Why do so many men hate gift giving?

manwatheil_undomiel · 2020-12-23T19:47:15+00:00

bEcAuSe ThEiR lOvE lAnGuAgE iS pHySiCaL tOuCh NoT gIfT gIvInG

vardebi · 2020-12-23T19:15:29+00:00

I really enjoy making people feel special and seeing their reaction.

That's it right there. LVM don't enjoy making anyone feel special but themselves, unless it's a means to an end.

If you're into giving the benefit of the doubt (not recommended), people sometimes don't enjoy gift-giving because the uncertainty of figuring what the other person might want provokes a lot of anxiety. But IME if you can't pay close enough attention to your partner that you can't figure out what she wants.... you're just not interested in knowing what she wants unless she beats you over the head with it.

chasingastarl1ght · 2020-12-23T21:55:02+00:00

Men, if they care about you, actually love gift giving. Like, they love to brag about getting their girlfriend and wives nice things. They like to show that they can afford things and will insist on getting them for his dream girl. You never hear guys brag about how cheap he was with an engagement or how little thought he put into a proposal if he’s in love. Look at high school boys, they secretly love going all out on prom and promposals. That’s not a fluke. If he doesn’t care or complains, it’s because he doesn’t care about you

V9921 · 2020-12-23T18:45:38+00:00

[deleted]

divination__ · 2020-12-23T19:31:58+00:00

I really don't think it's that deep. It's because they have to think about others and exert effort. Usually it requires some forward thinking – ideally taking notice of what your partner wants throughout the year then getting it, but also just shopping well in advance so it arrives on time, and they simply hate that. It's because it's labour and the only reward is making someone else happy, which is not reward enough for them.

vmuzondi · 2020-12-23T19:15:27+00:00

I honestly think it’s because they surround themselves with people they hate/despise. Most men settle in relationships so they are constantly coasting and hoping to get the most out of doing the least. I think most of them are miserable and hoping to find “the one” but don’t feel good enough so they take it out on the victims they choose as forever girlfriends who constantly make them feel inadequate.

smm1892 · 2020-12-23T19:21:53+00:00

It boils down to selfishness and lack of ability to invest time into other people! They expect women to care endlessly for them and put effort into kind gifts that show how much they value the relationship and never be disappointed in the lack of care they receive in return.

It’s the same as men who can’t be bothered to plan a nice date or vacation or surprise you with anything that you actually enjoy.

letsberealforamoment · 2020-12-23T19:20:50+00:00

Mostly because it forces them to think of somebody else and actually PUT EFFORT into doing so.

Ok-Fee-6353 · 2020-12-23T21:15:53+00:00

I was married for ten years and I can't remember a single gift he gave me.

("single" gift lol)

Ana_jp · 2020-12-23T19:31:53+00:00

I love making and giving gifts, even more than getting them. If a guy asks, this is definitely my love language. It’s amazing how they tell on themselves when they have an issue with that 😂 and it’s always one of those guys who can only show affection during sex (physical touch). They’re such a type.

I think guys have a hard time thinking of what to get me because I come from an obviously privileged background and they assume it has to be expensive for me to like it. Except, my girl friends have figured out how to give me gifts I love within their budgets... I’m really not that fussy if it’s thoughtful.

miiju86 · 2020-12-23T20:41:34+00:00

It's sad - but it just looks like such men don't see the point in gifting someone they think they already "own" (yes, this type thinks like that, sadly). So why invest something in that person?

And if they do, like mentioned in the post, it's often cheap and without thought. It's a burden for them and they don't feel love towards their partners, but "love" the love & affection they get out of them. That's it. Sad, but so often just the truth.

Honestly - how often see they the women in their lifes as just a useful commodity and not as a partner, lover and best friend all in one?

If they only could see that they are not "just" robbing us, but themselves too. Just sad.

In german, we have a saying that goes like "if you have friends like this, then you don't need no enemys anymore"... (maybe this is known in english too?) ... seems to fit there to, IMO.

moxymoxalone · 2020-12-24T06:17:58+00:00

My ex LV husband consistently gave me nothing on birthdays and Christmas while my pickme self would give him several gifts.

