Wife cheated during separation

db1342 · 2025-09-02T00:14:34+00:00

Not your monkeys, not your circus.

parkinglot_thnksalot · 2025-09-01T19:05:16+00:00

It’s stings, but just STFU and move forward. Ignore her and give her no energy.

Visual_Cycle_1066 · 2025-08-30T05:44:21+00:00

Priority 1: finalize the divorce deal and get that cheddar.

Priority 2: finalize the divorce deal and get that cheddar.

Priority 3: finalize the divorce deal and get that cheddar.

Priority 4: at the moment, there is no Priority 4.

RacinRandy83x · 2025-08-28T12:26:32+00:00

If you were separated was it cheating? But unless you know the woman personally, I would just move on and be glad the chapter of your ex is over and try to start your life again.

Foreign_Emu3096 · 2025-08-28T04:42:19+00:00

Forget everything about her start a new life. Destroy the memories you had they dont exist. Go be happy think of her never. One life to live and don’t muck the water with loving her or thinking you might give it a try. Nothing is the same as you remember so don’t hurt yourself trying for something that is gone Everything has changed go with what is being presented. Leave the past where it lay. It was never meant for you

deep66it2 · 2025-08-28T03:43:16+00:00

Get your money & run. Anythimg else you'll be running around tryna get your money.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2025-08-28T03:25:46+00:00

OP, if there was no intention of getting back together, then the “separation” was a means to an end. OTOH, if she was saying she wanted to get back together, yes, tell the wife, otherwise no.

Typical-Tumbleweed-7 · 2025-08-28T02:51:34+00:00

You are drama seeking, why you making her problem yours. Get your money and move on.

You separated now you are divorced. She cheated during the separation, so what??? She probably was or was thinking about it before the separation - learn from the past and keep it moving.

So he is married and "cheating", how do you know??? Maybe he and his wife have an agreement that he can play on a leash. Stay in your lane, and keep it moving.

If you follow through on this nonsense, then all you are is a homewrecker.

engineered-chemistry · 2025-08-27T20:21:55+00:00

Don’t bother telling the dudes wife. It’s more drama than it’s worth. Hell they could have an open marriage for all you know.

Still-Confusion-33 · 2025-08-27T18:52:53+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this. My advice, don't fuel the fire. Just get your divorce and stay out of the business of tattling on other people.

rugar760 · 2025-08-27T16:46:47+00:00

In California you can date another person during a separation. Any new relationships will not impact a divorce settlement or be a negative factor. It's over and continue with your life. Why destroy another family and marriage because your marriage was a failure. Be a better person.

Substantial-Run3367 · 2025-08-27T15:27:50+00:00

I hate it for you. I wish you luck getting past the feelings. Remember the opposite of love is not hate it's indifference. It's hard to get there but work on living your best life and not letting her live rent free in your head.

A little letterkenny for inspiration...

https://youtu.be/Gyn9XaZBnYc?si=a8cQjQjtqr5N5V7Z

drase · 2025-08-27T12:05:44+00:00

This happened to me but the hoe started cheating with the mover immediately. I had to wait for the Financial Separation to be signed, not sure if your state has this. It took everything I had because she kept stalling but so glad I did. I’m protected now and divorce is brutal enough, even worse if you get hit hard financially. Then I blew up on the bitch and there is nothing she could do, I have a court order enforcing everything. So, think long term and protect your bag first, once that is secured, all clear to go nuclear.

Maseworld · 2025-08-27T11:46:39+00:00

Get paid first and walk away. Don't give her anymore energy. Let her fail chasing a married man. Also, separation is kind of a green light to see other people. Mine did the same thing.

DBFool2019 · 2025-08-27T11:41:51+00:00

If she asked for the separation, it was to test drive this dude. Get the money first, then let fly the dogs of war!

Self_Voodoo · 2025-08-27T11:26:11+00:00

Hey OP. Im sorry this is happening to you. I have been there recently myself. My wife and I own a public-facing company. When I left, she immediately started sleeping with a customer. All the employees knew, everyone who was supposed to be my friend, and all the people I bent over backwards to help over the years. Even worse still, he had a two year old daughter and was married to another semi-regular customer. Plus I had just taught his mom CCW like two months before.

My point being, I could have destroyed his life by calling his wife (she found out anyways). I could have even told his mom. I instead just banned him from the business since I still control a majority of it and moved on. It hurts now and its going to hurt for a while. Thats part of the grieving process naturally. My suggestion is to let her get whats coming to her on her own. Use your time and energy instead to better your position and pick yourself up.

fishingforthought · 2025-08-27T10:51:10+00:00

Hello brother, you are letting your emotions dictate your decisions. This might get you in trouble. It’s hard to do, but you might want to consider taking the high road and not saying anything. As a man myself, I have my word which is my bond my honor that helps me keep my morals in check. I know this hurts what you’re going through but do you really want to destroy someone else’s marriage. If the guys a cheater he will probably get caught sooner or later. Keep your honor by knowing you took the high road and stayed quiet. Best of luck to you, brother. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Each path has a different time span.

eldiablo0320 · 2025-08-27T09:39:58+00:00

How long does it takes for the final decree?

Scary-Inspector-8315 · 2025-08-27T09:38:34+00:00

Absolutely get paid first. She ain’t worth the loss.

