Would you date someone who doesn’t understand misogyny?

sleutherino · 2021-12-19T05:41:59+00:00

Definitely not. First off, people who say things like this often do understand it, they just don't care or think the problem is even "that bad".

I'd try to educate them once or twice, but if there's a resistance, then they're either willfully ignorant, a tad misogynistic themselves, or have a very stubborn, closed mindset. All of which is unattractive to me.

Like, I need somebody with an open mind as I have myself. I'll listen to other people's POV and try to see it their way for the sake of discussion, but I won't extend the courtesy to people who refuse to do the same.

Somebody who doesn't understand misogyny isn't ready for a relationship with a feminist. Could make for a great informational opportunity, but not a relationship.

RhiannonEmilia · 2021-12-19T05:55:04+00:00

Nope. Went through this year. He didn’t understand why I as a young woman would be cautionary of taking walks by myself… Really?

xfelugirlx · 2021-12-19T06:24:14+00:00

If he doesn’t understand it, they perpetuate it

Sage_Planter · 2021-12-19T05:34:53+00:00

No.

It just shows a general lack of education and empathy.

Yes, we all know #notallmen, and yes, certain things have improved for certain women. But... it's still #waytoomanymen, and there are plenty of women still in crap situations.

My NVM ex had this attitude (and probably still does) that things are now harder on men. He was unable to see things from different perspectives, and this just highlights how "me, me, me" selfish he always was.

smolcontrolledbursts · 2021-12-19T06:56:47+00:00

No, it's an obvious sign they lack empathy. It also shows extreme stupidity, those genes can die with them please and thankyou.

arnezuara · 2021-12-19T05:33:02+00:00

No. If they refuse to understand it, then I want nothing to do with them. Why would I want to date someone who’s willfully ignorant and clueless?

fireforestfairy · 2021-12-19T06:20:42+00:00

No. They're probably misogynistic themselves for being out of touch with what women have to go through.

Technical_Moth248 · 2021-12-19T05:44:55+00:00

No lol. I would not be able to love or trust a man like that. I also wouldn't call it not understanding, your wording suggests he just doesn't care (dismissive response to an attempt to educate, which tbh you shouldn't bother as men shouldn't need to be coached to care about women)

honestlyidkfr · 2021-12-19T12:38:35+00:00

Can he understand things like racism or homophobia? If yes, then he’s deliberately choosing not to recognize misogyny. If no, then he’s just plain stupid or worse, a perpetrator of racism / misogyny / etc. I don’t want to date either.

scorchedsouI · 2021-12-19T11:42:24+00:00

Are you asking whether I would date a misogynist? Obviously not.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-12-19T06:03:33+00:00

queeninprogress · 2021-12-19T11:47:10+00:00

Nope. Absolutely not. I don't expect someone who's read lots of feminist theory, but I do expect someone with some damn empathy, which is honestly all it takes to not dismiss women's experiences

RadfemBlack · 2021-12-19T06:16:49+00:00

jfk31989 · 2021-12-19T12:55:00+00:00

Nope. Every man I’ve encountered that uses that phrasing sees themselves as a morally gray devil’s advocate. Will always bring up “wHaT aBoUt ThE mEn” whenever women’s (social justice issues in general) are being talked about.

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2021-12-19T07:28:03+00:00

Absolutely not.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-12-19T14:52:19+00:00

No. I would also not date someone who thinks they know all about misogyny (because let's be real, they don't). Men have gotten to decide what's best for women for too long. I will not date someone that dismisses my voice or other women's voices on issues that predominantly affect women.

InspectorGadget07 · 2021-12-19T09:56:28+00:00

If they “don’t understand” they’re part of the problem.

Further, comments about women having it way better than years ago show exactly what the problem is. It isn’t that they don’t understand it’s that they don’t think the complaints are valid or worth anything. They think women should shut up and be happy they’re not being treated like they were in the 60s. That their current treatment is good enough.

Imagine saying that to a black person? Why are you protesting being shot unarmed in the streets by the cops. At least there’s no sEgReGaTiOn anymore…be grateful!

Same energy

A person who dOeSnT uNdErStAnD misogyny is a misogynist. And it isn’t because he can’t see the inequalities, it’s that he’s playing dumb because he thinks our feelings on it are stupid and we don’t have a right to complaint on it

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-12-19T14:50:52+00:00

Hell no!

Any man who plays "devils advocate" when it comes to women's issues or says "not all men" is derailing what I'm saying and deserves a flat ghosting.

If he doesn't respect other women, chances are he won't respect me.

DiosaCordilia · 2021-12-19T14:02:29+00:00

Absolutely not You can't can not understand it, without a will to pay attention. You just don't care so in fact you don't care about me (a woman) and women in general. Bye.

Khentiamentiu42 · 2021-12-19T09:11:46+00:00

radical__daphne · 2021-12-19T15:37:59+00:00

Would I date a gaslighter? No. Because that's what the examples you gave are. Ditch this ass!

