Should effort be equal during the dating phase?

Tywinlol · 2024-02-17T18:29:17+00:00

If it isnt then dating process will end as far im concerned. And I advise all men to adopt such approach. If female doesnt much or exceed your effort you better off single.

treadmarks · 2024-02-17T17:02:14+00:00

He didn't fumble the bag, he dodged a bullet, this woman is a nightmare 🤣

I saw this tiktok too because of a youtube reaction, I'm not gonna just repeat all of her in-depth analysis, but she's spot on so here it is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XmFzB9_XOk

AngeCruelle · 2024-02-17T16:54:58+00:00

For me it isn't so much a "should" as "why wouldn't you put in effort for a person you like and are interested in getting to know." Mutual effort is just natural in my view. Assuming you actually want to be with this person.

MisterFunnyShoes · 2024-02-17T19:14:22+00:00

If a “relationship” can be killed by a failed brunch attempt, it not only deserves to die. It needs to die.

wtknight · 2024-02-17T16:54:06+00:00

If both partners are equally attracted to each other then it should be. Somebody who dumps somebody else due to something like "inability to plan a date well" obviously wasn't that attracted to that person in the first place.

OtPayOkerSmay · 2024-02-17T21:43:06+00:00

I'm all for equality, but we all know women expect men to put in more effort in the initial stages of dating. If a woman doesn't want to lose you, that dynamic flips pretty quick; and she will put in more effort to keep you around. If she's not trying, she's just not that into you.

KratosGodOfLove · 2024-02-17T17:24:15+00:00

Isn’t this the women who got rejected by her matchmaker ? Lol

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2024-02-18T08:24:28+00:00

Based on title, 200% yes the effort should be equal.

Ladies if you don't like it and want to act like a princess, get off your ass and go take over a country so to can be a princess, others your just a normal human being and get act like one of the rest of us normal humans.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2024-02-17T17:09:58+00:00

Even as someone who likes to know exactly what’s happening and when, this seems unreasonable.

Fine-Passenger8053 · 2024-02-17T17:27:22+00:00

If you want a relationship it shouldn’t feel like an effort

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-02-17T19:56:17+00:00

Dating shouldn’t be this complicated, if you’re feeling someone you would naturally put in effort. I would say she seems like a psycho and the guy is playing games but clearly desperate, Both weirdos who deserve each other.

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-02-17T18:06:05+00:00

he's coming to her, so it makes sense that he would ask her about places to go. She may actually know places around her, where he would have to look up Yelp reviews or something in order to choose a place.
Him being late in setting a time does seem pretty lackadaisical though.
She definitely shows abundance mentality ("you missed out lol!" or whatever), but neither seemed that terribly interested.

ComfortableOk5003 · 2024-02-18T06:02:58+00:00

This woman is the epitome of self entitled and that guy did nothing wrong… it avoid a life sentence of being stuck with her

bluestjuice · 2024-02-17T17:32:53+00:00

I can’t believe I watched this whole video. Did not like her.

I have literally never dated in this sort of scripted, formal way, so I guess I see her perspective — that he asked her out, he should probably make a plan instead of just sort of delay and wing it… but it’s not like she was putting in any real effort either.

I feel like calling it when no specific plan had been made the night before is fair (they hadn’t even agreed on a time? What if he wanted to go to brunch at 11 but she sleeps in until 12?), but yeah, I dunno, this sort of dating dynamic is clearly not for me. It relies heavily on a pursuer dynamic that I don’t love.

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-02-17T18:37:59+00:00

I find after the first date planning is mutual. At least for 2 people genuinely interested in each other.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-02-17T17:36:04+00:00

Dating isn’t this complex. I’m now 100% sure certain bad actors are just making it complicated and those people should just be given up on. Men just ask a woman out by saying “hey, do you want to meet at the diner for dinner at 6:30 this Friday?” It’s that easy, she’s either going to go or not. Checking in leading up to the day or time bs because you both committed to being there. If someone expect that kind of hand holding them, they’re not ready for a relationship. I don’t understand all this talk about putting in equal effort. Men ask women out women decide whether to go out and then they come up with where they are going to go to meet up. It doesn’t really matter who suggest where. That’s it.

Professional-Yam601 · 2024-02-19T07:49:46+00:00

This is ridiculous. That’s what think lmao.

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-02-17T17:14:12+00:00

I’m not sure I personally like this TikTok woman but I kinda see where she’s coming from, if I really like someone, your gonna put in some effort to see them and want to have a good time. Dumping all the planning on them is either a sign they are lazy or not interested

KayRay1994 · 2024-02-17T17:56:41+00:00

This video is a bad example of “effort” because as much as i dislike the publicizing personal conversations, I’m on her side here.

