Do we need each other?

ohheyhi99 · 2022-02-15T14:59:05+00:00

In general, people need people. Some men and women are very good for you while others are not.

NotTheBestMoment · 2022-02-15T13:53:04+00:00

Depends on your definition of need, or it’s application. You don’t need anything, because you control your life and how it goes. You can feed yourself and grow old without a woman. You can have a biological kid without a relationship with a woman, but you do need the woman so idk how you would categorize that. You need some of the women in the workforce, but not on a personal level so idk if you count that. People don’t need each other for interpersonal relationships. People usually just want it

icanchi · 2022-02-15T15:24:48+00:00

I'm not a male, but absolutely we don't need each other. Love, partnership, dating are choices.

As you, I've had terrible experiences with males, and have realized I'm better without them in my life.

We have been taught it's a need, but let's face it, beyond the sexual impulse (which can be easily satisfied without another human) life is better without an immature idiot making your like harder, just because we can't handle the fear of being alone

TonytheNetworker · 2022-02-15T14:29:32+00:00

Most women don't care if you take yourself out of the dating pool.

What women don't like is incels online rhetoric.

cowfishAreReal · 2022-02-15T15:05:53+00:00

We need society in general and the services it provides, but nobody NEEDS sexual/romantic partners that's a want not a need, and depending on the person that can make your life much better or much worse. Now thinking all couples are fake, that's some dumb shit.

Gravel_Roads · 2022-02-15T15:38:22+00:00

So when I was a young man, I thought I didn't like beer because I'd only tried shitty beer. I didn't just try it once - I tried beer whenever it was available. But it was like... Pabst and Miller Lite. It tasted like dirty melt water.

Then I moved to Philly and went to better bars and had milk stouts and proper ale and micro brews, and I realized it wasn't that I "didn't like beer", it was that I didn't like SHITTY beer.

That's close to what you're describing.

Everytime I see a couple I see nothing but fakeness

... faking what, exactly? Having a happy life with someone whose company they enjoy? That'd be like me not liking beer, and assuming that meant everyone who said they liked beer were only pretending.

Why are woman so disrespectful to some one who doesn't need or want them in their life's?

This question communicates more about you than anything else. Women are not more disrespectful than men. You only notice it from women because you want women. If you wanted to date men, you'd find they are also extremely disrespectful. HUMANS are disrespectful.

So... as for the better question "Why are PEOPLE so disrespectful"?

Because people suck. It's not one any demographic that sucks more.

No_Regular1586 · 2022-02-15T15:30:55+00:00

You don't "need" anyone. You live in a first world country. Question is, are you really okay with being alone out of fear?

manfrom-nantucket · 2022-02-15T13:45:16+00:00

You do you man. I think a lot more men should go their own way and stop obsessing over women. VR porn, advanced sex bots, prostitutes make it pretty easy to live life without being attached to a woman. Just learn how to cook, clean and take care of yourself.

Edit: Im not MGTOW myself but I think MGTOW is a much better option than being bitter and obsessing over women.

Fleischpeitsch · 2022-02-15T13:56:47+00:00

Everytime I see a couple I see nothing but fakeness in it but that's just my opinion.

I had very terrible and bad experience with woman since my early childhood and that's why I don't believe them anymore or have the need to protect and help them.

That sounds like the dictionary definition of a dismissive-avoidant attachment style.

https://www.envisionwellness.co/dismissive-avoidant-attachment-in-adults/

Even though those with dismissive avoidant attachment can look fiercely independent (even to the point of narcissism), their problems frequently stem from low self-esteem.

Dismissive attachment can be particularly difficult to change because if you have this style then you’ve probably led yourself to believe that it’s one of your strengths, which will make you more resistant to change.

https://www.spsp.org/news-center/blog/carvallo-gabriel-dismissive-avoidants-belonging

If the need to belong is a fundamental human need, we should expect to find it in all individuals without exceptions—in much the same way all people need food and water. However, people with a dismissive avoidant attachment style don’t seem to have a need to belong. People with a dismissive avoidant attachment style are often described as lacking the desire to form or maintain social bonds, and they don’t seem to value close relationships. These people report, for example, that they are comfortable without close emotional relationships and prefer not to depend on others. The mere existence of people who say they don’t need others would seem to cast doubt on the fundamental nature of the need to belong.

