Flashback to when my exes would ‘compliment’ my labia by saying they were ‘perfect porn star lips’ and I actually thanked them proudly 🤡

PinkBlair99 · 2021-04-18T14:45:54+00:00

My ex told me, “I promise I’ll never ask you to marry me,” and, being anti-marriage (I mean, I still am), I took that as a supreme compliment and the most romantic thing I had ever heard. LMAO 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

HappyNovel · 2021-04-18T15:02:23+00:00

That I would be a “perfect 10” if I got breast implants.

I never got them and never will.

Also, that I was funny and most women weren’t. Happened a lot when I was doing stand up.

heroic_nincompoop · 2021-04-18T15:04:39+00:00

Shit like this, this steaming shit that men lob our way, is so infuriating. It is definitely not a compliment to be told that your body meets standards you’ve been assessed against without your knowledge or consent. It’s also simultaneously bringing his porn habit into the relationship and is confirmation that you must also have a relationship with porn, that porn is your assessor and your handler. That you have been approved of by the industry and pornographers because this man with porn-trained eyes approves of your body for sexual gratification. The reality that you can never just have sex with this man who appraises you like an object is inescapable. Your sex will always be performed according to the “standards” set by the countless hours of porn the man has consumed. He ruins your sex life in one breath. He tells the truth of his depravity without any sense of how profoundly stupid he is. He cannot fathom women outside of a screen. He only has relationships within the context of what Porn Daddy told him to do, say, think, and be. A man like that is fucking ruined.

thw-th · 2021-04-18T13:19:49+00:00

You look like [Japanese porn actress here]. 🙄

mybfhatesme98 · 2021-04-18T13:19:38+00:00

Something about how my boobs were “insanely perky”. Yes, I was 20. Of course then he had to bring up his exes’ boobs.

Then he said something about how he couldn’t watch porn with women from my ethnicity in it because we have “very saggy” boobs...

AKA his balding, overweight self couldn’t get hard to anyone who actually looked like an adult woman. Mind you, this was the NiCe guy who rEaLLy CaReS that Reddit says we all need to give a chance.

Notspecificc · 2021-04-18T13:27:51+00:00

Ummm. I have literally been complimented for being “low maintenance”. “You seem really down to earth and low maintenance. Not many women are like that nowadays”(lies). But my pick me self ate that shit up because I was a hard core “not like other girls” girl.

That isn’t even a compliment the way they thought it was. It’s more like an insult than anything.

PinkBlair99 · 2021-04-18T14:47:06+00:00

“You’re not like other girls”

“You have perfect breasts” (said to me after goodbye sex after four years of intense emotional and occasional physical abuse)

Bbqchilifries · 2021-04-18T13:09:03+00:00

That I was tight. That my cervical canal was the perfect length.

That I was so incredibly understanding and accepting of kink and that we were so lucky that we were so compatible kink wise.

It turned into "I guess we have to accept we're not compatible at all in the bedroom." Because I wasn't readily available 100% of the time when he tried to wake me up from sleep for sex. I worked such an early job that I had to feel the pain of being a frickin non functional zombie the next day if I didn't get my sleep in. I started saying no. I'm too fucking tired. Suddenly I was "only wanting sex on the fifth full moon of the sign of capricorn". And never ever otherwise.

Ugh. I'm so mad haha.

carlther · 2021-04-18T13:20:59+00:00

That I was "not like other girls" aka a sexdoll doormat. Plus kudos for any sex-based skills or attributes (these were transformed to negging as well - "you are tight"--> "you are getting loose (or, your asshle is tighter)", "you are so sexy" --> "your (stomach, boobs, butt) is looking a little flabby", "you give great blwjobs"--> "too much teeth, not enough effort"

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-04-18T13:32:32+00:00

Making comments about any of that stuff is so cringe... comparing you to porn stars is juvenile, at best.

throwaway32132134 · 2021-04-18T18:40:01+00:00

Okay so there are three things men "compliment" me on that ALWAYS make me cringe. My ass, my waist and my eyes. Since hit puberty I have always had a larger than normal ass along with a small waist and let me tell you it really showed me how many men are sickos. I remember being a teenager and having 40+ year old men coming up to me and telling me things like "you got a fat ass" or "you got a nice shape" or "i remember you because of your ass" (a cashier) or "you got a little waist and a fat ass, damn" or "your ass looks nice" I even had a friend tell me how her 45 year old uncle told her he liked my ass when he saw me at her house. LIKE FFS these were men that literally could be my father and they are talking to a teenager like that. DISGUSTING!

