This is nothing but truth.

Frogspocket · 2021-07-11T11:03:20+00:00

This is so good. I wish someone had told me that in high school too. Where were the women with actual good advise when I was a kid? Instead of stuff like this I got encouraged to be a "cool girl".

camille_san · 2021-07-11T12:11:01+00:00

This. So much this. Simply watching this reminded me of all the times I’ve set very simple boundaries only to have them readily trespassed. Sometimes I have to come here just to reignite my disgust with LVM because honestly I can be a sucker for a pretty face. Had a date with an attractive guy yesterday and at one point he just like…basically leaps over and starts kissing me. 20-something year old me would have been like “oh he likes me!” but 35 year old me was like WTF. It was not a tasteful moment IMO. I told him he was moving to fast for me and I really wanted to genuinely get to know him. We would talk for a few minutes and he would start trying to kiss me and touch me again and I would have to stop him. Eventually he ended the date because as he said “I have to go do something and you probably have stuff to do too, and this is just going to keep happening (the attempts to put his hands on me) and you don’t want it so…”

Needless to say I was disappointed in him and downright disgusted honestly. We’ve talked before but it was a first date, and you want to be that physical? And since you can’t, you’d rather just end the date? Yes, please GO 🙄

lizajanex · 2021-07-11T09:26:58+00:00

I had to ask an ex repeatedly to pronounce my name correctly. He would sigh & use the excuse that he (vaguely) knew someone with the same spelling who pronounced it differently. Imagine thinking that GETTING THEIR NAME RIGHT is too much to ask 🤡

Partypuppers · 2021-07-11T10:52:42+00:00

I work in events and I was recently visiting a hotel to look at their event space. I got there and the salesman asked me what other venues I was looking at. We usually don't disclose this information and I told him so.

Over the course of the following hour he proceeded to make it so awkward, implying that I didn't trust him enough to tell him what other hotels we were looking at, trying to make me feel guilty, trying to pretend he could help me if only I told him. He kept pestering me about this one very, very basic boundary I had set and I left thinking 'Jesus fucking Christ dude, you would be an awful person to be in a relationship with.'

I'm 100% sure he thought I would capitulate and tell him, but I'm actually someone who can handle feeling awkward and am not someone who can easily be peer pressured into things. Besides, I understood what was happening and that just made me even more stubborn about not telling him! 😂🖕

throwaway8437764 · 2021-07-11T08:55:43+00:00

If you ask a guy to stop asking you out on last minute dates and only ask you out in advance, is that a boundary?

akashyaboa · 2021-07-11T09:43:19+00:00

Oooh this is so funny because I did it instinctively. My parents wanted me to talk to somw guy (because in my culture I'm an old cat lady already). I wasn't very enthusiastic about it because I can't be bothered with men from my culture for I know how they are raised, seen it first hand. I admit I didn't go in with an open mind. However the man refused to call be by my name. He found a surname for me and However much I asked him not to call me that but my name, he didn't want to. So I said " if you're not calling me by my name, don't call me at all", and blocked. I admit I blocked because I hated him from the beginning but still I see how LVM don't care about your boundaries like at all.

Platipus6 · 2021-07-11T05:36:57+00:00

Confirmed. Every ex violated my boundary within minutes, and definitely before the end of the week.

LVM have some kind of compulsion to be defiant. Their brain is wired wrong.

creamtart_ · 2021-07-11T05:04:23+00:00

This is honestly the best advice ever. It’s applicable to any relationship context: colleagues, friends, family, partner. Set and enforce boundaries, recognise who respects them, appreciate those who do, and distance yourself from those who don’t.

leekykeeks · 2021-07-11T15:09:30+00:00

This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships, either. Platonic and familial also count.

extragouda · 2021-07-11T07:48:02+00:00

I do this with male friends too. The ones that are "okay" get really annoyed, but then back off and remember what NOT to do. The ones that are rubbish get really annoyed, and then keep trying to cross the boundary.

your-beast-of-burden · 2021-07-11T18:04:47+00:00

When I was OLD one boundary I started setting is that I prefer to keep communication on the app until the first date. You can still communicate, make voice/video calls on all the apps, there was really no difference from having my number.