But a closer look at people with a dismissive avoidant attachment style shows that their dismissiveness may be a defense against real or imagined separation or rejection. Perhaps people develop a dismissive avoidant style to prevent the strong negative emotions that result from social rejection. Is it possible, then, that dismissive individuals also have a strong need to belong—but have learned to suppress it as a defense against potential rejection?

The results clearly showed that people with a dismissive avoidant attachment style do care about social approval. After learning that other students had ranked them first as potential interaction partners, dismissive avoidants—who claim they don’t care about social acceptance or belonging—reported higher self-esteem and positive mood than did non-dismissives who got the same positive feedback.

Once again, people with a dismissive avoidant style showed that they did care about relationships. Dismissive avoidant students reported higher self-esteem and positive mood than non-dismissives—but only when told that surgency predicts future interpersonal success. In other words, students with a dismissive style were clearly pleased when they were told they possessed a trait that would lead other people to like and accept them.

These two studies showed that people with a dismissive avoidant attachment style may have an even stronger need for acceptance than most other people. People who have dismissive avoidant attachment styles clearly have need to feel connected to others. But because they have buried this need under a shell of indifference, it can only be glimpsed by giving them a taste of what all people need and desire most—inclusion and acceptance from others.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201307/how-your-attachment-style-impacts-your-relationship

For example, the person with a working model of anxious/preoccupied attachment feels that, in order to get close to someone and have your needs met, you need to be with your partner all the time and get reassurance. To support this perception of reality, they choose someone who is isolated and hard to connect with. The person with a working model of dismissive/avoidant attachment has the tendency to be distant, because their model is that the way to get your needs met is to act like you don’t have any. He or she then chooses someone who is more possessive or overly demanding of attention.

In a sense, we set ourselves up by finding partners that confirm our models.

People with a dismissive avoidant attachment have the tendency to emotionally distance themselves from their partner. They may seek isolation and feel “pseudo-independent,” taking on the role of parenting themselves. They often come off as focused on themselves and may be overly attending to their creature comforts.

Pseudo-independence is an illusion, as every human being needs connection. Nevertheless, people with a dismissive avoidant attachment tend to lead more inward lives, both denying the importance of loved ones and detaching easily from them. They are often psychologically defended and have the ability to shut down emotionally. Even in heated or emotional situations, they are able to turn off their feelings and not react. For example, if their partner is distressed and threatens to leave them, they would respond by saying, “I don’t care.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201304/what-makes-man-great-romantic-partner

Anxiously attached people are afraid that they will be left uncared for, and therefore are more likely to be the needy ones in an adult relationship.

People who have an avoidant attachment style express their insecurity by distancing themselves from others and never getting emotionally close to their partners.

In the first place, they found, as they predicted, that the anxiously attached men would be the ambivalent sexists, expressing endorsement of benevolent sexism (i.e. women should be placed on a pedestal). The avoidant men expressed their sexism in overtly hostile ways (i.e. women are manipulative and malevolent).

Tracing the pathways between sexism and attachment style, Hart et al. then concluded that the avoidantly attached men don’t necessarily feel sexist just toward their partners, they have sexist attitudes toward women in general. They get there by having strong beliefs in the superiority of their social group, i.e. men. In other words, it’s nothing personal when they treat their partners as underlings or worse, as opponents. Avoidantly attached men also reject romanticism, feeling pessimistic and cynical about love. Their derisive attitudes toward women and romance means that they will not be the ones to shower their partners with affection and attention.

The situation is more complicated for anxiously attached men. Their beliefs that they can’t live without intimate partners, who are central to their identity, lead them to become the heavy duty romantics in the relationship world. Unfortunately, however, they express their feelings by- you guessed it- putting their women up on that pedestal of benevolent sexism.

To sum it up, Hart and his fellow researchers have shown us that men who feel that they must compensate for being psychologically vulnerable are the ones most likely to adopt “isms” of various types, including sexism.

advicethrowaway2718 · 2022-02-15T14:06:18+00:00

Yes. That biological urge is the hardest to suppress, because it is the most fundamental. It is was life is predicated on.

