Men hate duty sex

hammerhaunts · 2019-01-05T16:14:56+00:00

Very conscientious men hate it, most don't care

shoup88 · 2019-01-05T22:11:16+00:00

Men who are getting sex 3-4 times a week might hate duty sex. But I don’t think that’s the norm when we talk about duty sex.

If a woman will only touch her husband once a month, I bet he’d welcome some increased duty sex. I’m sure it’s still unsatisfying, but if the alternative is wait until she gets horny five times a year, I would wager it’s still preferable.

CamoWoobie10 · 2019-01-05T21:13:15+00:00

Sex > no sex

wekacuck · 2019-01-05T16:58:00+00:00

I don't mind duty sex. I used to, but really who gives a shit. It's like receiving a massage--it's relaxing. Sometimes I'm not 100% in the mood but I can still want to make my wife feel good. What's the big deal.

Barely-moral · 2019-01-05T17:47:44+00:00

"Duty sex" is just a part of a bigger duty "Keep your partner happy to be in the relationship". If the way "duty sex" is performed fails to keep your partner happy to be in the relationship then it is the same as nothing, maybe even worse than that.

There are plenty of things in a relationship that I don't do for myself but for the benefit of my partner. And I do them with enthusiasm because making my partner happy is both a duty and something I enjoy (and IMO somethin I should enjoy).

Apply the same to "duty sex".

kaazsssz · 2019-01-05T17:47:45+00:00

I hated that my wife wanted it multiple times a day and I only wanted it less than that lol. I always felt forced because she would get upset about it. If we went one day without sex she would complain how it’s been 3 days. We had sex yesterday! It was very annoying and it made me want sex less.

I haven’t experienced the reverse. The girl not wanting the sex, so I figured I’d input my own experience from my perspective. Having sex just because you want it and you don’t care about how I feel doesn’t feel good and only makes it worse IMO.

rainisthelife · 2019-01-05T16:54:44+00:00

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Zippo-Cat · 2019-01-05T19:02:17+00:00

If he hated duty sex why did he kept having it?

clindh · 2019-01-05T22:40:21+00:00

I agree. I wouldnt want to have sex with you either if you didnt want to. I would just find a girl who enjoyed sex more than 3-4 times a week

sadomasochrist · 2019-01-05T18:55:44+00:00

If your view was correct, prostitution wouldn't exist.

MosDaf · 2019-01-05T18:31:52+00:00

Sometimes it's fun just to get the other person off even if you yourself aren't feeling it in the usual way--I've done it for gfs and enjoyed it,and they've done it for me and enjoyed it. It probably varies from person to person, and it certainly varies from time to time. I'm just saying that it's possible, at least sometimes, to be into doing it for the other person, even if you're not feeling the itch. Conversely, sometimes one party is just so worked up that they're desperate even form something a little more on the side of "duty sex." There are lots of different ways this can go down...as it were...

But in general: I totally agree (and I'm a dude). I typically prefer less-frequent, high-quality sex to more-frequent, low-quality sex. And nothing turns me off faster than the girl not being into it. I definitely would not be down with it being a chore/duty for the other person that frequently.

Quetzie · 2019-01-05T18:49:50+00:00

If you are referring to it as duty sex you are already deciding that it can't be fun, else you wouldn't call it duty sex.

Ofcourse no one likes sex that is considered a 'duty' that's why it is a duty.

whatyoucallaflip · 2019-01-05T22:33:01+00:00

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NalkaNalka · 2019-01-05T17:20:37+00:00

"I know one guy who likes X therefore all men like X." the post

people_watcher · 2019-01-05T17:56:42+00:00

You've missed the entire point. It appears that you are missing the deeper issue. Sex has two components: Intimacy and release.

Duty sex is all about the release... And, quite honestly, if my partner isn't interested in helping me with my need to release, then I made a horrible choice for a partner. Because, let's be honest, the "I'm not in the mood so we can't do anything" is the most selfish, immature thing you can do on a relationship and it WILL eventually kill it.

eliechallita · 2019-01-05T19:21:34+00:00

Yep. If my partner isn't equally engaged in having sex, then I'm better off just jacking off.

