Why do wives try to show minor affection during a divorce (living together)?

jimsmythee · 2023-03-02T16:19:12+00:00

WFT is she doing? It's called buttering you up. It's called "show him the least amount of affection in the hopes that he'll give into your demands later on."

It was so gross that my exwife would do that. "I'll be nice to him for the 2 days leading up, and then I'll hit him up for some outrageous demands of mine." Like paying her DUI fines. Not just no, but hell no.

RideATX · 2023-03-02T16:01:42+00:00

Brother, there is no why, only what is. The faster you realize it's over the quicker you can move on to your new life. She has been thinking about / planning this for years, you've had 6 days to process the end of your marriage. Stay strong and do not let her manipulate your emotions. Good Luck brother.

For the record the why is because she's selfish and solipsistic and thinks she can do better than you. FTB

Prudent_Media_4067 · 2023-03-02T16:08:53+00:00

I would be cautious. She’s warm now, but what if her behavior shifts in the opposite way. I don’t think staying in the same house for a year is a good idea. That seems like a miserable thing for you and you could easily lose your temper and say/do things that she could used against you.

FindingMyPrivates · 2023-03-02T16:26:08+00:00

I had my ex cook and offer me food. Clean up after me. Buy me lunch. The moment she left, she became a bitter hateful person. Out for every cent and anything she can get. Some of her brothers coworkers came to help her get the stuff we agreed she’d get. Some dude hurt himself “oh no I’m sorry that happened “ then I just try to help her love some stuff, “get the fuck away from me I want nothing to do with you.” We have two kids can’t get rid of me that easy. Just accept it’s over be as civil as you can. Be ready for her to change.

Xan-Diesel · 2023-03-02T16:10:02+00:00

I only lived with my ex-wife for a few weeks after I discovered her emotional affair and she moved out. During that time she had mostly already decided to bail. I didn't realize that, of course, and was trying to figure out what needed to be "fixed". Nothing needed to be fixed because she was done. As a result, the little affection she showed me was sort of like a parent patting their child and saying "there, there ...". I could tell she sort of felt bad. Like she bumped into one of our sons coming around the corner and felt bad.

Maybe its exactly that. They sort of feel bad and are reflexively doing the little actions people do when they think somebody's watching. Just like clerks at the grocery store don't care about your day but still ask because they're "supposed to".

FunkyTownMascot · 2023-03-02T16:05:50+00:00

Women are manipulative. Don't let her lull you to sleep with pleasantries and catch you off-guard. She's now an adversary in an adversarial court case.

Be cordial, respectful, friendly. But,definitely keep your guard up.

Asleep-Ad-7459 · 2023-03-02T16:44:01+00:00

It's a trap. She will be nice to you until she wants something in the divorce. They also want to make themselves feel better about the divorce by showing some affection...that way, ripping your heart out isn't so bad because they "let you down gently." It's mixed signals at best, manipulation is more like it. I know it's hard but I'd cut her off as much as you can.

Wings_McKenzie · 2023-03-02T21:51:32+00:00

Same thing happened to me and honestly, who knows. It's best to just move on, focus on being the best version of you, and getting things ended.

My ex still behaved similarly, but no "I Love You's" - hugs though, and friendly talks. It was strange and at the end of the day, it changed nothing. I think there's a line in Starship Troopers where a character says, "Funny how they want to be friends after they rip your guts out" and truer words haven't been spoken from a cheesy sci-fi classic from the 1990s.

No_Analyst_5235 · 2023-03-03T01:31:21+00:00

A woman’s love for a man is purely transactional . She wants to roll you in the divorce or is hiding something and wants to keep you off balance . Say no to something she wants and see how fast it changes.

They aren’t as loyal and don’t live love like men do . That’s why the statistics show them initiating divorce more then men. I read the number one indicator of divorce is a man losing his job. That tells you all you need to know about a woman.

Edit spelling

treshsocket · 2023-03-02T18:39:01+00:00

She's turning you into a beta Billy.

CleburnCO · 2023-03-02T20:46:50+00:00

She is fishing to make sure you are willing to take her back and be her backup plan if her new single life doesn't work out. She wants you to beg her to stay, tell her that you will always love her, and that you will take her back.

Don't give it to her. Grey rock her...emotionless...all business...no words, just action.

She has no intention of staying and is using you as a backup plan. She doesn't care that it hurts you.

DCnative2020 · 2023-03-02T21:24:22+00:00

she is keeping you around as an option in case the relationship with the AP fails. Please file for divorce, and do not return any intimacy to her. Act like she is a roommate. Do not tell her I love you, kiss her, or have sex with her. Take a year or two to heal and find someone better.

Wrong_Okra9736 · 2023-03-02T21:27:42+00:00

Some women think that they’re softening the blow by being nice.

NewDay0110 · 2023-03-03T02:10:48+00:00

Could be a variety of reasons. She might be trying to pull on your emotional strings to manipulate you so you go easy on her in court - so she can manipulate you into giving up more.

She might be trying to lure you into a physical touching situation that she can later claim was non consensual and file DV charges against you.

Maybe she is just having trouble dealing with HER OWN DECISION and wants to use you as an emotional tampon.

