Following hot girls on instagram - red flag?

yoursultana · 2021-09-10T14:03:33+00:00

Read the handbook. Of course it’s a dealbreaker. Also that age gap is very concerning. 32 dating a 40s man. Major no.

p0ludnitsa · 2021-09-10T02:28:42+00:00

If it bothers you enough to ask FDS about it..... then nah. You will never be comfortable with it as time goes on and he will not unfollow them on his own.

Personally, I wouldn't like it either.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-09-10T02:54:58+00:00

Don’t second guess red flags. Ever.

overit_af · 2021-09-10T02:27:26+00:00

Trust your gut. Always. Your intuition is your power… and it’s going haywire for good reason.

fogplum · 2021-09-10T02:46:50+00:00

If you’re not ok with it, you’re not ok with it. I wouldn’t be either. First of all he clearly has a type, and if a guy has a type that is nothing like me I can only imagine misery in my future. Second of all, it’s plain trashy to lust over hot girls publicly. I’ve broken things off because he followed Instagram influencer girls who DID look like me.

I can also say I have met men who don’t do that. Each of exes and some other guys I’ve briefly dated - because this was something I vetted for even pre-fds.

purasangria · 2021-09-10T03:00:23+00:00

Absolute red flag. If he follows hot women on Instagram, I dump him. I had a couple of dates with a man who followed "fitness models" on Instagram that were 30 years younger than him. I blocked and deleted him.

gugalgirl · 2021-09-10T03:39:08+00:00

That would be a no for me. If he is ok consuming women then that's simply an automatic no.

GabbaG0ul · 2021-09-10T02:55:51+00:00

Publicly following “instagram models” with no shame? That’s cringy and a deal breaker for me sis!

pozzalovah · 2021-09-10T03:05:45+00:00

FDS IS AGAINST THIS. block and delete. Huge red flag honestly.

Impossible_Mud_7599 · 2021-09-10T03:48:25+00:00

I didn’t finish reading. You know. And I’m here to tell you you’re right. You can do better.

East-Willingness513 · 2021-09-10T02:45:56+00:00

I don’t agree with it. Instagram should be for following people you know in real life and sharing your own life too, or maybe even keeping up with some actors/sports players etc to see what they are up to. To follow models- especially Insta hotties who make money off being hot is a red flag. If they’re the opposite of you then he may have a Madonna/whore complex. You are nAtUrAl and pure but HIS and they’re fake bitches who he can jerk off to like all the other guys. Also my HVM partner has never followed hot models, he said it’s weird and would feel like a pervy weirdo.

Sentientbeingofvenus · 2021-09-10T04:03:03+00:00

You certainly can date or marry someone who doesn’t even care about social media or have any. That’s what I did. Works out well 🌝

asupernova91 · 2021-09-10T04:15:21+00:00

If it brothers YOU it’s an issue. It’s great that you came to FDS as a lot of ladies here will have some solid advice but even if the advice was “it’s nbd” and you still felt shitty about it, it’s an issue. Your feelings are valid. There’s no such thing as overreacting, you’re simply reacting. I hate that term because it’s almost always exclusively used on women and almost exclusively when it’s related to some shitty thing their partner did. Personally, yes it would bother me and I’d consider it a red flag.

to_learn_to_fly · 2021-09-10T07:07:26+00:00

Red flag. HVM, especially HVM in their 40s, don't waste time on browsing Insta models, they are too busy with their careers, hobbies and interests.

LR_today · 2021-09-10T03:54:30+00:00

I have the same issue. I decided it was enough of a red flag to let him go. I don't need to know he has 100 backups if he decides against me.

shedipity · 2021-09-10T04:25:20+00:00

first of all, think of why he’s following them. for their diet and fitness advice, fashion inspiration? i don’t think so. he’s following them because they’re hot and half naked. trust your gut, but this is a FDS red flag. you’re bothered enough to ask us about it so i suggest block and delete!!

hazelbutter35 · 2021-09-10T03:28:51+00:00

Something I’ve noticed over the years is that anything that gives you an immediate ‘ick’ reaction, ALWAYS turns into a problem. Sometimes it takes months or years, but it always comes back up and causes issues. Trust your gut. Any guy who chooses to spend his free time looking at other women who he doesn’t even know, simply for pleasure… it’s no different than porn to them. Red flag.

mitskiismygf · 2021-09-10T03:09:45+00:00

Of course that’s a no lol. If he’s following “hot” women he doesn’t know IRL, it’s because he’s A) jerking off to them, B) sliding into their dms, C) both. If he knows them IRL that’s one thing, I would assume harmless, but influencers?? Nah sis.

notanamebutok · 2021-09-10T03:47:33+00:00

FDS disapproves of this and considers this a red flag during the vetting phase.