Exile_In_Redditville · 2019-01-06T00:26:53+00:00

I'm coming at this from a married 16yrs pov, so grain of salt and all that. But "duty sex" is a thing when you've been together that long and have kids and separate schedules. The trick of it all is to not hate it or inadvertently train your spouse to hate it with a bitter or abrupt attitude. I'd say 2-3 times a month I actually say I'm not into it and it's all him. If he takes that information and wants to try and get me off anyway then that's what he feels like doing and it's all about him that time after all. I'm very much okay with it and don't feel obligated to fake it. I'm more than okay with it actually, I get it. Enjoying the way someone feels and smells and tastes can be a separate thing from an orgasm so go nuts. And sometimes you end up pleasantly surprised.

There's a functional aspect to duty sex too. If I know he's anticipating sex or have the internal countdown alarms going off but have some sort of conflict or just want to keep a block of time free, I jump his bones like a filthy skank and carry on. It's "duty sex" but I don't advertise it as such. Just let be a spontaneous thing in his head and take credit for it!

LUClEN · 2019-01-06T02:00:10+00:00

This is true. I'd rather just kiss and make out than have bad, impassioned sex

cxj · 2019-01-06T02:41:31+00:00

I don’t think you’re totally wrong just incomplete.

If all I had was duty sex I would be bummed out, but sometimes I’m hard as a rock and my gf is swinging her cute little butt around in yoga pants and I’m really tryina smash any which way you know? SOMETIMES it’s ok for her to duty fuck me when she’s really not in the mood but loves me enough to please me, and in this case I’m gonna get it done ASAP (<3 mins) anyways so it’s NBD.

If duty quickies were all we had we’d have a problem but once a week or so is ok.

I think this is how most men feel, and I think most women in successful marriages/LTRs perform a certain degree of maintenance sex to keep the wheels oiled so to speak.

Honestly I’m not sure it’s realistic to have enthusiastic sex as much as men would want, something has to fill the gaps and it’s either gonna be porn or infidelity

gasparddelanuit · 2019-01-06T08:39:58+00:00

The only men who hate duty sex are those who have been brainwashed, by feminist propaganda, into feeling guilty about their own sexuality and how it relates to women's. That's not to say that duty sex is the preferred mode of sex, just that it is not hated by men and is certainly preferable to no sex at all.

Duty sex need not mean starfish sex. It just means sex carried out as an obligation and for the benefit of another, rather than for oneself. Duty sex can still be carried out willingly and enthusiastically.

Also, men are more turned on by women who have a certain nonchalance about sex than women who are uptight. In this context, duty sex can be an even bigger turn-on than when it is actually desired by the woman. A woman who gladly lets you fuck her whenever you want, whether she is in the mood or not, and thinks nothing of it, is a big turn-on. Imagine, she lets you pull up her dress and quickly fuck her from behind for 5 minutes, while she is doing something completely unrelated, like cooking at the stove, is going to be a huge turn-on to most men. In porn, they call this type of sex free use.

So, men are not averse to duty sex. They may just struggle with the guilt of it if society, women or the woman involved make them feel bad about it. To circumvent this, they either have to not care about other people's opinions or find a woman who is happy to provide duty sex when she is not in the mood.

Electra_Cute · 2019-01-05T17:49:52+00:00

I would not listen to what men say they "hate". There are a lot of men who masturbate regularly and would happily have sex with a disembodied chunk of silicone.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-01-05T16:23:58+00:00

Who said men liked duty sex? Like with whom are you arguing?

killallthenarcs · 2019-01-05T21:22:57+00:00

The insistence that women should just suck it up and do it is very similar to behavior you see when kids are trying to hassle their parents into doing things. Dividing the request up into steps and stages and then focusing all the pester power on one stage at a time.

We all know the next thing after a woman deciding to give occasional duty sex in response to the berating will be more berating about how she has to look more enthusiastic, how she has to give the duty sex more often, why can't she get wet, why can't she orgasm in duty sex etc etc. There is no fucking end to this bullshit if you let it start, the only thing the guy is going to be happy with is if you fake complete joy and pleasure each and every time no matter how you actually feel. Eventually before every encounter you'll be slipping in to the bathroom to use the toilet and filling your dry vagina up with lube, and not telling him that's what you're up to because his ego can't take it. Essentially he wants the services of a whore, but didn't want to pay what it takes to recruit an actual whore to the task, so he took a normal woman with normal reactions and tried to nag her to whoredom.

