How do men view sex?

MisterFunnyShoes · 2025-03-26T12:18:30+00:00

It’s the prime reason the vast majority of men seek relationships

wtknight · 2025-03-26T12:16:07+00:00

At least for me, sex feels better with a woman whom I love than by myself, so you and I are opposites there.

I don’t really get aroused with women whom I have no feelings for, though, which makes me different than the typical guy.

nocommentacct · 2025-03-26T12:14:17+00:00

Do you have no need for intimacy in general? Or just sex?

eyewave · 2025-03-26T12:24:31+00:00

Look, I would not concur with certain other commenters that all is going down the drain, you could still make it work if your partner is open to communication.

I don't know how much I represent "'men" (lol), but for me that act of sex is all about getting connection, touch and intimacy. Sometimes I don't even climax from penetration and, while it makes my gf worry that she's not been good or something, for me it's completely fine, there are times I climax, others not, nothing's wrong. And I also listen to her needs, how she specifically wants to be touched and penetrated. Because some movements do "it" better than others.

If you find the act itself boring, I would suggest seeing if you might have other triggers for arousal (a common example is bdsm shenanigans), and share them with your partner.

I love to get off from sex but another side most men don't really discuss because it's so beta, is to get my partner off. That's my honor, my mission and my pleasure.

Matter of fact, I've once dated someone who never really trusted me for sex and intimacy, didn't end well. So I guess I could not go without sex at all for long periods of time. But hey, at least if I feel secure, loved, and connected, I might reasonably be open to finding alternatives to a blatant break-up.

Conclusion: ask your partner what sex means to him, ask yourself what other alternatives might bring you any form of pleasure, and try to share a little intimacy universe with your partner so he too can feel seen, touched and loved. Disclaimer: if he doesn't want to assist in finding alternatives, that's the moment where you may consider parting ways for incompatibility. That's reasonable too.

Edit; where I do agree with commenters, try to no longer hide what you find boring. Because in sex, communication needs to be clear.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-03-26T13:29:50+00:00

A lot of political factors have made a real exploration and discussion of these things impossible. Sure, the OP is not representative of all women by any means. That said, we have this modern idea that the vast majority of men should be able to find a partner for life and have lifelong, regular sex with desire on both sides if the culture and their situation are all healthy. All aspects of this assumption can be questioned, at least.

It is definitely possible we have sexual expectations that do not match the reality of female biology in many ways, from what % of men can be desired, to how long a woman can usually desire the same man, etc.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-03-26T12:04:07+00:00

Typically I view it from above (I’m not as into girl on top unless I’m sitting and she’s standing and bouncing her ass on me)

I doubt you’ll find guys in here that think it’s boring. Please make sure your partner understands this before you get in a relationship.

Payze- · 2025-03-26T12:44:48+00:00

Colour me an unmanly man if you want but ...

I agree, "thrusting a penis in and out of a vag" can be quite monotonous. But that's not the point of sex, if you ask me.

I desire to be desired. I love to find out more about my body and her body. I love knowing which buttons to push and which buttons I want to have pushed. I want to see my girlfriend happily panting and being exhausted from her orgasm - just like I want to have that privilege too. And if I don't manage to do so, I want to grow so I can.

I want to see my girlfriend smiling ear-to-ear. Doesn't matter if it's about flowers, presents, her finding my stupid little love-notes, just everyday stuff or sex.

And every week! How can it not get tedious.

I sort of get what you mean but also don't. What's the alternative? Not wanting sex every week? That would mean you (or I) start to question: Where did it change? Is it my body that's not wanted anymore? I think the main perception and association of sex is different for the both of us.

Even sex without reaching an orgasm can be 'good sex', definitely!

If we just talk about 'reaching an orgasm' - yes, it can be very tedious, annoying or lots of exercise for a few seconds of having your feelings spike. Especially when you're not in the mood / turned on.

But if we talk about 'sex' - that's a whole nother pair of shoes.

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Colt_Master · 2025-03-26T14:00:59+00:00

Do you consider yourself asexual?

You're not alone, an estimated 1% of the population are, with some of them being men. But that's way less that the third of women that you claim, I'm pretty sure the vast majority of women find your experiences of sex being a chore unrelatable. Being allosexual but low-libido means that you get horny less often, but not that sex feels like a chore.

There's only so interesting thrusting penis in and out of a vag can get. And every week! How can it not get tedious.

Having sex is what allosexual (i.e. non-asexual) people like doing when they get horny.