If you told your friends and they said, "good luck finding someone who doesn't do that" well, I'd be disappointed that their standards for men are so so low that we are willing to publicly allow and accept our partners to "heart" or "react" to women wearing next to nothing that probably look nothing like us. It's flirting. Cyber. But still flirting. Your friend(s) can see that your bf is liking these photos and it's not a simple, "oh he liked that aesthetic or blah blah blah"

It's a shout from the proverbial rooftops saying, "I have a partner and yet I am flirting with you online"

A lot of times it doesn't stop here..

My ex would literally message these insta models, porn stars, even local women who were 400lbs, or pregnant, or 13, and ask them for nudes or offer them 500-1000 USD to fuck him, when he couldn't even buy our child (accidental pregnancy & abusive relationship) diapers or help me put together baby furniture.

My current partner, I checked all his social media, including his reddit (he doesn't know that I know his reddit name, but he's daft enough to make it his other handles from other sites)

No hot girls anywhere. Hobbies I consider silly/don't understand? Yes. But I'd rather him be looking at the newest frugal magic the gathering tips than some insta models tits.

I'm glad I've leveled up and I truly, 100% believe in my heart that the man I am with now is the man that the universe created for me. He is HVM, sensitive, protective, loving, and ambitious in all of the best ways. This man (and his hobbies) will be my husband someday. (Not just me saying this, but him, too. His timeline is to be married around 3-4 years from now.) He made his intentions clear to date to find a suitable partner to marry, not to date to waste time.

I'd trust your gut and say, "thank you, next."

Specific-Composer300 · 2021-09-10T07:02:11+00:00

These count as soft porn accounts. And if he's looking at and following them publicly, imagine what he's looking at and doing privately.

Sweet-yet-not · 2021-09-10T07:21:44+00:00

Absolute red flag.

ZookeepergameGlad611 · 2021-09-10T04:45:42+00:00

Every guy I've met who has done this has been a cheater or porn sick. Women following wellness influencers = she might have self esteem issues or just be super into yoga? Men doing the same = 🤏

aburke626 · 2021-09-10T03:35:56+00:00

You know it’s a red flag, and that’s why you’re here. If you talk to your friends and your friends think this is normal, don’t listen to them. Not all guys follow models on Instagram. You should have standards that exclude the dudes that do.

Edit: I skimmed the OP and had to reword my post.

Apprehensive_Slice28 · 2021-09-10T02:34:46+00:00

In my experience, men like this are not at all gentleman-like. There are a lot of men who don’t follow accounts like this, and it’s downright embarrassing for the guy (and the girl he is dating) if he publically likes these kinds of accounts especially if they are vulgar. People end up pitying the girl if they see him like these types of photos and you wouldn’t want to be in that position. Save your dignity, hold your head up high, and move on.

BiscuitWoof · 2021-09-10T04:48:11+00:00

Any time I see a man do this I lose all my respect for him. Trashy, creepy, desperate, tone deaf and so unaware of how others perceive him. He thinks he’s the man but really, HVM and women just see him as deluded and disrespectful. Why is he, an old geriatric scrote, so entitled to see young women’s bodies? And he probably thinks not only does he deserves to see them and that it’s his right as a man, but that the girls are also doing it all for him lol.

Just know if you stay with him, at best, other women will pity you, at worst, they will laugh behind your back.

riricide · 2021-09-10T12:32:51+00:00

Big no. C'mon that's so cheap and disgusting. He's basically programming his brain to objectify women every time he opens his feed. Also he is 40. If he wanted fitness inspiration there are lots and lots of clean accounts of influencers who talk about it and a fair number of men in his age group too. The insta model stuff is soft porn. It's as sleazy as having a giant calendar on the desk which has pictures of bikini models. Tasteless and creepy.

99babytings · 2021-09-10T02:40:13+00:00

i had the same thought process as you. i was told by everyone it’s normal for men and i gave a guy who followed a thousand instagram models a chance. worst decision i ever made he was very selfish and unattentative and not to mention had ed at 22

advicerain · 2021-09-10T06:46:48+00:00

My partner is mid 30s and he follows his friends, tattoo artists, and animals. His discovery feed has no asses and models. It's a good life and he's a wonderful man. I don't know if its a red flag but to me it can be because of misogynistic reasons like not seeing women as people.

gamerguuuurl · 2021-09-10T02:29:34+00:00

No you’re not overreacting. I’ve been trying to put into words for 10 minutes why you’re not but I can’t because I can’t even think of a reason why it’s acceptable for men to ogle women on the internet.