Duty sex. Not even once. It is the start of whoredom, with the rather dubious payment of a continued relationship with a guy you've lost respect and lust for. If you're gonna to end up as a whore having joyless sex that is an exercise in acting, you might as well just fuck strangers for cash, at least you'll be paid well and you won't need to look at them over breakfast in the morning while thinking "is this all there is?"

RichardGazinya1 · 2019-01-05T19:58:27+00:00

So it’s really good to learn to not give a fuck when girls turn you down, but until you learn that it can feel super fucking frustrating. It can feel like there’s some reason behind why they’re turning you down, rather than they just don’t feel like it.

moodkillah · 2019-01-05T21:10:14+00:00

I don't hate "duty sex", it just makes me sad cuz we are supposed to enjoy sex together.

Sometimes I'm not in the mood either but who am I kidding I'm always DTF lol. Either if I cum or not I always enjoy it and try to give my best.

When she's not in the mood, i try to respect that decision. And I say I try cause I'm sure I've had " duty sex "more than once.

Anyway next time I think I'll try to get off in front of her if shes not in the mood(or in the next room if she don't want to see). Cause if I refuse duty sex I'm always a little ?mad? through all day until I get milked. And that's not healthy for the relationship.

couldbemage · 2019-01-06T08:08:13+00:00

I'm totally on board with duty sex. Giving or receiving.

peterlongc · 2019-01-05T16:24:38+00:00

no one likes it

if you do it you're cheating yourself and the other person

your bf sounds pretty lame whenever i hear of him tbh

they demonize because they're lacking in empathy. needy narcissists

diffdedbed · 2019-01-05T17:28:08+00:00

men don’t like duty sex.

For me it would be passionless sex. If shes just letting me do it but isn't really into it and reciprocating its basically masturbation.

abaxeron · 2019-01-05T18:24:53+00:00

Anyway onto my point, men don’t like duty sex.

Duty BJs are fine tho.

TFM has put it nice, I believe: "if he's your husband, it's your duty to keep his dick moisturized. There are at least half a dozen ways to do it."

jenovajunkie · 2019-01-05T18:27:21+00:00

Well if he isn't enjoying it, are you doing it for him? That's really selfish of you.

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goatismycopilot · 2019-01-05T20:13:58+00:00

Girl why are you doing some blood letting in the water next to sharks?

Profligate-Prophet · 2019-01-05T21:11:28+00:00

Hah depends on what you mean by duty sex. I dated a girl who was borderline and she felt that the relationship was literally falling apart every second we weren't having sex. Like I cant have sex 4,5,6 times every day.

Brazilian_Slaughter · 2019-01-05T22:16:36+00:00

Why would you even have duty sex? Can't you just enjoy the moment?

Crashlands · 2019-01-05T22:51:45+00:00

You’re not obligated to have sex with somebody if you don’t want to. Nobody should have to have a duty sex clause in their relationship. If the two people have sex drives so massively different from each other that they can’t both find a happy frequency, they’re better off not being in a relationship. If she stops having sex because she’s less attracted to you, that’s either a problem with him or a problem with her, and they both need to talk about it and address it.

That’s it. That’s all there is to it. Every relationship is different, and if you feel like your partner should have sex with you 5 times a week no matter what, find a partner who is cool with that. If you’re a person who only wants sex once a week, find a person that’s cool with that.

2019-01-05T23:54:01+00:00

The other 1 time, I’d initiate for him and have sex for him. But he’d want to eat me out or kiss my breasts or touch my clit and no amount of “it’s ok I’m good” would stop this. Like I wasn’t going to orgasm, I didn’t even really want the sex I was about to have. Stop trying to make me like it, I’m doing this for you.

He’s whine afterward, feel bad I didn’t cum, question if I was attracted to him after I’d just had unwanted sex because he wanted it.

I might be wrong but sounds like miscommunication here. To me it sounds like he didn't realise there was a different expectation with this one time, so he thought it'd be like the rest? I'm saying that cos you said you initiated . Did you try and indicate it was duty sex?

wobbleelbbow · 2019-01-06T05:13:48+00:00

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longacidrain · 2019-01-06T07:41:34+00:00

Duty sex is lame. I'll only fuck if they wanna fuck.

wobbleelbbow · 2019-01-06T08:24:41+00:00

Nope.