ThatGirl50 · 2022-02-15T18:23:07+00:00

You’ve never been in reciprocal love. That’s ok, but I do feel sorry for you.

chromie96 · 2022-02-15T13:53:44+00:00

It's fucked that you've had those experiences. Women have those experiences too and get the same reaction from men. We don't need each other in our personal life but as a society we do need each other

Pablo_el_Diablo88 · 2022-02-15T14:52:11+00:00

This is solipsism at its best.

goatismycopilot · 2022-02-15T14:35:18+00:00

Women are fine with men deciding not to date or reproduce and fine with MGTOW. They are mostly confused about why men who have decided not to participate keep coming back to remind everybody they are not participating.

ogsimpology · 2022-02-15T15:04:39+00:00

Well, I know I need women. They're a refreshing break from the majority of men. Yes, some men are fine, but mostly it's overly "masculine" in those surroundings, and you can't talk about anything.

Whereas with women I found that I could make friends much more easily, as soon as they detect I am not trying to have sex with them.

SnooCats37 · 2022-02-15T16:45:14+00:00

If you don’t want women in your life, don’t have women in your life. People in general can be horrible. Both men and women. Couples who are together aren’t faking wanting to be with each other. With the amount of time couples choose to spend with each other, it would be exhausting to fake it.

I had really traumatic things happen to me by men when I was growing up. I could very easily spent my life hating men and for a long time I was one of those people who said “all men” but it’s not all men. It’s a minority of men that treat women horribly. Most men are just getting on with their life. When those are your experiences, it’s easy to see them everywhere. For example, I just bought a new car and now I see that type car everywhere I’m driving, there’s not more of those cars on the road, I’m just noticing them more right now.

It’s not all women, but I’m sorry you have been traumatised by whoever hurt you

Ciggybuttbra1n · 2022-02-15T14:14:19+00:00

As a society absolutely, however I think anyone can have a completely content life without the other. In short personally no socially yes.

TonytheNetworker · 2022-02-15T15:02:56+00:00

This doesn't directly relate but if you were to find a woman that matched your ideal would you be open to it? I don't doubt you are happier being single but I somewhat doubt you'll choose to be single over a happy relationship with a woman who respects and treats you well.

Creation_Soul · 2022-02-15T15:47:11+00:00

we need eachother as a colective/society in order to survive, we don't really need eachother as individuals all that much.

I don't need to be together with my wife, but I want to be with her. Ever since being single has lost a lot of its stigma in society, being together with someone should only happen if being together brings you greater happiness than being single.

CatchPhraze · 2022-02-15T17:15:00+00:00

You don't need them and woman don't hate you. Of you leave then alone they will do the same.

manfrom-nantucket · 2022-02-15T18:17:25+00:00

No I can't say men need women anymore for life and pursuit of happiness. If anything women and kids are a detriment to those objectives.

Gigamon2014 · 2022-02-15T17:07:50+00:00

This is ultimately unhealthy.

Dumb hoes and FDS types are irritating. But they're just that...irritating. Dudes who prescribe to shit like MGTOW/inceldom/blackpill just kinda disgust me. Like a resounding, visceral disgust. I grew up as the biggest nerd, was voted among my peers as the least likely to have a girlfriend. But that was when I was fucking 13. I'm not going to pretend as if I dont have misogynistic hangups but eventually you have to move on with your life. You need to get over yourself.

When I read about all the fucked up femicides, lack of basic rights for many women throughout the world or just the fact that I can walk home at night without the paranoia that I would be powerless against an attacker (and yes I know men are MUCH more likely to be victimised by random assailants) I tend to realise that its not all that bad. You as a man are not a victim.

rosesonthefloor · 2022-02-15T17:57:08+00:00

On a societal level, men and women need each other to procreate and keep the human race going.

On an individual level, you can do basically whatever you want! Have fun doing whatever it is you prefer to do.

OperationGingerBalls · 2022-02-15T19:51:06+00:00

Tell yourself you’re happy all you want. Maybe you are, but Jesus, I’d never want to be in a place you’re in. You have no idea what is going on in relationships. This is pure projection. Fakeness? What so fake about these couples? Who is being mean to you about not wanting to date? Women online? Get off your computer. Go outside. Let’s be honest here, you doing make any effort to attract women, therefore can’t, and so made the decision to swear them off. This isn’t about women, it’s about you giving up. That’s your prerogative, though I’m not sure why someone would resign themselves to such an existence. Sounds miserable to me.

softcherryheart · 2022-02-15T20:29:22+00:00

I think certain people are just not built for relationships due to their formative experiences.