GigaKarenEnergy · 2021-09-10T04:10:00+00:00

I would pass. He’s not going to unfollow them after you guys get together. And the fact that he’s 40 and still doing that shit? Flag🚩

questionablecouscous · 2021-09-10T07:28:15+00:00

Ummm how many are we taking about here? One or two unattainable celebs, sure, we all get those. But I was looking at this mature, successful tech entrepreneur in his 30s and damn near all his follows were young hot girls in their early/mid 20s. Ugggh. I was so surprised at how quickly I got turned off. Thanks FDS.

akalanaya · 2021-09-10T02:47:47+00:00

I don't like it either, but you're right in thinking most women would consider it normal. I find myself justifying it as well, even though I don't follow hot influencer men on Instagram and feel no need to. Do you follow any men on Instagram purely for aesthetic reasons?

I feel that you need to assess the kind of content the people he is following are putting out. There are some very attractive and fit YouTubers who could be considered 'hot' but all of their content is geared towards fitness and the focus is not on their body.

From the sound of it, he is following women who are putting out content focused on their body so the only reason to view it is stimulation. If you don't follow accounts like that, I think it is reasonable to look for a partner who has similar standards - at least that's what I tell myself.

Can I ask what green flags you have seen that point to him being HV? Just for research purposes, heh.

onceuponasea · 2021-09-10T11:14:19+00:00

Ew he is over 40 and following women 20 years younger than him? Nah. That’s gross.

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-09-10T02:57:34+00:00

Not all guys follow women like that, it’s a deliberate choice, not an automatic thing. Some of those guys who follow them are predatory, some of them are shopping, some of them are idiots, some of them are delusional, but no, none of them do it “because they’re guys,” they do it because they want to see women.
Is it a lot of them, like half of his list? Or like five of a thousand people he follows? Context.
Are they just hot chicks? Or are they bots/marketing/only fans types? He might just have hot friends?
Even if it’s just one, if it’s a turn off, it’s a boundary that you’re entitled to have. Ask him.

xfelugirlx · 2021-09-10T04:22:13+00:00

Well that’s less disrespectful than my ex that literally follow whores that aren’t famous people on ig ☠️ Trust your instincts if you feel that it isn’t good, do you. Block him lol

Top_Nothing2893 · 2021-09-10T07:05:59+00:00

Sounds like he objectifies women lusting over fantasies. He sees women as sex objects. This would make me keep distance. Proceed with caution.

Madssmkay · 2021-09-10T04:11:55+00:00

A man in his 40s on Instagram is a red flag to me much less following random women he’ll never meet. Move on

Koolkat30625 · 2021-09-10T04:35:30+00:00

Even if it's not a red flag to anyone else, it's a red flag to you. I personally would weigh the pros and cons of a relationship with him. But if it's a deal breaker for you, then you should not date him because I can only see this being an issue in the future. Do what you feel is the right thing for you.

ucfstudent10 · 2021-09-10T05:20:42+00:00

red flag for me because I would be turned off once I see that lol

Epiphan3 · 2021-09-10T12:11:40+00:00

Red flag for sure. We all know why he’s following them, it tells everything about how he views women.

Comicalacimoc · 2021-09-10T13:11:21+00:00

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-09-10T21:04:29+00:00

My ex did this. It destroyed me. I tried to be like them and it was bad. Lol

It was like living up to his fantasy.

If a guy ever does this to me again… I’m out!

PEGARTYNUT · 2021-09-10T02:54:25+00:00

Blergh. Wouldn’t fly with me but it’s your choice.

testing1to3 · 2021-09-10T04:46:05+00:00

Em Rata and Alexis Ren? Wow my perception has gotten really warped because they look completely natural to me like girl next-door’s. I thought you were talking about a whole different breed. My issue is he’s over 40 and he’s looking at 20 year olds like an old perv that’s just gross.

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ellbeneen · 2021-09-10T03:02:44+00:00

I think you know what this sub will tell you. Personally, I wouldn’t have a problem but that’s a reflection of my boundaries and relationship! If you’re not okay with it you aren’t okay with it full stop. How he responds to your communication of that is a reflection of the respect he has for your boundaries.

Title	Following hot girls on instagram - red flag?
Author	lapoesia
Upvotes	284
Comments	90
Date	September 10, 2021 2:23 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/plc353/following_hot_girls_on_instagram_red_flag/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/following-hot-girls-on-instagram-red-flag.1069501 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069501

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