waiting-for.1133413 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133413

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