Plus I don’t think it’s fair to say that women in general are disrespectful to those that don’t need or want them in their life, that’s just your own personal experience. I’ve personally never heard or experienced anyone to get angry over something like that.

So again, I don’t think you’re built for a relationship because of those experiences, but that doesn’t matter since you’re life is running smoothly. In fact by the sounds of it; seems like it’s helped you.

ButterStuffedSquash · 2022-02-15T22:44:52+00:00

No. We dont. Women dont need men for anything anymore really, we dont even need you for babies.

Ohmaygahh · 2022-02-15T16:47:30+00:00

No. We want each other. Or don't.

It's debatable whether having someone the way in which we desire them enhances most people's lives. But more and more it's appearing that the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

We will see which side blinks first real soon. And in that regard, men are really competitive and most are out to prove a point. We are beaten with daily insults, rejections both big and small, molded by all the failures of multiple lifetimes and stages in life. We are hardened for a long struggle.

My money is on men. Eventually we win.

_lexxxi_98 · 2022-02-15T18:09:58+00:00

I think it’s a lot of women’s biggest desire to be wanted. When we are not wanted then we immediately assume something is wrong with us. I’m a 23f and have been in that spot before. Now that I’m single I relate to how you feel. There’s days when I really want a relationship, and other days I think why would I want to sacrifice my happiness for something not so significant.

I don’t think it’s about needing someone in our lives it’s more about wanting. If you NEED someone In your life then you need evaluate why you do, and if there’s something you should work on personally.

extrachromozomes · 2022-02-15T20:23:11+00:00

Women aren’t randomly rude for no reason, either you deserve it or you only interact with mentally ill women

slendercrescents · 2022-02-15T21:37:49+00:00

The reason why I follow this sub is these outlandish, sometimes genuinely funny statements about the world that have no connection to reality, like this one.

If you don't want women in your life, don't have them there. Just because you had childhood trauma with the opposite sex doesn't mean women are generally bad and all couples are fake.

If couples evoke negative feelings in you, you are probably not that happy on your own.

Who was disrespectful to you as a woman? Who is literally trying to force themselves on you and being offended by you not wanting them? :DIt seems like you had some specific negative experiences and they made you generalize a whole entire gender. Making outlandish statements about large groups of people is not really descriptive of them, it speaks volumes about you though. Face your trauma and stop demonizing half of the world.

And to answer your question: we don't necessarily need each other, but humans are social beings. If someone's needs are being met without a romantic relationship, that is totally fine. We don't NEED to need each other.

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2022-02-15T21:48:20+00:00

Yes…next question

Physical-Ask9399 · 2022-02-15T17:57:25+00:00

Apparently females think they are the superior sex now that males graciously let them out of their cages. So, according to females, no.

s_zauez · 2022-02-15T13:44:14+00:00

it’s because you’re not a 10/10 chad alpha male.

ofc they gonna be fake with u lol

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-02-15T19:03:03+00:00

Yep, in the most literal , primal and basic sense men and women need each other to keep the species going

In terms of just living life in the Modern Age and doing your own thing and having fun, of course not , it's a great benefit if you find the right one but a NEED? No

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-02-15T21:46:50+00:00

Depends on the context. If we're talking sex or romantic relationships, no.

asdf333aza · 2022-02-15T16:20:04+00:00

Women need men when times are hard, but we as men have made their loves too comfortable. We did our job too well. We protected and provided for them too well. And now theyre spoiled and they think everything around them isn't the result of male protection and prosperity.

If we didn't protect them, an invading force would have moved in long ago and they'd be spoils of wars to be used as the enemies saw fit.

SilentObserver1293 · 2022-02-15T20:12:03+00:00

https://time.com/6104105/more-single-men-than-women/

Do believe me now?

HinduProphet · 2022-02-15T21:51:34+00:00

Men need women not really vice versa.

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sarkington · 2022-02-15T16:50:23+00:00

Modern life is set up to avoid dependence, so no

LotBuilder · 2022-02-15T17:55:46+00:00

Only if you want kids. Otherwise we don’t

RavenWiggles · 2022-02-15T19:17:41+00:00

No. Men and women are perfectly capable of living full lives with out each other.