We are ok with duty sex. I just had one this morning. I understand that perfectly fine, women aren't always easily aroused and that's ok, I am not gonna push it and won't try to make her cum like your boyfriend tried to do. But I am all for being pleased myself because she wants it. And thats ok.

I guess many feminine soy boys (like your boyfriend) may dislike the idea that many women would want to please men without being aroused themselves. That's their feminist indoctrination talking to their brains. They can not fathom the idea that it is OK for women not to have an orgasm but still please her man and be joyful of that. They don't get it and they get frustrated and try and try until women either need to overtly communicate that they are fine, or like in your situation, a man has to give up sex once in a while even if he wants it a lot and only have sex when both of you are horny.

That isn't too bad but it will eventually lead to resentment and dead bedroom, I think. Because to men sex is essential.

Yonderlander · 2019-01-06T10:11:02+00:00

4 times a week is still quite a lot in a LTR, so I'm not surprised it's OK for both of you.

It's when a partner never wants to have sex from one week to thd next that I think they should at least throw their partner a frickin' bone. And it sounds very un-pc but a lot of people get into it once it gets going.

I don't think anyone likes duty sex, but my boyfriend says no all the time out of his epic laziness so sometimes all I can get is duty sex, once a week or less. I get really horny and desperate and it affects me, and makes me resent him, (my preference would be daily) so in that situation it is better than absolutely nothing. I imagine it is similar with the men settling for duty sex. What I wouldn't give for my partner to like morning quickies!

God it pisses me off.

dottywine · 2019-01-06T10:59:38+00:00

Yes because it feels like they are being rejected and patronized

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2019-01-07T21:45:10+00:00

The sex parade began when I stopped giving a fuck about her orgasim. I was looking for validation of my masculinity. Pathetic beta behavior.

All it did was put pressure on her and it ruined it.

Her orgasim is her responsibility, she can dial one up any time she wants and knows it. I go down her anyway but that's just for me.

I cant remember the last time I was shot down.

The weirdest shit can torpedo a sexlife.

What you experienced was an insecure man looking for validation of his sexual prowess. Just like i was.

Its so unattractive.

2019-01-14T06:04:37+00:00

32m here.

A major part of what gets me off is knowing that the girl is into it

I wouldn't like it either

The only time I'd be down for duty sex is if it was that or nothing for an extended period of time

cuminmydiverticulum · 2019-01-06T01:30:33+00:00

It's interesting that you can consent to sex that you don't want. Sometimes that makes thing ever more confusing.

Maybe sometimes sex is really just about making the other person happy, as is other things in a relationship. So maybe he sees sex as getting two things done: getting off, and making you happy. But since it doesn't make you happy, it probably makes him feel "in debt" in the relationship. It's something you have to talk about.

I think it's be pretty hot to "use" a girl as a cum deposit center.

PearsOfWrath · 2019-01-05T16:59:25+00:00

Thanks for telling us all about your sex life in detail. Very interesting.

tiger1296 · 2019-01-05T17:25:10+00:00

Everyone hates duty sex

smokecheck1976 · 2019-01-05T19:03:53+00:00

Duty sex? Like wifely duty? If I ever hear either one of those phrases out of a partner ever again, it's over on the spot, no questions asked. In reality, duty sex is control sex. It's, I don't really love you, but I am using this to control you sex.

I would be ecstatic with 3-4 times a week, so happy I would be beside myself. Instead, I was lucky 3 or 4 times a year and at least two of them would be duty sex after it was clear she was losing control again.

2019-01-06T01:01:18+00:00

But he’d want to eat me out or kiss my breasts or touch my clit

Are you trying to give us a boner or what? Don't you have enough online orbiters already?

beachredwhine · 2019-01-05T19:07:12+00:00

Your boyfriend sounds like a really insecure dude. Why is he so obsessed with getting you off? What's he trying to compensate for?

As far as the rest of your post I don't even know where to start. You have no idea how men think. We don't even think about these things at all.

MGTOWtoday · 2019-01-05T17:55:53+00:00

It’s actually pretty fun to have sex when she’s not into it.

Title	Men hate duty sex
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	68
Comments	221
Date	January 5, 2019 4:10 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/acve0o/men_hate_duty_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-hate-duty-sex.1182826 https://theredarchive.com/post/1182826

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