I got sick of it after the 4th year we were married. The next year in September he started talking about a rifle he wanted, presumably to give me enough time to save for and acquire his gift. He gave me lots of little details, even the name of the guy to ask for at the gun shop. This would end up being a $600 gift. The shock and audacity of this request, especially after the precedent he had set in letting me be the only person without a gift under the tree consistently, pulled me out of my pickme trance. I decided that it was time for me to follow his lead.

Christmas came as it always does and we gathered in our living room to open gifts. As I expected, there was nothing for me under the tree. When our son had opened his last gift and I was cleaning up the wrappings I heard a squeak from where my husband was sitting, wondering about the rifle.

I said, “Well, I finally understood that you’re not much into us exchanging gifts, so I went ahead and just got something for myself” and stretched out my arm for him to admire my new gold/amethyst bracelet.

Queens, the look of disappointment on his face was tasty.

Mcccy · 2020-12-23T19:01:07+00:00

Honestly I have no clue on how anyone can hate giving gifts, unless they hate the other person or something??

It's such a simple thing to do and you don't even HAVE to actually buy something, you can make a cute homemade gift if you're low on money but still want to show the other person you care about them. 🤷

Ok_Satisfaction1911 · 2020-12-23T20:56:23+00:00

Met many who love “it’s so sUpErficIAL. We don’t need materialistic things to show my love”. They’re full of shit every time.

SakuraGirl88 · 2020-12-23T20:26:47+00:00

It forces them to actually use that lump above their ass and not use dick as a Christmas/Birthday etc gift. But if the woman doesn't get him a gift (i.e. a POS5) all hell breaks lose and it results in him bitching to his buds. Or he'll complain that you didn't get him what he wanted while he gets you either nothing, or something totally thoughtless.

stronger_smarter_ · 2020-12-23T19:22:31+00:00

They love gift giving when they're giving themselves a gift. LVM get uncomfortable thinking about pleasing anyone other than themselves.

janatztxcxxx · 2020-12-23T21:35:42+00:00

Don’t date poor guys period. Lot of wealthy men I met love gift giving. Also it’s simple. If a guy doesn’t give you gifts, do the same. Always reciprocate that energy.

bluemoonlit · 2020-12-23T21:18:27+00:00

Yes!! I was literally talking to my friend about this the other day. My father stopped buying my mother gifts before I was born. She buys all gifts for both sides of the family and he has zero input. Occasionally, now that I’m grown, he’ll come to me like two days before Christmas and tell me to get her something from him and he will give me the money. Ridiculous.

And my brother has never had a part in buying gifts for our family. Originally I did everything because he was younger, but now we are both in our twenties and I still buy the gifts for all relations and have to chase him up for half the money. A few years ago, I got frustrated and stopped including him at all. He gave no gifts and complained about what I had done, lol. His excuse: I’m never in shops. As if I just go to them recreationally. Now he has a gf, he gets her a gift but always last minute, and usually getting my mum to get part of it.

They have this attitude where, if it’s a home or life thing and it takes effort, the shouldn’t have to do it. Like keeping house, visiting (pre pandemic) and caring for elderly relatives, childcare, etc. No sense of responsibility

tooflyforashireguy · 2020-12-24T00:02:09+00:00

I’m currently arguing this with my SO atm. I constructed an approved list of items to either purchase or inspire. It ranged from my favourite authors, my book wish list, trinkets, jewellery, clothing and experiences. Like, all bases covered here. I was told that I’m too difficult to buy for (I’m not you literally only have to know me to know what I’d like) and so I constructed it. Only to be told, he made me do it out of petty spite and wants to come up with things that he thinks I need.

He also hates that I’m insanely good at guessing presents as well just from the shape of the box (it’s a tradition in our family to wrap things in odd shapes to beguile you).

He’s bought AirPod pros, which for anyone else is probably a really cool gift, but for me not so: A) I’d literally bought a new Bluetooth headset a week before he purchased them therefore making their use redundant. B) I suffer from awful ear infections and means wearing earphones aren’t actually that comfortable. C) my ear drums perforate regularly which is v painful and I find earphones direct the sound to the spicy pain.