Disastrous-Lynx-3247 · 2025-03-26T14:18:32+00:00

Good luck

anonymousppd123123 · 2025-03-26T14:30:19+00:00

Most of the time it's not on my mind. When it is on my mind it's the only thing I want

Women dress and behave intentionally in a way to keep it at the forefront of mens minds as much as possible, because they know this will get them preferential treatment. When they talk about dressing slutty not being about attracting men they're being honest. It's about control, and also a bit of sadism. This is similar to a rich man playing with a stack of 100s in front of the homeless. No you cant have any and how dare you view him as a money object he has feelings and shit

The reality is when men don't think about sex they don't think about women much at all

AmplifiedSunnyside · 2025-03-26T15:47:49+00:00

I can't speak for all men, but I can speak for myself, a man. I see sex as the most beautiful, connecting activity between two people in love. It's the point at which two people can be the most vulnerable, can completely join the other in the production of pleasure. It's both raw and instinctual, but also so incredible complex. When you have a sexual experience with someone who you truly love, there are very few other activities that compare.

abaxeron · 2025-03-26T13:16:42+00:00

I'm a non-psychopathic normal adult hetero male human being. I am genetically programmed to like seeing women in pleasure. This is how I view sex. Not as something I want to be lied about to manipulate me to stay in a relationship.

BeerNinjaEsq · 2025-03-26T13:19:10+00:00

I have a high libido, but I don’t think you’re wrong for having a low libido. At the end of the day, we should really just try and find people who are sexually compatible. It’s one of my main five pillars for a successful relationship.

How do men feel about sex? We’re not a monolith. It looks like you’re in the dead bedroom sub, so you know that there are some relationships where the man feels like you do and there are some where the woman feels like you do. And there are successful relationships with both people feel like you do, or neither person.

Personally, I love sex, I love eating good food, I love exercising. I hate jazz and I find it incredibly boring to listen to or watch live. There are obviously people who feel exactly the opposite to me. I imagine finding sex boring is no different than me finding jazz boring. There are obviously many people who find going for a long run or long bike ride boring, repetitive, and tedious, because they don’t see the pleasure in it that I do. And there's a guy who found eating so boring, that he invented meal replacement shakes like Soylent.

ogskatepunkdaddy · 2025-03-26T13:28:33+00:00

Look at the animal kingdom.

In pretty much (as far as I know) every mammalian and bird species there's a certain pattern. Males spend most of their lives trying to impress females. Whether that's by being big and strong, holding a large territory, doing a dance, building a nest, whatever. The test is, do a thing, impress a lady.

How do you know that you've succeeded?

Sex.

Not holding hands, not spending quality time together, not words of affirmation, not picking out paint swatches or going to the farmers' market. Sex.

It is the ultimate and only true litmus test of female approval - biologically speaking.

As such it is the ultimate and maybe not the only, but one of few truly meaningful affirmations of a man's worth that he is ever likely to receive.

If you're bored of your man and sex feels like a chore. SET HIM FREE. He deserves someone who will actually appreciate him in a way that he can feel it. To do otherwise is selfish as fuck. You keep him around because he provides benefits to you, but you starve him of the thing he really needs to thrive.

It is the cruelist of cosmic jokes that this seems to be the way most "loving" relationships go. And it's a shame that we've allowed men to be shamed for admitting to needing sex.

lovelesslibertine · 2025-03-26T12:06:12+00:00

If you can easily orgasm by yourself but not from either oral or penetrative sex, the problem is with you.

Sex is essential for most men. We have to to orgasm like we have to eat. Even if it's boring, we still have to do it. It's a physical urge.

A-Queef-In-The-Night · 2025-03-26T14:06:56+00:00

Wow. Another low effort bait post.

You are well aware that most men view sex as very important in a relationship. You are well aware that most men would in fact prefer sex more often than once a week. You are well aware that we find the exercise involved fun. And you are well aware that most men would be very hurt to hear their partner describe sex with them as a boring and tedious chore.

What was the point of this exactly?

MileHighMilk · 2025-03-26T14:10:40+00:00

I think ego plays into it as well.

Woman in general are pursued much more heavily than men. It’s a bit more of a challenge for a man to get laid versus a woman (assuming both the man and woman are average).

Knowing that a woman desires you really pumps up your ego and that alone is more satisfying than any orgasm can be.