Whatever the reason is now, nothing good can come of it at this point. You are in danger. Avoid her, give her nothing, and use thr gray rock technique. Protect.yourself

Theedon · 2023-03-02T18:07:40+00:00

I LOVE BROWNIES! With that said during the awkward separation stage when she was acting 21 and I was trying to keep my job, she made me brownies. Cut them up and served them to me on a plate with a chilled glass of milk.

I thought she was having a change of heart.

Nope, just another mental mind fuck right in the ass.

There should be a law that once the word divorce is said by a spouse that a 24 hour clock starts. Papers need to be served and who ever said it moves out. The penalty is a percentage of custody or alimony reduced by 10% daily.

CrazySanta7 · 2023-03-02T19:18:39+00:00

She has you by a string bro and she knows it. She is happy as hell she is getting out of the marriage and gets to be with her new man. It is nothing else! She has zero consequences for her actions. Stop accepting this b.s. Set some boundaries and stop looking for things that are not there. Don't be a d%$$ but don't engage in this b.s. (handholding, hugs, etc).

2ndChance_1stMistake · 2023-03-02T22:21:50+00:00

Talk to your lawyer. Get an ex parte order giving you exclusive use of the home and kick her out.

Blicero1 · 2023-03-02T16:38:43+00:00

Could be manipulation as others have said, but could also just be habit. It's weird living together after the bomb has been dropped; it's where I am currently. We're very much committed to seeing this thing out, but we're still living together, there are still habits, and there are still some things that work despite the many many things that don't.

Manta2002 · 2023-03-02T16:50:54+00:00

Probably feeling guilty and trying to establish a friendship so when and if you get divorced, you’ll consider being friends. Either that or she is having second thoughts. Just ask her!!

fishingforthought · 2023-03-02T17:31:17+00:00

This is called “love bombing”. She fells better about herself and the decision she has made. Keep your guard up.

Weary_Landscape_7098 · 2023-03-02T18:48:59+00:00

It's a trap!

Worried_Baker_9462 · 2023-03-03T02:50:06+00:00

Tryna make it hurt more. For the feeling of security, that she still has your attention when she leaves.

If you ask me? Why should you give her any attention? She's completely pulled her side of things away and still expects attention from you. So, it doesn't make sense, does it?

Good job.

reddit_1999 · 2023-03-02T16:27:59+00:00

"Playing nice in the sandbox" but having some ulterior motive.

Sufficient-Weight-55 · 2023-03-02T16:41:51+00:00

Expect the worst outcome and plan accordingly. Read the book “splitting” will give you insights as to the why of her behavior

upvotersfortruth · 2023-03-02T17:25:51+00:00

She wants you to beg.

KindSlowdiar · 2023-03-02T19:02:21+00:00

It's called manipulation. there is no affection going on there. I feel sorry for you bro! wake up. If you live in the south I can come over and give you a good slap to wake you up. that would save you so much $$$$

Love you! be safe, don't fall for it.

wisstinks4 · 2023-03-02T19:43:03+00:00

Total guilt and remorse for hosing up a marriage. Admitting, failure. So we don’t think badly of them.

007--Chill · 2023-03-02T19:47:23+00:00

Jaws

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2023-03-02T22:23:11+00:00

The only 'why' is that those things still feel good. Odds are she'll want to have sex with you at some point, too. This is not at all uncommon.

polarshred · 2023-03-03T01:04:40+00:00

This is brutal. Sorry brother. I'd stay as far away from her as I can. Find excuses to be away from the house. Hang out with buddies, gym, hikes, whatever. Thid little "affection" sounds toxic. It will only soften you.

justaguywadog · 2023-03-03T03:20:33+00:00

My friends wife did this and tried for sex they are going to try to use that later for something prob $$$

capacioushandbag1 · 2023-03-03T05:22:16+00:00

Guilt.

FineTransition96 · 2023-03-03T05:30:01+00:00

Bitches be crazy, that's "why". I have stopped to wonder about what motivates women or what they actually want. I can just tell you one thing: Now that I am divorced, I am so much more at peace.
Accept it, move on and be damn glad that you are rid of a person that demands things "just because", feels entitled (to you listening to stupid nightmare stories) and even tries to emotionally manipulate you (because that's what it is when she just randomly tells you "I love you" while at the same time destroying you).

BNotaLoka · 2023-03-03T07:42:26+00:00

My wife would do things like this. She told me she wanted a divorce but the next day she would get my hopes up because she would be nice and we'd have a great day. Little did I know it didn't change anything she still wanted the divorce. So I stopped getting my hopes up that she would change her mind. Now I no longer fall for that trick, I just make sure my son is ok he is my everything.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-03-04T15:18:08+00:00

My guess is there’s another guy involved and it’s a mixture of guilt / trying to keep you around in case plan A doesn’t work out. If she’s not interested in the marriage counseling that’s your first clue, the coldness with random blips of affection are the second.

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-03-02T18:05:15+00:00

it sounds like she is having second thoughts but scared to voice them. but then i would do anything to repair my marriage and stay together. my wife wants to be cordial and even friendly-she will take walks with me at the river-but says she has no interest in working things out.

Title	Why do wives try to show minor affection during a divorce (living together)?
Author	RichardCleveland
Upvotes	16
Comments	115
Date	March 2, 2023 3:55 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11g66g2/why_do_wives_try_to_show_minor_affection_during_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-do-wives-try-to-show-minor-affection-during-a.1154746 https://theredarchive.com/post/1154746

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