In short, a high value item I’ve never been interested in but could have chosen 917165262819273616 other things with a greater sense of thought and consideration.

_RustInPiece_ · 2020-12-23T22:40:25+00:00

Because most men are LV and LVM don't care about anybodys pleasure and joy exept their own.

DallasM19 · 2020-12-23T23:25:16+00:00

Because they hate putting effort into anything that isn't for themselves.

I'm currently livid and I don't care if it makes me sound spoiled:

My coworkers all know I love Prosecco. I'm the only female in the workplace. It's around 15dollars a bottle here. They should ALL know I hate red wine and that it makes me sick - migraine trigger and gives me HIVES. SOMETIMES ON MY FACE.

There are five of us in the office. Five.

I got red wine and some cheap, shitty Chardonnay.

They don't even try.

However my coworker got two bottles of sparkling wine. I cannot tell you the level of Slap in the Face that felt like.

frogchickenhorse · 2020-12-23T20:48:31+00:00

Because they have to think about other people rather than themselves 24/7. And spend their precious cash

Platipus6 · 2020-12-24T02:39:19+00:00

I'm certain LVM have hoarding disorder. It's caused them to become transactional. If they give and don't get something they want, or what they expected right away they feel pain and as if they lost something.

They feel robbed, depleted, less than and anxious.

It's why they loathe going to dinner and not getting sex. The experience of going to a nice restaurant with pleasant company means nothing because they lost money and didn't gain sex to zero it out.

Making other people feel joy isn't on their list of things to trade for. So they give something as small as possible to minimize their pain.

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2020-12-24T02:55:52+00:00

Because they are lazy and cheap.

basicbagels · 2020-12-24T04:03:15+00:00

Because they’re lazy and selfish

GettingOffTheCrazy · 2020-12-23T19:43:40+00:00

I've been dating a man for only two months and he bought me three really thoughtful gift for Christmas wrapped nicely and was so excited to see me open them. I wasn't even expecting to do gift with him this year since we have only been dating such a short amount of time. They are out there ladies.

questcequunefemme · 2020-12-23T21:14:39+00:00

What i noticed with my friends who are in relationships, is that most of the time the man can't be bothered to know what the people he "cares" about like. His gf will even buy gifts for his parents and siblings. These men can "date" a woman for 10 years and still know nothing about her, probably because every time she opens her mouth, he goes "Omfg women talk too much, just show me titties" and never listens. Pathetic.

warinmymind94 · 2020-12-24T05:19:57+00:00

I have seen men give gifts especially cheap and generic ones just to love bomb or think that a single rose will excuse their lousy behavior - like the fact he didn't respond to your text the entire weekend, cancelled plans or stood you up, or if you live together he always makes messes yet leaves them for you to clean like you are a maid,

if a man gives you a gift it should be thoughtful and you should be able to tell he put in some form of effort, and it shouldn't be given just to appease you after treating you poorly

veruscka · 2020-12-24T16:15:59+00:00

My ex I was with for 5 years had a hobby of repairing/tinkering audio equipment. He gave me a broken record player, busted tape player, broken amp, etc as presents, then say he was going to fix them up for me... then it would just sit at his house. When he would finally get them working, he would just keep them. I think I kind of would have preferred to just not exchange presents with him so I wouldn’t feel resentful about giving him a gift and literally getting junk in return 😆

CassieGreen85 · 2020-12-25T04:59:51+00:00

Watch out, these same men who "hate gift giving" are the same men who have been whining and pouting to their girlfriends/wives for a PS5.

ferociouslycurious · 2020-12-24T07:38:00+00:00

Even when the ones who try really try, some of them get overwhelmed in the store. It took several repeats of my ex buying the wrong thing before he’d consistently get grocery shopping right. I’d send photos via text and he would still sometimes pick the wrong thing that was off in color by a bit or had the wrong words on it so was technically completely different (like shampoo variations in the same brand).

Title	Why do so many men hate gift giving?
Author	V9921
Upvotes	297
Comments	70
Date	December 23, 2020 6:42 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kiyms7/why_do_so_many_men_hate_gift_giving/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-do-so-many-men-hate-gift-giving.730537 https://theredarchive.com/post/730537

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