That being said if you find a person that you mesh well with then it can make life easier and harder in different ways.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-02-15T19:34:17+00:00

Fundamentally, if every human held the same mentality as you for 100 years, humanity wouldn't exist anymore. So yea, I would say it's probably bad.

42nanaimobars · 2022-02-15T21:35:43+00:00

“Do we need each other?”

Yes and no.

“Everytime I see a couple I see nothing but fakeness in it but that's just my opinion.”

I don’t see fakeness in my mom and dad or my grandparents, for example.

“I had very terrible and bad experience with woman since my early childhood”

I don’t know what you went through, but I know that each and every woman is different.

“and that's why I don't believe them anymore”

That’s not logical.

“or have the need to protect and help them.”

You don’t need to protect anyone and you aren’t obligated to protect anyone (unless it is your profession). It’s just nice to protect and help people, so long as you don’t put yourself in harm’s way.

“Since my life is not bad”

Good to hear. :)

“my question is... Why are woman so disrespectful to some one who doesn't need or want them in their life's?”

Not all women are disrespectful towards people who want nothing to do with women.

“And do we really need each other?”

Yes and no.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-02-15T21:51:12+00:00

I mean so long as you're happy in your life it seems fine. I don't think it's an issue.

zeroaegis · 2022-02-15T21:52:30+00:00

Bad experiences in life gave you a jaded view. Through those lenses, you "confirm" what you already knew in the people around you.

Some women have issues with rejection, same as anyone. The natural instinct at that point would be to try to tear the other person down to where they feel. It's not a gendered thing, plenty of people of all types do it. I would not say this is healthy behavior in any way.

I would argue we do need each other. You can be perfectly happy completely ignoring 50% of people just due to gender, but a general negative view of them doesn't seem healthy at all. I'm not saying you have to have personal relationships with anyone in particular, but limiting who you connect with based on gender is a problem.

Personally, it was men in my life that I had bad experiences with. As an adult, it took a while to be able to be close friends with other men because of those issues.

Maybe you should talk to a therapist about past experiences to work through whatever happened instead of using avoidance tactics to not have to deal with the base trauma.

2022-02-16T00:07:26+00:00

“Need each other” is pretty broad.

Obviously friends are important if you choose to have them. But If the basis for “needing each other” is solely to reaffirm your preconceived notions and tell you things you want to hear but in more voices: It comes across as more cultish and narcissistic than anything to me.

It should come from a real sense of companionship and real relatability to you, with a group you can genuinely relate to. Not from a vague hatred of “outsiders”.

2022-02-16T02:38:02+00:00

Most people do want a partner. If you don’t then like keep on it; no woman should date a guy with this much unresolved trauma anyways.

EndHlts · 2022-02-16T03:08:16+00:00

We do, and ignoring that fact is going to cause serious problems.

YolloHD1398 · 2022-02-16T04:41:02+00:00

Imo, yes and no

For individuals, it their choice to make

For us humans as a species? Yes

OfCatandPagan · 2022-02-16T06:02:16+00:00

And do we really need each other?

In the grand scheme? No. A lot of people actually just want someone because they fear being alone, some people do genuinely want each other.

2022-02-16T08:17:36+00:00

I’m wondering how your relationship with your mother was. I don’t ask this out of malice, I am genuinely curious as I have a hard time understanding guys who swear off an entire gender.

makemesomething · 2022-02-16T13:13:50+00:00

How much do your jerk off and watch porn?

chdvtt · 2022-02-18T00:49:34+00:00

No, I only need drugs

2022-02-18T14:51:29+00:00

In my experience, people who want a romantic relationship but don’t have one (for whatever reason. Even if self inflicted such as MGTOW or “strong independent woman who don’t need no man”) are generally angry, bitter and kooky people.

And anecdotally, my life is not without problems. But my problems aren’t because I married my husband. In fact my life is so much better because of it. And I don’t know any man who would say they are worse off for having known me. No, not even my exes. And I’m not worse off for having known my exes. There are no hard feelings.

Title	Do we need each other?
Author	SilentObserver1293
Upvotes	29
Comments	264
Date	February 15, 2022 1:40 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/st36zo/do_we_need_each_other/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-we-need-each-other.1102182 https://theredarchive.com/post/1102182

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