Now my eyes, LOL you would think eyes would be something someone couldn't sexualize but no. The amount of guys I have had say things like "you're eyes are so innocent" or "your eyes are like a baby" or "you have such a baby face" or "your eyes remind me of an innocent child" then say something sexual right after that is REALLY appalling. So my eyes remind you of a baby or an innocent child and that turns you on? DISGUSTING. Even a couple months back, I had posted a photo of me at a waterfall on instagram. It was cold so I was wearing a scarf and a winter coat and it was a face shot so obviously there is nothing sexual about this photo. Then this guy dm'd me and said my eyes are like a baby's eyes and my face is so innocent. He then asks me if he can do a tribute to my photo. I didn't know what that was so I asked and he said it's when a guy takes a video of himself masterbating to a photo.... So he wanted take a video of him masterbating to my photo, that reminds him of a baby?????????? I obviously blocked him but it pissed me off, like I can't even post a photo of me infront of a waterfall without being sexualized.

Pasdepromesses · 2021-04-18T13:35:54+00:00

I had the same compliment. That it looked ‘textbook’ neat and that I was tight even though I was very wet. I was very proud of that, but let’s be real. Any healthy man who has the hots for you should be able to come from even a bit of rubbing over his pants. The guys who say these kind of things are the porn sick limp dick iron deathgrip types.

I also heard this neg/compliment a lot: you have small boobs, but I don’t mind because they’re very round and the nipples are cute. Like, sir please stop acting like you can give me a ‘pass’ for not being the perfect big boobed porn star you hoped me to be. You should be glad you are allowed to touch them at all.

I always wonder if they truly believe the shit they say because they’re so brainwashed and delusional or if I t’s a need to neg because they feel insecure in our presence. Considering how most men’s balls look like two crinkly discoloured old tea bags tied together I’d say it’s at least a combination of the two.

FreshStarter0 · 2021-04-18T17:47:53+00:00

I also have almost non-existent labia minora and I had a couple of men "compliment" me on them. Some "tight" and "you feel so good" comments. I also have a very thick and inelastic hymen, which basically meant that the first couple of times I had sex my ex who was quite thick I bled a bit and he was actually proud. 🤢 Cue the DeFlOrAtIoN fetish (I was not a virgin of course, he was just thicker that the other men I had sex with). Of course, as the opening naturally teared a bit more after having sex with him a couple of times and I got more relaxed with him in general, he commented on how I was getting looser and "molding to his dick". Oh and of course "You are so good at sucking dick".Outside the bedroom, I was complimented for being "low-maintenance" and "natural".

LavenderMechanism · 2021-04-18T18:12:33+00:00

I recall feeling complimented in my pick-me days when my ex told me “I don’t usually like women with short hair but it looks good on you.”

He then proceeded to try to get me to grow my hair for the remainder of the relationship.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-04-18T13:17:50+00:00

My narc ex praised me for my creativity and craftyness because "they enable me to craft great gifts for him". He saud that in front of others. After calling him out for his yearlong sexual abuse which eventually turned into violance. I wasn't proud or satisfied by any means, of course. But I didn't leave either, which means I accepted it basically.