I started doing this on accident after a few men got upset when I said no. I realized how quickly men would show their asses if there was a boundary they didn’t like and how easy this one was to enforce. If I say no to exchanging numbers either they would be super respectful and say of course I understand or this got them really really pissed off. A few cussed, a few would randomly bring it up like am I doing well enough to have your number (like you could respect the boundary, maybe plan the date, and we can meet up and see what happens). If they kept pushing asking for it, I would repeat myself once or twice before just unmatching. If they cannot respect that, then I couldn’t trust them with more. Simply put.

It’s a super small boundary, but it was a great test to see if they respected my wishes and how they responded to not getting what they wanted.

pennynotrcutt · 2021-07-11T14:59:54+00:00

This ain’t nothing but the truth, the whole truth, so help me God.

i2aminspired · 2021-07-11T18:22:37+00:00

I wish I had heard this in my 20s. I told a guy I was "seeing" that I didn't like it when he called me sexy. He called me a bitch and said it was a compliment. It was degrading to me but I didn't know any better and didn't want to be alone so I kept tolerating his shit. It got worse.

zagreus8me · 2021-07-11T17:39:00+00:00

I've actually been using that as a litmus test for every guy I meet. So far not one guy has respected any boundaries.

MulticoloredCatMug · 2021-07-11T14:58:33+00:00

This is SO true.

JustAnotherPickle44 · 2021-07-11T06:37:30+00:00

This to a "T"!

greenbagmaria · 2021-07-11T22:23:40+00:00

I don’t like men asking these questions. Feels like their researching to better deceive women.

Coincidentally, most questions from men on relationship Reddit can be boiled down to: how can I fake being a HVM so I can speed up having sex?

Macabre-b-ean · 2021-07-11T08:18:07+00:00

I find this hard advice to take (mostly because I am terrible at transgressing the small boundaries but very much respect the ones that are a big deals and my own boundaries align with that mindset). Any suggestions from people in a similar boat to me?

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-07-11T19:53:05+00:00

100% this is the absolute first thing I do when vetting a new guy. Can and will they respect a boundary.

warinmymind94 · 2021-07-12T04:20:38+00:00

This is handbook/strategy material.

I advise for everyone to follow this and pick a small boundary asap to see how they respond. It's telling and a good way to not waste more of your time

Dinaslabyrinth · 2021-07-12T14:45:21+00:00

I think it’s cute how he stood in the bathroom next to the shower curtain to show how tall he was lol.

Has anyone else noticed the little tricks guys do to show some sort of masculinity?

Also, I agree with starting small and expanding as he pasts the smaller tests

sleutherino · 2021-07-14T14:43:07+00:00

u/savevideo

heleninthealps · 2021-07-16T11:08:47+00:00

u/savevideo

freelancepsychic · 2021-07-16T18:52:46+00:00

I do this. The thing that came to mind is when guys I've just started talking to send me a "good morning beautiful" text or whatever. Not even my boyfriends would do that, and it's not like I care if they do. I like my space and I don't like a man I barely know texting me at 7am with some cheesy good morning text. I know everyone is different but for me I don't like it. So I'll just say "hey I don't like getting good morning texts from men I'm not even dating". If they are put off by it, so be it. It means they don't respect boundaries and they were likely trying to emotionally manipulate me. I'm sure these guys send that same text to multiple women, as if it's a game to them. I can't stand it

Title	This is nothing but truth.
Author	ArugulaIsAwesome
Upvotes	3553
Comments	81
Date	July 11, 2021 4:34 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ohxv7y/this_is_nothing_but_truth/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-is-nothing-but-truth.791275 https://theredarchive.com/post/791275

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