Freeman2be · 2025-08-27T08:43:09+00:00

We still live together and my STBX is sleeping with a guy she had an affair with years ago. She reconnected with him before I filed for divorce. She goes away for the weekend and overnights and dinners and comes home as if no big deal. She doesn't know I know (nor do our adult kids, friends, et al). She makes 6x more than I do and will have to buy me out of the house and pay alimony, etc. It is taking all the strength I have to not "go nuclear". If I do, it would likely tank the mediation, so I refrain. I want this over. This process is a marathon, not a sprint. The truth always comes out in the end. Hang in there brother, be strong and tactical.

muramx · 2025-08-27T08:13:16+00:00

You were separated so... whatever. But if you want to, wait til after you get paid out and then present actual evidence to the guys wife so your not a crazy ex.

eldenchain · 2025-08-27T07:45:58+00:00

You were... separated. What did you think that meant exactly? Let it go. None of it is your business anymore. Why let it consume you?

upvotersfortruth · 2025-08-27T07:23:54+00:00

No matter what you do, get paid first.

vreo · 2025-08-27T07:18:23+00:00

You were separated. That wasn't cheating against you. Your relationship already ended and this was clear to you (you are aware you were separated).

apatrol · 2025-08-27T07:02:35+00:00

If you have kids you should leave it alone. Def get the settlement first either way. If you have kids...

Always remember that are multiple sides to a person. As a spouse she sucks. She could still be a great mom or provider. Cultivate those good qualities. In other words dont rock the boat. Dont piss her off .

Major-Pudding-9115 · 2025-08-27T06:35:41+00:00

Move on. Who cares? You are divorcing for a good reason. No need to let her ruin another marriage.

OogyBoogy_I_am · 2025-08-27T06:01:52+00:00

Always wait until you have the money in your hand and you are at the stage where there is nothing she can do against you.

Then once that is all done and dusted, burn their world down.

Highlander0001 · 2025-08-27T05:56:49+00:00

Definitely tell her but wait until after the divorce is done.

Boglehead101 · 2025-08-27T05:14:53+00:00

I wouldn’t bother. More hassle.

ww3historian · 2025-08-27T04:41:56+00:00

Settlement first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kcinkcinlim · 2025-08-27T04:07:27+00:00

The only reason I would tell the other wife is out of respect for her, rather than to get even with the ex. Whether it's classified as cheating on you or not isn't the issue, is that you're now privy to someone else being cheated on.

However, timing is important. Divorce is a very turbulent and violent procedure. When I say violent, I mean it injures the soul no matter who. So I think it's best to focus on protecting yourself first, before trying to help someone else. Don't run through a glass window to save someone else unless you know you'll come out unscathed. You want the outcome to be two souls saved, not both people writhing in pain on the ground.

Eric_C_Productions · 2025-08-27T03:46:11+00:00

So was it a separation with an anticipation of getting back together or were you separated working on getting a divorce? BEcause if it was the latter, is it considered cheating? I was legally separated going through my divorce and if my ex-wife was dating other guys, I wouldn't call that cheating....I would call it doing me a huge favor by taking her time and attention away from me. I would wait, don't rock the boat, and get your money. After that , she can do whatever she wants. You can do whatever you want. You're free. I was in the same boat, waited for my money. After getting it, just worried for my kids and what my plans were for my future. What she does with her life? Who cares....she is some other guy's problem now...

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-08-27T03:44:30+00:00

Get your settlement first if you are getting what you want. Get that done fast if in your favor. Because she may figure out in a no fault state she does not have to give you as much as she may think.

blearowl · 2025-08-27T03:41:16+00:00

Yeah you do need to tell the wife, I’m rather surprised at people’s attitude. Not for more revenge, but for protection of the wife.

Silence is complicity in the affair.

Absolutely make sure your agreement is finalized though. You have to protect yourself.

No_Interview7580 · 2025-08-27T03:40:32+00:00

No.. just exit cleanly from courts first.

nonotmeporfavor · 2025-08-27T03:35:02+00:00

You may be shocked to hear this. Because right now, you want the pain to stop and it all seems so unfair. But, stop with trying to get back at her. Start getting back with yourself. Process your emotions and feel them. Ask yourself, “I am feeling angry because I need xyz.”

Here’s another bomb that may be coming…she was doing it during your marriage and likely throughout it.

Let it all go, she is not your problem anymore. You are your problem and if your don’t fix you, no man or woman will. We will support you. But, not the BS of looking back at a human that didn’t respect you.

You don’t need that in your world.

yosemitesam00 · 2025-08-27T03:32:17+00:00

If divorce is eminent, don't concern yourself with the ways of your ex. Carry on and you do you.

Cautious-Young-2690 · 2025-08-27T03:07:13+00:00

I wouldnt mire yourself in it. They will get their comeuppance... You should try to move on, not poison yourself any more with drama.

Worldly_Diver9265 · 2025-08-27T02:38:10+00:00

Work this knowledge to your advantage in the divorce agreement to get more. Threaten to expose them to his wife as leverage.

Reflog1791 · 2025-08-27T02:37:12+00:00

Wait until you get your check.

AssistantActive9529 · 2025-08-27T02:32:39+00:00

wait till the decree

_CaptainCooter_ · 2025-08-27T04:50:31+00:00

You gotta look out for yourself first. I know a guy whose wife is going to leave him after they have another baby. I haven't said anything because it's not my relationship

Title	Wife cheated during separation
Author	stayworkways
Upvotes	50
Comments	85
Date	August 27, 2025 2:31 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1n15b23/wife_cheated_during_separation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-cheated-during-separation.1560583 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560583

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