Edit: [TW] Since there are so many genital related answers here: Said ex complimented me on my "tightness" which I only "gained by the frequent orgasms he gave me". He build his own p*ssy-fleshlight with my vagina (or so he thought). He used this to pressure me to sex, to orgasm. He publically bragged about my tightness I developed according to him since we regularily began to have sex. And since "looseness" in a woman is something porn culture looks down to I couldn't disagree with him publically. It would humiliate me even more. This was no innocent, intimate play we had. He forced me to cum at least 5 times a day, each one up to several minutes. The rapist prouded himself as a good lover for my orgasms. At the same time I lost my whole lipido and attraction towards him. He gaslighted me into thinking that those outcomes were my fault too. He "needs to have his daily" or else he "wouldn't trust me/felt unloved" in the relationship. All without condom, of course. Because - as we all know - a condom prevents the flow of love during intercourse. /s

cakepancakepancake · 2021-04-18T15:29:27+00:00

"Never seen a girl with boobs as big as yours but still slim. You're like a hentai babe."🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

light_workerx3 · 2021-04-18T19:47:05+00:00

Yes wowww this has happened to me with two people as well !

Also , while being fully clothed just randomly , my ex would do a quick peck on my boobs then my lady down there and then my ass ... Then he would smile and walk away ... I would always say , " well what about my lips ? Like wth ...

Another thing he would always do is when I would leave to go to the store or to work he would say " can you leave the pu**y on top of the fridge before you go ?!" ... He would be saying it as a joke but it always made me feel like that's all that ever mattered !! Which was the actual truth anyhow .smh 🤦🏻‍♀️

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-04-18T19:24:47+00:00

I was remarkably disinterested in appearance as a kid and was pretty much immune to flattery or putdowns. So many other, far more interesting things to think about. But I noticed that only after a series of attempted sexual assaults at age 10, 15 and 17 did I start feeling a little more dependent on objectifying praise because the message was that the only reason a) anyone believed me; b) believed I didn't "ask for it"; or c) bothered to help/intervene/support was because I was "pretty." Ergo, not pretty= DEATH.

It's the only thing that made the idea of aging scary when I was young. As a little girl, my icons were all mature women or even old ladies. Heroes of the underground resistance, science icons, historical and political figures. Grown-assed women with bad-assed intellects, wicked senses of humor and practical shoes. I thought everyone felt that way.

The thing about trauma is that it never quite goes away and you may need to retell and process those stories throughout life. It's your story, part of the fabric of existence. But what if you're no longer "pretty" when you recount these experiences? Then the conditional support turns to blaming, shaming and incredulity?

Understanding this helped me reconcile. But it left me wondering if this is subconsciously the case with a lot of women-- that dependence on and internalization of objectifying praise is less about wanting to be better than anyone or vanity inherent to gender and more about "Will anyone run for a bucket if I'm on fire?"

spinsterchachkies · 2021-04-18T15:55:24+00:00

You have the best boobs, tight, great labia. Yeah it’s all cringy I wish I could erase it from my memory

ihaveafunnyname71 · 2021-04-18T23:08:20+00:00

That I look young for my age. That’s great now at 50. When I was 25 looking like a 14 yr old....

NOT married to that guy anymore.

Found out recently his 50+ yr old fat bald gross smelly ass, married a 23 yr old.... barf.

Poor girl.

Gambit12345 · 2021-04-18T13:16:17+00:00

one of my ex fwb said I had a “textbook pussy”. My ex said I was a unicorn which I thought was a good thing but then realized it’s because I was a pick me doormat that did everything he wanted and let him mold me into his dream woman.

Tomoshaamoosh · 2021-04-18T14:53:39+00:00

My gross compliments were mainly just about my having massive tits. While I wasn’t exactly proud to be told this because duh I know they’re on my chest whenever this was commented on I felt relieved. Relieved because I would think “well at least he likes the size of them” because I was so very paranoid about men finding them gross because they’re quite saggy (for my age at least) from weight loss (at age 20). Any kind of positive comment re my boobs and I would think ‘thank god’ because I was so insecure about the shape of them.

My labia are far too ugly to have ever been complimented and I have received a couple of comments about how big one of them was. My boyfriend really doesn’t give a shit, as any half decent man should, but I still do. I feel like they look like a turkey neck and, while I know that that shouldn’t matter, I still hate what I look like without clothes on. I hate, hate, hate that I’m still jealous of all the other uses on here with their “perfect pussy” EVEN NOW.