I actually just broke up with a wonderful woman I was dating who checked all my boxes, but we didn’t have sexual chemistry. It honestly was much like you described, sex seemed like a chore to me. She tried to make it work, but I just did not feel that attraction. I think people like that work better as friends than partners.

I’ve been in relationships and FWB situations that both lasted several years where the sexual chemistry was off the charts. Those were much more satisfying than dating someone who was a good match.

As long as I’m sexually desired by women, I don’t give a fuck if I ever orgasm again. In fact, some of the best sex I ever had was where I didn’t orgasm (I was tipsy).

rcsauvag · 2025-03-26T14:27:32+00:00

If you think sex and masturbation are that closely related or that its not really intimate then I'm sure you have no issues if your partner goes outside of the relationship for sex, but saves the intimate stuff like cuddling or maybe kissing for you?

I think sex and masturbation, while similar, are still pretty different things. I can be having frequent sex, but will still occasionally want to masturbate due to having an urge to explore different types of porn, or some other fantasies I don't partake in physically, and just have some me-time. Then, with my wife we can participate in other ways. Not to mention sex also just feels way better. Sure, it can be boring if we just have "paint-by-numbers" sex which happens, but even that is still better than the alternative.

Hadal_Benthos · 2025-03-26T14:49:12+00:00

What is OP's stance on sexual exclusivity? If sex is a boring chore for OP, I think it would be logical and thoughtful for her hypothetical partner to absolve her of this chore by outsourcing it to volunteers (if there are any) or hired help?

I personally can't comprehend why would he concede even this (barring the threat of devastating divorce if he was foolish enough to marry) because for a man obtaining sex requires spending extra resources (in addition to what he gives in the relationship with OP). For me no sex means no relationship, I prefer to fulfill my relationship needs with one partner. And I don't sign away my freedom to walk away if I'm not satisfied.

BlueMountainDace · 2025-03-26T15:05:19+00:00

Sex is something that should be good. I don't, and have never, wanted to have sex just for having sex. It isn't fun and it isn't good for me.

I want sex that is passionate and connected. It is one of ways in which I can experience intimacy with my wife.

Jetpine9 · 2025-03-26T15:24:44+00:00

Including women up to age 59 in your cited studies seems to throw the curve off a little. I would imagine a 50+ woman's libido is lower than a 25 year old's.

As a guy, sex is probably the main channel for experiencing intimacy on such a broad scale, without it you can feel like you have very little connection with humanity. I think that could change if men learned to cultivate friendships and social circles more. The way I was raised, social life wasn't considered that valuable but sex was quasi-religious in how it was venerated.

Dertross · 2025-03-26T15:28:36+00:00

I can offer a relatively unique incel derived perspective.

I feel like sex is such a normal part of the human experience. Nearly every modern story has elements of romance. Even stories trying to present characters as "total losers", those characters STILL have relationships.

So to lack sexual experience means you're not human. That's the way the messaging comes across. It doesn't help that in every normie discussion involving incels, people assume the worst about the incel.

Sex itself is kind of dull. But that just makes the above even worse. It's just a kinda-boring activity. So why is everyone holding it over our heads? It feels like a cook out you weren't invited to. Missing the cook out itself isn't the problem, it's that what being uninvited says about how your fellow humans feel about you. And going back to the previous point, maybe it's because they aren't fellow humans at all- they don't consider you human.

flexible-photon · 2025-03-26T16:22:00+00:00

There is a head space that I can get into with the right partner that completely outshines anything masturbating provides. I'm guessing you have never experienced that head space. It seems you just view sex as an action that has a beginning and end. I love to prolong things, take it slowly, marinate in the presence and breathing of my partner. Talk dirty to her, give her things to visualize while I perform foreplay. It's an art to get them worked up and NEED to keep things going as they are. Doing it like this, orgasm is inevitable but is always something that we try to keep at bay (especially for me) because we don't want it to end.

Fearless_Method_1682 · 2025-03-26T12:11:55+00:00

Just ask trans men

https://np.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/r9gvnn/ftm_im_so_horny_all_the_time_and_i_dont_know_what/

gaycowboygaming · 2025-03-26T12:05:09+00:00

Men tend to obsess over sex because of social expectations. In reality it's just masturbation with extra steps

Title	How do men view sex?
Author	Glowupgirl111
Upvotes	4
Comments	213
Date	March 26, 2025 11:57 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jk9zzk/how_do_men_view_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-men-view-sex.1547679 https://theredarchive.com/post/1547679

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