Here is why - if you invite someone out on a not just a date, but any kind of meeting, hangout, get together, engagement, whatever - if you’re the one bringing in the invitation - YOU should be the one to do the planning, he asked her out on a second date, therefore he should be the one planning it.

And I will say, this kind of thing, imo, is enough for me to say “yeah this won’t work”, cause to me this shows a lack of commitment and it’s generally rude.

Now, she isn’t fully innocent too - she said she liked him and had a great time, yet put the whole expectation on him to text her and even waited a week. That’s pretty dumb, as, i feel like if you do really like the person, even if you expect them to text you first, you should probably be the one making the move in a few days rather than waiting a week for him to say something.

As for your questions, i guess it depends on how you define “equal” and in what time frame, as generally speaking, yes, but also planning a second date is far too early to establish any kind of “equal” and until yall develop an actual dynamic outside of meeting in dates

Safinated · 2024-02-17T18:01:59+00:00

Nope. Because men will date to have sex and women will not

TRTGymBro · 2024-02-17T17:48:30+00:00

This isn't about pursuing or not pursuing. A woman could be pursuing a man and not plan a date. This has nothing to do with this. The truth of the matter is, men are the ones who take the lead and make decisions. To the regular man maybe that's a burden they hate. To me, I embraced this responsibility long ago and I have been extremely successful in dating because I did. Instead of bitching and moaning about having to make decisions, I decide the date on my terms. I decide when and where to go and what to do. It's easier than ordering coffee. If a guy can't even plan a date and tell them woman where and when to meet him, what kind of a man is he?

doopystoopy · 2024-02-17T17:42:38+00:00

Imagine asking someone from 100 years ago this question, lmao. Of course men should put in more work

AutoModerator · 2024-02-17T16:49:33+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Wonderful_Ad_3694 · 2024-02-17T21:57:26+00:00

No. Because if everyone was required to put in the same effort into dating then it would be a lot harder to decide who to give a chance to and who to reject and discard.

Spyro7x3 · 2024-02-18T00:33:42+00:00

Ideally the woman should approach. Women only do this if they're extremely interested and their loins are burning. So being the guy that gets chased is ideal position

Silver_Past2313 · 2024-02-18T04:36:43+00:00

"Should" is irrelevant. What happens is the lower value person puts in more effort.

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-02-18T09:52:57+00:00

Not as general formal rule. If you want it as a personal rule go for it.

You each decide how much effort to put in. You decide how you will react to the effort the other person puts in. There's no "should" about any of it.

Workable matches have occurred between high effort and low effort people... it's not common but it has been known. A formal set of rules basically making those matches even more difficult to make would be unfair on those people who like it that way.

You shouldn't need a formal set of rules to work this out. If you stop dating someone because they were expecting too much effort or providing too little effort you don't need to point to a formal set of rules to justify yourself. You just didn't like their preferred relationship dynamic .

DevThaGodfatha · 2024-02-18T11:02:11+00:00

Effort should always be equal on both ends . I’d love to see how a woman rationalizes being less invested than their partner.

SalesAficionado · 2024-02-18T15:46:56+00:00

That chick in the TikTok video is very masculine. No wonder she’s single.

verdantsound · 2024-02-18T21:33:27+00:00

This has nothing to do with equal effort. This has to do with a guy who has failed to deliver what he promised: a date. He failed to pick a spot and otherwise set up logistics in a timely manner, even though he implied that he would (when he asked her out). Guy was clearly not interested in her, and it showed. She was right to get annoyed.

GhostofCamus · 2024-02-19T22:36:48+00:00

I'd cash out as soon as I heard her voice.

ChosenPoutine · 2024-02-20T08:38:16+00:00

It just sounds like this guy wasn't that into her and was being low effort... I mean honestly, she's not an attractive woman (looks or personality wise from what we see). We don't know what he's like but he doesn't sound great either. The whole text exchange was so cringey.

That said, I don't think it's that hard to take the initiative. I do it with friends when it makes sense, so not sure why men have such an aversion to doing it in dating. It doesn't mean 100% of the time but guys it's OK to be assertive. We like it.

Title	Should effort be equal during the dating phase?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	7
Comments	175
Date	February 17, 2024 4:49 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1at6b0n/should_effort_be_equal_during_the_dating_phase/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/should-effort-be-equal-during-the-dating-phase.1245670 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245670

Comments