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-12-19T14:20:27+00:00

No and there is not such a thing as not understanding it, unless severe developmental impairment. What are the terms? Denial? Weaponised ignorance?…. I would strongly suspect those are the most misogynistic of all.

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-12-19T16:58:17+00:00

Absolutely not, no never, not in a million years, not if he was amazing in every other way.

But can 100% guarantee that he is NOT amazing in every other way, because his life will be full of “it’s never happened to me so it doesn’t exist.”

See also: selfish in bed.

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-12-19T17:00:52+00:00

“Not all men”

Well, not all chambers have bullets, but no one plays Russian Roulette for funsies, asshole.

(Apologies to Russians, I don’t yet know what to call it without the reference)

FUBARfromLSA · 2021-12-19T17:31:40+00:00

Lol, he understands it just fine.

Block delete

ReadLearnLove · 2021-12-19T14:41:07+00:00

No I would not. Why date such an insensitive person when you could be enjoying life?

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-12-19T06:50:13+00:00

I tried dating someone who thought feminism meant female supremacy. I brushed it off at first and explained to him. but he didn't accept my explanation.

let's say things didn't go well.

others might say: he told you who he was then and there and you refused to believe it and thought you could educate him.

I was a clown. when someone tells you who they are, believe them. if that's not something you wish to put up with, dump them.

it's not our job to educate adults who refuse to educate themselves.

DoversBlue · 2021-12-19T16:07:20+00:00

I did that once. I ended getting groped and sexually harassed. I don't recommend. It's usually an indicator of abuse down the line. By engaging with men like that, even if only for the sake of discussion, what you are seen as is being permissive. They'll believe there's at the very least a chance to override your boundaries, or convince you what's misogynist is actually not.

Be careful. Stay safe out there.

moonartemis1989 · 2021-12-19T14:34:36+00:00

mynameisrominka · 2021-12-19T16:09:41+00:00

No. It means he has no empathy and I would not count with his support. So nope, not dating material.

lolmemberberries · 2021-12-19T14:46:10+00:00

Hell to the no.

chasingshoesales · 2021-12-19T20:15:29+00:00

It's like trying to date someone who doesn't understand that we breathe oxygen. If you don't know what oxygen is, you're too intellectually inferior or educationally disadvantaged for me.

FineDeliciousSnakes · 2021-12-19T15:48:26+00:00

afrodeasyak · 2021-12-19T23:00:44+00:00

No bevause if I'm going to actually make time to date someone, something I've been happily not doing for a while now, I'd rather it be an adult man who is aware of how the world works, the patriarchy, his very own biases and I for sure will never ever make it my burden to explain it to them.

Inspection-Critical · 2021-12-19T16:52:36+00:00

Fuck no.

Hhjjuuy · 2021-12-19T16:54:10+00:00

Absolutely not.

StrawberryMoon3 · 2021-12-19T16:58:33+00:00

Big fat no

ArtisticBrilliant491 · 2021-12-19T18:14:36+00:00

Nope. No. Never.

NorthrnSwede · 2021-12-19T18:47:10+00:00

Salt_Satisfaction · 2021-12-19T11:06:15+00:00

No, I'd be frustrated. At that point it's not even that he bas been living wilfully under a rock and likes it down there, it sounds like when you try to explain it to him, he doesn't think it's a valuable thing to be aware of.

It's not that be doesn't understand it, it's that he doesn't like not keeping his privileges and he pretends to keep them at your expense.

Muffcakelord · 2021-12-20T04:43:22+00:00

I struggle a bit honestly. I read a lot. And i'm more educated on societal issues than most, especially men, so i hate it when men say "yeah but it's not relevant or s relevant in our society", because they obviously then admit that they think misogyny is an isolated issue or not as critical as i think it is. Some say "yeah but change takes time, we've come a long way". They're entirely wrong and entirely right depending on perspective, but in all they make it seem like i'm just overreacting or making it seem bigger than it is. Pink tax? Not so much misogyny as a capitalist scheme. Porn? Not so much misigyny as a capitalist scheme. Abortion ban? Just people who care about babies, not misogyny. The list never ends.

They agree that misogyny at least WAS an issue or IS an issue somewhere else. They rarely agree it's a high alert issue right here, right now. I have yet to meet a man who doesn't undermine misogyny compared to how i see it.

BrightIdeaGenerator · 2021-12-21T03:56:39+00:00

No. They don't have to be one of the "bad guys" but they DEFINITELY know them.

Ok-Appearance5982 · 2021-12-22T01:04:47+00:00

No and I’m not educating either.

Title	Would you date someone who doesn’t understand misogyny?
Author	hikurangi2019
Upvotes	312
Comments	56
Date	December 19, 2021 5:30 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rjpud0/would_you_date_someone_who_doesnt_understand/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/would-you-date-someone-who-doesnt-understand.1091700 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091700

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