Perrytheplatypus03 · 2021-04-18T20:12:52+00:00

I never thought about until now! My ex told my something similar! I had the perfect p***y and that I was his own little porn star. Omg. It makes me wanna laugh and cry at the same time. Wtf. What kind of compliment is that? But his an ex, so..

BongSlurper · 2021-04-18T22:28:17+00:00

Ugh I hear this so much. I’m 25, blonde and barely 100lbs. Could easily be mistaken for underage. I’ve had dudes say all kinds of things like that and I literally hate it. If a guy I don’t know says anything positive about my appearance (ESPECIALLY saying it’s better than other women) I’m immediately turned off and hate the dude. Like I don’t exist for you to be attracted to, your observation means fucking nothing to me.

Bleep_bloop5678 · 2021-04-19T00:21:22+00:00

“I came to a video where the girl looked like you.” I was only 15 and felt like I was in love with the kid, but boy do I wish that I could’ve seen the signs. I was emotionally strung along for 2-3 yrs.

FabledAngryVillager · 2021-04-19T00:39:56+00:00

"I love your small breasts"

I... Never thought they were small until that day

HighPriestess31 · 2021-04-18T16:43:06+00:00

That I should be a stripper or porn star/start an Only Fans or Twitch-thot stream, that I have the body for it... While discussing my existential angst over not knowing what to do for a career. Thanks, bud. Great ideas. So glad I got a degree so I could... look sexy for losers like you?

SpicyScroteRoastery · 2021-04-19T15:20:05+00:00

...Y'all are getting compliments? 🤡

PainttheCosmos · 2021-04-18T18:43:25+00:00

"You think I'd forget an ass like that?" Smh girl! That was not a compliment!

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-04-18T21:17:02+00:00

That I tasted down there like "nothing" which was apparently "a compliment". According to him, his exes were "sour".

sassyheather · 2021-04-18T15:57:55+00:00

I cringe at “I am so impressed by you, it was like I was being blown by a pornstar, and you took that spanking so well and you took all that dick so heroically”

Partypuppers · 2021-04-18T17:05:33+00:00

My ex would brag to our mutual friends that I had the "perfect skinny thicc body" and that I was so hot etc., which I thought was flattering at the time but now I cringe at how objectifying it was. It's nice to be complimented of course, but he could have done it in a more tactful, gentlemanly manner like "she's so beautiful" not literally listing every single physical trait he enjoyed showing off about.

He also used to brag about what a big dick he had. He did have a big dick but I realise now his bragging about me and his dick were more to do with his insecurities (he was overweight) than anything else. He was showing off to the boys what a dude he was for pulling a woman like me, and showing off to the girls that he had a big dick and if a hot, successful woman like me was into him then he must be high status.

It was not shocking when 2 months after we broke up, during a time when he admitted he was still not over me, he started a relationship with a girl in our mutual friendship group who was being the biggest pick me towards him because of all the clout he had built up by showing off about me, my body and his dick lol.

However he is still LV and won't brush his teeth on the regular 🙃.

throughalfanoir · 2021-04-19T15:35:47+00:00

Porn Star Tits by Eliza McLamb. what a real song

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bizzybumblebee · 2021-05-16T04:43:18+00:00

i dated a coworker and he said he daydreamed about eating me out before we were a thing. i took it as a compliment then. 🤮 when i asked him what he liked about me, he said he liked that i'm "wild" as in down for anything 🤮🤮🤮 i was an nlog

Title	Flashback to when my exes would ‘compliment’ my labia by saying they were ‘perfect porn star lips’ and I actually thanked them proudly 🤡
Author	Lemon_bars_addiction
Upvotes	419
Comments	95
Date	April 18, 2021 1:02 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mtcf4s/flashback_to_when_my_exes_would_compliment_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/flashback-to-when-my-exes-would-compliment-my.777766 https://theredarchive.com/post/777766

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